ready or not!

[isabelle342]

Sooo I have been in two serious relationships in the past five years of my life... They were both in healthy in some aspects ...both were abusive and controlling and I put up with it for a while with the last one but finally I had enough . I didn't have a dad growing up so I think I sought out for love with all the wrong men ... And stayed even through I was miserable. I realized all this and decided I would break up with my now ex and take a break and work on me for a while. My ex was also unhappy as he said I was checked out emotionally and even called me heartless . After a while of going threw two bad relationships I do feel I've become numb to emotions ..sadness and even of love. I have been single now for three months and recently caught up with a friend I've known for almost ten years ..and we have been seeing eachother. I told him I didn't wanna rush .. and he was okay with that . But I can help who I like even though I didn't want a relationship . He does live twohours away which. Is good so I don't have to spend too much time.. but now that I'm really starting.to like him im getting nervous ..starting to be distant when he gets closer. He was a friend before a lover and we get along so well..and I don't want to push him away. But because he is. A nice guy and not a jerk like other guys I've dated I find myself nervous ..nervous go be happy ? I don't get it..as well as being nervous to be in,true love with someone ..which I've never experienced... I'm 24.. Idk what's wrong with me..will I ever be able to make up my mind or be in love for real ?