Confusion, Long back story (sorry)

[krgoliver]

Hi, Thankyou for reading, so its a long one but I'm in need of advice.

 

I have been friends with this Luke for about 10yrs now. We met while working, and firstly it our friendship was very simple as it was his partner I was friends with.

Fast forward a few years down the line and we got a lot closer as he and his partner helped me through a nasty break up. So he's seen me at my worst and used to know all my deepest fears.

 

It started to get complicated when I pulled away from him and his partner, as she was having an affair with a man she'd met at work. Although I kept it quiet for months, I found a got closer with Luke, I couldn't keep lying to him. So said that as long as she was cheating, I would keep my distance. One night I was drunk and happened to bump into Luke, who was happy to see me and was wondering why I hadn't been around. I said I'd just been busy, and I can't remember how it came up but he asked if it was because of Sarah his partner. I couldnt' look him in the eye at this point, to which he then asked if she was having an affair. Again still not being able to look him in the eye, he got all his answers with out me saying anything.

 

Obviously heart broken, he left but called me the next day to meet up and talk about things. From that point on I was his leaning post. We got a lot closer and spent a lot of time one on one. Sarah wasn't happy but Luke needed me and I wanted to help.

 

On the night of his 30th, we went out as a large group. We got very drunk, Sarah proceeded to ignore me all night but Luke ignored it and acted normal all night. As we lived not far from each other, he wanted the 3 of us to walk home together as he wanted to make sure I was okay. Sarah obviously was not happy and was silent the moment we headed out. I said to Luke, go and walk home, I'd be fine. Sarah is important, I've done this walk home many times before. That is where I thought it would be left.

 

An hour later, I get a knock on my window from Luke. He was worried I'd not gotten home that he came round to check. This is where it gets complicated. I got upset at being the target of Sarahs silence, I was drunk and emotional. He was understanding and sat and listened. Next thing I know, we are kissing. Completely out of the blue, not what I'd been expecting and its probably where it should have stopped. It stopped short of us going the whole way but he didn't leave until 5.30 in the morning.

 

We didn't speak until the next evening, when he came round and told me that he'd told Sarah what had happened and he was really sorry to put me in this situtation. I was angry and upset but I no had no room to judge anyone. I just didn't want to cause more pain or arguments. I kept my distance from both.

 

However we had a large very social group of mutual friends, and we would end up going out altogether, so there was no getting away from it all. At this point I'd love to say nothing ever happened again but it did. Several times infact. I'm not sure why or how but it was like a magnet when we were close.

 

Things changed when he moved away, we were trying so hard to not hurt anyone. Only texting polite how do's, going out with friends who knew and would step in if the need arouse. People could see we missed each other, and Sarah was making things very difficult for me as she had no concern in spreading which ever rumours or gossip she could. Be it true or false.

 

Eventually, our group of friends parted over the yers and we socialised less and less. Only keeping contact via emails or Text. When we did meet it was like we'd not been parted. We've only met once in 6 years now, and it was like old times. Nothing happened but it was like no time had passed at all. Sarah how ever was the same and she didn't speak to either of us the entire night as long as Luke and I where talking be it alone or in a group.

 

She is the main reason, he and I have not met up again since. We go long periods with out speaking or we go no time at all with out talking. He very often messages me when he's out drunk or very late at night when Sarah is not around. I'm the dirty secret. He tells me he misses me and I miss him too. Although things got complicated, I miss my friend. We used to sit for hours and talk about random stuff.

 

So here is there confusion, our mututal friend is getting married soon. I have been invited to go and he is the best man. I wasn't expecting to be invited mainly because, of our history and the fact Sarah will be there. Although our friend is nutural he spends more time with them than he does me. I have said yes, to going to the wedding. Ever since Luke has found out, he has been distant. I can't say what it is, he says he is happy for me to go, I get the sense he is unhappy about it at the same time. Surely after 6 yrs he can't still be uncomfortable with me being in the same room as him? He is still with Sarah and they seem happy. I am married and have 2 kids.

 

I know Sarah holds grudges and I don't expect her to talk to me at all but I'd wasn't expected a stand offish reaction from Luke. Its almost like he's angry at me for saying yes. Which I don't understand as he's always saying we should meet up and that he misses me.

 

I'm sorry for the really long post but it kinda needed a back story. Should I turn down the invite? and why would he be angry at me?

 

Thankyou for any help or advice.

[CC12]

why would he be angry at me?

 

You should ask him. But my guess is that he would in fact be uncomfortable being in the same room as you even after six years. He's the best man and was probably looking forward to letting loose and having a fun time with his close friends, including Sarah. And now maybe he's dreading having to juggle between interacting with you and having Sarah avoid him and be angry at him the whole night.

 

Should I turn down the invite?

 

No. Your friend who is getting married would like for you to be there and doesn't seem to think your presence will cause an issue, or they just don't care about the past drama. You don't have to turn down the invite just because you have issues with other guests.

 

Only turn it down if your main reason for attending is seeing Luke, because I think you should keep a respectful distance and let him be with Sarah for the night. If you go, it should only be to celebrate your friends' marriage, not to hang out with Luke.