Girlfriend wants to go on trip with other man - special circumstances

[Thicke2013]

Obviously not... lol. If you did then you'd have no problems letting her go.

 

Things don't "just happen". Things happen because both parties WANT and CHOOSE them to happen. If she doesn't want anything to happen then she can spend however long she likes with whoever she likes and nothing will happen. If something does happen then it is her decision that lead to it happening.

 

If you trust her to always make the right decision then it doesn't matter where she goes or who she goes with. If that does matter then obviously you don't trust her. See definition of "trust"

 

 

Exactly my point, people don't just go on trips with the opposite sex, they choose to put themselves in that compromising situation. People don't just go to clubs or bars and start kissing or sleeping with someone else. They put them self in a position to be alone with that type of temptation. I know that my gf would not put herself in the situation of being alone with another man in that respect even because of the perception. A few months back some of her friends were going on a short 2 day road trip about 4 hours away. In this group of friends was a couple of single guy friends. When asked if she wanted to go (she already knew I was out of town on business that same weekend) she politely declined. I didn't ask her to. I asked her why and she said because I couldn't go. I didn't tell her to say that. She said if the tables were turned she would want me to do the same. Thus comes mutual respect and trust.

[PegNosePete]

To you, trust comes from avoiding temptation.

To me, it comes from resisting it.

 

2 different views, both valid I guess. I prefer mine

[rester]

Exactly my point, people don't just go on trips with the opposite sex, they choose to put themselves in that compromising situation. People don't just go to clubs or bars and start kissing or sleeping with someone else. They put them self in a position to be alone with that type of temptation. I know that my gf would not put herself in the situation of being alone with another man in that respect even because of the perception. A few months back some of her friends were going on a short 2 day road trip about 4 hours away. In this group of friends was a couple of single guy friends. When asked if she wanted to go (she already knew I was out of town on business that same weekend) she politely declined. I didn't ask her to. I asked her why and she said because I couldn't go. I didn't tell her to say that. She said if the tables were turned she would want me to do the same. Thus comes mutual respect and trust.

 

I respect your opinion but I don't share it. It's possible to be in a committed relationship and still have the freedom to go on trips or to go out with the opposite sex without there being any compromising positions. Mutual respect and trust can exist on different levels.

 

Some couples have each other on shorter leashes than others, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially if they share the same view on it.

 

If I was your girlfriend and you were away on business, I would have gone on the trip and wouldn't have a problem with you doing the same if the tables were turned.

 

In the OP's situation, my advice would be to let her go and have fun and not to worry too much about it.

[Zelias]

OP, let me make this very clear to you and to some people here.

 

YOUR SUPPOSED GIRLFRIEND IS GOING ON A TRIP FOR 2 F*UCKING WEEKS WITH ANOTHER MAN, ANOTHER F*CKING MAN

 

if you were smart, you would do 2 things

 

1. Tell her the moment she goes, it's over, if she goes, that tells you right there what you need to do.

 

2. If she is going with another man, you would be wise to bring and hang out with other chicks as well.

 

I can almost guarantee you that she will F*ck this dude, no doubt.

 

Move on bro, there is nothing for you here, only pain and anger....and a slut if you ask me.

 

Good luck to you sir

[Spectre]

I don't see the big deal. They've only been together for six months. When I was in my early twenties I went on a 5 week backpacking trip through Central America with a female friend of mine who had been in a serious relationship for two years. Her boyfriend came and met us and traveled with us for a week and a half and everything was fine. And I was single and wasn't moving to another country for another woman.

 

6 months isn't that short of a time. It's not a very long relationship I will grant you, but at 6 months that is around the time when a relationship begins to become serious. Even if it wasn't serious we are still talking about vacationing with another man for 2 weeks. Women in relationships don't do that.

 

I don't see the problem with this two-week trip to Australia at all. I understand the OP's feeling about it, but he can't do anything about it. I see his options as let her go on the trip, break up with her, or make a big deal out of this trip with the understanding that she'll most likely break up with him over it.

 

You don't see the problem when in a relationship one person decides to go on a vacation for 2 weeks with a member of the opposite sex? You don't see the problem?

 

It all comes down to trust and whether he trusts her or not. If I was in the OP's situation I would tell her to have fun and ask for a postcard.

 

It's not just about trust, but respect. Why does she need to go on a 2 week vacation with another man? Why not just wait until the boyfriend can come with? Why is it so important she go to australia for 2 weeks without her boyfriend? These are questions I'd be asking.

[Spectre]

You probably don't understand the psyche completely. Yes, she is going there to "just go" as you put it, and why shouldn't she!? She has friends there, and it seems like the OP can't afford to travel any time soon so why should she wait? There is a lot of world and you don't stay young forever. Travelling in your twenties is, I assume, a lot different to travelling in your forties.

 

There is nothing that says she has to wait 2 decades before traveling. If it is just about travel why not wait until her boyfriend can go? Why does she need to vacation with another man for 2 weeks so badly? Why is this such a high priority? Australia isn't going anywhere.

 

Also, if she is going to go then it's best that she go with a trusted male friend and his girlfriend. She'll probably end up getting hit on a lot less by virtue of having a male with her than she would if she was travelling with a female. Get this: It's literally impossible to avoid the opposite sex if you are backpacking. Every time you rock up in a new hostel you're confronted with between 5 - 20 members of the opposite sex. All tanned, half-dressed, all having the time of their lives. Romances happen in those situations, but they're a lot less likely to if she's with a friend and his gf. OP just needs to trust her.

 

No, the OP just needs to use common sense. If you are in a serious relationship with someone, you do not go on a 2 week vacation alone with another man. You just don't do it. If it is merely just about the experience then she can wait. You say traveling isn't the same in your forties as it is in your twenties..well okay, but that just depends on the person really. If you are in a relationship and you feel like you still need to go vacation with another man for 2 weeks then I think there is a deeper issue at work here.

Edited April 14, 2014 by Spectre

[Spectre]

I respect your opinion but I don't share it. It's possible to be in a committed relationship and still have the freedom to go on trips or to go out with the opposite sex without there being any compromising positions. Mutual respect and trust can exist on different levels.

 

Some couples have each other on shorter leashes than others, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially if they share the same view on it.

 

If I was your girlfriend and you were away on business, I would have gone on the trip and wouldn't have a problem with you doing the same if the tables were turned.

 

In the OP's situation, my advice would be to let her go and have fun and not to worry too much about it.

 

Sure it is possible, but you are also playing with fire if you do this. The guy isn't comfortable with it, if he was he wouldn't of made the topic. So he shouldn't just "let her go". If I was the OP, I would tell her she can do what she wants, but if going on a trip with another man for 2 weeks to another country is that important to her..then I don't want her in my life anymore.

 

If these people shared the same views on this stuff then we wouldn't be here in the first place.

[rester]

6 months isn't that short of a time. It's not a very long relationship I will grant you, but at 6 months that is around the time when a relationship begins to become serious. Even if it wasn't serious we are still talking about vacationing with another man for 2 weeks. Women in relationships don't do that.

 

 

 

You don't see the problem when in a relationship one person decides to go on a vacation for 2 weeks with a member of the opposite sex? You don't see the problem?

 

 

 

It's not just about trust, but respect. Why does she need to go on a 2 week vacation with another man? Why not just wait until the boyfriend can come with? Why is it so important she go to australia for 2 weeks without her boyfriend? These are questions I'd be asking.

 

Sure it is possible, but you are also playing with fire if you do this. The guy isn't comfortable with it, if he was he wouldn't of made the topic. So he shouldn't just "let her go". If I was the OP, I would tell her she can do what she wants, but if going on a trip with another man for 2 weeks to another country is that important to her..then I don't want her in my life anymore.

 

If these people shared the same views on this stuff then we wouldn't be here in the first place.

 

To each his own. She's a young woman that is going to help an old friend move in with his girlfriend. If I were in her shoes, and my boyfriend had a problem with that, I'd be pissed. It's not like she's traveling with a new single guy she just met. He's an old friend and he is moving to a new country to be with his girlfriend.

 

Like Grumps on page 1 said, the OP picked a free spirit and the harder he tries to cage her, the faster she will run. I personally love women like this because it means I have the freedom to do what I want to do, as long as I give her the freedom as well.

[Spectre]

To each his own. She's a young woman that is going to help an old friend move in with his girlfriend.

 

 

But this is utterly silly. She is going to ANOTHER COUNTRY to help some dude move in? Why? Do they not have movers in Australia? Why is this one woman going to make or break the moving in experience? Explain that to me, explain to me why she NEEDS to be there.

 

If I were in her shoes, and my boyfriend had a problem with that, I'd be pissed. It's not like she's traveling with a new single guy she just met. He's an old friend and he is moving to a new country to be with his girlfriend.

 

If you have a boyfriend and are entertaining the thought of going on a 2 week vacation with another man, then you guys have way way more problems then traveling. Why does it take 2 weeks to move in?

 

You also act as if "old friends" are immune to banging your girlfriend, but that isn't the case. He is moving to a new country to be with another woman..so why does he need to bring this girl with him then? I don't understand, does she has some sort of super power that will make moving in a lot easier? Why does he have to bring someone across the country with him to merely move in?

 

Like Grumps on page 1 said, the OP picked a free spirit and the harder he tries to cage her, the faster she will run. I personally love women like this because it means I have the freedom to do what I want to do, as long as I give her the freedom as well.

 

Okay, but being a "free spirit" doesn't translate into vacationing for weeks at a time with other dudes in other countries. That is not a free spirit, that is something entirely different. I don't even understand this 'freedom to do what you want" thing, do you mean like an open relationship? Otherwise how are you not free to do what you want in life? Why do you need a "free spirit" who thinks it is okay to go vacationing with other men while she has a boyfriend? These would be things I'd be asking myself if I wanted to be with the girl the OP is talking about.

 

The fact of the matter is: if he ever wants to have a serious relationship with her she just plain can't go on this trip alone. If he doesn't want that, then fine let her go. If he does want that, but she fights with him about it? Then she clearly isn't worth all this trouble in the first place, so then yeah he should just let her go vacation with her "old friend".

[preraph]

Look, she told you about it with in-depth explanation. Instead, she could have just lied and said "I'm going to visit my parents."

 

Yes, she might end up with this guy, but just because she's going to do this doesn't mean she will. She is a traveler and isn't going to give that up for you. So you need to encourage her to go. You can't stop her from falling for this guy if that is where it's headed, whether she goes or not. But you can push her away by trying to isolate her and keep her home. Let her take her freedom and see if she keeps coming back to you or not. If so, then you know you have the real deal. If not, it wasn't going to happen anyway.

[rester]

But this is utterly silly. She is going to ANOTHER COUNTRY to help some dude move in? Why? Do they not have movers in Australia? Why is this one woman going to make or break the moving in experience? Explain that to me, explain to me why she NEEDS to be there.

 

 

 

If you have a boyfriend and are entertaining the thought of going on a 2 week vacation with another man, then you guys have way way more problems then traveling. Why does it take 2 weeks to move in?

 

You also act as if "old friends" are immune to banging your girlfriend, but that isn't the case. He is moving to a new country to be with another woman..so why does he need to bring this girl with him then? I don't understand, does she has some sort of super power that will make moving in a lot easier? Why does he have to bring someone across the country with him to merely move in?

 

 

 

Okay, but being a "free spirit" doesn't translate into vacationing for weeks at a time with other dudes in other countries. That is not a free spirit, that is something entirely different. I don't even understand this 'freedom to do what you want" thing, do you mean like an open relationship? Otherwise how are you not free to do what you want in life? Why do you need a "free spirit" who thinks it is okay to go vacationing with other men while she has a boyfriend? These would be things I'd be asking myself if I wanted to be with the girl the OP is talking about.

 

The fact of the matter is: if he ever wants to have a serious relationship with her she just plain can't go on this trip alone. If he doesn't want that, then fine let her go. If he does want that, but she fights with him about it? Then she clearly isn't worth all this trouble in the first place, so then yeah he should just let her go vacation with her "old friend".

 

Dude I understand where you're coming from, but it sounds like you have some jealousy issues. Have you ever stayed in a hostel before? Traveled internationally for weeks or months at a time? People in committed, serious relationships do this ALL THE TIME, with no cheating involved.

 

If this isn't something that would work for you, then don't get involved with someone that likes to travel by themselves. I get it, she's not someone you would want to date. But she's the OP's girlfriend and it's his decision. My opinion is my own. You're free to have yours.

[Spectre]

Look, she told you about it with in-depth explanation. Instead, she could have just lied and said "I'm going to visit my parents."

 

Yes, she might end up with this guy, but just because she's going to do this doesn't mean she will. She is a traveler and isn't going to give that up for you. So you need to encourage her to go. You can't stop her from falling for this guy if that is where it's headed, whether she goes or not. But you can push her away by trying to isolate her and keep her home. Let her take her freedom and see if she keeps coming back to you or not. If so, then you know you have the real deal. If not, it wasn't going to happen anyway.

 

This is utterly silly. The "she could of lied!" excuse doesn't help. Okay, so she didn't lie, does she deserve a prize? It doesn't mean anything. He can't stop her, but he shouldn't encourage her to go on a vacation with another man.

[Spectre]

Dude I understand where you're coming from, but it sounds like you have some jealousy issues. Have you ever stayed in a hostel before? Traveled internationally for weeks or months at a time? People in committed, serious relationships do this ALL THE TIME, with no cheating involved.

 

I'm sorry, but what you are saying makes no sense to me. People in committed relationships frequently go on 2 week vacations with members of the opposite sex? This happens ALL THE TIME? Where? On what planet? You are saying I can go up to 10 random couples and ask them if in the past decade they have gone on 2 week vacations with a member of the opposite sex while in a relationship, you feel a decent majority will say "yes"?

 

If this isn't something that would work for you, then don't get involved with someone that likes to travel by themselves. I get it, she's not someone you would want to date. But she's the OP's girlfriend and it's his decision. My opinion is my own. You're free to have yours.

 

I don't even see why you mention getting with someone who likes to travel by themselves. That isn't what is happening. This is going on another vacation for 2 weeks with another man. That is hardly the same thing as this girl going on some solo trip. There is a difference between my girlfriend traveling without me and my girlfriend traveling without me but ALSO with another dude, for 2 weeks.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Spectre

[rester]

I'm sorry, but what you are saying makes no sense to me. People in committed relationships frequently go on 2 week vacations with members of the opposite sex? This happens ALL THE TIME? Where? On what planet? You are saying I can go up to 10 random couples and ask them if in the past decade they have gone on 2 week vacations with a member of the opposite sex while in a relationship, you feel a decent majority will say "yes"?

 

 

 

I don't even see why you mention getting with someone who likes to travel by themselves. That isn't what is happening. This is going on another vacation for 2 weeks with another man. That is hardly the same thing as this girl going on some solo trip. There is a difference between my girlfriend traveling without me and my girlfriend traveling with another dude, for 2 weeks.

 

Young people in their 20s travel without their partners all the time. With or without friends of the opposite sex. I experienced this often in my younger days. Just because you have not, nor care to, it doesn't mean it's wrong or that it doesn't happen. It happens, and there's nothing wrong with it.

 

I respect your opinion, but not everyone shares it, and it doesn't help you to be blind to what you don't agree with.

[Spectre]

Young people in their 20s travel without their partners all the time. With or without friends of the opposite sex. I experienced this often in my younger days. Just because you have not, nor care to, it doesn't mean it's wrong or that it doesn't happen. It happens, and there's nothing wrong with it.

 

I respect your opinion, but not everyone shares it, and it doesn't help you to be blind to what you don't agree with.

 

It's less about blindness and more about common sense: if vacationing with another man for 2 weeks is so important to this woman there is a red flag. This isn't really a thing about young or old. I'm 28, I'm relatively young still. Most of the people I know HAVE NOT gone on vacations with members of the opposite sex for 2 weeks while in serious relationships.

 

The thing you are getting very very confused by is saying that not everyone shares my opinion. That is fine, but then you also tried to say this happens a lot, to which..what? No it doesn't.

[rester]

I'm not saying 10% of the whole population do this. I'm just saying it's pretty typical in certain subcultures of people and that a two week trip with a friend of the opposite sex does not necessarily mean they are going to have sex or hook up. It's not a "vacation"...it's a trip. There's a difference. It wouldn't worry ME in the least. It's certainly possible and likely for her to go on this trip and not cheat.

 

If you or the OP aren't okay with that, that's fine. I'm just trying to give some reassurance that a two week trip does not mean sex or hooking up is automatically going to happen. And in the OP's case, to me it seems rather unlikely.

 

Hopefully the OP figures out what works best for himself.

[Dark Holy]

Ok. So your answer is to trust my girlfriend. That is what I have told her and by the end of writing that post it is what I felt I should and will do. Thank you for reassuring this.

 

I think I have abandonment issues with my Mom. Makes sense and I shouldn't let that effect my relationship.

 

Has she ever given you reason not to trust you? If so, you should think about that.

[Spectre]

I'm not saying 10% of the whole population do this. I'm just saying it's pretty typical in certain subcultures of people and that a two week trip with a friend of the opposite sex does not necessarily mean they are going to have sex or hook up. It's not a "vacation"...it's a trip. There's a difference. It wouldn't worry ME in the least. It's certainly possible and likely for her to go on this trip and not cheat.

 

If you or the OP aren't okay with that, that's fine. I'm just trying to give some reassurance that a two week trip does not mean sex or hooking up is automatically going to happen. And in the OP's case, to me it seems rather unlikely.

 

Hopefully the OP figures out what works best for himself.

 

No it is more or less a vacation for her. It doesn't take two weeks to move in. If you want to get into semantics about wording and call it a trip, okay, but either way we can agree the overall theme of this trip is not business, but pleasure. It doesn't take 2 weeks to move in, so what will this woman be doing for the other 95% of the time she is there? If she is going to be doing anything she enjoys..sounds like a vacation to me. Unless she is going to be working a 9-5 job for some reason, but then what would be the point of going if that were the case?

 

Either way, you get rid of the word vacation, the point is this is definitely a trip for pleasure, and mostly nothing else. This guy doesn't need this one woman to help him "move in". They have movers in Australia.

 

Look, I never said cheating is guaranteed to happen, I'm just saying that given the situation if they want the relationship to work this trip is a bad idea, plain and simple.