Nereid Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I've been with my boyfriend "Aaron" for a year and a half. We live together. I'm in love with his best friend since high school, "Billy". I've admitted this to one person and no one else. Aaron and I do not get along. We love each other very much but we don't get along. He picks fights about the most random crap 4 times a day. He is a truly belligerent soul who doesn't allow me a moment of rest. I think of leaving all the time. Billy is kind, easygoing and fun, the opposite of Aaron. He clicks with me effortlessly. Everything is all smiles and jokes when he's around. I never thought of him as my physical type but now I see him as beautiful because that's the way he is on the inside. He has a girlfriend "Candace" who is wonderful, who I like very much and get along with very well. The four of us do half of everything together. I would never try to do anything to make Aaron's relationship with Billy awkward even though we technically have an open relationship. Close friends of your partner are where you draw the line. They've been friends since high school. Even if I wanted to, Candace is slightly prettier and much younger than me, and much more Billy's physical type. And Billy and Candace are not in an open relationship. But I have sex dreams about Billy at least 2 times per week. And they're not just sex dreams. They're something out of a harlequin romance novel, just beautiful. I have oxytocin-bonded with him just due to my dreams. I feel butterflies every time he shows up around me IRL and I really just want to kiss him so badly. I want this to go away. I have no interest in betraying Aaron or Candace's trust and happiness, or in making Billy betray it either. Please tell me how to make this go away. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Well for a start you need to split up with Aaron since you are clearly not in a good relationship. Then you need to stop seeing Billy too. It should be easier since he is Aaron's best friend and presumably you won't be hanging around him any more. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 You don't make it go away. Your "feelings" for Billy have been around for a while. Despite them, you chose to be with his friend Aaron. Only you know why you did that. Aaron deserves better. End that relationship sooner rather than later. Take some time for yourself. In a few years if you find out that Billy & Candace have split you can reach out for him but while he has a GF you simply need to fade away. Once you don't have daily contact with your crush, your feelings should subside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nereid Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 You don't make it go away. Your "feelings" for Billy have been around for a while. Despite them, you chose to be with his friend Aaron. Only you know why you did that. No, these feelings have crept up on me very slowly over the last year. (I only knew Billy as an extremely vague acquaintance until I met and started dating Aaron, who, it turned out, comes as a sort of package deal with his best-friend-since-high-school.) I was never interested in Billy before, as I barely knew him and didn't find him physically noticeable anyway - he's objectively handsome, to be sure, just not my type - plus he's been with Candace since before I ever met him. You may have misunderstood my phrasing to mean that I've known them since high school. I have not. Aaron deserves better. End that relationship sooner rather than later. That's a bit of an assumption, don't you think? For all you know, Aaron is a terrible person who beats me to a pulp regularly. Just saying But yes, I do need to figure out some way to get up the guts to end it. Take some time for yourself. In a few years if you find out that Billy & Candace have split you can reach out for him but while he has a GF you simply need to fade away. I don't think he would date me anyway. He might sleep with me but I doubt he'd date me. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Why do you doubt he would date you? Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 time to cut aaron loose and for you to grow and learn! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nereid Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) Why do you doubt he would date you? Because it's objectively true that he can do better. He's in a position in life where he can get anyone he wants. He is considered great-looking by all, even hetero men; his personality is universally likeable; and his various endeavors are very attractive to most women in their 20s and 30s. He not only owns his own successful business but also tours with his band, opening for national acts, which exposes him to all the attractive women he could ever want. I am a couple of years younger than him and Aaron, but they're picking up women in the 18-25 range effortlessly, and Billy seems to value youth in a partner. He talks about it all the time, although it's hard to tell if he's being facetious because half of everything out of his mouth is a joke. He likes presenting a parody of himself with a straight face and it makes him slightly inscrutable. Only Aaron knows how to read him correctly. The great love of Billy's life - a woman who is not Candace; we'll call this one Diane - is a year older than me. (I actually met her way before I ever met him or Aaron. We all have mutual friends.) But she was extremely beautiful. But the funny thing is that Diane and I share two exes whom we dated in our late teens or early 20s, so it may be that we're close in attractiveness range and thus attractive to the same people. Diane and I look quite a bit younger than our age. Still, I know that even when he dates women close to his own age, they look superthin and young and with multicolored hair. I have a natural hair color, I've gained 15 lbs lately, and while most people would still call me trim, I am not as tiny as the women he prefers. Also he makes fun of me for drinking often. Jokingly calls me a perpetual drunk. I pick up from a lot of stuff he does that it will never happen. When we go out places, he pokes at me and flirts, but it dismays me to see that when I get back home he's changed his FB picture to one with Candace. It feels like he's trying to send a message. "It may have been fun and giggles and chemistry with you, but Candace is still my GF." blah blah blah I don't want to steal him from her; I really want them to be happy because I like her very much. Edited April 10, 2014 by Nereid Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I am just amazed at just how selfish people are. Do the right thing and end your relationship with Aaron or at least tell him your inlove with his friend. That way he can at least have the truth and find someone more suited to him. Five minutes is all this would take. You would not have to spend days on a web site asking for advice you could resolve things quickly and who knows maybe in the end Billy would actually like you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 To me, this is a no-brainer. Not sure why there's even a question on the table. If you're not into your boyfriend, you need to break it completely off with him. It's very nasty to date an ex's best friend, but you certainly won't be free to do it unless you break up. The sooner you break up and the more time passes, the slightly more acceptable it might be, but it never really is because it will hurt your ex. Break up and go date someone else for now. Link to post Share on other sites
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