SummerAngel Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I'm currently separated from my husband. He has been abusive to me in the past. He has choked, kicked, punched, hit, and threatened my life. Our last big fight was Christmas Eve. He hit me twice that night after a horrible fight. Right now, I'm debating about whether to go back to him. He's a very good father, and we've had good memories. I'm so confused. I know some will say just break up with him, but things are not that easy. It's harder to walk away when you share twin toddler sons. What should I do? Anyone else been through this? Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I would not go back to him, please stay away before he does more harm. You sound great, and you deserve better. I don't think he will reform, it may take therapy, but he has to recognize that he has a problem, and he has to want to get help. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Yes, go back, he's a wonderful father and he's showing your twins how to treat people, how to treat women and resolve conflicts and disputes. Go go because he is a loving husband and you have many wonderful memories, he'll just hit harder, upset and abuse you more, maybe start hurting his sons .. Remember your vows, was abusing you one of them? Go back to show him its OK to treat you like that when he feels angry, go back and show your twins what a loving relationship looks like. I'm sorry if that is really strong, but I was so shocked reading your post that you are actually asking should you go back? You need to open your eyes wide, what is it your afraid of? Never finding love? Because you haven't here...go free your mind, your tortured soul, protect your twins....all will be OK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Just because a person has some good qualities doesn't mean he is a good person to be with. No doubt Vlad the Impaler had some good qualities but would that make him a fit guy to have a wife and bring up two vulnerable children? No! If you are missing him and feeling lonely, remember the two go together, the nice guy and the abuser; they are two sides of the same coin. Going back into a relationship like that is abusing your children. They do not deserve to see his cruelties or, even worse, experience them themselves. It's understandable you have mixed feelings. You have been emotionally and physically involved with this guy. You are probably hoping to find that nice side of him again, to gain the good you found, but you know what you will receive, more of the bad too. Do you deserve that? Your children don't deserve it and as a mother you need to protect them. Don't let your mixed up emotions lead you back into danger again. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Right now, I'm debating about whether to go back to him. He's a very good father, and we've had good memories. I'm so confused. I know some will say just break up with him, but things are not that easy. It's harder to walk away when you share twin toddler sons. What should I do? Anyone else been through this? A good father? Really? So when he's choking you infront of your boys, and they're old enough to see their mother being abused, it's teaching them the right lessons? When he's kicking you infront of them, and they're traumatized by it, he's showing them what a great father he is? What happens when he starts laying his hands on your kids? My mother did what you did. She couldn't leave because of the kids. Guess, what? She now wishes she did because all of us -- mom, brothers, sisters and me are all f'd up in the head. Self-esteem issues. Abandonment issues. Anger issues. Resentment towards our father. Resentment towards her for tolerating abuse. Most importantly, we are still angry that she never protected us and herself. Don't be that weak and dependent woman. And yes, your excuses to stay are weak. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your boys. If you're lucky they will understand wrong from right, OR they may grow up and mimic their father and be as abusive as he is. Wake up. You're being very short-sighted and using the boys to hide behind your fear. Chances are, they will have a much happier life with parents that are happy apart, then parents that are unhealthy and miserable together. Good memories? You have to know that's a really sad and lame excuse to stay. Good memories aren't going to shield you and your kids from a lifetime of pain and trauma. There's a bigger picture you are failing to see. Edited April 22, 2014 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
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