me?

[senoritabonita]

My fiancé and are really spiraling out of control. It all started a year and a half ago when he cheated on me on vacation. We had just gotten together a few months before he cheated but I was devastated. He told me months later, and when I wanted to deal with it he was never there for me. There are several other incidences of flirting, eyeing women and even seeing an ex behind my back which are not needed to discuss right now but each time he has furiously responded to me trying to deal with it. He would yell at me, go off about how "crazy" i am and just tell me I did not understand. This went on and on. I tried many times to end it but he assured me he'd change.

 

He did, we moved in together had a great time. He stopped all nonsense and we didnt have many problems at all. he proposed very romantically a month ago and things seemed to be going great. The problem is I still have so much anger inside of me from all of these circumstances. And jealousy. I cannot stand to see anyone be attracted to him or near him. I watch everyone he looks at. It is pathetic! Every friend of mine tells me how great looking he is and it bothers me so much.

 

He still doesnt sympathize and is an eternal flirt. Even though to him he is not flirting and just being "normal" to me he is flirting. but we do come from different cultures- he is italian I am italian canadian.

 

I introduced him to a 25 year old colleague on sat(I am 28 he is 29) who is blonde blue eyed and very cute. She was also very flirty, even though her bf was there, with my man. I had only recently became close with her as I moved to this new city for my bf months ago and havent bonded with anyone. She seemed nice enough and we had fun together. But she saw a pic of my bf and hyperventelated saying he was SO HOT and she wanted to know him! For this stupidity I have been avoiding making friends at all.

 

I knew she would flirt but it was kind of something I could not avoid. I cant hide him, right?

He really reacted to this and kind of flirted, but stayed away. When they said goodbye she leaned in close to him opened her eyes wide and he leaned in to her smiling. I was like whats going on here! Obviously she is not a friend anymore -that goes without saying.

 

But the next day he discussed her with a friend who also met her, about how she was cute but not my bfs type, but she'd be good for a night, if that. I obviously asked how he could say this about someone I work with, someone i see everyday. I was like this is not normal, why do u have to objectify my friends (this is not the only incident of this).

 

It is like I cannot introduce him to anybody. Anyway he told me he can say whatever he wants;nd that I need to stay in my corner. I went absolutely bonkers, telling him I wanted to leave him, giving him back the ring and it was a screaming match all night. How can i deal with my behaviour and this person. Am I overreacting? I just feel so alone and lost.

 

I cant control my anger, I keep saying hurtful things as a result of what he says and he continues to stir me up. I just feel miserable that my life has led here. Please can you help me and give me some advice?

[PegNosePete]

he told me he can say whatever he wants;nd that I need to stay in my corner. I went absolutely bonkers, telling him I wanted to leave him, giving him back the ring and it was a screaming match all night. How can i deal with my behaviour and this person. Am I overreacting?

NO you are not over-reacting AT ALL. This guy is a class A JERK. His behviour is borderline abusive. What starts off as "stay in your corner" can easily turn into "stay in your corner *slap*" which can easily turn into just *slap*.

 

GET RID NOW

[mammasita]

Um, why is this douche even your fiance?

[Zahara]

Good grief. Why in heaven's name would you even get engaged to a man like this.

 

I can't imagine what being married to him would be like. Once he has you in the corner, locked and bound by matrimony, he'll be off flirting and who knows even cheating and you'll have to just shut up and tolerate. And no, marriage won't make him better, it'll make it all worse.

 

Why are you still with this guy? And don't say love. This is not what love should be like. It doesn't question your sanity.

[d0nnivain]

My advice: Don't marry him.

 

 

Harmless flirting is one thing but this guy is crass. He's also not taking your concerns seriously. Calling you crazy is not acknowledging how you feel. Even if you are overreacting -- & I'm not saying you are but if you were -- he needs to sit & talk not call you names & dismiss your concerns.

 

 

He is not marriage material.

 

 

He has already cheated on you.

 

 

How much worse do things have to get before you walk away?

[Leigh 87]

I have read your other threads.

 

 

You have BIG problems.

 

Sorry, but you cannot think that highly of yourself, you put up with a man who is VERY clearly NOT madly in love with you.

 

This guy has done such weird things!

 

NO woman who thinks highly of herself would stay with a man who has acted like this douche bag has.

 

 

 

 

For instance, him going from being pleasant and normal towards your Italian girlfriend, to suddenly being on the same flight as her by "coincidence" and suddenly hating her after the flight (and then he YELLED at you in public because " you forced him to see this girl and her bf together)

 

 

 

 

Look, you have serious problems if you actually believe this guy is crazy about you.

He has cheated on you... Men who are truly in love DO NOT cheat on their girlfriends! They do not cheat on the rare few women they meet who they fall hard for.

 

 

 

 

 

Why are you asking for advice?

 

You have posted MANY threads about this jerk, we all tell you that you he isn't that into you because he has not only cheated once that you know of, but has very likely cheated again with that Italian friend, and LIKELY others.....

 

 

WHY are you asking for MORE advice, when we all tell you that he doesn't truly love you and you should leave him?

 

You don't listen to us, you want to make this relationship work and you just want us to somehow help you twist reality and make you feel better about this situation.

 

Basically, a woman with options in men and who thinks highly of herself and DOES NOT settle for men that are not super into her, would walk away from a man who cheats; even if your guy never cheated, his behaviour alone would NEVER be acceptable for the women who have high standards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's okay, I changed my mind, I will give you the advice you WANT to hear: he really is crazy about you, he just likes to be "friendly" with women and he is a natural born flirt. I am sure he is head over heels in love with you and you guys can work though it"

 

It IS " just you" being paranoid dear, all looks well between the two of you.

[Leigh 87]

My advice: Don't marry him.

 

 

Harmless flirting is one thing but this guy is crass. He's also not taking your concerns seriously. Calling you crazy is not acknowledging how you feel. Even if you are overreacting -- & I'm not saying you are but if you were -- he needs to sit & talk not call you names & dismiss your concerns.

 

 

He is not marriage material.

 

 

He has already cheated on you.

 

 

How much worse do things have to get before you walk away?

 

 

 

 

- he's cheated one time he admitted to

- mysteriously appeared on the same flight as her hot Italian friend and all of as sudden wanted to get he heck away from her when his "gf" picked him up

- he yells at her in public

- he had a problem with her calling him when he was at lunch with friends; if a guy is crazy about you, he wouldn't get mad unless it was an important business lunch with clients (which I can assure you it wasn't)

- he regular flirts with people around her and acts in a way that clearly shows he is attracted to other women

 

 

 

And I have only read 2 - 3 of her threads:sick:

 

 

How much worse will it have to get?

 

This women sounds like the worlds biggest door mat and I suspect that he will have to VERY blatantly treat her like utter crap before she decided to leave him.

 

I suspect he will leave her first when he finds a women he likes enough to commit fully to.

 

 

 

 

 

She is "that woman" who continually forgives a guy who cheats on her and yells at her in public, nothing we say to her will get through to her.

 

She needs boundaries, I go them in my late 20's after my ex.

 

senoritabonita needs to have dealbreakers; cheating should be one of them, as well as when a guy openly flirts with friends of HERS....

 

When a man crosses a healthy boundary, the girl needs to leave him.

 

Instead, the OP senoritabonita tried to do some mental gymnastics and try to spin things in her favour; she searched for any sign that hey, we had such an amazing connection and he seemed to really love me, so surely this is just a rough patch, I must be over reacting.

 

 

 

 

 

She didn't come to this site to break up with him.

[Zahara]

Ugh, I read the threads. I'm not sure what you seek from LS but the advice certainly isn't helping you move forward because YOU insist and choose to be mistreated.

 

How to help you?

[Leigh 87]

Ugh, I read the threads. I'm not sure what you seek from LS but the advice certainly isn't helping you move forward because YOU insist and choose to be mistreated.

 

How to help you?

 

 

 

I did the same thing Zahara with my ex.... I made many threads about him, detailed the hookers he slept with, the online women and dating accounts..... my bad gut feeling about him, his dislike of pleasing me in bed.... (admitting he enjoyed doing it to another girl "more")

 

What I was really after was for people to appease me and tell me that there was still a chance he could be madly in love with me.

 

It took HIM leaving ME before I finally grew a spine and realised how much better off I was without him and how I would NEVER stand for that treatment again.

 

I was soon super excited about the prospect about meeting a new man one day who would only have eyes for me.

 

I found that man a year after the break up. Thanks god my ex broke up with me, as I was exactly like senoritabonita and I probably would not have broken up with him and seen reality for what it truly was.

 

I hope he breaks up with her. Then she can look back and reflect to whether or not she will tolerate any more cheating in her future relationships.

[Zahara]

I don't think he'll break it off with her. Someone like him wants a woman that he can control and have at his side to use and abuse and condition into being what he wants her to be for him.

 

The fact that they got engaged is already a sign that he's going to keep going forward, condition her to be a doormat and once they get married, he'll be off doing his thing while she cries at home. Guys like this want a submissive and subservient woman at home to fulfill their needs and never question them. There is no love. The woman serves as a benefit. He gets what he needs at home and he gets what he needs from women outside of the home. It's perfect, for him.

[nescafe1982]

I have not read your other threads, but based on this thread alone, I can say:

 

You need to get this man out of your life as quickly as you possibly can. He's toxic and a cheater, and he is emotionally abusing you.

 

All of these emotions you're feeling: they are a combination of being mixed up by his gas-lighting ("you're crazy," etc) and healthy defense mechanisms that are going haywire because you're repressing them.

 

You will recover in time and return to normal... but ONLY if you cut this person out of your life completely and focus on being kind to yourself for a while. Please do this for your yourself... what you've been going through sounds awful.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good lord, OP. This guy again?! You have agreed to marry him?! The problem isn't him anymore - it is YOU. YOU choose to stay with a man who treats you badly. YOU whine and complain and come here asking for advice and then proceed to use very poor judgement and get yourself further in the hole. We can't help you because you refuse to help yourself and see reality for what it is.

 

Oh, and this business about different cultures? Pfft. I am Canadian too. And I live in Italy now. The majority of the men here certainly do not behave that way. That is a piss-poor cop-out.

[No Limit]

Read your own post again.

 

Done? Alright, now run for the hills and far away from this time bomb of a man. I just do hope you haven't married yet or have anything planned except for your breakup.

[Leigh 87]

This poster needs to be banned from this website,

 

She has literally made the same threads over and over.

 

She gets us to waste time responding when she has no intention of breaking up with him.

 

What does she want from this website? For us to all tell her it will be okay and to give her advice on how to effectively deal with her 'fiance'

 

She should not be aloud to come on here and ask the SAME advice repeatedly, only to ignore what we all say and then come back a month or so later and repeat THE SAME set of problems she is having.

 

People get their duplicated threads DELETED and so should this woman, as all her threads are pretty much THE SAME.

 

I had to wait until my ex was the one to leave me to see that you guys were all right about my ex.

 

Until he leaves her she will continue making threads about him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you guys appreciate the same person making the same threads time and time again, ignoring all the advice, only to be back in a month or two?

 

 

 

I wish I had been banned after my fourth or fifth thread about my ex, and just to have been told " he cheats, lies and we tell you he is not good, yet you keep coming back and making threads about the SAME guy"