So jealous and insecure even after all these years :(

[Jane1975]

I've been married for 15 Years,have four children,our own home etc. I'm so jealous and possessive and I hate it. Hubby doesn't go out much at all but when he does he is stupid,gets ridiculously drunk,goes AWOL,loses things. He's very friendly and the thought of him flirting makes me feel sick.

When he's out I sit and torture myself with what he could be doing.Each time he's planning a night out I argue with him for days before hand,I threaten divorce. I just get so unbelievably upset and angry that he's actually going out I can never say goodbye to him when he goes out,usually I tell him I hate him and not to bother coming home

We then don't speak for a day or two afterwards. It sucks but I can't help it. I don't trust anyone and I don't know what to do

[gonetildecember]

Don't you want to just punch that crazy girl that emerges from inside of you sometimes? Its easy to say we're being irrational after the fact but I've also found it difficult to remain composed and not just react when things upset me.

[ThatGirl213]

Have you ever wondered that by getting so crazy when he goes out, you are only pushing him away?

 

Have you thought of marriage counseling?

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you considered individual and couples' therapy, OP? What you're describing is alarming and indicates deep insecurity on your part. Unless he's done something in the past to warrant your suspicion, he doesn't deserve that type of emotional abuse from you. And yes, threats of divorce and the silent treatment absolutely counts as emotional abuse in my books.

 

I have mentioned on this forum before that I once dated a man like you. He would throw an absolute tantrum any time I wanted to go out with my friends (which wasn't very often anyway!) threaten to break up with me, yell, criticize me and completely blow up my phone with insulting and panicked text messages once I'd actually gone out. I never once strayed and he had zero reason to treat me with such suspicion. And you know what happened? He againt threatened to leave me if I went out with friends for wine after work. And so I let him go and never looked back. Eventually your husband will tire of this behaviour, and you really will be alone.

 

Seek help for this now before it's too late. Don't project your insecurity and fear onto your husband.

[giblesp]

I've been married for 15 Years,have four children,our own home etc. I'm so jealous and possessive and I hate it. Hubby doesn't go out much at all but when he does he is stupid,gets ridiculously drunk,goes AWOL,loses things. He's very friendly and the thought of him flirting makes me feel sick.

When he's out I sit and torture myself with what he could be doing.Each time he's planning a night out I argue with him for days before hand,I threaten divorce. I just get so unbelievably upset and angry that he's actually going out I can never say goodbye to him when he goes out,usually I tell him I hate him and not to bother coming home

We then don't speak for a day or two afterwards. It sucks but I can't help it. I don't trust anyone and I don't know what to do

 

You're saying you can't help it. Have you tried to help it? What action have you taken?

Looking after yourself when you have children can take a back seat and you might not have had time to address yourself.

 

Maybe talk to you husband about ways you can both improve, steps that you could take to become healthier.