Acne scarring...a turn off?

[Marks]

So I'm not sure if this belongs in the dating section or here, but since this is about insecurities, I figured the well-being section made sense...

 

Anyway, with having been a bit more focused on getting dates as of late, I've been giving some thought to some of the insecurities/issues I have regarding dating, approaching women, people's general perception of me, etc. Aside from being worried about displaying confidence to women and not getting nervous on dates, one of the things that I wonder about sometimes is whether some characteristics of my physical appearance hinder my efforts in some way...one of them being my noticeable acne scarring.

 

Unfortunately growing up I didn't get the treatment that I needed to prevent a lot of the scarring I now have. Part of the reason was that my parents didn't want to pay for Accutane, and the other part was me not wanting to take it after hearing all of the possible side-effects that it could cause. So time went by and all through high-school and partially through college I had to endure fairly severe cystic acne that occurred on my face, neck, and back/shoulders. It wasn't until I was personally fed up with it that I went back to see a dermatologist and started taking Accutane. Of course, being the powerful drug that it is, Accutane pretty much completely eradicated my acne...but the damage to my skin was already done.

 

But now I have very noticeable scarring on my skin...particularly on my back/shoulders and neck. Fortunately it's not as bad on my face, only having small pits strewn about in a few lines/clusters that follow the folds of my skin. But my neck and back...it's pretty bad...or, at least so I think. There are quite a few large pits/bumps/lines that formed from the acne, which are particularly noticeable depending on how I hold my neck/shoulders. And discoloration--since my torso is fairly pale, some of the scarring left areas that are more reddish than others.

 

Worst part is, it turns out I haven't completely gotten rid of the acne. I'm still getting pimples...at least one or two at any given time, which I think are due to stress. I'm going to be seeing a dermatologist this week about it, because I'm tired of having to deal with them. Unfortunately though, I was still nursing a rather large pimple that popped near my mouth a few days before I met with a girl for the first time with recently...

 

So I can't help but wonder whether my acne and acne scarring is repulsive to women. After all, I'm not a teenager anymore, and people my age (mid 20's) don't generally have acne anymore. In fact, I would say that even a great deal of people younger than me don't seem to have any signs of acne. Since I work on a college campus, I've noticed that a majority of students seem to have flawless skin...not a blemish in sight.

 

I try to tell myself to not feel insecure about my blemishes, but I can't help but wonder...if people generally don't have such bad scarring, but I do...would they find that unattractive? And then my mind fast forwards to the moment when a woman would see me without my shirt on and I can't help but think that she'll be disgusted by how my back looks

[Candy_Pants]

Aww sweetie. Sorry about your scars, but I can say that they're not as big a deal as you think. They will turn off some women, so would facial hair. But don't let that consume you. Keep dating. And love ALL of yourself.

[tbf]

From what you've described, who cares? I know I don't. Don't worry about it.

[CC12]

I think it would not be a turnoff for the majority of people. You probably notice it more than anyone else.

 

I hope you don't mind me asking, but since you still get a few pimples here and there, do you take good care of your skin? I think a lot of people just don't know the basics, like washing your face every night before bed, moisturizing, occasionally exfoliating, wearing sunscreen every single day, etc. Or they don't know that applying too many harsh products will cause skin to dry out too much and go into overdrive producing oils to counteract the dryness and cause more blemishes.

 

This kind of stuff was almost drilled into my head growing up, but I'm thinking that sometimes boys aren't taught how to take care of their skin? If you want some tips, I'm sure we could help.

[Marks]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but since you still get a few pimples here and there, do you take good care of your skin? I think a lot of people just don't know the basics, like washing your face every night before bed, moisturizing, occasionally exfoliating, wearing sunscreen every single day, etc. Or they don't know that applying too many harsh products will cause skin to dry out too much and go into overdrive producing oils to counteract the dryness and cause more blemishes.

 

This kind of stuff was almost drilled into my head growing up, but I'm thinking that sometimes boys aren't taught how to take care of their skin? If you want some tips, I'm sure we could help.

 

I agree with you...as a guy, I don't believe anyone at any point really told me that I need to moisturize my skin or do anything beyond just washing it in the morning and before bed. Only recently have I started using a water based moisturizer on my face, partially because I'm noticing wrinkles around my eyes, and I think it might be due to the years of using over-drying benzoyl peroxide based cleansers without moisturizing afterwards.

 

But no, no one told me how to take care of my skin...not even the dermatologist, to be honest. It wasn't until I started to do some of my own research that I got clued in a bit. I'm not sure why that is, but if you look around you don't really see any mention of men needing to moisturize and take care of their skin and such. All the commercials and talk in the media focuses pretty much solely on women. I also think there's a bit of a stigma when it comes to beauty care practices for men...I feel like it's been drilled into men that they need to be ready in the morning as quickly as possible, not leaving a lot of time for focusing on things like taking care of their skin. In particular, I've heard some women say that a guy shouldn't take too long to get ready in the morning, otherwise they'll come off as not being "manly".

 

And of course, there's also the fact that guys don't generally talk about things like skin care products, exfoliating, or what sunscreen they wear amongst each other.

[Emilia]

I went out with two guys that had quite noticeable scarring on their face from acne, I know one I used to work with who is married with kids. It's not something that bothered me personally. Perhaps because I used to get bad spots myself though not scarring.

[martaldn]

I'm 35 and still suffer of acne once every now and then. I don't care anymore about my scars but I have to do lot of work on my self esteem during the years

I have never had to use Accutane but in a frame of 20 years I have tried all.. Then I have started to use differin and it magically worked

I am being using it for years now and my scars are fading away, plus I rarely have breakouts.

It was awful though but most of the times I was seeing my acne like a turnoff when people hardly were noticing it ..

With the time I have learned to accept my skin the way it is and since then I have never had any problem with my dates!

 

Try differin though!

[regine_phalange]

For some reason, I find them cute. I used to have a hardcore crush on someone who had many facial acne scars. I thought he was truly handsome as he was. Take care of your skin and dont worry.

[Marks]

Ughh...so I just looked at my face in the mirror at work just now, because I started feeling a little itch in the spot where my pimple from last week was (the one I was nursing during the date I was on)...well, wouldn't you know that now it's starting to swell again, and it's taking on a nasty tinge of red. Argh...I'm so annoyed with this pimple. It's been coming and going for four months now, and I thought that maybe, just maybe it was finally going to heal...obviously that was being optimistic.

 

Worst of all, I have a date set for tomorrow...and this thing is blowing up just in time for it

[ThatMan]

I've met a man in his mid-twenties with severe acne. We're talking the painful and deep cystic acne, everywhere. He was extremely charismatic, the lead salesman for his department, well respected, and happily engaged. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. What I am trying to do is help you understand that people see right through right these things to what's more important.

 

What's important would have been forever robbed from you if you took the accutane. Those nasty side-effects you've heard of are very real. Your brain would have physically altered and with it your ability to perceive the world and interact with it would suffer horribly.

 

Whoever told you that men don't use moistener is an idiot. Whether using a rusty clunker of a disposable razor in the morning, or surgical sharp straight razors that you can freaking murder yourself with in a moment of carelessness, Just about every man lathers on some form of aftershave/moisturize. It's a right into respectability and adulthood. Nobody thinks twice about it, honestly. Just take care of yourself. Takes showers on occasion, drop by a the barbers every once and a while, dress in clothing that's not stained yellow by perspiration or food.

 

We're not talking about anything serious like being an outright metrosexual.

If you need a new facial cleaning regiment or moisturize then go for it.

Edited April 9, 2014 by ThatMan
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[Marks]

What's important would have been forever robbed from you if you took the accutane. Those nasty side-effects you've heard of are very real. Your brain would have physically altered and with it your ability to perceive the world and interact with it would suffer horribly.

 

I have to respectfully disagree with this statement. I think that the side effects of Accutane have been way overblown for the vast majority of the population, and the fear of its side effects that you're reflecting on were the very reasons why I was hesitant to take the medication initially. It wasn't until I was tired of the low self-confidence, the pain, the puss, the bleeding, the scarring...that I finally said enough is enough and took Accutane.

 

And guess what? It was a godsend...and I came out fine on the other end. In fact, I should have taken it earlier, and if I hadn't taken it at all, the scarring that I'm insecure about right now would most likely have been much, much worse. If I again had the same severe acne that I had then, I'd take Accutane in a heartbeat. The benefits of clear skin and a better feeling of self-worth far outweigh the potential side effects of the medication. Not to mention the fact that for people who suffer from severe cystic acne, no amount of moisturizing and exfoliating helps clear the skin up.

 

For that matter, these days dermatologists take the medication very seriously. They watch you closely and have you do regular blood tests to make sure that the medication isn't affecting you adversely. I felt very comfortable while on the medication, with my only side affect being an increased appetite for pizza

[FitChick]

See a cosmetic dermatologist. They are the ones that usually offer microdermabrasion, special facials, their own products, laser treatments, etc.

 

You should try Retin A, which was invented for acne if I recall correctly. People use it now because it's a great antiaging treatment. I've been meaning to buy some myself. Ask your derm about it. If it's a prescription, your insurance might pay for it although now it might be considered more cosmetic.

 

Proactiv is a professional line of anti acne products that many swear by.

 

There are skin care forums you could peruse to see what people say works or doesn't. Benzoyl peroxide is a no-no as I recall.