Realizing that I am in a codependent relationship...

[wargrrl]

ill try to keep this short, but i hope i can get some advice/support/feedback

 

im 21 and have been dating my current boyfriend for 2 years. he is my first long term bf and weve been living together for over a year now.

 

prior to meeting him, to make a long story short, i'd been living with my dad for under a year after my mom, whom i lived with since i was 10, suffered a stroke. id always grew up in a hostile home environment and lets just say i was always treated like a burden-- even by my dad. one night i just left and moved in with my bf.

 

my bf is very sweet and we are respectful towards each other. we met at work and kind of started dating right off the bat. lately ive been realizing that i tend to be insecure about him cheating or losing interest in me due to the fact that we didn't really get to know each other before dating, like become friends. it makes me question like, what if he meets another attractive girl and easily has a crush on her? it's really silly i know, especially now that we've been together for 2 years...

 

he wasnt working in the past year and is finally getting back on his feet. for a while i was kind of turned off by his laziness and really hoped he'd get a job instead of chillen at home. the crazy thing is that even though i want him to do whats best for him, ive been getting kinda worried about him meeting other girls at work or school if he decides to go. and i feel horrible i even think this way....

 

i feel like all this time ive been dating him, he was someone who was just a little misguided.... and even though he might be finally starting to get back on track, i cant help but feel like he's gonna feel like he can "do better" once he's immersed in school or work.... and not recognize or remember all the times i was there for him at his lows. isn't that messed? and now i have thoughts to maybe breakup at some point of this year because im realizing that my biggest fear is being replaced by someone else... even just thinking about that possibility hurts.

 

perhaps i could use some therapy. but in the meantime, what can i do to improve myself? should i address these realizations to my bf?

[VeronicaRoss]

The #1 truth about being codependent is you're replacing your much needed concern for yourself with concern for another human being. It's easier to do.

 

Write down the things that you would do if you couldn't fail and start doing things to make even one thing happen. And when you want to start obsessing about someone else's 'problems', focus on your dream again.

 

It will be harder than anything else you do. That's healing.

[wargrrl]

The #1 truth about being codependent is you're replacing your much needed concern for yourself with concern for another human being. It's easier to do.

 

Write down the things that you would do if you couldn't fail and start doing things to make even one thing happen. And when you want to start obsessing about someone else's 'problems', focus on your dream again.

 

It will be harder than anything else you do. That's healing.

 

in the process am i supposed to breakup with my bf? or is this something i should tell him and something that we can work on it together?

[oldshirt]

he's a lazy, dope-smoking, couch sitting slug. why are you the one afraid of him leaving you???? That is messed up on your part. You have some self-esteem issues or something. you should be leaving him because he is a lazy slug and not good enough for you. your dissatisfaction here is that you are unhappy and dissatisfied with him, not because you are afraid he'll leave you.