Oh for Pete's sake!!

[sakeeta]

It's been a while since I've been here..previously in the throes of a broken heart from a bad breakup..which THANK GOODNESS I am now over..and having learned a whole lot..or so I thought.

It has, however, been a very long time since I've been with a man..well..it had been, up until the other day.

Ugh. Yeah. Someone I work with. He and I have worked closely together for the past 8 months. We have gotten along GREAT. He is a goofball..very flirty. And very cute. And I ain't gonna lie..I've been extremely attracted to him but I have shoved it down my throat and gone on with life. When we first started working together...I was very infatuated with him..but I got over that. Got over the infatuation..but not over the attraction.

We have flirted back and forth..but I never took any of it seriously. I just figured it was the way he is.

The other night he sends me a text message out of nowhere..wants to know if it's too late for a drink. I say no..and he comes over. And after a bit of bs'ing..and a couple of drinks..he suddenly starts kissing me..passionately..it was just like a scene from a Susan Sarandon movie! And he tells me..he's been thinking about this for a while..and he wants it to be more than one time..yada yada yada. I did try to resist..to a point..but come on. Something I've fantasized about for 8 months and NEVER thought would happen is happening..and I've been alone for years..there's only so much a girl can take.

So we did it. Everything seemed fine. I even asked him (because it's happened to me too many times before) ...you're not going to get weird on me in the morning..are you? No was his answer. He even talked about how we would explore more next time.

Well..as I could have PREDICTED..(I must be a freaking psychic!)...he's been weird. Distant. Not flirty. Seems afraid to talk to me when we're alone (like when we go out and smoke..up until today he wouldn't talk to me at all out there..today he did a little finally). He does talk to me..but somehow it's not the same. Almost looks at me like he's embarrassed..or terrified..or something. I don't know. And I don't know what to think!

I didn't initiate this crap..and I DO NOT understand what is going on. We are both almost 50 years old..so it's not like we're kids! Do I believe it's going to happen again..like he said? At this point I would have to say no. I'm disappointed but not crushed. I would just like to know WHY. So MEN out there reading this..what is the deal?? This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me..but this one is one I've least expected it from. Trust me..I'm not hounding him..not acting like I'm going to go all gaga over him..I am not acting any different than before..except there is a definite awkwardness and it's because of the way HE is acting..I personally don't feel any different.

Ugh. I just would like to have some idea of what to expect and how to act from here..because I have to work with this man every day. I would like to know why he would initiate such a thing and then act like he is acting now. And what do I DO from this point on...?? HELP!!