Is It Just A Booty Call?

[RareBird417]

I attend a karaoke night on a weekly basis (yes I am a dork) and the host is a guy I’ve known for about 3 yrs as friends. I had been a pretty regular attendee, but then went traveling for a year and a half so hadn’t been around in a while. We reconnected at the end of January when I starting going again and exchanged numbers. He texted me to say we should catch up over dinner at his place. He cooked a feast, and we made out a bit but did not sleep together. I should preface by saying that I’m 29 and he’s 40 (never married), so there’s quite an age difference.

 

There was definite chemistry. He started paying a lot of attention to me at karaoke nights, being very openly flirty, dancing with me, asking to sing songs together, sometimes kissing, etc, which still regularly happens. We also talk a lot about each other’s lives and what’s going on. The bartender also doesn’t charge me for drinks, and people assume we’re together.

 

After the initial dinner invite, he started offering me rides home after karaoke, where he would drive me to my place, we’d make out in the car, and I would say goodnight (without inviting him up). This happened 3 more times. Things escalated when he drove me home one night and asked if I wanted to go hang out at his place, which we did but still did not sleep together (he didn’t even try). The following week, we hung out at his place again (post-karaoke) and finally slept together. The sex was super intense, about 2 hours from foreplay to the big event, and he did not skimp on trying to please me. It happened twice more, same deal.

 

I’m having trouble deciding if this is a straight up booty call. On one hand, we began as friends, talk a lot and share intimate details about our lives with one another, and he likes me to stay over and cuddle after our encounters. He kisses/hugs me goodbye in the morning and all that jazz. He’s also very affectionate with me out in the open. On the other hand, I don't hear from him outside of our weekly karaoke night. I’m not sure if he just expects to see me every week, so he feels he doesn’t need to make an effort otherwise? I have to assume he’s not looking for something serious because he has never tried after the initial dinner invite to make outside plans with me.

 

This past week, I decided I wouldn’t go home with him. I left before karaoke ended and told him I was heading out, at which point he kissed me (not a peck) in the middle of the bar, as if we’re together. We were also talking about a trip he’s going on for work this weekend, and he said he couldn’t wait to tell me about it when he was back. So I’m a little confused as to what his MO is, and how I should be proceeding.

 

What's the best course of action? Should I continue the kibosh on going home with him to find out if he’s just in it for the physical aspects? Should I go MIA and stop attending as regularly so that my presence isn't assumed? Should I just have a conversation with him about it? Any insight?

[Grumpybutfun]

Communicate because the way you are reading what he is doing and what I am reading is entirely different. You aren't a booty call. You are a casual fling who he enjoys hanging out with and being intimate with. If you were straight up booty, he wouldn't even acknowledge you in the karaoke place, but just grab you at the end of the night. If you aren't okay with casual flings, and would like to date, make it clear to him. Maybe he thinks this is what you want. What do you want? Tell him. Men don't read minds. He is having fun, and so are you, but if you want the dynamic to change to fit a label or to be clearer, ask him. He might be okay with the arrangement or he may be trying to get his cues from you as to how to proceed.

Directness is a huge turn on to stable, mature guys,

Grumps

[ASG]

Communicate because the way you are reading what he is doing and what I am reading is entirely different. You aren't a booty call. You are a casual fling who he enjoys hanging out with and being intimate with. If you were straight up booty, he wouldn't even acknowledge you in the karaoke place, but just grab you at the end of the night. If you aren't okay with casual flings, and would like to date, make it clear to him. Maybe he thinks this is what you want. What do you want? Tell him. Men don't read minds. He is having fun, and so are you, but if you want the dynamic to change to fit a label or to be clearer, ask him. He might be okay with the arrangement or he may be trying to get his cues from you as to how to proceed.

Directness is a huge turn on to stable, mature guys,

Grumps

 

This ^^

 

I don't think it's a booty call, but it might definitely be just a casual thing, that will keep going for as long as you both want it, but likely won't advance any further than what has already been established.

 

 

Are you ok with it being casual? You don't have to be, but you need to communicate that to him, if you're not. Don't play games. Don't disappear to elicit a response. Just talk to him.

It is also ok to be ok with being casual and see where it leads! Sometimes it works out, others it doesn't but it can still be fun!

 

Guy I'm seeing at the moment started out as a booty call. We were working together, there was an attraction, we slept together. He didn't want the rest of the company knowing, so we kept it very discreet. Job finished, I thought the sex was finished with it.

 

Turns out it wasn't. But I was away on holiday, and then he was away with work and a few months passed without us actually being able to meet up. At some point I told him I was not happy with the dynamic we had before. Not the keeping the sex quiet, I was fine with that, but he often played hard to get and I told him, in no uncertain terms that that would not fly this time around!

 

And it worked! Now whenever we arrange to see each other there is no "maybe I'm too tired" or "maybe we shouldn't" it's straight up yes or no and it's been working great! It has even escalated from texts only to arrange meeting to casual texts during the week when we're not gonna see each other.

 

So talk to him!

[RareBird417]

Thanks guys!

 

The thing is, I'm not entirely sure what I want from this yet. I know at the very least I'd like to be spending more QT with him and see where it goes.

 

I agree that talking to him would be the best thing to do...but agh the nerves! I'm so not brave...

[Secret Advisor]

I'd say just roll with it.

[ASG]

Thanks guys!

 

The thing is, I'm not entirely sure what I want from this yet. I know at the very least I'd like to be spending more QT with him and see where it goes.

 

I agree that talking to him would be the best thing to do...but agh the nerves! I'm so not brave...

 

Yeah, I know.

 

And I'm having a small "issue" with the guy I mentioned before. He's going away for work in a few weeks, for about 6 months. I am expecting it to mean a break where we go and do whatever we want. Trying to test the waters, one night after having sex I said something like "I'll miss this when you go" and his reply was "well, it is what it is". Which confirmed my expectations of break.

 

I wasn't very assertive in my communication, but I didn't need to be. I got what I needed and expected.

 

You can try to do something similar. Also, you can continue just seeing him, for the time being. Maybe try and engage him other days that aren't karaoke. Just enjoy it and have fun! Then figure out what you want!