Am I wrong for having less to do with my psychotic Grandmother?

[Lunatrue]

I am here trying to grasp my Grandmother's behavior over the past years that have caused my mother, Aunt and I to develop both extreme anxiety and issues controlling our anger. When I was little I watched my Grandmother beat our family dog as she held her by the scruff in the Kitchen. I couldn't understand it, but as I got older it really stuck and frightened me. Recently we ended up getting into a huge arguement that resulted when she decided to hide my pain medication from me.

 

She ended up telling me there was a perscription for Oxycoden 5 days after my appointment and refused me to take any of the Hydrocodone. (I ended up having an infection that developed after the surgery that was becoming horribly painful.) She never told me when I came home from having my Wisdom teeth pulled. She allowed me to use some of her Hydrocoden, as I ran out of my own (4 pills) and there was no refill a couple days back. (Randomly, she decided she didn't want me to take them anymore.) She ended up telling me she had them and would give them to me one at a time. (Mind you, I am a 23 year old adult who lives on her own, drives her own car and works as an independant Graphics designer from home.

 

She acts like I am a drug attic because my Boyfriend who is my roommate use to smoke.) When I took offense to this, she ended up turning around her words and claimed, she didn't know where my pills were. No more than 10 - 20 minutes later she told me they were on my bed. She ended up raising her voice saying, "I am trying to protect you, I don't want you to hurt yourself, blah blah." When I looked at the pills I noticed she had cut every single pill in half. (This made it harder for me to cut the correct dosage.) Later that evening, I went outside letting my Grandfather know I had to leave for a follow up appointment for the infection that had developed in the extraction and as I was coming inside she almost threw her water on me, trying to throw it outside. Only problem was, she was purposly throwing it at me, while looking at me directly.

 

I came in and didn't say a word and I asked for my pills. Before she told me they were on the bed she told me she didn't care. She then said in a snooty, crazy way, while peaking at me from the kitchen fridge"Last night I stuck an Oxycoden in your bottle and told you it was a Hydrocoden. She then smiled really big and laughed under her breath, She drugged me! I then lost my temper and told my Grandfather immediently. She never lets me have the chance to speak calmly without her starting to block me out and raise her voice in a shaky, irritating tone that usually causes the arguement. She will then do certain things to purposly create a fight after a fight has calmed down. The fight ended up becoming more serious and my Grandfather was able to settle us down. I agreed not to speak to her while I was there and spend the majority of my time in the room with the door locked. She ends up storming around the house crying and yelling, "I was trying to protect you, you do this to me, I hate this, your horrible, omg, I tried...omg...."

 

I stayed in the room and didn't say a thing. My Grandfather said he wanted to take me to the appointment because I was drowsy and he didn't want me to drive. She ended up insisting she come along for the ride. Throughout the entire car ride she kept trying to talk to me. "So what time is the appointment?" When she noticed I wouldn't respond she started to say things to hurt me. "I think pitbulls she be put down and killed, horrible animals!" (I have a half mix that is a pit at home.)

 

I ended up really biting my tongue and came close to wanting to choke her. After the appointment I was putting away my groceries calmly. She ends up standing behind me really close and says, "Can I touch you?" I look back at her like she is a psychotic. She ends up saying, "touch" and touches me giving off a creepy, huge, fake smile and literally rolls her eyes in the back of her head. I end up fearing for myself and asked her to get away from me, in which a bottle fell from the fridge and broke on the floor getting sauce everywhere. I end up defending myself and she says, "Your mother was right about you!" Your just like *****!" (My mother was and is an alcoholic and her boyfriend physically and verbally threatened and abused me as a child.

 

My Grandparents took me in from the abuse and she tends to use this against me.) She says, "I am going to ruin your relationship with your boyfriend, I will torment him like you do me." I ended up having a huge anxiety attack and she makes a cut, death throat gesture to me as I am waiting outside for my boyfriend to pick me up. At this point, she is yelling and threatening to physically harm my Grandfather. Since I have came home she has constantly tried to force herself on me.

 

She tries to act innocent and nice. I want to know, that I am not crazy for feeling the need to protect myself and my boyfriend who I have been with for over 2 years. I have cut the majority of my strings with her and plan on having less to do with her in my life. Am I wrong here to have less to do with her?

Edited April 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added much needed paragraphs and editedout somederogatory statements

[Lunatrue]

I know double posting is usually not allowed but I also wanted to include that she has done this to me my entire childhood and I have a case of extreme OCD which I have been getting help for. She is a huge racist and has almost two personalities. One day she will be a devil and the next day she will be perfectly fine. (I have had friends joke about how she is the racist character in the series American Horror Story, but its not just my friends but everyone besides her that is in my family and their friends.) It makes me feel like **** and sick that I am related to her by blood. She acts like she is the victim and turns my Grandfather against me in which, it ruins my relationship with my Grandfather. She also gave me a ring that was a gift and asked for it back when we got into the fight. She will use things she gives us as a weapon as well to hold over our heads, which is why I never accept her gifts. I hate having a relationship with her and at times makes me feel like I'm starting to hate her. I end up getting so angry with her that I wish she would just die and leave the family at peace already. (I know that's a horrible thing to say, but she also makes racist comments in public that cause people to give her dirty looks.) She will yell, nigger as loud as she can and constantly says, "Obama needs to be shot in the back of the head cause he is a nigger in the whitehouse." Trust me when I say, I am far from a racist!!! My Grandfather will tell me he knows I am telling the truth and he knows how she acts, as he has been married to her for 40 years. He will call her a bitch, lazy, she sleeps all day and is useless, but I can't blame him. She drives him nuts and he runs a business from home, taking care of her. When things get to the point where she turns on him and says, "You always take her side, I will ****ing cut you!" He turns against me to protect himself......Am I starting to hate her and am I right for having less to nothing to do with her? I am cutting all my ties and strings with her.

Edited April 9, 2014 by Lunatrue

[Eivuwan]

Run I can't believe you stayed as long as you did.

[carhill]

IMO, from the perspective of a past caregiver:

 

1. You're not wrong for distancing yourself from your grandmother. Save yourself. She'll make you crazy.

 

2. Get help for your grandfather. He's in it every day.

 

3. Learn to process the emotions you feel about this in a different, less damaging (to you) way. Grandma isn't going to change and 'get better'. If anything, as she declines over time, she'll get worse. The variable is how you process that dynamic. It is a choice.

 

My sympathies.