My boyfriend is emailing another Girl!

[TotheStarsBack]

Firstly, I have never posted on a forum before but I have also never felt so lonely and hurt in my life

 

We have been together nearly 4 years, living together 3.5, even moved to another country together, to better ourselves and plan for the future. We believed we are each others soulmate (Until now of course).He is 'was' everything I could want in a partner, he is loving, caring, compassionate, funny, we completed eachother. I was the best thing that ever happend him apparently. Every day without fail he tells me how much he loves me and we have even talked about marriage.

 

Recently I went to use 'our' laptop and my bf had been using youtube previously that evening, I opened up my gmail but as he was signed into youtube it automatically opened up his gmail and thats when my life/future crumbled down around me.

 

There was emails to another woman (sexual nature and even exchanged dirty pictures). I couldnt breath, THIS was not the person I just spent the last 4 years of my life with, growing together, laughing, loving, EVERYTHING!!! I had to post here because I am ALONE, away from my family, my home, my friends and my boyfriend has severly betrayed and hurt me!!! I dont know who this person is anymore!!!! ....

 

He has no idea I have seen these emails, I am trying to figure out what to do, we share a house, we live in a different country away from family and friends, Im alone and need to become financially stable before I do anything.

 

I know from reading the emails he is just using this girl for sexual pictures, but it is still cheating in my eyes. I am so ANGRY I have even thought about posting their pictures on the internet for the world to see!!! To humiliate them like he has done to me

 

I just had to post here because I am dying inside and cant keep a smile long enough to stop the tears from falling..

[nescafe1982]

I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I have not been in a situation just like yours, but I have dealt with infidelity as well as "cyber" infidelity before.

 

Yes, I would call this cheating too.

 

The biggest piece of advice I can offer you is to take some time, by yourself, to figure out what YOUR response to this revelation is. Do this before you confront him. Take a few days, a couple weeks if you need it. If you can find an excuse to be physically away from him during this time, all the better.

 

But you need to process your feelings, reactions, and figure out what your response to this betrayal will be... before you talk to him. If you try to confront him before you have done this, he will deny, deny, deny, turn the tables on you, he will manipulate you into feeling guilty... anything to avoid having to take responsibility for his actions. It's what cheaters do.. and you open the window to that if you are still flustered and reeling when you talk to him about it.

 

When you take this time for yourself, decide:

 

1) Does this end your relationship, does it mean a temporary separation contingent on changes on his part, or are you willing to reconcile?

2) If reconciliation is what you will want, what do you need from him to make that happen?

3) If this is a breakup, who moves out?

 

Once you've processed these questions, confront him. Tell him what you've discovered, and what you've decided about it. If you expect him to fix it... tell him that. Do NOT entertain any attempts to turn the tables, make you feel guilty, or to deny that cheating occurred. Be firm, and once you have told him what you've decided, end the conversation.

 

Let him reel a bit, and think about how badly he hurt you.

 

After he's had time to process things on his end, you can talk again.. in the spirit of what you've decided (whether that's a breakup or a reconciliation).

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Poor girl, stay strong. Your value is not diminished in any way from his childish actions. How disappointing. I'm so sorry for your hurt. I'm sure everyone here will be more than happy to be here for you.

[TotheStarsBack]

Thank you so much Nescafe1982 and to Thomas for such kind words in my time of need, its been two days since I posted and it is such a comfort to come back today and see you have taken time out of your own lives for a girl in need.

 

Nescafe1982 I cant thank you enough for giving me the advice and guidance while I try to come to terms with things and figure out whats right for me. One of the main reasons I posted here was to just get it off my chest because, I couldnt breath, I was a mess and I was likely to confront him without taking my own time to deal with this betrayal.(And boy was I glad to read your reply and to realise it would of been catastrophic had I done just done that, I know he would of turned it and made me feel guilty). Should he try to deny it I have taken screen shots of the emails.

 

I have vowed to stay as strong as I can and true to myself for the moment until I am no longer emotionally distraught. I will confront him when I have grounded myself and know what is right for me and with your advice I can FINALLY breath again and know that I will be okay...

 

Thank you..