Should i wish my ex happy birthday? Or stick with no contact?

[nutcheesy]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I cling on for about 4 day then started the no contact. After 8 days, i texted her about having dinner, she rejected me flat down, then send me a long text saying she still loves me and is sorry to keep doing things to me. She say she dont know if there is still love and is confused, and dont want to give me anymore hope but yet still say that maybe in months or years, we'll be back together if fated. I got angry and told her off, ask her to f off, stop stringing me and stop giving me bull**** etc. Now it has been 5 days since we last contact. Her facebook profile is still my photo and her tho. I somehow feel she still loves me? But because when we were unhappy in our relationship, she found another guy she could talk to, and is comfortable with. Im not too sure if she is going to be with him? But i definitely know they are still texting everyday now. Is he a rebound?

 

Her birthday is in 12 days, that will be almost 1 month since we officially broke up. Should i wish her on her birthday? Keep it short? or say whatever i feel like? We were tgt for 2 years, she was the one who chased me and love me more initially till she got a new job and started to drift away from me. I really miss her so much now.. sigh.

[martaldn]

i wouldn't send anything if i was u, she was the one who broke up with you.

a message of HB wont make her back, if she wants U back she has to fight for you and show you she really wants to try again.

stick with NC

[faithfully]

ignore her and msg her **** all- nothing

 

you been rejected and rejected when you asked her for lunch, how many more rejection do you want.

 

NC NC all the way and get on with your life

[David87]

Don't do it, it doesn't worth it anymore. It's like poking a dead horse.

 

NC all the way.

[pickflicker]

You tried reaching out and got shut down - that's all you can do. Don't keep going back if the hand already bit you.

[Ordinaryday]

I don't get why ANY dumpee would think it is okay to contact the dumper to wish them a Happy Birthday. they dumped you, they dont want you in their life.

 

maintain your dignity by not contacting and then maybe they will wonder why you did not contact them.

 

contacting them will just give them a huge ego boost by telling them you are still hooked on them.

[StGeorge22]

From my experience when an ex says "maybe we will get back together in the future" while talking to someone else, they are having their cake and trying to eat it too.

 

Sorry bro, but she dumped you. Makes no sense why you would wish her a happy birthday. Trust me, it will make a much bigger statement if you don't message at all. Not that that should be your objective anyway. Stick to NC

[Mary Oak]

From experience, don't wish her a happy birthday. Unfortunately, I did it all, the last was her birthday...in March. I gave her a birthday card, and while she did write me a nice thank you email and said how thoughtful it was, it was only because she felt she had to. And it only left me wanting more, and hurting me more in the long run. Stay NC... please...for yourself... no good will come from it.

[organizedchaos]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I cling on for about 4 day then started the no contact. After 8 days, i texted her about having dinner, she rejected me flat down, then send me a long text saying she still loves me and is sorry to keep doing things to me. She say she dont know if there is still love and is confused, and dont want to give me anymore hope but yet still say that maybe in months or years, we'll be back together if fated. I got angry and told her off, ask her to f off, stop stringing me and stop giving me bull**** etc. Now it has been 5 days since we last contact. Her facebook profile is still my photo and her tho. I somehow feel she still loves me? But because when we were unhappy in our relationship, she found another guy she could talk to, and is comfortable with. Im not too sure if she is going to be with him? But i definitely know they are still texting everyday now. Is he a rebound?

 

Her birthday is in 12 days, that will be almost 1 month since we officially broke up. Should i wish her on her birthday? Keep it short? or say whatever i feel like? We were tgt for 2 years, she was the one who chased me and love me more initially till she got a new job and started to drift away from me. I really miss her so much now.. sigh.

 

 

 

Read the no contact guide pinned at the top of this forum. Your answer is in there.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Normally, I'm all about taking the high road and always remaining pleasant and kind with ex's (provided they weren't a complete a**hole of course). My gut would give you the green light to send a short simple text wishing her a happy birthday BUT not in your particular case.

 

The fact that she broke it off with you and you clung on for longer than you probably should have, the fact that you just had a blow out where you cussed her out and told her to stop stringing you along, the fact that you're clearly still in love with her AND hoping she'll change her mind and take you back and the fact that her birthday is just too close to all of these little landmines tells me it's best that you let this birthday go by without a word.

 

You're too emotionally involved right now to let it just be a simple text without getting wrapped up in why she didn't contact you or worse, reading into why might. Too close too soon in my humble opinion.

 

I know it's hard but NC is really the better option for YOUR sake. Hopefully, with enough distance and time, you can make peace with the break-up and move on and if/when you bump into each other, you can still remain civil and being grateful for the time you got to have with her when you had it.

 

Good luck!

[Smurf03]

I had the exact same situation a few days ago. We broke up a month ago, I was concerned about his welfare (he's a depressive person) so I sent him a birthday message loosely saying contact me if you want to talk. So he text back saying he was so glad to hear from me and even asked me to meet up. I flat out asked him what his intentions were. Turned out he was in fact depressed, sad and lonely. Missed talking to me and thought we could have a friendly chat. He still feels like he can't be in a relationship. Needless to say I said no to meeting up after finding out his true feelings.

 

So I'd suggest you either don't text, or keep it very brief. Don't prolong the hurt. She let you go, let her really feel the repercussions.

[nutcheesy]

Hi guys,

 

so i have been together with my girl for 2 years now. She broke up with me 1 month ago and said i was too obsessive/controlling. She is now dating this other person. We both had a tough time breaking each other off during the past month, she is having a tough time moving on from me. She would still want to hang out with me, we will still hug/kiss etc. Then she'll told me she just want to move on and try out with the new one she is dating currently but she will also tell me that im the one she truly loves and that i am special.

 

It was her birthday 2 days ago, i wished her, asked her out but she rejected me. BUT still wanted to text me for the whole day. I got mad and ignore her. Then at night, she called me up and came over to my house. We had a good night together and hooked up. She still does not want me back? I told her i couldnt stay as friends and will need to NC her till she wants me back. Just when i am trying my best to NC, she HAD to call me yesterday for some exercise bike she bought, then messaged me.

I text her straight that '' i dont texts friends, take good care yea. ''

 

Am i doing the right thing? Or should i continue chasing her? If i let her go, wouldnt i just push her to her new r/s?

 

Thanks!

[faithfully]

You cannot be friends with exs you still have feeling for especially if the break up still fresh.

 

You really need to get the 2014 NC GUIDE. Everything you need to know is there.

 

It gets alot better going nc. I am nearly 5 months or so and couldnt be happier and i was dumped too.

[David87]

There's no such thing 'to win her back' that's just a scam. It is possibe to reunite with your ex but only after you reached indiference and you have no feelings for her.

 

Am i doing the right thing? Or should i continue chasing her?

 

There's nothing to chase, it's over, she dumped you and now she's dating a new person.... MOVE ON!

 

If i let her go, wouldnt i just push her to her new r/s?

 

She already let you go....you should do the same.

 

 

 

i dont texts friends, take good care yea.

 

Just stop with things like this and start NC .(delete her number, block her on FB, ignore her texts and calls)

[nutcheesy]

Can i also add on..

 

her new date did ask her out on her birthday as well, but she chose to come over to my place after her work instead?

[David87]

Can i also add on..

 

her new date did ask her out on her birthday as well, but she chose to come over to my place after her work instead?

 

 

 

It doesn't mater because she dumped you and she keeps you around just to ease her guilt.

 

This doesn't mean that she want's you back. I know it's a hard pill to swallow but unfortunately it's the truth.

[barky2]

Going to be harsh to give you a reality check.

 

She's not having a hard time moving on because she already is with someone else.

 

She made you second, by coming over after they went out.

 

Cheater.

 

Do you know for sure she never cheated on you with this new guy?

 

She wants to still huh you and kiss you?

 

She's getting the emotional from you while she has the fun exciting newness of the new relationship.

 

She wants to try out the new relationship?

 

Ya and leave you on the back burner incase it doesn't work out.

 

She's not letting you get far for a reason.

 

She still wanted to text you through out the day?

 

Backburner again.

 

You got mad?

 

She came over and got it in so you'd settle down.

 

Isn't it clear what she's doing?

 

If she wanted to be with you she would, not him.

 

Nothing you can do can get her back right now, but sitting around playing puppy dog and always being there or always responding to her she'll lose respect for you.

 

Cut it off.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[KaliLove]

Hi guys,

 

so i have been together with my girl for 2 years now. She broke up with me 1 month ago and said i was too obsessive/controlling. She is now dating this other person. We both had a tough time breaking each other off during the past month, she is having a tough time moving on from me. She would still want to hang out with me, we will still hug/kiss etc. Then she'll told me she just want to move on and try out with the new one she is dating currently but she will also tell me that im the one she truly loves and that i am special.

 

It was her birthday 2 days ago, i wished her, asked her out but she rejected me. BUT still wanted to text me for the whole day. I got mad and ignore her. Then at night, she called me up and came over to my house. We had a good night together and hooked up. She still does not want me back? I told her i couldnt stay as friends and will need to NC her till she wants me back. Just when i am trying my best to NC, she HAD to call me yesterday for some exercise bike she bought, then messaged me.

I text her straight that '' i dont texts friends, take good care yea. ''

 

Am i doing the right thing? Or should i continue chasing her? If i let her go, wouldnt i just push her to her new r/s?

 

Thanks!

 

You can't win someone back..she's not yours to win..nor can you let her go (at least not on her end) as she is already gone. She's made the decision to not be with you..you don't get a say in that. If one person wants out of a relationship, the relationship is over, end of story. She is keeping you around as a security blanket but it doesn't sound like she wants to be in an actual relationship with you. You're her back up.

 

Move on.

[elseaacych]

You need to read all of these, right now.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances

 

This last one is from another forum, but it has lots of good info. You will be particularly interested in the post called "Reverse Psychology and the Rebound Relationship", about midway down the page.

 

Good advice for those who want to heal or get back together. LONG READ

 

Bottom line is, you need to establish some boundaries, quit letting her use you. The ONLY way you can do that is cutting off ALL contact with her. You cannot win anyone's heart, especially if they left you willingly. The only person you can win back here is YOURSELF. Take some time for yourself, reflect, grieve, and move on.. Remember: IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY ONCE YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST AND LET GO OF THE RELATIONSHIP. <3

Edited April 24, 2014 by elseaacych

[Zahara]

She's neither into you nor is she into this guy. She's probably emotionally done with you and is using this guy as a rebound. She doesn't fully give herself to you and she doesn't give herself fully to the other guy. She's just using the two of you to transition to the other side.

[giblesp]

Hi guys,

 

so i have been together with my girl for 2 years now. She broke up with me 1 month ago and said i was too obsessive/controlling. She is now dating this other person. We both had a tough time breaking each other off during the past month, she is having a tough time moving on from me. She would still want to hang out with me, we will still hug/kiss etc. Then she'll told me she just want to move on and try out with the new one she is dating currently but she will also tell me that im the one she truly loves and that i am special.

 

I got this far. You've been involved with a psycho girl. Sorry to say but I've been involved with more than a few in my time.

You don't want a partner who tells you she wants to try it with another guy, and then calls you up the next day. Probably after having sex with him. She is not relationship material my friend. Move on to much greener pastures.

[nutcheesy]

It's day 5 of NC. and im going to start NS (No stalking) today. I think checking her facebook everyday to see if my face is still there is killing me (it is still there).

 

Im always wondering what she and the new guy is doing, and it's sooooo killing me! Im trying out so many new things, meeting friends, going parties, work, even tried paddle boarding today but i just just just cant get my mind off her. A small part of me still harbour hope that she would text/call me.

 

Any other great advise? I truly want to move on and get over this emotional roller coaster asap.

[Always Pondering]

It's day 5 of NC. and im going to start NS (No stalking) today. I think checking her facebook everyday to see if my face is still there is killing me (it is still there).

 

Im always wondering what she and the new guy is doing, and it's sooooo killing me! Im trying out so many new things, meeting friends, going parties, work, even tried paddle boarding today but i just just just cant get my mind off her. A small part of me still harbour hope that she would text/call me.

 

Any other great advise? I truly want to move on and get over this emotional roller coaster asap.

 

That hope you have will linger on for a while but it will eventually fade away once you let go and stick with NC. I understand what everyone here in LS said is NOT what you wanted to hear but is the honest truth and it'll do you the best in the long run if you take their word for it.

 

Stop checking her Facebook because it'll only do you harm and grant you no benefit. Block her Facebook page. I know you can always unblock someone, but at least this way you cannot see her page when you type her name or letters into the search bar and only deal with the urge to unblock (which you should do your absolute best not to).

 

It's a tough road but you'll make it through I promise. Just learn to find yourself, and learn to let go and forgive. Stay strong, stay NC, and don't fall into your urges that you know will bite you in the end.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's day 5 of NC. and im going to start NS (No stalking) today. I think checking her facebook everyday to see if my face is still there is killing me (it is still there).

 

Im always wondering what she and the new guy is doing, and it's sooooo killing me! Im trying out so many new things, meeting friends, going parties, work, even tried paddle boarding today but i just just just cant get my mind off her. A small part of me still harbour hope that she would text/call me.

 

Any other great advise? I truly want to move on and get over this emotional roller coaster asap.

 

If you are checking her Facebook you aren't in NC. Block her Facebook ASAP, checking it every day isn't going to do you a lick of good.

[nutcheesy]

I've stop going onto facebook, unless it's for work purpose only. I think the main reason why im still so held up on her is because i cant bring myself to hate her? After all that she did to me, and found someone new, i still dont feel any hatred for her? It's almost like i pity her somehow for being so confused and upset with her own life..? I try to think of the negative times and all the hurtful things she said and did, but it still wont work! I cant stop this emptiness feeling inside of me..