So most people think one night stands are okay?

[GoreSP]

Emilia, You sad

 

 

 

This is true.

 

Maybe I should have said "unplanned" rather than "unwanted" Just because a pregnancy was "unplanned" it doesn't mean it was "unwanted".

 

However, if you are in a relationship you can discuss the options with your partner and arrive at the beat solution for both of you and the unborn child. If the guy you had drunken sex/ONS with has done a bunk you have to bear the responsibility of all of it.

 

No contraceptive is 100% safe, even vasectomies can reverse themselves.

 

Maybe not but by combining condoms with the pill, you are really freaking close...

[Arieswoman]

GoreSP,

My issue with the poster is that he had a ONS but considers women (all of them) shouldn't have ONS)

 

I agree that is being hypocritical.

 

It is also illogical. If guys can have ONSs and girls can't then who are the guys going with ? Duhhhhh:confused:

[Thomas the Red Fox]

I do, however, agree that women should be in relationships before having sex.

 

As for reddit, those users are idiots. If she was really asking for advice there, she got what she deserved.

[GoreSP]

I do, however, agree that women should be in relationships before having sex.

As for reddit, those users are idiots. If she was really asking for advice there, she got what she deserved.

 

Wrong. The only women who need to have sex only when they are in a relationship are those who always assume sex means commitment.

 

And those who prefer it of course....

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Wrong. The only women who need to have sex only when they are in a relationship are those who always assume sex means commitment.

 

And those who prefer it of course....

 

This is along the same lines of fallacy as one of my others, except this one is in regards to you thinking your opinion = fact.

 

See, the difference is, I said *I* think women should be in relationships before having sex.

 

YOU said 'the only women' which is passing your opinion off as fact.

[GoreSP]

This is along the same lines of fallacy as one of my others, except this one is in regards to you thinking your opinion = fact.

 

See, the difference is, I said *I* think women should be in relationships before having sex.

 

YOU said 'the only women' which is passing your opinion off as fact.

 

 

 

 

 

The difference between you and me is that my opinion allows women control over their own body. I've implied choice.

 

 

Yours doesn't when you says women should be in a relationship to have sex, you seem to be implying all women should do so because it's your opinion.

 

 

I personally couldn't care less when and where other women have sex - it's none of my business.

[Woggle]

I'm all for having standards and criteria but live up to them yourself. I always practiced what I preached in dating and relationships.

[SoonMyFriend]

I do, however, agree that women should be in relationships before having sex.

 

As for reddit, those users are idiots. If she was really asking for advice there, she got what she deserved.

 

And what about men?

[RedRobin]

I always find it really bizarre that guys judge women for the exact same behavior they indulge in. So having sex on a first date means you have no self-respect.... but only if you're a woman. If you're a dude, it's somehow totally excusable and rad. I mean isn't that just a bit hypocritical?

 

Furthermore, speaking as a woman, guys put women into this awful bind when it comes to sex. If you have sex too soon, you're a slut. If you have it too late, you're a prude. And the variations of when it "too soon/too late" are endless. A woman only gets one shot at "getting it right," and it's a constant moving target in the dating world.

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Reddit from a woman asking why this particular guy hadn't asked her out again. They'd gone on a date to drinks, had a bunch of fun, and she'd disinclined to have sex with him that night. For the next two weeks, he didn't ask her out. The men on her thread chastised her... of course he isn't going to ask her out again, she "rejected" him by not sleeping with him! She hurt his feelings, he isn't going to risk it again!

 

So having "self respect" in this case was apparently interpreted as "rejecting" the guy. In other words, according to the guys answering her thread, she should have slept with him to show she liked him enough for him to pursue again!

 

Talk about mixed messages! How the hell is a lady ever supposed to figure out where the line is?

 

I agree that double standards suck... But you counter them by focusing on what qualities he needs to demonstrate to prove he is someone you would want to have sex with (no matter when it is) ... By being self aware... And not being ashamed of your choices.

 

There are guys who would try to slut shame a woman no matter when she slept with him as a way to keep her in a relationship or keep her having sex with him so that she doesn't appear 'easy'.. I've had that happen once. We had dated almost three months... And not long after we had sex... I found out something about him he should have told me in advance... And I broke up with him.

 

So when he said that... I told him very matter of fact.... "Last time I checked... That dick was attached to your body... And if you thought it was too soon... You should have held off."

 

No response to that. I didn't let that dissuade me from telling him off about what it was he chose to withhold from me in advance either. It is all just smoke and mirrors... That junk. Trying to put all of the relationship responsibility on the woman.

Edited April 10, 2014 by RedRobin

[Iguanna]

It is almost hilarious to hear men that participate in one night stands to talk down on the women they had the one night stands with BECAUSE they had a one night stand. Can you even hear yourselves?? No? This how you sound...

 

"So, yea, then we both drank a pint a vodka, but I could never seriously date someone that drinks that much! Flippin alcoholic!"

 

Men and women are equal, not the same. There are hundreds of things it's natural for a woman to do but weird for a man and vice versa. What do women want to achieve with ****ing feminism, be the same as men?

[ThaWholigan]

Men and women are equal, not the same. There are hundreds of things it's natural for a woman to do but weird for a man and vice versa. What do women want to achieve with ****ing feminism, be the same as men?

Yes but not all women are the same as other women, and not all men are the same as other men. Some women are more masculine, some men are more feminine. Some women can have one night stands without forming attachments via sex, others cannot.

 

One size doesn't fit all .

[Iguanna]

Yes but not all women are the same as other women, and not all men are the same as other men. Some women are more masculine, some men are more feminine. Some women can have one night stands without forming attachments via sex, others cannot.

 

One size doesn't fit all .

 

So you can't judge someone for having their own way of thinking and call them hypocrites for that. Right?

[GoreSP]

Men and women are equal, not the same. There are hundreds of things it's natural for a woman to do but weird for a man and vice versa. What do women want to achieve with ****ing feminism, be the same as men?

 

I somewhat agree.

 

 

However, there is no reason why women should be held to different standards than men when it comes to sex.

[GoreSP]

So you can't judge someone for having their own way of thinking and call them hypocrites for that. Right?

 

Well, if someone says women should have sex outside of relationships and he himself has sex outside of relationships - yeah that's being hypocrite...

[Iguanna]

Well, if someone says women should have sex outside of relationships and he himself has sex outside of relationships - yeah that's being hypocrite...

 

Nobody says that someone should or should not do something. But someone can have their own point of view and accept or reject a woman or a man due to their sexual behavior. Isn't this what we all do? Accept or reject people according to our points of view in life?

 

In my opinion a man having ONS and a woman having ONS is two different things. I'd not respect much any of these two people, but I find the action of the woman a little worse. That's my opinion, I'm not judging her or calling names. Aren't I entitled to have an opinion without being accused that I'm judgmental?

[Quiet Storm]

 

Rambling aside... if you are engaging in a ONS you cannot judge the other person for also going along for the ride.

 

This isn't realistic, though. People can & do judge, regardless of their own hypocrisy. Is it fair? No. But it happens all the time.

 

In most cases, simply pointing out - "Well, you're a hypocrite because you did it, too!" is not going to change someone's opinion and suddenly make them respect you. Many people logically & intellectually know they are hypocritical or unfair about issues regarding sex, race, religion, etc. But that logic doesn't override those deeply ingrained and emotional judgments. Many times, I think the person is aware that they SHOULD respect this person that they had a ONS with, but there is an internal conflict because their emotional response causes them to feel turned off or superior. Changing those automatic emotional responses requires deep introspection, self awareness, exposure and even counseling. It's very similar to how a person with racial prejudice logically knows that all black men are not criminals, but they still feel uncomfortable or even afraid around black guys.

 

We don't live in a dream world where everyone is fair and self aware. People judge all the time, right or wrong. Our minds get conditioned by our culture, our upbringing, our experiences, our peers, etc. Maturity, knowledge & education helps to evolve & educate us- but changing those deep seated emotional reactions is a different ball game.

 

If you love sex and enjoy ONS, there is nothing wrong with that. But at least be aware enough to realize that some people are going to judge you. Not only the guy you are having a ONS with, but even future partners. So if you are a sensitive person that gets offended when people judge you, or if you value the opinions of others, then having ONS may not be a good choice for you. Not because you don't have the right to enjoy no strings sex (you do), but because the consequence of judgment may be a bigger cost to you than the benefits of the sex.

 

If you are a secure person that doesn't care what others think, then you should be fine with ONS. You will likely just disregard that judgment & hypocrisy and move on, unaffected.

 

And also, make sure you know what you really want. If you really want a relationship, but are only settling for ONS, you will be perpetually disappointed. When a man says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him. My son is a high school senior and does not want a GF. He tells these girls he does not want a girlfriend (I've seen the texts) and the girls still want to hook up. Then they get upset & call him a player when he doesn't want a relationship with them.

 

I have no issues with women being sexually liberal & having ONS to meet sexual needs. But for some women, settling for sex when they really need attention, affection, companionship & love... damages the spirit. We are responsible for our own emotional well being, and we should always make our choices with that in mind.

[Iguanna]

Quiet Storm, you are a very wise person. Thank you for this post.

[GoreSP]

Nobody says that someone should or should not do something. But someone can have their own point of view and accept or reject a woman or a man due to their sexual behavior. Isn't this what we all do? Accept or reject people according to our points of view in life?

 

In my opinion a man having ONS and a woman having ONS is two different things. I'd not respect much any of these two people, but I find the action of the woman a little worse. That's my opinion, I'm not judging her or calling names. Aren't I entitled to have an opinion without being accused that I'm judgmental?

 

 

Actually, OP said (twice I think) that women should have sex only when they are in a relationship...

 

 

Well, you are entitled to your opinion - but you are also being judgemental (also, more towards women?). If you're fine with it - more power to you.

[ThaWholigan]

So you can't judge someone for having their own way of thinking and call them hypocrites for that. Right?

 

Well, yeah you can. You can judge anyone for anything - this thread is proof of that . See Quiet Storm's usual brilliant post.

 

It's not my thing personally, so I don't do it. It irks me when people say how they think other people should be, but people will always use their own perception of reality as the rule so I must remember that.

 

My point is simply that I don't see why women having ONS's is wrong, it's only wrong if they don't like what they are doing and are simply out of sync with their natural cadence of relating. So while people will be looking down on women for "not adhering to sex in relationships only", I will not be doing so.

[Candy_Pants]

If I were to engage in a ONS I wouldn't expect more than sex and common courtesy. However I don't like those types of encounters.

[Ninjainpajamas]

People, men will absolutely judge you for having a ONS, many many many will and do, that's a fact, regardless of what you think, what you think or how you feel about the situation has zero impact on them, as long as you're spreading your legs they'll agree to anything "yeah yeah, sure I RESPECT you...yeah yeah of course, we're EQUAL"...the thing is, they're not going to tell you or admit to your face, for what? cost them in getting laid? Oh that would make sense for them to do that, but in reality there is absolutely a double-standard in "real life", it's another one of those things that should be more of a matter of fact like thing than any kind of controversial topic, but this is another one of those things on LS where "everyone is different" in spite of most if not all men here, knowing how many if not the majority of how men talk about the women they simply sleep with.

 

But you either go with the flow as a guy because you're worried about how you'd look and like most men do, want to separate themselves from the "typical guys" even if they do the same shet but in their eyes it's not the same shet...now that's a shocker, never seen men do that before and worry about self-preservation, no no no!

 

There is no level of "mutual respect" for many many guys, it's not "I'm doing the same thing so I'm just as guilty", if you were to walk into a sports locker room with a bunch of guys and say something like that, they'd all laugh and think you were joking.

 

Of course Don Juan with 5 lady of the nights on his phone will be his charming self "Nah baby, you're good...you're a beautiful, independent and strong woman who's free to do what she wants(awww you're so nice and RESPECT women)....now come over and give me that booty tonight girl(oh stop it, you're so bad...I'll be over at 10)" *one-eyed wink and smirk to his buddies with a sparkle in his smile*

 

Mr nice guy would be like "No no, I will save you from these "evil" men, let me show what you love is! I'm so sorry you keep falling for "jerks" and "players" and all the wrong men, I'll be THAT GUY you want, I'll be your one and only, that security blanket...even though you don't want me because I'm likely a pussy and all my girlfriends cheat on me"

 

So until we can get a lie detector hooked up to a bunch of men (which of course conveniently wouldn't represent the ENTIRE WORLD), or we have bunch of men go undercover with microphones and video to get the scoop on what men are really saying just to "prove" something that the majority of men already know as basically fact but really have no incentive to prove, then the world/people are free to assume that men are however they'd like them to be.

 

But for men, it is more convenient that women often give men the "benefit of the doubt", I swear if it wasn't for that men wouldn't get away with half the shet they do.

 

But oh no, I'm sure the pitch-fork committee will rally on LS soon to weed out any of these "dirt bags" as you watch them back-pedal and take back their words and "revise them" as the pressure mounts, and the holier-than-though men will solidify their separation from "those men"...look I'm not saying EVERY SINGLE GUY is the exactly the same, but c'mon fella's, you're doing a disservice to the ladies making this sound like it's anywhere near some kind of 50/50 balance, I know it's taboo to say how men really are but c'mon now, there's some things like this that are a land-side given, this is really just "common sense" for men, stop worrying about the skin off your back, tell them what the majority of men are doing out there when they have the options to do so.

 

I swear LS is just becoming increasingly more one-sided as time goes on...like people already know what to say and who they're going to rally behind before they even read the damn post. But nope, let's just draw the line in the sand into another black-n-white discussion, every stand on their appropriate predetermined positions.

[Targetlock]

Not my style and not what i would do and don't imagine myself in that situation, but i don't think any less of people who do it, its their choice at the end of the day.

[hasaquestion]

You have the right to judge single people (male or female) for having sex, when they want and with who they want.

 

Likewise, I have the right to judge you for being full of it.

[veritas lux mea]

hypocrisy and chauvenism at its finest. I know people like the OP and other men an women who defend their double standards. In real life I can't be bothered with them. Idiocracy is what it is.

 

If you feel having a ONS shows a lack of self respect than stop having them yourselves. Sure for some women it may be that way and for some men but a ONS doesn't automaticaly equel no self respect.

 

Gender means nothing. Individual person does.

 

And sometimes a connection happens on one or both sides and so the person takes a chance and reaches out again to see if maybe more is their. No pride or judgements get in the way and a wonderful relationship starts. I personaly have seen it happen.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I grew up when I was 21 and realized how disgusting one night stands are. I kind of just am wondering why people older than that still haven't learned such a simple lesson in humility and respect.

 

I LOVE this! I grew up at 21. Lol. Sweetheart, at 21, you haven't even begun to grasp the full extent of your body and sexual pleasures.

 

Humility, my good sir, is realizing that one's individual choices does not make him greater or better than the next man. You don't GAIN respect from time, sex, or the lack thereof. You gain it from who you ARE as a person, and deciding to have safe sex with someone consensually on a 1st or 2nd date does not make you morally defunct. When you DO grow up, you will realize that relationships do not define the kind of sex you are having, but sex will most DEFINITELY define the kind of relationship you have.

 

Remember that for future reference kid.