<//=- What is she trying to do here ??? -=//>

[mixwell]

yeah the hardest thing is going to be for me to just start calling her again all buddy buddy.. I will not forget this.. i have to just keep up the NC.. Clynn at this point I am just going to take it as it comes with her.. If she asks me to hang out or sumthin and im not busy then sure ill hang out.. I dont want her to think that i am completly blowing her off or being an arsehole. so yeah i cant wait to see what happens next...

 

Peace !!

[imokurnot]

Let's get back to me now! That's enough cheerful happy posts on this thread to last a month. You had progress and like D said, impede yourself will ya! We determined we were in this thing together. Now back off and get miserable again with D and me. There's plenty of room back here at the back of the bus. No need to venture ahead and look forward to what's coming. It's kinda fun just watching things that have already passed us by. Your forgiven but jeeez you need to go kick her dog or something to get back where you belong.

[mixwell]

haha.. yeah it was a good day yesterday but i am back to myself now.. just because we had 1 good day doesnt mean that its going to be all good again.. if that makes you feel any better. you should be happy for me !! i know yesterday really didnt mean a whole lot but it was just weird how she was nice and touchy. and actually apologized for being a bltch.. im back on NC so im back on the post !! haha.. iight man..fuc|< man im at work right now and its boring as shiz.. i work at some data entry place for a tax company and i finished all the packets for now. so im just chillen and trying to entertain myself online !

[DinNJ]

then that's the perfect time to become a member on a personals site. Get yourself a new chickidee.... and get your mind off the other one while she's with dude. I'm having some good luck with it, but they're from other states... hahah

[imokurnot]

I'm here in beautiful Southern California. I should be thankful everyday for the place I live and the weather etc. I almost feel bad being depressed over some chick. D you said personal site? Have you ever tried that? I have never thought of trying that at all. But you know what, it's getting to the point in my life where it is hard to go to clubs (my age). Although I act, feel, and look young(er) it's getting to the point where I would feel stupid LOL. So that's out.....

 

I haven't tried to meet anyone but I did and we went out @ 3 times well 4 if going toher house and watching a dvd counts. She is cool but I just wasn't ready at all. She appreciated my honesty but her friends just beat me up with what an idiot I am to let her get away. You know what, they are probably right too. But maybe I need to do something drastic like a pesonals site or speed dating just to get a bunch of dates out of the way in a hurry. Force myself to move on or at least be so busy doing stupid things like the ones I just mentioned that I will have less time to be depressed. I don't know the answers but I think I should start to do something rather than stay home and mope. The one girl I met, we started to form what seemed like a relationship. You know both knowing we weren't seeing anyoner else etc. I think it is still too early for that but just dating or going out would probably be a better course of action for me at this point.

 

Any ideas? ...............Anyone, anyone, ...Buhler.....Buhler?

[imokurnot]

What is going on with her and how is the relationship? I know you mentioned it on the first page and said a couple of months doesn't equal 7 years hence you are still posting here on LS. I don't think it has been mentioned or brought up since that one post. What's the deal?

[DinNJ]

deal is... I don't like her. but we hang out anyway. Nothing serious... and toooo many kids.

 

I met a girl online who's smokin' and so far sounds really cool. Of course, it's just online. But she wants to meet. Crazy thing is... she lives an hour outside of my 'friend' in Florida What are the odds??? And since I'm in SC right now, it really wouldn't be a bad drive. 7 hrs or so. I'll get to know her a little more. I think that's what I need... even though it sounds shallow... I need a Roselyn Sanchez 'type' to get my mind of the other. Is that wrong???

[DinNJ]

Personals aren't too bad.... the main reason was because I'm fairly new to this area. Left ALL my friends and most of my family back in Jersey. At 31, it's not easy meeting or making new friends... at least not genuine ones like the boys back at home. So if $50.00 gets me a few 'friends' to hang out with ... then it's all worth it. At the very least... I meet a couple new people online.

[mixwell]

hey let me ask this question.. Say things are going good between us and all that... What if she just sees me as only a friend and is acting like this because she wants to be nice and be JUST a friend ?? Is that possible or do you think that there are too many feelings involved ?? Thats what I want to avoid. I dont want us to be all friends and stuff if she has no intentions of getting back together.. So how could I let her know that I still have feelings for her and that if all we are going to be is friends, that I dont want to hang out and all that ? I dont want her to just think of me as a friend.. I hope she is acting this way because she is getting back into me.. But I guess its up to her to decide right ?? I dont know.. I feel that I cant keep just being all fake and friendly, only if we are going to be friends and nothing more.. You know what im saying ??

 

So what do you think ?? is there a time when I should tell her ? I mean maybe like if we hang out more or whatever ?? also with her having a bf i dont know how that goes either !!.. I was thinking about the thong shot alll day today ! and snapping it !! haha i miss the intimate times with her !!

 

Peace

[DinNJ]

That's why I talk so much about NOT getting to close... and keep the emotions to a minimum. I think Imok will back me up on this. Think about it... in felt great to be around her right? You spent the last couple weeks focusing on you and getting de-attached emotionally, and BOOM, you're right where you want to be and snapping her thong. Your emotions are taking over again. And at the end of the day, the 'other' guy is still in the picture. She's gotta know and FEEL that you are gonna settle for being second best. The minute you unattach yourself emotionally is the minute she'll KNOW it. It's a sixth sense with women. Distant youself with the "I don't care" attitude. You won't lose her.... trust me. But at the same time, you don't want to be a fool chasing her around while she's openly with the other guy. Sorry, for this... but remember.... You're snapping the thong... and he could quite possibly be taking the thong off. UGH!!! hated to have to say that... but it's the truth. Don't be second best right now.

 

Use me as an example.... my 'friend' came back to me... not happy with her ex. Yup it felt great, I was her friend again... then her emotional doormat... now she's back with him.

[imokurnot]

Then she backs away and acts as if she was coming around for ME. That is exactly why D and I say don't get your hopes up too high. This is the most important time to be aloof and busy with things that come across as fun or whatever. This is the time you have a chance to use her natural human tendencies to your advantage. The mental side of it now is huge. Make her want you, be a challenge. Be nice and very respectful but a challenge. This is what the NC was to get you to. Now your here and the work is just starting. If you let her know what you want out of it right now, your done. She will pull back if she is not ready. Don't ask her or tell her anything about the relationship right now. Use this time to make her fall in love with you all over again. When your together have a blast and be confident. When your not, miss a few calls here and there (from her I mean) and be busy when you do talk on the phone.

 

You already know all this. Don't forget to utilize it at this time of major importance. If you fail who the hell will D and I look to for inspiration? Ouch D, taking off the thong. Man that kills me I can only imaghine what that did to mix. Why didn't you just add "WITH HIS TEETH!" I mean if your going for painful mental imagery why stop at just taking it off conventionally? LOL Sorry Mix.......

[DinNJ]

brooooooo.... as his failing mentores, the young lad HAS to hear and know the truth. Yes, it was the truth and sometimes... this time, the truth will hurt... but hopefully it will open his eyes. Eyes open Mix??? Sorry buddy. But Imok is totally correct with his post. YOU have to say to yourself... "I Don't care" and keep this attitude for the long road ahead of ya. You've got the 'friendship' earned back... but not the respect... hence her being with someone else and still having you at her beckon' call. NO MORE I SAY!!! Here's a promise.... you limit yourself to NO intiating phone calls/texted'/emails for ONE month. Answer every 3rd call from her with an "I don't care, my shi# don't stink attitude" and she will be eating out of the palm of your hand by March 15th. Take one for the team man.... do it for the gipper' !!!! make us proud.

[imokurnot]

If it doesn't work you still have me and D. I haven't seen a response from you mix and I hope that doesn't mean you are free-lancing here. I got this book "How To Get Your LoverBack". If you are at the position it seems you are you should get it as well. I was in the position to utilize it when I bought it but now I cannot implement anything I had read. I don't want to get dumped again just to know if the book actually works so I need a field tester anyway. Would you be the field tester for D and I. We would appreciate it very much. It is written by Blase Harris M.D. It makes sense from a logic standpoint and his relationship and subsequent marriage is what inspired him to write it. It is old(er) book 1989. But it is psychological stuff that doesn't change very fast if at all in humans. If there was a section on "what clothes to wear to impress and return your lover" or "Best hair styles to get your lover back" then I would have been worried but it is basic psychology so it's OK

[DinNJ]

I too bought and read half the book, before realizing... my situation was a lost cause. IMOK... were you as embarrassed about buying it as I was??? : I was even more embarrassed going back to buy two others just like it... thinkin' the same girl at the counter each time probably thought I was a pathetic shmucke. Today, I've lost all hope for my situation and have accepted ... it will never happen. But I'm ok with it. The drugs are kickin' in finally. and... AND I may even drop the bomb of the dreaded "Tellin' off" email. Not for closure... not for a reaction or response, just for pure satisfaction. Hmmmm.... ahhh maybe not.

[imokurnot]

I was at first when I thought about walking up to the counter, embarrassed that is. But the thing with me is I have way more confidence in myself than I probably should with my looks LOL. I am damn cocky and I actually flirted with the girl a little at the counter. i figured it could be for a class or some kind of assignment. They have no idea why you are buying the book and really they probably don't even notice the name on it. They just scan it. Actually I couldn't find the damn thing in Borders and I had to go to a kiosk and had a really cute girl search for it in the computer. I was laughing and made a joke about me asking for that title. I coughed it out like three times. She laughed and found it said they had one copy. She was busy doing something but said if in a few minutes I didn't find it she would be right over to help me search. Unfortunately I found the damn thing right away. But she was smiling at me when i found it and held it up across the store. She either thought I was a total loser and worthy of a pity smile from across the room or thought I was funny and confident and she really wanted to do me. Of course I think it was the later and didn't give any thought to the former. But now that I think about it......Nah it was the later, no doubt in my mind. She definitely wanted a shot at the title! I know she did.......

 

I think if we don't hear from Mix by tomorrow morning we should put a search party together. He may be hurting and lost out there somewhere. Especially if he was listening to his emotions and did something stupid.

[DinNJ]

hahah that's too funny... and probably true. She liked your cockiness and confidence.... was playing along with ya. I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF LUCK!!! In fact, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all...

 

check this out.... words well spoken from another woman giving advice.... she opened my eyes with her wisdom...

 

Some women ... especially insecure ones feel better with attention.

 

She wants you to want her, to yearn for her, and to even be a little jealous of her "boy". In fact this "boy" may not even be real or perhaps she's not satisfied with him just yet. She wants you to dote after her because it gives her the confidence that she's a hottie. She may or may not even want to give you any "benefits" she spoke of but leading you on is giving her the rush of being desired.

 

how true is that???? Mix needs to read this....

 

Me? I just spent an hour long distance cell phone call with a girl from FL... what's gonna come out of it??? NOTHIN'!!! Cute lil' thing though.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Originally posted by DinNJ

The drugs are kickin' in finally.

 

DinNJ, i have been on AD's the last 2 weeks and haven't felt any benefit yet from them except horrible side effects!

 

how have they helped you?

[mixwell]

i dont like that thought of the thong.. haha.. anyways i see what you are saying.. basically dont let her know that i am still there for her.. I think i made the mistake today of text messaging her and asking her to go out and get some coffee.. she didnt respond so i dont know. One good day isnt worth all the work i have done soo far.. Should I hang out all the time though when she wants to ? i mean if i am not busy ?? should i stop "flirting" with her ?? its hard to be around her and not show any intrest other than friends.. i mean i will like give her looks and what not and just like act a little more friendly than i would with another chick friend.. I should just hide it right DinNJ ?? i know what you mean also by seeing them and then letting my emotions get in the way.. I felt all happy inside and it was a lot easier for me to start calling her again.. at least txt messaging her that is.. Before I woulda said now way.. but not im like.. well she seemed nice that day so maybe its ok to call her.. I know its not which i am going back to NC. not calls, txt, or anything.. I almost called her today after work to ask her on the phone if she wanted to or not because she never responded to the txt.. I figured though that she got it and she decided not to call or txt back. I dont know why but she didnt... so yeah if she wanted to hang out she woulda responded or called me... So this is why i am going back to NC because the thing with today of not responding reminds me of why i must stick to my guns.. Take care !!

 

Fuc|< i dont want to go to work today !!!! ::sigh::

 

peace

[mixwell]

man when i get the email saying someone reply it was the last person... I didnt even see the 5 or 6 posts by everyone else.. I have an ebook about how to get yer ex back. Basically saying NC for a month and no relationship talk.. keep the time you spend or talk short.. be happy.. exercise.. This and that and explains shiz... Sorry I didnt reply earlier.. I usually dont go on the computer until i am at work or late at night.. it has been kinda busy at work though so i have actually been working most of the time !! Imagine that !!! yeah for sure though i am back on NC ! its like a movie.. why tell her the ending, then she will not want to watch it right ??

 

Peace

[DinNJ]

i have been on AD's the last 2 weeks and haven't felt any benefit yet from them except horrible side effects!

 

brainright - that name just kills me... Well, considering I went through what I could call the 'darkest day' of my life a few weeks ago. I'd say I'm doing alright now. Depending on what you're on... it takes usually a minimum of two weeks just to get into your system. Thoughts won't go away, but emotions should level out. Less of a rollercoaster ride, ya know? Not as much moping around the house, sleeping and anxiety. I actually enjoyed watchin' the super bowl... EVEN THOUGH THE BIRDS' LOST!!! I golfed nine holes the other day with my father and had a blast... lookin' forward to the boys coming down to see me for a weekend in march. Focusing on work again... and don't mind it. Yes, I think they're working.

 

Mix - You know the rules in the back of your mind. Fighting the urges is the toughest part. You seen it yourself. You texted' her and got nothing back after a great time with her the other day. You have to brainwash yourself and everything you've ever known to be true. If you find that your heart is telling you what to do??? Do the opposite. You're witnessing it first hand. Just like Brain's name... brainrightheartwrong.

 

Read that quote I posted above from another girl. YOUR ex girl LOVES the attention... it's a rush for her.

 

Love Tactics 101 -

1. Passion - you had/have it.

2. Friendship - you had/have it.

3. Respect - You DON'T have it yet from her, because she's still with the OM

 

You need all three and the only way to get your respect back is to let her know you don't need her to live.

[mixwell]

yeah your right.. I know how it works and what to do but it is easier said than done. I just look on here for further advice and to see what other people would do in my case you know ? So yeah I agree with you totally. Its been a lot easier going back to NC once doing it before.. The first time was what was hard ! So anyways thats it for now..

 

Later

[imokurnot]

I know it is tough especially when the dangle the carrot and yank it away at the last second like she did recently. Hang in there. I want to write more because I can see in your typing you are down but I am way way behind here at work. I'll write more tonight. Just relax and don't get too down. Go do something fun or workout or something to burn some agression.

[mixwell]

i have been thinking about the situation a lot today and I have soo many unanswered questions I want to ask my ex so I think I wil post them below.

 

1. Is she really happy with the way things are between us ?

 

2. Is she really happy with her new partner ?

 

3. Has she thought about what her future would be like without me ?

 

4. Why does she not want to be with me ?

 

5. It has been 2 months since I had moved away from her is she still upset about it ?

 

6. Is that the reason she doesn't want to be together ?

 

7. Is there another reason besides that ?

 

8. If she was soo hurt by me moving away why is she going out with someone else soo soon ?

 

9. Is me moving away the REAL reason for her not wanting to be with me ?

 

10. Why does she deny having a new partner when I know she does ?

 

11. Is she scared to lose me for good or does she deny the partner b/c its a game to her ?

 

12. Does she miss me and the times we had ?

 

13. How could 2 people with a 7 year relationship end up the way we are ?

 

14. Does she miss me as much as I miss her ?

 

15. When she thinks of me, does she smile or get angry ?

 

 

I dont know these are kinda repetitive and lame but these are the questions I wish I could ask her ! I was thinking about writing them out and somehow giving it to her to read.. I doubt it though..

 

Do any of you guys ask yourselves some of these questions too ???

 

until the next post.. peace

[DinNJ]

1. Is she really happy with the way things are between us ? Hmmm... Yes, she has emotional with you and physical with him.

 

2. Is she really happy with her new partner ?51% happy

 

3. Has she thought about what her future would be like without me ?Not thinkin' that far ahead

 

4. Why does she not want to be with me ?Because you want her...she knows it.

 

5. It has been 2 months since I had moved away from her is she still upset about it ?She's spiteful

 

6. Is that the reason she doesn't want to be together ?No

 

7. Is there another reason besides that ?No

 

8. If she was soo hurt by me moving away why is she going out with someone else soo soon?Rebound

 

9. Is me moving away the REAL reason for her not wanting to be with me ?No

 

10. Why does she deny having a new partner when I know she does ?Guilt

 

11. Is she scared to lose me for good or does she deny the partner b/c its a game to her ?You don't give her a chance to be scared

 

12. Does she miss me and the times we had ?Absolutely

 

13. How could 2 people with a 7 year relationship end up the way we are ?God's plan, don't mess with it

 

14. Does she miss me as much as I miss her ?No, cause she's got him, you have no one... and wanting what you can't have, is why you are missing her.

 

15. When she thinks of me, does she smile or get angry ?smiles

 

but that's just my opinion.... and you're better off with my answers, because they're genuine... hers won't be... cause she's not in the right state of mind to answer, if she's envolved with another. Besides, she's a WOMAN! You'll NEVER get a straight answer out of her.

 

Keep your head up bro.... look the other way... and she'll be back.

[mixwell]

I know to just wait it out and do as I am but you cant stop your mind from thinking about things... So I will just hang in there and we will see what happens from here. Thanks Din !