The Marital home stay or go?.

[GarrusVakarian]

I split up with my wife last year, she had an affair with some 50 year married man we both know. That was almost 8 months ago now. She has moved the majority of her stuff out our marital home. She is stuck living with her parents as far as I know. She has agreed to sign the house over to me for £10k. I can afford the place on my own and still have a social life. But lately I have been thinking, do I really want to stay here?.

 

It was a home we saved up for and bought together as well as being our home before getting married. We lived there two years married. Its where I also found out my wife was having an affair.

 

I am sometimes stuck there on weekends and I tend to go a bit crazy as I am there own my own. Feels like the ghosts are coming out of the walls. Some of the time I am fine, others not so much. I constantly feel like while I am there, I am waiting for something to happen and I don't know what.

 

Is it best just to sell up and find somewhere else?. Anyone else had similar experiences?.

[hurts1968]

I split up with my wife last year, she had an affair with some 50 year married man we both know. That was almost 8 months ago now. She has moved the majority of her stuff out our marital home. She is stuck living with her parents as far as I know. She has agreed to sign the house over to me for £10k. I can afford the place on my own and still have a social life. But lately I have been thinking, do I really want to stay here?.

 

It was a home we saved up for and bought together as well as being our home before getting married. We lived there two years married. Its where I also found out my wife was having an affair.

 

I am sometimes stuck there on weekends and I tend to go a bit crazy as I am there own my own. Feels like the ghosts are coming out of the walls. Some of the time I am fine, others not so much. I constantly feel like while I am there, I am waiting for something to happen and I don't know what.

 

Is it best just to sell up and find somewhere else?. Anyone else had similar experiences?.

 

 

 

I'm not sure, I am staying in my home, she is signing over to me!

 

I am trying to put the memories of our life together in the house out of my mind, staying will create a stableness for my daughter, she will still have her bedroom, her friends and an environment she knows!

 

From my point of view I don't have to start again, I'm in a place I can still call mine and my daughters home, I have friends nearby for support.

 

I don't have to go through all the issues of selling, buying, solicitors etc

 

My STBXW is moving to a village 3 miles away, I did toy with the idea of moving to the closest house to where she will be living, just to be a pain in the arse to her!!!

 

Re-decorate, re-design the garden, make it your own and keep busy in doing it!

[Arieswoman]

GV,

When my exH and I split I bought out his share of the house just to get closure and to get free of him. Then I stayed there for a year and put it on the market the following spring, making a big profit on it.

This enabled me to downsize and buy a place that was really mine, that I could personalise.

 

You may feel better if you move, but I wouldn't rush any decision.

 

Good Luck.

[aMguilts]

stay in your home

bad memories or good?

 

 

stay where you are

it`s not where you lay your head, it`s where your head is

 

 

for now you have a home and whether it

understand?

if you really want to feel pain by moving near her , that's up to you

 

 

for a better option , run your hand over rough glass or wood

 

 

aM

Edited April 7, 2014 by aMguilts

[GarrusVakarian]

GV,

When my exH and I split I bought out his share of the house just to get closure and to get free of him. Then I stayed there for a year and put it on the market the following spring, making a big profit on it.

This enabled me to downsize and buy a place that was really mine, that I could personalise.

 

You may feel better if you move, but I wouldn't rush any decision.

 

Good Luck.

 

Well that's just it. I re-mortgage and keep the place. I half the mortgage cost. Plus, when I had it valued after finding out what wifey was doing. It was £10k more then we paid for it. Was re-valued by estate agent recently, its now almost worth £200k. Obviously the wife don't know that. £10k is fairly cheap to bin her. Its a big-ish 3 bedroom family house, we bought. So we would never have to move. It has huge potential to be fantastic, more so then it currently is. It will only go up in value as well!.

 

Plus I just want her gone so I can file for divorce. She is stuck at her parents with a possible £10k which she will probably blow. No chance of getting back on the property ladder anytime soon. So I'll come off far better.

 

Just conflicted, I have found a great house in the centre of town. Could see myself there. But if I sell she gets a bigger share of the sale.

 

But as hurts says. It will need a total re-painting to make it truly my own!.

 

I may well sell eventually, but I don't want her coming after me asking for more money later on!.

 

Its just the memories of the place. I am sure they will subside with time.

Edited April 7, 2014 by GarrusVakarian

[d0nnivain]

If you can sell it without taking a financial bath, I'd sell. I'd want the change. I wouldn't want to live with the ghosts & memories.

 

If you can't sell, I'd at least paint & redecorate -- make it yours, individually, rather than leaving her touches around.

[M30USA]

I kept my marriage home. But we only lived together 3 months before the D. Now it's been 2 years and I feel like I've made it mine. My oldest boy does have memories of his mom living there. When he gets older, he will start wondering why his mom lives back in her hometown. She does have primary, but my son will still probably wonder. I'm glad I've kept it. With all the drama of the D, I didn't need a move to add to the stress.

[lmyya]

I think you should sell it. The reason I think so is that you still sound pretty upset about the affair or about your wife in general (understandably so). When you're comparing how you're doing to how she's doing and wanting to come out ahead, I think it means you're still attached (again, understandably). Your well-being is so important, so valuable, and you don't reallllly know what the house or market will do, though you can make a very good guess. But if you've invested time and money into the house, just think what you have invested into yourself. Like your house, you and your life are shaping up to be something pretty great, better than now even, if you invest in it. If you can invest in your life by doing what it takes to detach from past transgressions with love, I think you'll be glad where you end up. Best of luck to you.

[SolG]

My xH and I got one house each in our separation; both of which were 'marital homes' at different times during our M. Neither of us actually live in our allocated house; we rent them out respectively. (Not to avoid any memories, our separation was amicable. But for pragmatic reasons.)

 

Have you thought about doing the sums as to whether it may be viable for you to rent out your house, and then in turn rent something for yourself that's smaller, cheaper and sans the sad vibes? Might give you some space to reflect and decide on what to do with the property; and depending on what things are like where you are (in terms of market, tax laws, etc), might even generate a little cash flow. And continue to grow equity through capital gain (if it keeps trending up as you indicate).

 

At least worth checking out with an expert IMO.

 

Good luck!

Edited April 8, 2014 by SolG

[oldshirt]

Take the money. Get it signed over to you. When the divorce is final and the ink is dry on the final decree, sell the house and move to a new place and start living your new life.

[M30USA]

Take the money. Get it signed over to you. When the divorce is final and the ink is dry on the final decree, sell the house and move to a new place and start living your new life.

 

If he gets it signed over to him, he has to pay her. It's usually 50% of the equity up to the date of signing.

[No Limit]

I must say that this is purely an individual choice. To cut all ties, selling is the best option. Some people don't mind at all 'cause they still feel home and comfortable, but perhaps that isn't you.

Other people are more sensitive about these things. And like you said, it has memories painted all over it.

 

If those memories don't trouble you then there's no reason to move. But if there's a better opportunity waiting, go for it. You're not married/in a relationship anymore so in a few ways you have the freedom to do as you choose.