Trust in people? It's getting harder...

[Colton]

I know I shouldn't worry about what other people are doing, just worry about myself. The only thing is that I can't get over is how some people act.

 

It got me thinking after hearing a co-worker talk about his girlfriend. Now I don't know if there is more to the story, but there possibly could be. Here is the basics of what he told me. He is actively looking around and is interested in another girl. He is actually going out on a date within the next few days with this other girl, but he still has a girlfriend. He said "it just gets boring after awhile, we've been together x amount of years". All the while he is very cool and casual about this whole thing.

 

The thing that scares the s*** out of me is that I know this is common. Hell there are three forums here about cheating, etc. There really is no way of knowing "definitively" if your spouse is faithful and honest. I guess you have to have blind faith.

 

I saw a thread on here asking how long you've been cheating. Some people said they have been cheating for 10+ years!!

 

Idk, this just scares me, makes me not desire a serious rs or marriage. Once again, it scares the s*** out of me...

[Trep]

You and me both, friend.

 

Unfortunately that's just the way the world is now. Sad, I know.

[David87]

What a douchebag. It's sad that people don't have the courage to tell you that they don't want a relationship with you anymore but instead they cheat, they lie, they manipulate.......

 

It's disgusting. There are still people out there who don't cheat I guarantee.

[Colton]

What a douchebag. It's sad that people don't have the courage to tell you that they don't want a relationship with you anymore but instead they cheat, they lie, they manipulate.......

 

It's disgusting. There are still people out there who don't cheat I guarantee.

Don't get me wrong he is a really nice guy, but the fact that he is so cool and calm about it makes me wonder, when I get back in a serious rs, how do I know my gf isn't doing something like this.

 

And it's not like he said there was anything wrong with the rs, he just said it gets boring being together for so long, so he's looking for new women while staying with his current gf.

 

I guess it bothered me cause I would have never guessed him to be this type of person.

 

You and me both, friend.

Unfortunately that's just the way the world is now. Sad, I know.

It is unfortunate, I guess that's why nice guys finish last. If this is the world we live in, I guess I find myself questioning what's the point in marriage and commitment?

[KatZee]

Yep. I'm the exact same way. When I was with my ex boyfriend I had a front row seat into the actions of all his friends. They were all either in long term relationships, engaged, or currently married.

 

EACH. AND. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. had cheated on their significant others. Some even multiple times. And the crappy thing was that I knew, yet I couldn't say anything to these girls. 1. They weren't my friends, and 2. It was none of my business.

 

So I had to just stand around and smile with my mouth shut when these girls would gush about how "wonderful" their boyfriends were, and what they had done the weekend prior, or gifts they had been given. It was all a circus act to me. It was very sickening.

 

I don't know why it shocked me so much when I found out that my now ex, had cheated on ME. Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

I've been single for two years now, and I have days where I am lonely, and I yearn for true love, and a stable, healthy relationship. But then I open my eyes and look around me. How sad is it to know that you've been hurt so many times, and you've witnessed such despicable acts, that you've become so closed off, jaded, and distrustful of the opposite sex?

 

I was just thinking about this today. I find it so sad that at 29 I have become as hard, jaded, and revolted at the human species that I am. I wish to go back to the days where I believed there was some good in human beings. But I keep being shown over and over again how horrible people are to others.

 

It's very sad.

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Guys like that are very small inside.

[Colton]

Yep. I'm the exact same way. When I was with my ex boyfriend I had a front row seat into the actions of all his friends. They were all either in long term relationships, engaged, or currently married.

 

EACH. AND. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. had cheated on their significant others. Some even multiple times. And the crappy thing was that I knew, yet I couldn't say anything to these girls. 1. They weren't my friends, and 2. It was none of my business.

 

So I had to just stand around and smile with my mouth shut when these girls would gush about how "wonderful" their boyfriends were, and what they had done the weekend prior, or gifts they had been given. It was all a circus act to me. It was very sickening.

 

I don't know why it shocked me so much when I found out that my now ex, had cheated on ME. Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

I've been single for two years now, and I have days where I am lonely, and I yearn for true love, and a stable, healthy relationship. But then I open my eyes and look around me. How sad is it to know that you've been hurt so many times, and you've witnessed such despicable acts, that you've become so closed off, jaded, and distrustful of the opposite sex?

 

I was just thinking about this today. I find it so sad that at 29 I have become as hard, jaded, and revolted at the human species that I am. I wish to go back to the days where I believed there was some good in human beings. But I keep being shown over and over again how horrible people are to others.

 

It's very sad.

 

You couldn't have put it more truthfully. Everyone wants to be in a healthy and loving relationship, but unfortunately I feel like, while you can have that, there are always going to be secrets that you don't want to know. Some people make terribly sh**** decisions on accident and some people consciously make terribly sh**** decisions on purpose.

 

My older brother's bestfriend got married at 24 (he and my brother are 28 now.) One day my brother and I were drunk and he told me that his bestfriend had cheated on his wife. He said that it was only that one time, but it still happened. My brothers bestfriend is one of the most upstanding, smart, cool, and fun people I have ever been around. I couldn't believe he did that, I would have never guessed this happened if my brother never told me.

 

I guess there is no truer statement other than ignorance is bliss. I miss the days when I believed I would find the woman of my dreams and as long as we were honest, loving, caring, and together, we would never cheat. Strangers and my peers have shown me that is the furthest thing from the truth. My optimistic view on love and faithful relationships has been shattered all before I have even turned 23...

[Trep]

Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one at 22 years of age that feels this way.

[Colton]

Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one at 22 years of age that feels this way.

 

Yeah it's good to know I'm not the only one too but it's stupid to be cynical, hard, jaded, distrusting, questioning, etc all the time.

 

I want to believe there are good people out there, but there is no way of truly knowing. And forums like the Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy don't help build my trust in people either.

[tlegend]

I couldn't agree more.

 

Seeing and hearing all the cheating in these marriages I see around me.... it really makes me depressed and gives me a bleak outlook on relationships in the future.

 

Seriously.

[Colton]

I couldn't agree more.

 

Seeing and hearing all the cheating in these marriages I see around me.... it really makes me depressed and gives me a bleak outlook on relationships in the future.

 

Seriously.

 

Exactly! So how are you supposed to look forward to a marriage, and kids, and a life with one person when time and time again you see and hear about peers and strangers completely acting detestable and treating their spouses like crap. It almost like talking to my peers and reading the cheating, infidelity, and otherman/woman forums have killed any hope I may have had

[realfriends]

Ive learned a lot about trust after getting cheated on. Originally I thought I could never trust anyone ever again. I no longer think this way.

 

"Trust is your relationship to the unknown, ... and you can't control everything."

 

Watch this video by this very popular youtube artist. I have watched this video multiple times. Sometimes I watch it with my eyes closed and just listen to the words and embrace them. Hopefully it helps people out.

 

[LeGenDary_Man]

This is the dark side of a sexually liberal culture, people become accustomed to having multiple sexual partners in this kind of environment.

 

The only way to change this situation is to push for termination of sexual liberation. But how many are willing to do this?

 

I am glad that I am part of a different society where family and moral values are still important.

Edited April 12, 2014 by LeGenDary_Man

[gaius]

Makes as much sense as refusing to drive because you know at some point you're going to be in an accident.

[Soursoupz]

Yeah I can understang your worrys.

Because some people are messy.

Especialy men sometimes.

 

People need to get educated and start

Educate themselfs about respect relationships and

what cheating do to the human body.

Especialy to the one you cheat on.

 

The human heart is such a soft thing much more

also when it comes to dating and relationships.

You cant handle it rude and rough.

 

You dont know if one will cheat on you.

But you know it happen in this world.

So its important to talk about it while dating

. Because along the way alot can change in a relationships.

Also people grow.

 

So its good to communicate well and open know from eachother

what cheating means for them,and if p

feelings change when do you want to know.What

Both want from eachother in situations like that.

 

 

And the other part of it you cant controle.

 

And that is someone blind side you with thee news

[Soursoupz]

Important is to let them know how you feel about ot.

and the effect of it. And give yourself time to heal

The rigth way. Also before dating again.

 

And if you see signs that are not good in him or the relationship

dont go and crown it with marriage etc. Confront it deal with it.

If needed break up. Marriage is not fpr bad relationships.

 

Sometimes people make their own cheating life story.

They see things happen but they ignore it.

Till the person tells them they act surprised.

If he or she is no good,break up.

If you see its not your match dont keep forcing it.

Have a talk and move on.

[Colton]

Makes as much sense as refusing to drive because you know at some point you're going to be in an accident.

 

Yeah but the difference is you need to drive to progress. You need to drive to school. You need to drive to work. You need to drive to run various errands (including to get food and water.) Essentially you need to drive to live. Relationships and marriage are just things we want because we don't want to be lonely. I'm not going to die if I don't get married. I'm going to die if I don't drive to go buy food.

 

This is the dark side of a sexually liberal culture, people become accustomed to having multiple sexual partners in this kind of environment.

 

The only way to change this situation is to push for termination of sexual liberation. But how many are willing to do this?

 

I am glad that I am part of a different society where family and moral values are still important.

 

I'm curious as to where you live that no one in your society is sexually liberal and that family and moral values are so entwined and embedded in your culture/society that no one has ever cheated. You either live in some kind of secret manufactured society no one has ever heard of or you're naive. And unfortunately, pushing for termination of sexually liberty is kind of terminating the ability of choice. While cheaters suck, I wouldn't take away a persons choice to stop it.

[LeGenDary_Man]

I'm curious as to where you live that no one in your society is sexually liberal and that family and moral values are so entwined and embedded in your culture/society that no one has ever cheated. You either live in some kind of secret manufactured society no one has ever heard of or you're naive. And unfortunately, pushing for termination of sexually liberty is kind of terminating the ability of choice. While cheaters suck, I wouldn't take away a persons choice to stop it.

I live in an Islamic society and its culture is vastly different from that of a Western society or a non-Islamic one.

 

I didn't claim that their aren't liberals here but situation is vastly different in my nation in comparison to yours and it is not difficult to find quality women/virgins in my nation.

 

Hookup culture isn't prevalent here fortunately (rather discouraged), family values take precedence. Now, of-course, I will not say that societal evils are non-existent in my nation but situation is still much better here on the whole.

 

Point is that you are observing a dark side of a sexually liberal culture. You cannot expect a society to have high moral fabric and be sexually liberal at the same time, unrealistic. Yes, quality people do exist in your society (you sound like one) but people like you are becoming minority with passage of time in your society. Cheating is an epidemic issue in your society, not in mine. Thank you.

Edited April 12, 2014 by LeGenDary_Man

[preraph]

It's also been my experience that most men cheat if they can. What bothers me most is they will look you right in the eye and lie to you, the person they supposedly love and want to protect. But their d**k comes first. Pathetic.

[KatZee]

This is the dark side of a sexually liberal culture, people become accustomed to having multiple sexual partners in this kind of environment.

 

The only way to change this situation is to push for termination of sexual liberation. But how many are willing to do this?

 

I am glad that I am part of a different society where family and moral values are still important.

 

Yup. I'm not like this at all. I feel like I belong in the 1950's or something because I'm not someone that randomly hooks up, or has fk buddies, or goes to a bar and winds up having a one night stand.

 

I refuse to be sexually intimate with anyone unless they are my boyfriend, and I've had so many guys pass because of this. I don't know why men today think they get a free pass with my body, when they give absolutely nothing back in return.

 

I have utmost respect for myself and won't even hook up with someone I'm "talking to." I've been talking to a guy three months now and the most I've done with him is make out. And he knows exactly where I stand and he's still talking to me so that gives me a glimmer of hope that there are people left in the world like me, but it by far, is a slim minority.

 

I think multiple partners is disgusting, I don't think giving away sex for free is "liberating" I think it's degrading. I personally have known guys who look to get in and get out, and then they wind up showing pics and details of this poor girl to his buddies like it's a trophy or something. I refuse to be on the end of that stick.

[No Limit]

A friend of mine one day told me of her ex coming over and they'd be having sex for sure even though he still has a girlfriend. She went on for 10 minutes with "He loves only me", "He told me how horrible she is", the stuff cheaters always tell. I left shortly afterwards because I was sick to my stomach, bah.

[msando]

I know what you mean. I had a guy hit on me once that I knew for a fact he was constantly on the look out for new prospects. He was a nice guy as a friend. I couldn't date him though because I saw him in action too many times and it was a turn off.

[No Limit]

I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating these days, I've become quite the assh*le to people who I know are cheating. If I heard your friend saying that so carelessly, I'd get directly in his face, tell him what a ****ty person he was

 

Same. And while I didn't intend to do it I unconsciously gave a hint of my real thoughts before I left the friend I mentioned 2 posts earlier. She hasn't trusted me that much ever since, but I don't mind at all. Maybe that'll change as soon as they're apart again. And since she's seperated herself from not only me but her other friends as well I don't notice much of that 'subtle resentment' anyway.

[KathyM]

There are people who can be trusted. Don't let the negative things you read to jade you about relationships. If half of all married men have cheated in the past, that means that there are 50% who have not. The percentage of cheaters among married women is even lower. If you are careful in who you marry, and make sure you are doing your part in keeping the marriage healthy, and make sure you address any issues in the marriage before they have time to fester, you have a good chance your spouse will stay faithful. There are no guarantees in this life when it comes to lifelong fidelity, but as another poster said, do you decide not to drive a car if you might eventually get into an accident? The benefits of driving that car far outweigh the risks, and there is a lot you can do to minimize the risk. In the case of fidelity, you minimize the risk of a spouse cheating on you by choosing a partner wisely. You don't marry a woman who has a shady past, a history of infidelity, a bar hopper, a history of impulsivity, who seems to crave outside validation/attention from other men. And when you find the woman who appears trustworthy, you treat her with kindness and appreciation, and attend to any problems in the marriage promptly before they cause a breakdown in the marriage. There is a lot you can do to minimize risk, even if you can't eliminate risk altogether.

[tbf]

No need to trust others. You only have to trust your own judgement about people and ability to be resilient, if you're wrong. People survive and for some of us, thrive after being cheated on.

 

It's not living if it's always in fear.