The foggy WS

[Spectre]

You don't have to apologize. You are surrounded by people who refuse to conceive of anything on earth ever being as legitimately painful as infidelity.

 

You need to stop doing things like this. That isn't the case, but yeah, this IS kind of a forum for cheating.

 

I agree she owes nobody an apology, but at the same time..I don't really feel that is something that needed to be pointed out either. Since, this being a forum about cheating, you can expect that to take more focus over any other problems like drug, use, etc.

 

Nope, nobody makes cheaters out to be horrible devils, etc. like the way some people act around here. Sure, some will say if you cheat you do not love/respect your partner, but there isn't a single thing wrong with saying that. It is a legitimate argument.

Edited April 23, 2014 by Spectre

[janedoe67]

You need to stop doing things like this. That isn't the case, but yeah, this IS kind of a forum for cheating.

 

I agree she owes nobody an apology, but at the same time..I don't really feel that is something that needed to be pointed out either. Since, this being a forum about cheating, you can expect that to take more focus over any other problems like drug, use, etc.

 

Nope, nobody makes cheaters out to be horrible devils, etc. like the way some people act around here. Sure, some will say if you cheat you do not love/respect your partner, but there isn't a single thing wrong with saying that. It is a legitimate argument.

 

Go back and read posts and then tell me that there are not posts, minimizing and even surreptitiously blaming the OP for her H's relapse. Tell how calling someone who has cheated trash is NOT making them out to be pretty horrible...or tell me how it is in any way helpful.

 

People who cheat have made an inexcusable decision. And believe it or not, we aren't going to forget that if someone doesn't make sure they remind us in EVERY post.

 

This is the infidelity section...that means it covers ALL sides of infidelity. So the whole "this is infidelity" thing doesn't mean "this is for the BS perspective only" place.

[Spectre]

Go back and read posts and then tell me that there are not posts, minimizing and even surreptitiously blaming the OP for her H's relapse.

 

I could see her actions putting him in a state of mind that might cause him to want to relapse, but at the end of the day yes he chose to do that, not her. Just like cheaters chose to solve their issues via sex. It was ultimately their choice.

 

Tell how calling someone who has cheated trash is NOT making them out to be pretty horrible...or tell me how it is in any way helpful.

 

You seem to feel trash=horrible. Nope. They are not one in the same, is the thing there. There is a difference between something being trashy and horror.

 

As for the calling of cheaters things, well, I try not to use any real profanity, but sometimes people can behave in a way that is just..ugh, well, hard to describe. That is why I might use a word like trash. It isn't solely to beat this person down, but at the same time I do feel like there is nothing wrong with acknowledging bad behavior, as long as that isn't all you do.

 

For instance, let us say some woman posts about cheating, and someone replies and says "you are trash" and doesn't say ANYTHING ELSE. That, I feel, would be wrong. However, that is not the case most of the time. Usually people have more to say then just "oh damn that is trashy" or "oh damn that is messed up!". It is usually when a person has posted and is clearly not getting the message about their actions that people might throw in the towel and merely just say "this is messed up" and nothing else.

 

People who cheat have made an inexcusable decision. And believe it or not, we aren't going to forget that if someone doesn't make sure they remind us in EVERY post.

 

But at the same time constantly trying to act like the victim or act like someone who all they get is someone saying "damn you are horrible!" and nothing else of consequence. We get that you think some cheaters are judged unfairly, but you take that and twist it into implying that people think cheaters are horrid people who are pure evil, etc. etc.

 

You spoke of being reminded about things in every post, well, what do you expect given the subject of the forums? I think that reacting this was is just as bad as people overreacting to cheaters.

 

This is the infidelity section...that means it covers ALL sides of infidelity. So the whole "this is infidelity" thing doesn't mean "this is for the BS perspective only" place.

 

This is about infidelity though. You can't cheat on your wife with a drug. You can LIE to her about it, but you can't cheat on her with it. No matter how hard I try, I can't have sex with a needle or a joint or a crack pipe.

Edited April 23, 2014 by Spectre

[Darth Vader]

I respect your opinion, but I believe the behavior of a cheater and a drug addict is equally damaging. Drug addicts lie just like cheaters do. Drug addicts don't just hurt themselves, they hurt their loved ones. I won't go through it again. I just feel so bad for my stepdaughter. She doesn't need this sh*t. I'm in tears because I'm going to end up losing her. I won't be able to protect her anymore. I'm not expecting sympathy, but my husband the BH is NO saint!

 

He doesn't deserve being cheated on, but there is no excuse for his behavior. My stepdaughter text me and said he started screaming at her this morning on her way to school. She's all stressed out and thought I was mad at her. Why does he have to be an A hole to his own daughter? He's going to end up pushing her away. I'm so angry at him. I know I'm the WS, but I have the damn right to be angry too!

 

I'm sorry everyone for being snappy today. I'm struggling a lot and I'm feeling a lot of anger and confusion. I just don't know what to do any more.

 

 

So do cheaters! They also hurt their loved ones! Not going to go through it again, ha! You could've fooled me! Because you already caused it, AGAIN! Your husband perhaps is yelling at his daughter, directly or indirectly because of your cheating, at least I see it that way. Your husband's holding all the betrayal in to himself! While she's being kept in the dark about as to what's going on when in fact she should know as to why everything and everyone's so volatile!

 

Still, like someone else here mentioned after I first mentioned it, perhaps your husband knows about you willingly riding your OM? You realize there's all sorts of keyloggers, VR's, not to mention GPS devices a person can purchase? I have a feeling your husband didn't blindly trust you to just let you run free, I think he knows a whole lot as to what you've been doing to further betray him! STOP TRYING TO SHIFT THIS AROUND ONTO YOUR HUSBAND!

[janedoe67]

So do cheaters! They also hurt their loved ones! Not going to go through it again, ha! You could've fooled me! Because you already caused it, AGAIN! Your husband perhaps is yelling at his daughter, directly or indirectly because of your cheating, at least I see it that way. Your husband's holding all the betrayal in to himself! While she's being kept in the dark about as to what's going on when in fact she should know as to why everything and everyone's so volatile!

 

I rest my case

[violet1]

Okay, enough with the what's worse. It's irrelevant at this point. I only mentioned his relapse because it's a big thing that's going on in my marriage. It affects my reconciliation. Infidelity of course is huge, but it's not the only issue I'm dealing with. For those of you who want to say my cheating is the cause of his relapse, I'm sorry but that's BS. Maybe my cheating caused him to think of about using again, but his choice to do it is ALL on him. Again, I'm NOT shifting blame on him. I'm responsible for my actions, he's responsible for his. Being betrayed doesn't give you a free pass to destructive behavior.

 

I really appreciate everyone's responses. The support and kind words haven't very helpful. My husband and I did have a good talk today. Thanks again everyone!

[Spectre]

I rest my case

 

You rest your case..with what? The text you are quoting has a valid point.

[violet1]

There was a typo on my last post. I meant to say the support and kind words has been very helpful. I'm just ready to put this thread to this thread to rest. Like I said, we had a good talk today. He knows I broke NC and saw the exMM now, but I no longer want to discuss my situation on this forum. My words get twisted around and I end up feeling frustrated. Or I'm told what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I'll go back to lurking and giving my opinion if I can relate. Thanks again everyone!

[Spectre]

There was a typo on my last post. I meant to say the support and kind words has been very helpful. I'm just ready to put this thread to this thread to rest. Like I said, we had a good talk today. He knows I broke NC and saw the exMM now, but I no longer want to discuss my situation on this forum. My words get twisted around and I end up feeling frustrated. Or I'm told what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I'll go back to lurking and giving my opinion if I can relate. Thanks again everyone!

 

I don't really think anyone is twisting your words around. Maybe people were saying some things you didn't want to hear, but that isn't exactly the same. It's unfortunate that this frustrates you, but given what you are going through at the moment I suppose yes it is best for you to have as little frustration as possible so I can understand your choice to go into "lurk" mode as you put it.

[snappytomcat]

omg!!!its so sad that some of you sit up on your pedestal,and pass judgement,as a mad as hell bs,at my ws,I can say cheating doesn't define the person he is,good grief.

violet,and jane feel horrible enough in their situations,people have some compassion,thats whats wrong with this world.

no one cares about each other anymore,stop passing judgment,when someone truly feels remorseful,if they don't feel bad about the wrong they did,well now that's a different story

[Lillyfree]

well, after being away for quite a while i return to see not much has changed. there really needs to be a third forum for married APs, as they seem to be getting it both way.

 

it's easy to attack cheaters, because yes, cheating is bad and inexcusable. however, to bring torches and pitchforks to a thread started by a cheater is hardly helpful...i have in all my time here very seldom seen someone post about having an A, realising how destructive it is, and choosing to carry on regardless.

 

also, with this particular thread... *cheating is bad, can't be blamed on anyone else. however, drug use is bad, and it's the cheating wife to blame.* cmon.

[Sub]

There was a typo on my last post. I meant to say the support and kind words has been very helpful. I'm just ready to put this thread to this thread to rest. Like I said, we had a good talk today. He knows I broke NC and saw the exMM now, but I no longer want to discuss my situation on this forum. My words get twisted around and I end up feeling frustrated. Or I'm told what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I'll go back to lurking and giving my opinion if I can relate. Thanks again everyone!

 

Glad to hear the two of you are communicating, and laying it all out. I hope the best for you whichever path you decide to take.

[violet1]

I don't really think anyone is twisting your words around. Maybe people were saying some things you didn't want to hear, but that isn't exactly the same. It's unfortunate that this frustrates you, but given what you are going through at the moment I suppose yes it is best for you to have as little frustration as possible so I can understand your choice to go into "lurk" mode as you put it.

It's unfortunate that you don't realize how you come across. Being so critical and hateful towards the WS isn't helpful. In fact, I believe you and others are very motivated to put down every cheater who comes to this forum. You guys treat us like we are the ones who betrayed you. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a WS to post their story? It's not all BS's who do it. For example, BH, BHSigh, Sub and others have been very consistent on my thread. They are all BS's. They have not once judged or made me feel like I'm a horrible person. Instead they pushed me to do the right thing. I'm not saying that you need cheer on or support bad behavior, but a little understanding goes a long way.

Edited April 24, 2014 by violet1

[Friskyone4u]

Violet, now that your husband and you are up front and talking that should help you both decide what you want to do. He has decisions to make and so do you and at least now you will both do it with him having knowledge about everything you have done and you getting to know for sure whether of not be has relapsed.

You are probably correct in lurking because at this point a lot of the posts seem to me just about some people just trying to prove how right they are in their opinion. That is probably caused by the raw emotion some are going through at the moment they post. For some BS, others situations become a way to vent and relieve their hurt, which is somewhat good. That's why in these public forums the advice that another poster gave you was good. Look for help, ignore the attacks and hate.

Good luck

[Spectre]

omg!!!its so sad that some of you sit up on your pedestal,and pass judgement,as a mad as hell bs,at my ws,I can say cheating doesn't define the person he is,good grief.

violet,and jane feel horrible enough in their situations,people have some compassion,thats whats wrong with this world.

no one cares about each other anymore,stop passing judgment,when someone truly feels remorseful,if they don't feel bad about the wrong they did,well now that's a different story

 

Once again this just shows the wrong way to look at things. Sitting on a pedestal? That makes no sense. Pointing out bad behavior means you are saying you have no faults? On what planet? In what language?

 

It's unfortunate that you don't realize how you come across. Being so critical and hateful towards the WS isn't helpful.

 

I'm sorry, but this is just what I was talking about. This is a huge problem, and the problem is with people being far too over dramatic. Really? You feel there was genuine HATE in this thread? That is amazing to me. Maybe I could see people getting worked up, but full on hatred? No..not at all. If you feel this is hatred then all that tells me is you have never actually seen real hatred. That is the only way I can rationalize how someone could see what is being said and say "this is hatred". I would hope you never experience true hatred then, because it is far worse then what you must imagine it to be.

 

In fact, I believe you and others are very motivated to put down every cheater who comes to this forum.

 

Not motivated to put down, motivated to get it into some peoples heads just exactly what their behavior is doing. Look, I can certainly understand you not agreeing with some of the ways this is done, but then when you take it to such extremes as to imply hatred it just hurts your overall point.

 

You guys treat us like we are the ones who betrayed you. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a WS to post their story? It's not all BS's who do it. For example, BH, BHSigh, Sub and others have been very consistent on my thread. They are all BS's. They have not once judged or made me feel like I'm a horrible person. Instead they pushed me to do the right thing. I'm not saying that you need cheer on or support bad behavior, but a little understanding goes a long way.

 

A little understanding goes a long way..with things that are understandable. For some? Nope, cheating just ain't understandable. Like I said, I can see some cheaters being uncomfortable with the way certain people react, but saying "omg these people hate me!" is far too extreme, it defeats any point. See, because the plain fact of the matter is? I will never understand cheating. Not ever. Not unless you had a gun held to your head or your spouse said they would kill you if you left them. But do not take that outlook and turn it into "this person hates all cheaters!" or "this person thinks they have no faults!" or anything else like that.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Spectre

[violet1]

Mods please lock this thread down. I will not ask for it to be reopened. I'm done!

[Spectre]

Perhaps that might be best, but please please do not leave here thinking you have experienced actual hatred. That just flat out won't help at all.

[violet1]

Perhaps that might be best, but please please do not leave here thinking you have experienced actual hatred. That just flat out won't help at all.

Will you please stop posting on my thread. I'm done arguing with you. Yes, I have experienced hate like nothing else. It doesn't change my opinion that I believe you are very hateful towards cheaters. Which is fine, you have the right to feel how you want. Just please stop, I'm done!!!!

[Spectre]

Will you please stop posting on my thread. I'm done arguing with you. Yes, I have experienced hate like nothing else. It doesn't change my opinion that I believe you are very hateful towards cheaters. Which is fine, you have the right to feel how you want. Just please stop, I'm done!!!!

 

Right, yup you got me there is nothing but hatred here. Don't worry, I'll not post on the thread again because all the hate is killing me. Sorry for all the hatred brought down on you, and good luck in life.

[snappytomcat]

Will you please stop posting on my thread. I'm done arguing with you. Yes, I have experienced hate like nothing else. It doesn't change my opinion that I believe you are very hateful towards cheaters. Which is fine, you have the right to feel how you want. Just please stop, I'm done!!!!

violet,breathe spectre is not worth it,as a bw,i can say im pulling for you,in whatever you decide to do,sounds like you where being bullied,and that's just wrong

[Shineman]

Mods please lock this thread down. I will not ask for it to be reopened. I'm done!

 

I've been lurking in this thread and for a while now, and I have to say, I'm astonished. So, instead of looking at this from perspective, you chose the act like a child, claimed that everyone is "hating" you and want this thread to be lock because some posters aren't giving you want you want to here.

 

There is a difference between calling you out on your bad behavior and continuous lying towards you husband (It seems that you haven't told your husband that you broke NC and **** the OM to rock "your" world for one last time and outright hatred. Sure, some are harder on you about this than others, but that's just it: Being tough on your poor decisions.

 

But you don't want to hear that. Instead, you try to twist the words of the members, form into some delusion fantasy that they hate you and make yourself believe its actual hatred. Thus, it makes it easier to say these members are "being mean to me!"

 

Sure, it sucks that you are having a rough time, but what did you honestly expect? You think people on the internet will just accept your behavior and comfort you on the silver platter? No, that's not how the world works. If you do not wish to be judge and can't handle criticism, then you shouldn't have A: Cheated and B: Join this forum.

 

Perhaps this is the best for this thread to be lock, because this little drivel will continued constantly because all you have been doing recently is trying to equalize the blame of your significant other in order to suppress your own guilt. I sincerely hope your husband realize that he doesn't need this, packed up his stuffs and get out and find someone who actually gives a damn because what you are showing that is outright childish. Oh and don't try to bring up his drug abuse (which ironically, you bitch at him for not telling you about his "suppose" relapsed into drugs, yet here you are holding out the truth about your "final and true supposed moments with the OM"), this doesn't change the fact that you still cheated, still abuse his trust even further and holding out on the truth.

 

Note: This isn't being mean. I'm just being real. Just because YOU don't want to hear some constructive criticism that isn't crater to comfort you doesn't equate to hatred.

[Darth Vader]

It's unfortunate that you don't realize how you come across. Being so critical and hateful towards the WS isn't helpful. In fact, I believe you and others are very motivated to put down every cheater who comes to this forum. You guys treat us like we are the ones who betrayed you. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a WS to post their story? It's not all BS's who do it. For example, BH, BHSigh, Sub and others have been very consistent on my thread. They are all BS's. They have not once judged or made me feel like I'm a horrible person. Instead they pushed me to do the right thing. I'm not saying that you need cheer on or support bad behavior, but a little understanding goes a long way.

 

 

Simple question here, your husband knows you went to see the OM, broke NC however you want to put it. Did you tell your husband about the sex part with OM? There are those who will leave stuff out, not saying that's you though. How's hubby taking that?

[violet1]

I've been lurking in this thread and for a while now, and I have to say, I'm astonished. So, instead of looking at this from perspective, you chose the act like a child, claimed that everyone is "hating" you and want this thread to be lock because some posters aren't giving you want you want to here.

 

There is a difference between calling you out on your bad behavior and continuous lying towards you husband (It seems that you haven't told your husband that you broke NC and **** the OM to rock "your" world for one last time and outright hatred. Sure, some are harder on you about this than others, but that's just it: Being tough on your poor decisions.

 

But you don't want to hear that. Instead, you try to twist the words of the members, form into some delusion fantasy that they hate you and make yourself believe its actual hatred. Thus, it makes it easier to say these members are "being mean to me!"

 

Sure, it sucks that you are having a rough time, but what did you honestly expect? You think people on the internet will just accept your behavior and comfort you on the silver platter? No, that's not how the world works. If you do not wish to be judge and can't handle criticism, then you shouldn't have A: Cheated and B: Join this forum.

 

Perhaps this is the best for this thread to be lock, because this little drivel will continued constantly because all you have been doing recently is trying to equalize the blame of your significant other in order to suppress your own guilt. I sincerely hope your husband realize that he doesn't need this, packed up his stuffs and get out and find someone who actually gives a damn because what you are showing that is outright childish. Oh and don't try to bring up his drug abuse (which ironically, you bitch at him for not telling you about his "suppose" relapsed into drugs, yet here you are holding out the truth about your "final and true supposed moments with the OM"), this doesn't change the fact that you still cheated, still abuse his trust even further and holding out on the truth.

 

Note: This isn't being mean. I'm just being real. Just because YOU don't want to hear some constructive criticism that isn't crater to comfort you doesn't equate to hatred.

Whatever, save it! If you actually read my posts you would know I disclosed to my H. He knows everything including the sex. You obviously have no clue what you're talking about concerning my situation. BTW, I could care less who likes or dislikes me, but it's obvious what some people's true intentions are. I'm sorry but some of the posts were NOT constructive criticism. Some of it was down right cruel and so off base. Oh well! Thanks for your response anyhow. Best wishes to you!

Edited April 24, 2014 by violet1

[violet1]

Simple question here, your husband knows you went to see the OM, broke NC however you want to put it. Did you tell your husband about the sex part with OM? There are those who will leave stuff out, not saying that's you though. How's hubby taking that?

Yep, he knows everything.

[Shineman]

Whatever, save it! If you actually read my posts you would know I disclosed to my H. He knows everything including the sex. You obviously have no clue what you're talking about concerning my situation.

 

Good. I didn't see that post from the previous page, so I apologize for my mistake.

 

BTW, I could care less who likes or dislikes me,

 

Then why are you complaining about people supposedly "hating" you?

 

but it's obvious what some people's true intentions are.

 

Which is...?

 

I'm sorry but some of the posts were NOT constructive criticism. Some of it was down right cruel and so off base.

 

Calling you out on your poor decisions and your attempts to covered your NC [until now] is cruel and "so off base"?