So most people think one night stands are okay?

[hotpotato]

It is almost hilarious to hear men that participate in one night stands to talk down on the women they had the one night stands with BECAUSE they had a one night stand. Can you even hear yourselves?? No? This how you sound...

 

"So, yea, then we both drank a pint a vodka, but I could never seriously date someone that drinks that much! Flippin alcoholic!"

 

We have a winner.

 

Many guys will do whatever it takes to get in your pants asap, but if you give in YOU are the nasty one. How much sense does it make to punish and denigrate someone because they participated in a mutual activity with you? One that you probably asked for?

I have met many like the op, which is another reason I mostly avoid men. Smh.

 

Puuhhhhleeeeaaassee!!!

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Aries, you're nailing it.

 

You should be proud of yourself, a woman nowadays who respects herself.

 

To those who keep saying I had a one night stand before and am being hypocritical, I said I changed 6 years ago. Never had another. Now I realize how terrible they are, and what a low value of PEOPLE (not just women) who do them are. I despised those past actions of mine, and have worked hard for years to fully separate myself from them. Who I was when I did those was an immature little child. I grew up.

 

And gore, as for your argument (which is a blatant attempt at justifying your own past/present actions...)

 

"Needs" would be defined as: food, water, and clothing/shelter where it is necessary (depending on geographic location).

 

You don't need to have sex, and you DEFINITELY don't need to have sex with some random person you just met. Those are wants (and lack of willpower). Thanks

Edited April 11, 2014 by Thomas the Red Fox

[Babolat]

If two people want to get together purely for sex then that is their choice.

 

The issue to me is honesty.

 

Judging by the number of threads on here (from girls who had sex on the first date and never heard from the guy again) someone, somewhere isn't being totally honest with someone else.

 

Sex causes pregnancies and STDs so anyone involved in ONS needs to be responsible in that area. The problem is that a lot of ONSs occuring when people are intoxicated so caution goes out of the window.

 

I used to know a nurse that worked at a GUM clinic (Genito Urinary Medicine) at a hospital. She told me that at noon on a Sunday the queue was around the block, mainly comprised of girls (20's) wanting the Morning After Pill because they had been out on the lash on the Saturday, then woken up in a strange man's bed.

 

In UK we have a National Health Service that is paid for out of taxpayers money. Now I don't wish to be a party-pooper here, and I'm all for freedom of sexual expression etc but I resent my taxes being used to bail out silly girls, when it could be better spent on treating really sick people.

 

Funny, sarcatic, but somewhat serious question. Prior to "having sex" on a first date, a first meeting, should both stop, and agree, "it's a one night stand", right?

 

I've never had one. Had a chance, my boy could not stay up as I outthank it; it felt wrong, but she made it very clear she wanted to have sex then and there. Next morning, different sotry. And we tried to date afterwards, it felt awkward though.

[Absinthe]

Class begets class and men who sleep around then moan about the morals of their conquests seem to be forgetting this fact.

 

If I know a guy is a player, I do not touch him with a ten foot bargepole. I know a lot of eligible "spinsters" with a similar mindset. Your loss, lads.

 

Nor do I buy that one night stands are somehow more acceptable for men because of some biological urges. There are men with low sex drives and women with insanely high libidos. If it's a one night stand between a straight couple then there are no extenuating moral circumstances for the dude as far as I'm concerned. You both had sex with a stranger.

 

In principal I am completely OK with one night stands, however in reality I've noticed that there seems to be a direct correlation between sleeping around and a phobia of barrier contraception and GUM clinics...

[Babolat]

I think people who decide to wait till marriage before sex are taking a huge gamble on their future happiness as I believe sexual compatibility is a strong part of any healthy relationship. Do I condemn them and call them fools for it? Nope, I commend them for following their beliefs and wish them the best. Looking down on others for their personal choices is passing judgement.

 

I had 2 sexual partners before I met my first wife, at the age of 20. She was a virgin for religious reasons and made it clear from the beginning she planned to be until she got married. We dated for 2+ years, no sex, got married, sex, and it was never great sex. Though at 22, looking back, I'm not even sure I knew what great sex was.

 

Turns out she had an inverted(??) vagina and sex was sometimes painful for her. That is not what ended the marriage though.

 

Would I wait again? No. Not 2+ years. I'm willing to wait until it feels right for both of us though. I'm 47, I love sex, have been lucky to have had amazing partners since my divorce, and my next life parter, we will be amazing together.

[Babolat]

I LOVE this! I grew up at 21. Lol. Sweetheart, at 21, you haven't even begun to grasp the full extent of your body and sexual pleasures.

 

Humility, my good sir, is realizing that one's individual choices does not make him greater or better than the next man. You don't GAIN respect from time, sex, or the lack thereof. You gain it from who you ARE as a person, and deciding to have safe sex with someone consensually on a 1st or 2nd date does not make you morally defunct. When you DO grow up, you will realize that relationships do not define the kind of sex you are having, but sex will most DEFINITELY define the kind of relationship you have.

 

Remember that for future reference kid.

 

Same here, sex after 44, wow, and being with woman over 40, OMG, night and day! I have no desire to go back to my 20s sexually, or even my 30s for that matter.

[Babolat]

I don't like ONS (or FWB), so I don't have them.

 

 

I don't like men who have ONS (or FWB)... and if they did, I especially don't like it when they are hypocritical about it.

 

 

So, men who are hypocritical about their behavior need to know that there are women who don't have ONS (and part of the theoretical target market for such guys).... who will judge them solely on the fact that they are hypocrites...

 

 

... and trust me, I have my ways of finding out if a man has those beliefs. It's not hard. It's something I've learned to sort out fairly easily... without sleeping with him BTW. They might be surprised to know that their hypocrisy is easier to sniff out than their sexual behavior.

 

 

... and since so many men still have the idea that being with lots of women actually makes them more attractive... it is the easiest thing in the world most of the time. So.... go ahead and tell me all about how you made up for lost time after your divorce (wink wink)... and how you can get a FWB anytime you want... But *I* am special since I'm not like that... and you really want a relationship with ME... lol.

 

 

Yes... keep talking... please. I am all ears... and know that I will judge you, not only for how you treat me, but how you treated others. And if you think I'm taking your word for it that you were 100% honest with those other women you had casual sex with... then think again. I've worked around all men for too long to believe that.

 

A couple months into dating my ex gf she told me that after the birth of her child, for 5-6 years, she did not want to be in a relationship, but she wanted sex, so she had a couple of FWBs. At first I thought "deal breaker". As she talked more, I was okay with it.

 

She said they were good male friends, she told them straight up she was not looking to date, not looking for a relationship, she told them "if you are looking for a relationship I am not your gal", she made them get tested, and when the FWB period was "done", it was done. She eventually met a man she got into a relationship with for 7+ years.

 

What I thought was cool, was she volunteered this, I never asked.

 

I tried this in the fall for the first time ever. I actually wanted more, to date. I saw her offer for "just sex" as a way to yeah, have sex, but also spend time with her and see what develops. I started to get closer to her and we started doing more than "just sex". She saw it as "just sex" and ended it when she wanted more (she was developing feelings too). Ironically, she has proposed us dating now.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

SLO,

 

 

I believe that is true, as the girl I described in an earlier post used to do them in the car in the car park.

In the grand scheme of things I think her choice was eminently more sensible, for safety reasons, than taking them home. At least if they turned out to be some kinky psycho nutter she could scream for help.

 

I can't really think of many other permutations, maybe you can enlighten me ?

 

Certainly! After my divorce I got back on the dating scene. As a full time career woman and mother recently divorced, I wasn't looking to jump back into a seriously relationship. I met a man online. Our personalities clicked and we found each other physically attractive, but he was 10 yrs my junior, a recent law school graduate, and in the midst of starting up a new business. We both agreed that neither were looking for a serious relationship at this point in our lives and both had been single for sometime. We decided to meet up. I met him at his place. He cooked me a really nice salmon dinner with salad and wine. The whole 9. We then watched a movie which quickly moved into more physical things. The sex was good, but not great, as he was still in his mid-upper 20s. There's a development curve there. Afterwards, we finished the movie, he walked me to my car, we hugged and kissed and I went home.

 

We both walked away knowing there was no future in this encounter. We are still friends on FB and he reaches out and says hello from time to time, asks how I'm doing, updates me on his business and asks for my advice or help, but I've never seen him again. We are essentially acquaintances and there was no loss of respect in each other's character. We even discussed the sex afterwards, pointing out our slight differences in compatibility. We are both mature, educated, intellectual adults that know who we are and what we want in life and had consensual safe sex with no strings attached. No more. No less.

 

I'm not trash, and he's not a player, and I've since found the love of my life who I slept with on the SECOND date (egads!) and thinks I am an amazing woman that he can envision the rest of his life with. Go figure!

[jay1983]

TRF,

 

Well, kudos to you for telling it straight.

 

Now I know that I'm going to get flamed for this, but the double-standard is alive and well and living closer to us all than we care to think.

 

When I was first divorced I didn't have many single friends so I needed to make some to go out with. I was very naiive in those days and made some poor choices.

 

One girl I knew prided herself on being very liberated and being able to use men for her own sexual gratification. She was adept at attracting guys in pubs or clubs and then having sex with them in their cars in the car park.

 

Another girl I knew was actually "on the game"/hooker. She was the only person I knew who could go for a night out and end up with more money than she started with. On one occasion she started talking to a guy at the bar of the pub/bar we were in. After a while she came back to our table and said that she was going to get some money. I thought she was going to the ATM. She and the guy both disappeared. About 30 mins later she came back, pulled some grubby notes out of her bra and brough us all a drink. It took me a while to make 2 + 2 = 4.

 

These girls had made their own lifestyle choices, which they were entitled to do.

Guys knew about this and girl No1 was very popular. So there were always plenty of guys where she was.

The problem was that guys worked on the "birds-of-a-feather" philosophy and assumed that I operated in the same way. I got fed up with guys buying me drinks and then getting p!$$y because I wouldn't go outside with them and get involved in sex stuff.

One night some guy who bought me 2 diet cokes thought that entitled him to a bj, and whn I refused got nasty. I had to get security to throw him out.

 

After that I dropped these girls and changed my entertainment venues.

 

NB. I am not making any judgements here, just recounting my personal experiences.

 

Shame on you, for having acquaintances who did that a long time ago. Even though it was unbeknownst to you and you just went through a divorce all

 

I'm kidding

[jay1983]

Certainly! After my divorce I got back on the dating scene. As a full time career woman and mother recently divorced, I wasn't looking to jump back into a seriously relationship. I met a man online. Our personalities clicked and we found each other physically attractive, but he was 10 yrs my junior, a recent law school graduate, and in the midst of starting up a new business. We both agreed that neither were looking for a serious relationship at this point in our lives and both had been single for sometime. We decided to meet up. I met him at his place. He cooked me a really nice salmon dinner with salad and wine. The whole 9. We then watched a movie which quickly moved into more physical things. The sex was good, but not great, as he was still in his mid-upper 20s. There's a development curve there. Afterwards, we finished the movie, he walked me to my car, we hugged and kissed and I went home.

 

We both walked away knowing there was no future in this encounter. We are still friends on FB and he reaches out and says hello from time to time, asks how I'm doing, updates me on his business and asks for my advice or help, but I've never seen him again. We are essentially acquaintances and there was no loss of respect in each other's character. We even discussed the sex afterwards, pointing out our slight differences in compatibility. We are both mature, educated, intellectual adults that know who we are and what we want in life and had consensual safe sex with no strings attached. No more. No less.

 

I'm not trash, and he's not a player, and I've since found the love of my life who I slept with on the SECOND date (egads!) and thinks I am an amazing woman that he can envision the rest of his life with. Go figure!

 

So the two of you hit it off, but decided you weren't right for each other because the sex wasn't great?

[GoreSP]

So the two of you hit it off, but decided you weren't right for each other because the sex wasn't great?

 

Yeah sometimes sex is that bad lol

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

So the two of you hit it off, but decided you weren't right for each other because the sex wasn't great?

 

No, we hit it off, but weren't looking for relationships and our lifestyles weren't condusive.

 

Ahem, he also didn't enjoy giving oral, and that is a deal breaker fo sho!

[jay1983]

Yeah sometimes sex is that bad lol

 

LMAO Your so dumb Gore.

 

Like funny dumb, not stupid dumb.

[jay1983]

Ahem, he also didn't enjoy giving oral, and that is a deal breaker fo sho!

 

You too

[William]

Folks, let's move the discussion back to opinions about whether and why one night stands are OK and away from describing specific sexual interactions and inter-member sexual banter. This is not the place for that and it's off-topic. Thanks!

[Grumpybutfun]

No, we hit it off, but weren't looking for relationships and our lifestyles weren't condusive.

 

Ahem, he also didn't enjoy giving oral, and that is a deal breaker fo sho!

 

I just don't quite fathom how anyone could not love to bury their face in their woman's luscious goodness....I bet he didn't like sunsets, ice cream or puppies either, did he?

G

 

OP, why does it bother you that people have ONSs if it has nothing to do with you personally?

G

[Babolat]

I'd love to hear replies to my comment, where I asked do the two parties stop, right before, and discuss "Is this a one night stand?". Has anyone ever done that?

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Folks, let's move the discussion back to opinions about whether and why one night stands are OK and away from describing specific sexual interactions and inter-member sexual banter. This is not the place for that and it's off-topic. Thanks!

 

Sorry William! Its sooo hard!! :-p

 

To the Op - No, its not okay for most, but it does depend on the way you view yourself, the act of sex, and the people you choose to have it with.

 

To Babs - No, it wasn't something brought up just prior to, but established during extensive conversation and understanding about intentions prior to meeting.

[jay1983]

I'd love to hear replies to my comment, where I asked do the two parties stop, right before, and discuss "Is this a one night stand?". Has anyone ever done that?

 

Any guy with a d**k, (not a brain, he doesn't a brain for this) knows that if he stops and says anything like that, he's not getting laid.

[RedRobin]

Any guy with a d**k, (not a brain, he doesn't a brain for this) knows that if he stops and says anything like that, he's not getting laid.

 

... Not getting laid by someone who isn't on the same page as you... Which is the point.

 

Find people who share your viewpoint and attitude about these things...

[jay1983]

... Not getting laid by someone who isn't on the same page as you... Which is the point.

 

Find people who share your viewpoint and attitude about these things...

 

The point is no, nobody stops and discusses that and that was one of the reasons why.

[ASG]

SLO,

 

 

I believe that is true, as the girl I described in an earlier post used to do them in the car in the car park.

In the grand scheme of things I think her choice was eminently more sensible, for safety reasons, than taking them home. At least if they turned out to be some kinky psycho nutter she could scream for help.

 

I can't really think of many other permutations, maybe you can enlighten me ?

 

Personally, I've only ever gone home with a guy I met at a bar ONCE in my whole life. And I've had a fair share of ONS.

 

Most of my ONS happen with people I know. Whether we're working together, meet through friends, whatever. Most of the people I engaged in sexual relations with I had known for some time. Some of them I had known for YEARS!

 

So yeah, that is a variation on the guy that you randomly meet at a bar and take home at the end of the night.

[Babolat]

The point is no, nobody stops and discusses that and that was one of the reasons why.

 

Well, I did recently with a woman I have seen a few times. Things got heated, like really heated. I stopped and said "I think we should take a Pause". She stopped, looked at me and said "I'm glad you said that as I really want to **** you, but my gut is saying I'm not ready". This happened again on our next date, and we were taking clothes off, then.

 

I can't wait to have sex with her, if we ever do. But, I want to wait and so does she.

 

So yeah, it happens.

 

I remember with my FWB this fall, I went very slow the first time, asking her along the way "do you want to do this?". She was like "hell yeah". I truly think I was asking the question, to myself.

[Grumpybutfun]

... Not getting laid by someone who isn't on the same page as you... Which is the point.

 

Find people who share your viewpoint and attitude about these things...

 

I agree, always have conversations about expectations, but I guess I am confused in general about bars and sex as I didn't bang drunk girls back in the day. Do women actually think some drunk guy taking them home from a bar is LTR material? I find that preposterous. Are girls really this naive and gullible?

G

[jay1983]

Well, I did recently with a woman I have seen a few times. Things got heated, like really heated. I stopped and said "I think we should take a Pause". She stopped, looked at me and said "I'm glad you said that as I really want to **** you, but my gut is saying I'm not ready". This happened again on our next date, and we were taking clothes off, then.

 

I can't wait to have sex with her, if we ever do. But, I want to wait and so does she.

 

So yeah, it happens.

 

I remember with my FWB this fall, I went very slow the first time, asking her along the way "do you want to do this?". She was like "hell yeah". I truly think I was asking the question, to myself.

 

That is some serious discipline. But not every case is same, some women might get upset and want to see again.