So most people think one night stands are okay?

[Jethro]

By the way, I had a 4 year relationship with a man I had a ONS with.

 

Ummm, I'm sorry, but that is not what ONS is. It stands for One Night Stand.

 

Just sayin'.

[Keenly]

One night stands ARE okay. I would never personally have one but that doesn't make some one who has less of a person.

 

 

 

You admitted to having one or two... so... Just a little bit of hypocrisy.

[Hello_is_it_me]

If both the people involved are ok with it then what's the big deal?? Are ONS's a healthy way to start a relationship..? Maybe. It all depends on the people involved.

[SoonMyFriend]

The double standard always kills me. "OMG what a skank, she had a ONS with me, therefore I can't respect her". It takes two to tango. Why does the woman always get crapped on?

 

I've had a few ONS in my life, and don't regret them. Do I regret some of my actions afterwards (meaning, I expected more from these guys after), yes? But I learned from those mistakes. Now I know when to just go for a ONS, and when to hold back.

 

Who are we to judge others who have them? If they consent to it, and both parties want it, who cares? I won't judge anyone I get into a relationship with if they've had them. I wouldn't respect them any less even if I never had a ONS. I always assumed I wasn't the type of person to have them (I am usually very shy when it comes to sex) but hey, guess what, sometimes a girl just wants to have fun!

 

I have a problem when people use people for sex under false pretenses, but I have no problem with two people going in, just wanting some action, and getting out. Not every ONS is that clean cut, but even the messy ones can turn out OK in the end.

 

Rambling aside... if you are engaging in a ONS you cannot judge the other person for also going along for the ride. And who are we to judge outsiders? If their choice. It isn't affecting YOUR life, so who cares?

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Looks like I should have clarified...

 

I had a one night stand (I don't really count the other, because we didn't have sex, but I wanted to be honest in my first post as best as possible) and I learned the error in it. The girl got extremely attached, and I wanted to like her, but something held me back.

 

 

I realized it was because if she was willing to do that, she probably did it with others, too. I knew I didn't have an STD at that point, but I didn't know if she did or didn't (luckily I used a condom but as others posted, herpes can hit the small part not covered).

 

It wasn't that I didn't respect that at that time, it was that I realized after I didn't respect her, and wouldn't respect anyone willing to give themselves up with no chase. It puts out an aura of not respecting themselves.

 

I grew up fast after that "second" time, because I realized it was the same as the first, and any subsequent one would be the same, too.

 

 

 

It's sad our culture promotes promiscuity.

 

But this topic was made because of all the girls who sleep with a guy early and wonder why he doesn't call you 90% of the time.

 

 

THIS IS WHY.

 

Have respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The best things in life are worth fighting for"

 

 

I have a lot of respect for my girl now because despite how physically attractive she is, and how physically attracted to me she is, she did not sleep with me until almost 2 months. That's respecting yourself.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Thomas the Red Fox

[SoonMyFriend]

But our counter point is the MAN is ALSO having sex. TWO PEOPLE.

 

Those guys who don't call are ALSO HAVING SEX. But are we discussing whether they have self-respect? No... Are we discussing whether they are sluts? No...

[Thomas the Red Fox]

I think guys who do it are trash too.

 

 

But this topic is for why girls aren't getting called back or receiving second dates after 90% of the time.

 

A great analogy that was repeated to me a few times regarding the double standard in our culture, however, is this.

 

A man's genitals is like a key. The woman's is like a lock box.

 

Now, a key that can open many locks is considered great and useful.

 

A lock box that works with many keys, however, is not valuable at all, as it isn't able to keep safe what is inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grew up when I was 21 and realized how disgusting one night stands are. I kind of just am wondering why people older than that still haven't learned such a simple lesson in humility and respect.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Thomas the Red Fox

[Gaeta]

 

 

But this topic is for why girls aren't getting called back or receiving second dates after 90% of the time.

 

No, this topic is about why some people can have sex and enjoy it for what it is, and others cannot. This is not about the *after the fact* and why some people get hurt, etc. That's a different topic.

 

You view women having casual sex as having a lack of respect for themselves, I view them as independent confident assertive in their sexuality. I got news for you, sex is not dirty, it's natural and healthy.

[Thomas the Red Fox]

You view women having casual sex as having a lack of respect for themselves,

 

 

Then *I* must make up a massively large percentage of the world. Interesting fact.

 

Though clearly your own past is propelling YOUR words, as I've clearly stated I think guys who do it are trashy too.

 

So I have news for you -- reading comprehension is a valuable skill.

[Gaeta]

 

Though clearly your own past is propelling YOUR words

hmm my own past? You mean the fact I was raised in a practicing Catholic household and married as a virgin at the age of 20? Yes it definitely influenced how I view things today.

[Keenly]

Then *I* must make up a massively large percentage of the world. Interesting fact.

 

Though clearly your own past is propelling YOUR words, as I've clearly stated I think guys who do it are trashy too.

 

So I have news for you -- reading comprehension is a valuable skill.

 

What the hell are you talking about?

[Thomas the Red Fox]

hmm my own past? You mean the fact I was raised in a practicing Catholic household and married as a virgin at the age of 20? Yes it definitely influenced how I view things today.

 

 

Psychologically I find this interesting. What you are arguing is COMPLETELY counter-intuitive to what being raised this way would dictate. So, did you regret waiting? Was it a mistake? Why are you arguing the exact opposite of what you did? Logically, you're either lying or you found a fallacy in this way of life.

 

 

And to the guy who asked what I'm talking about...

 

You hear a lot about successful relationships that started with one night stands? No? Think hard.

 

No?

 

Then the majority thinks similarly as I did in this topic.

 

You could have probably connected those dots yourself, but as you wish.

[Keenly]

Psychologically I find this interesting. What you are arguing is COMPLETELY counter-intuitive to what being raised this way would dictate. So, did you regret waiting? Was it a mistake? Why are you arguing the exact opposite of what you did? Logically, you're either lying or you found a fallacy in this way of life.

 

 

And to the guy who asked what I'm talking about...

 

You hear a lot about successful relationships that started with one night stands? No? Think hard.

 

No?

 

Then the majority thinks similarly as I did in this topic.

 

You could have probably connected those dots yourself, but as you wish.

 

I don't hear a lot about gourmet meals that involve peanut butter... does that mean they don't exist?

 

You are the one being foolish by insisting your way is the only way, and that all people must abide, lest they be terrible or broken individuals.

 

You are taking your thought process, of one single human being, and applying it to an entire population. Good luck with that one. You are welcome to your opinions but to spout them off as fact when its clearly just speculation is just... not worth reading.

[Gaeta]

Psychologically I find this interesting. What you are arguing is COMPLETELY counter-intuitive to what being raised this way would dictate. So, did you regret waiting? Was it a mistake? Why are you arguing the exact opposite of what you did? Logically, you're either lying or you found a fallacy in this way of life.

I am not lying. This is to show you that a person that is ok with one night stands may have nothing to do with their up bringing and everything to do with growing, evolving, and letting go of those Judeo-Christian values. See, you judged me assuming a had a certain past, which I don't. This is to show you how judgmental you are.

 

You hear a lot about successful relationships that started with one night stands? No? Think hard.

Actually I do know a lot of couples that have started as one night stands.

[GoreSP]

The simple answer for women? Until you are sure a man has bonded with you, and cares about you (not just your vj) don't have sex.

 

Women shouldn't have sex until they are in a relationship?

 

Do you know how archaic that sounds?

 

Women can have as much casual sex as they wish - as long as they don't consider the ONS will want to marry them (which, they often do but that's for another post I gues...)

[GoreSP]

Looks like I should have clarified...

 

I had a one night stand (I don't really count the other, because we didn't have sex, but I wanted to be honest in my first post as best as possible) and I learned the error in it. The girl got extremely attached, and I wanted to like her, but something held me back.

 

 

I realized it was because if she was willing to do that, she probably did it with others, too. I knew I didn't have an STD at that point, but I didn't know if she did or didn't (luckily I used a condom but as others posted, herpes can hit the small part not covered).

 

It wasn't that I didn't respect that at that time, it was that I realized after I didn't respect her, and wouldn't respect anyone willing to give themselves up with no chase. It puts out an aura of not respecting themselves.

 

I grew up fast after that "second" time, because I realized it was the same as the first, and any subsequent one would be the same, too.

 

 

 

It's sad our culture promotes promiscuity.

 

But this topic was made because of all the girls who sleep with a guy early and wonder why he doesn't call you 90% of the time.

 

 

THIS IS WHY.

 

Have respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The best things in life are worth fighting for"

 

 

I have a lot of respect for my girl now because despite how physically attractive she is, and how physically attracted to me she is, she did not sleep with me until almost 2 months. That's respecting yourself.

 

 

RE bolded : So were you, honey.

[GoreSP]

Then *I* must make up a massively large percentage of the world. Interesting fact.

 

Though clearly your own past is propelling YOUR words, as I've clearly stated I think guys who do it are trashy too.

 

So I have news for you -- reading comprehension is a valuable skill.

 

Generalization fallacy. Just because a lot of people think the same way, doesn't man it's right.

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Generalization fallacy. Just because a lot of people think the same way, doesn't man it's right.

 

I actually committed two fallacies. Enough for me to admit defeat in this topic and do better next time lol.

[RedRobin]

I usually give women I am getting to know enough rope to hang themselves with.

 

 

... and I do the same with men.

 

 

I tell them I'm looking for a relationship and prefer to go slow and get to know them. They try to push my limits, then they are out. I'm not one of those women who consider myself 'special' that I was able to fend off his manly advances... and earn his 'respect'. What a bunch of cr*p. What I AM doing is weeding out men who don't share my values... and they do that by demonstrating respect for me from the get-go. Not expecting me to be some effing gate keeper.

 

 

I don't tolerate 'slut testing' or double standards. If he wants to prove HE can be trusted, then he also needs to demonstrate self control and respect. Otherwise, I'm just as likely to believe he'll jump in bed with every willing female himself.

 

 

What I find so fascinating... is this idea that men believe their d*ck isn't attached to their own bodies... that somehow, women 'own' it... and women decide when sex happens... or whatever. No. Both people are responsible. Both people are accountable. If you stick your d*ck in someone... it is YOUR d*ck. It really doesn't have a mind of its own that the woman is obliged to account for... or be held responsible for.

 

 

So, if you have a habit of sticking your d*ck in women you don't respect... then that demonstrates how little respect you have for yourself, guys. If you stick your d*ck in women without thinking things through... then that demonstrates how little YOU think things through. Has nothing to do with her.

 

 

...and I can say the same thing in reverse. Both need to own their part in things...

 

 

... oh, and I'll say (for those who don't know already)... I don't believe in ONS... nor would I have a relationship with a man who does. I'm not a hypocrite. I also can't tolerate men who hold double standards. No matter how attractive he might find me.

Edited April 10, 2014 by RedRobin

[verhrzn]

I always find it really bizarre that guys judge women for the exact same behavior they indulge in. So having sex on a first date means you have no self-respect.... but only if you're a woman. If you're a dude, it's somehow totally excusable and rad. I mean isn't that just a bit hypocritical?

 

Furthermore, speaking as a woman, guys put women into this awful bind when it comes to sex. If you have sex too soon, you're a slut. If you have it too late, you're a prude. And the variations of when it "too soon/too late" are endless. A woman only gets one shot at "getting it right," and it's a constant moving target in the dating world.

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Reddit from a woman asking why this particular guy hadn't asked her out again. They'd gone on a date to drinks, had a bunch of fun, and she'd disinclined to have sex with him that night. For the next two weeks, he didn't ask her out. The men on her thread chastised her... of course he isn't going to ask her out again, she "rejected" him by not sleeping with him! She hurt his feelings, he isn't going to risk it again!

 

So having "self respect" in this case was apparently interpreted as "rejecting" the guy. In other words, according to the guys answering her thread, she should have slept with him to show she liked him enough for him to pursue again!

 

Talk about mixed messages! How the hell is a lady ever supposed to figure out where the line is?

[GoreSP]

I always find it really bizarre that guys judge women for the exact same behavior they indulge in. So having sex on a first date means you have no self-respect.... but only if you're a woman. If you're a dude, it's somehow totally excusable and rad. I mean isn't that just a bit hypocritical?

 

Furthermore, speaking as a woman, guys put women into this awful bind when it comes to sex. If you have sex too soon, you're a slut. If you have it too late, you're a prude. And the variations of when it "too soon/too late" are endless. A woman only gets one shot at "getting it right," and it's a constant moving target in the dating world.

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Reddit from a woman asking why this particular guy hadn't asked her out again. They'd gone on a date to drinks, had a bunch of fun, and she'd disinclined to have sex with him that night. For the next two weeks, he didn't ask her out. The men on her thread chastised her... of course he isn't going to ask her out again, she "rejected" him by not sleeping with him! She hurt his feelings, he isn't going to risk it again!

 

So having "self respect" in this case was apparently interpreted as "rejecting" the guy. In other words, according to the guys answering her thread, she should have slept with him to show she liked him enough for him to pursue again!

 

Talk about mixed messages! How the hell is a lady ever supposed to figure out where the line is?

 

Thankfully, if a guy really likes you, whenever you choose to have sex with him is 'getting it right'.

[Arieswoman]

Gore SP

 

Women shouldn't have sex until they are in a relationship?

^^^^^^^

 

That's my opinion.

 

Do you know how archaic that sounds?

Maybe, maybe not.

 

At the end of the day it is the women who get the unwanted pregnancies to deal with.

Do you consider that fact to be archaic ?

 

Thankfully, if a guy really likes you, whenever you choose to have sex with him is 'getting it right'.

 

So now we have to be mind-readers? I'll tell my single friends to go and invest in their crystal balls.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Arieswoman

[Emilia]

At the end of the day it is the women who get the unwanted pregnancies to deal with.

Do you consider that fact to be archaic ?

You can have unwanted pregnancy in a relationship too. That's exactly the same thing, isn't it? If you don't want the baby it doesn't matter whether you are single or in a relationship. Unwanted is unwanted.

[GoreSP]

Gore SP

 

 

 

^^^^^^^

 

That's my opinion.

 

 

 

Maybe, maybe not.

 

At the end of the day it is the women who get the unwanted pregnancies to deal with.

Do you consider that fact to be archaic ?

 

This is off subject...

 

If you don't want to have sex outside of a relationship, more power to you - I won't argue with that.

 

My issue with the poster is that he had a ONS but considers women (all of them) shouldn't have ONS)

 

Also, yeah I consider the whole unwanted pregnancy archaic (so to speak).

 

Women who have sex should know to use protection - especially when having casual sex. We have easy access to pill, and we should always use condoms anyways.

 

Quite honestly, if a woman has casual sex with no protection, I think she is an idiot (and a public danger at that...)

[Arieswoman]

Emilia, You sad

 

You can have unwanted pregnancy in a relationship too. That's exactly the same thing, isn't it? If you don't want the baby it doesn't matter whether you are single or in a relationship. Unwanted is unwanted.

 

This is true.

 

Maybe I should have said "unplanned" rather than "unwanted" Just because a pregnancy was "unplanned" it doesn't mean it was "unwanted".

 

However, if you are in a relationship you can discuss the options with your partner and arrive at the beat solution for both of you and the unborn child. If the guy you had drunken sex/ONS with has done a bunk you have to bear the responsibility of all of it.

 

No contraceptive is 100% safe, even vasectomies can reverse themselves.