The foggy WS

[violet1]

Update: My H and I told each other everything. We have decided to reconcile. Everything is going well now that the truth is out. Oh and he admitted to the relapse and he doesn't blame me for it all. I'm feeling happy and so is he. All is well. Like I mentioned before he had cheated on me with multiple women many years ago. So he understood why I broke NC and saw the exMM. He's made the same mistakes that I have. We are moving forward! I'm glad I finally got it all out in the open. He also apologized to my stepdaughter so all is well. He didn't blame his lashing out at her on me as well. We both owned our own decisions.

 

On a lighter note: I've realized when it comes down to it, the only opinions that truly matter are my family, friends, and the people who care about me. For now on, I will only respond to posts that are encouraging, positive and helpful. I let this forum get to me and I no longer want to be that type of person who takes everything so personal. Good day to all!

[whatatangledweb]

That's great Violet. I'm glad to hear you to are working together on this. When some posters hit a nerve or whatever you can add them to your ignore list. You won't see their posts. When I was new to this I was hurt by many posts. I had to choose not to engage with them.

Keep posting. I like knowing how you are doing.

[violet1]

Thank you! I thought some of the posts that said I was at fault for my H's relapse were hurtful. I decided it's best to just ignore for now on. I will keep posting, I feel a lot better about everything. I guess the truth does set you free. Lol

[sidney2718]

Update: My H and I told each other everything. We have decided to reconcile. Everything is going well now that the truth is out. Oh and he admitted to the relapse and he doesn't blame me for it all. I'm feeling happy and so is he. All is well. Like I mentioned before he had cheated on me with multiple women many years ago. So he understood why I broke NC and saw the exMM. He's made the same mistakes that I have. We are moving forward! I'm glad I finally got it all out in the open. He also apologized to my stepdaughter so all is well. He didn't blame his lashing out at her on me as well. We both owned our own decisions.

 

On a lighter note: I've realized when it comes down to it, the only opinions that truly matter are my family, friends, and the people who care about me. For now on, I will only respond to posts that are encouraging, positive and helpful. I let this forum get to me and I no longer want to be that type of person who takes everything so personal. Good day to all!

 

This is good news! I'm happy for you. Sincerely.

 

I do feel that this forum does have positive attributes. There are people here who have been through horrible situations though, and some emerge rather embittered. So we get them posting "advice" out of their bitter experiences. That can be a bit hard to take when one hopes for empathy.

[A.Moscote]

That was a big leap forward, kudos. What a twist of event. Both of you showed courage to bare it all to each other. Even if it doesn't change anything else much, it will at least take off the burden of hiding the truth.

 

Turned out your H is much stronger than many of us here, and understanding too.

[atreides]

Thank you! I thought some of the posts that said I was at fault for my H's relapse were hurtful. I decided it's best to just ignore for now on. I will keep posting, I feel a lot better about everything. I guess the truth does set you free. Lol

 

Such great news, i was worried your H would blame you but so relieved he did not. Also it is best to ignore as you said, logic would dictate that if your H is not to blame for your A or you for his A years back that you are also not to blame for his relapse. Some are just focused on one form of addiction over others and forget for some reason when arguing that the rules don't work when cherry-picked and apply to the others.

 

Having read your other posts in the OM/OW forum, you did the right thing, major kudos. Have you ever gone back and read what you wrote only about a month ago if i recall and isn't it amazing how things change?

 

Best of luck, the truth sets you free indeed. I think the only direction is up from here.

[violet1]

He's understanding because he's done similar things in his past. He continued cheating after I caught him the first time. You tend to be a bit more empathetic when you've made the same mistakes. He will not be so understanding if it happens again and he made that perfectly clear though.

[violet1]

Such great news, i was worried your H would blame you but so relieved he did not. Also it is best to ignore as you said, logic would dictate that if your H is not to blame for your A or you for his A years back that you are also not to blame for his relapse. Some are just focused on one form of addiction over others and forget for some reason when arguing that the rules don't work when cherry-picked and apply to the others.

 

Having read your other posts in the OM/OW forum, you did the right thing, major kudos. Have you ever gone back and read what you wrote only about a month ago if i recall and isn't it amazing how things change?

 

Best of luck, the truth sets you free indeed. I think the only direction is up from here.

Yeah, you know telling him wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He confessed after I did. It's all good. I'm hoping that we've broke this vicious cycle of hurting each other.

[atreides]

Yeah, you know telling him wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He confessed after I did. It's all good. I'm hoping that we've broke this vicious cycle of hurting each other.

 

The good news is that it still hurts after all the "hell" you two have been through. I would hate to think if it didn't.

 

all the best

[BetrayedH]

Glad to hear it, violet. Kudos to both of you for owning up, not blameshifting, and for finding forgiveness. What a great new starting point for both of you.

[violet1]

The good news is that it still hurts after all the "hell" you two have been through. I would hate to think if it didn't.

 

all the best

Oh yeah it hurts. Oh my goodness the last couple of weeks have drained me. I feel relieved in a way. Honestly, his relapse was a blessing in disguise. It's what really pushed me to confess. I couldn't handle the battle going on in my head. I was sad, angry and disappointed with my H's relapse. On the other hand, I kept questioning myself if I had the right to really feel this way considering the secret I had. I also started getting heavy flashbacks of the days he heavily used. I haven't thought about that in so long. I think I just had to get it all out.

[BHsigh]

Update: My H and I told each other everything. We have decided to reconcile. Everything is going well now that the truth is out. Oh and he admitted to the relapse and he doesn't blame me for it all. I'm feeling happy and so is he. All is well. Like I mentioned before he had cheated on me with multiple women many years ago. So he understood why I broke NC and saw the exMM. He's made the same mistakes that I have. We are moving forward! I'm glad I finally got it all out in the open. He also apologized to my stepdaughter so all is well. He didn't blame his lashing out at her on me as well. We both owned our own decisions.

 

On a lighter note: I've realized when it comes down to it, the only opinions that truly matter are my family, friends, and the people who care about me. For now on, I will only respond to posts that are encouraging, positive and helpful. I let this forum get to me and I no longer want to be that type of person who takes everything so personal. Good day to all!

 

Violet!! I am so, so happy that you two are trying to work things out and reconcile! It is great news that you both were able to be honest and understanding with each other. I for one am beyond proud of both of you, you both had great reasons to just drop each other and leave, but you both accepted your responsibility and showed your love for each other.

 

It's stories like this that keep me coming back here.

[Timmos]

It's stories like this that keep me coming back here.

 

The tiny sparks of hope that keep some of us going.

 

And an important reason not to let the naysayers and provocateurs drive you from posting. You never know when or how your comments might inspire others of us on these forums.

[Friskyone4u]

Violet, good job!!! Hopefully the lines of communication will stay open so that the next time you guys hit a rough patch, and that might happen, neither of you will turn to the behaviors that caused all your troubles.

You just need to resolve to not let your troubles spill over ego needing validation from men , and he needs to stay the hell away from drugs no matter what.

Good luck

[violet1]

Thanks everyone! The positive definitely outweighs the negative on this forum. I really appreciate everyone letting me vent. I've read through this thread again. Yeah, I was pretty whiny. I really haven't been in the best frame of mind lately. My sincere apologies for acting like a crazy woman. I'm normally very calm, but I don't do well with stress. I really do need to learn how to cope better.

 

I know my actions have sucked, but I really do love my family. I have my husband, my stepkids, and our 2 little dogs. They do make me happy. My H and I have been through so much together. I think it's worth trying to save. It doesn't mean that divorce isn't a possibility, but it's not the plans right now.

[waterwoman]

Good news violet. I'll be hoping for the best for you and your family c

[violet1]

The only other issue I would take note of is you saying that his relapse is maybe what pushed you to confess. No offense, I'm happy you are moving on and you probably don't want to hear this, but you don't think there might be some issue there? With the fact that only when you found out he'd also done something wrong..that is what made you confess?

 

I guess what I am asking is, and feel free to ignore me because I know you will take this as an attack, but: remove the relapse from the equation now. Would you of ever come clean if he didn't do that? Not trying to stir up old issues, but if the answer is that you maybe wouldn't of..there is still work that needs to be done in my opinion. Like I said though, it's good you seem to be happy with the outcome, but that was just something I noticed. I'd be a tad uncomfortable if my lover only confessed something to me once she found out something shady I had done in return. I'd be wondering if maybe part of her felt she only owed me the truth once she found some dirt on me and I'd want honesty just for the sake of honesty, but maybe I'm seeing this the wrong way. Either way, good luck. Again: not trying to attack you. Feel free to ignore me.

I understand what you're saying, but my H doesn't analyze things that way. He's just glad I told him considering the first time around he found out on his own. I was debating telling him for awhile. The relapse was just the push I needed to do the right thing.