Men - question for you

[notbroken]

Tell him. Tell him "I am not just nagging. There is something very important to me and I want you to listen. Just listen. I am very serious". Then tell him whatever you have to tell him.

 

I so wish my wife would have told me that when it really mattered (way before our divorce).

[SDUB]

I am currently going through this right now except for the fact that I wasn't given the clear talk from my wife. She pretty much tried to fix "the problem" all by herself for approximately 6 months without me even knowing and when I figured it out I had 6 weeks to try to repair, but by that time she already had 1 foot literally out the door saying she already tried....We are currently in a break/trial separation and I know she is noticing the new me, but not sure if its too late or not...One day at a time and some days are easier than others. read my 5 page thread, Maybe it can help you hearing my feelings throughout this whole process and also maybe you can give me some pointers....Its titled my wife has lost sexual interest in me.

[worldgonewrong]

I don't know the full dynamic, but weighing in as a guy:

 

Be direct with him. And sexually, don't hold back - initiate.

Sometimes time lapses, and both parties think (erroneously) "He/she doesn't want to be intimate with me."

He also might be going through a bit of a depression (the weight gain thing you mentioned), but he could be potentially snapped out of it if you express (in so many words AND actions) the idea of "hey, I desire you still!"

Sometimes men feel just as undesirable as women, believe it or not.

[RonaldS]

The levels of intervention I would try would be the following sequence:

 

1. Try to get his interest/connect with him. Initiate something. Make dinner reservations, or plan something date-like (not a movie). Maybe a nice weekend getaway. Or something sexy to try to turn him on. Just try to connect somehow.

 

2. If that doesn't work, then sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you need certain things that you don't feel like you're getting. Don't blame him; just present it as 'I love you and I need x, y and z from you'

 

3. If that doesn't work, sit him down and tell him that you're not happy in the marriage and can't continue with the way things are.

 

4. If that doesn't work, schedule MC. Go alone if he won't go.

 

5. If that doesn't work, file.

 

6. If that doesn't work, finalize and move on with your life, find happiness and fulfillment with yourself and build a new life , maybe end up finding somebody better for you.