He's dumping me...

[Phoe]

BTW, those guys that left, did they start dating somebody else right away?

 

2 cheated on me and then left me for that girl. 1 just up and left for whatever, I have no idea what dating he may have done after.

 

He already left her. Then he realized she was cheaper than a cab ride when his truck broke down and resumed communication. You really think he put down a deposit on a ring?

 

His truck is back up and running, and he really did put a payment down on a ring. I saw the ring yesterday, and he put more money down.

 

I'm not even sure this is due to Phoe having low self esteem. I know she's mentioned her grandfather can be very aggressive and mean sometimes. Maybe it's just the behavior pattern she's used to from men, and has grown comfortable with. She's a "giver", as pick would say about herself.

 

If anything my grandfather's aggression towards me only made me stronger. Unless he was physically trying to come at me, I always held my ground with him.

 

Phoe, if it's not too personal, how active has your father been in your life?

 

He was quite active. Stay at home dad while mom worked. He was never affectionate with me, but was always a fun dad. Pushed me to be tough and strong physically, basically raised me as a tomboy.

 

And I bet that she won't be happy without the drama.

 

Now THAT is insanely silly. I can't stand drama. It drains me. I am an introvert, I keep my friend circle very small, I keep things simple, because drama is physically taxing for me.

 

I'm sure she feels ganged up on

 

Definitely. I wish this thread would just go "poof" so that I wouldn't have to keep coming back to it. I appreciate everyone's input, so I do respond as much as I can and acknowledge everything people have written for me, but this thread has become overwhelming.

 

The pile of "leave him! leave him!" comments that is growing behind me doesn't make me feel stronger or more empowered, it only makes me feel overwhelmed and strangely misunderstood.

 

If he was so in love and honest with intentions and feelings for you, what's the rush?

 

I haven't a clue. Impatience I suppose. He says nothing in the world could make him happier than to have me marry him. And I know he wants children ASAP.

[hoping2heal]

I think it's hilarous you guys get upset if someone doesn't listen to your advice.

 

Keep in mind, advice is simply that. Ultimately, she's going to do what she wants to do.

 

Stop jumping all over her simply because it's not what you would do.

 

I don't think anyone is upset because OP "won't do what they tell her to do".

 

I think people are distressed for her because they are able to see what she either cannot or will not. Someone described it akin to knowing a big wreck is coming and having to just stand by and watch it happen.

 

Having to watch a sibling go from a normal and happy person to a shell of one after 6 years with a manipulator who has torn her self esteem down so badly, that despite him leaving 4 different times for months at a time to be with the women he's having affairs with, she still lets him back each time he comes knocking. He convinced her to marry and get pregnant right away. I won't go into the issues their little boy is now showing as a result of the home life and that's WITHOUT physical abuse. I know it when I see it because I've had to sit by and watch it and it is horrible.

 

Phoe, I'm sure to you all of this just seems annoying because you don't want to hear anything negative about your decisions or this man. But, people care about you and your well being. I mean hell, even You Lose (no offense YL) said something agreeable.

[somedude81]

2 cheated on me and then left me for that girl. 1 just up and left for whatever, I have no idea what dating he may have done after.

OK, I'm not surprised that two of the guys ended up with somebody else right away. I can't imagine somebody dumping you to be alone. Cheating on you his horrible.

 

I actually forgot what point I was trying to make.

 

 

His truck is back up and running, and he really did put a payment down on a ring. I saw the ring yesterday, and he put more money down.

What was your gut reaction to seeing the ring?

He was quite active. Stay at home dad while mom worked. He was never affectionate with me, but was always a fun dad. Pushed me to be tough and strong physically, basically raised me as a tomboy.

Wow, that's actually the opposite I was expecting. I thought that he wasn't involved in your life at all or maybe that he was abusive. I'm a terrible armchair psychiatrist

 

Now THAT is insanely silly. I can't stand drama. It drains me. I am an introvert, I keep my friend circle very small, I keep things simple, because drama is physically taxing for me.

But, but, you've had lots and lots of drama for months. Way more than a healthy relationship should have. I really don't get it Phoe.

 

Not only am I a terrible armchair psychiatrist, I'm also a very poor armchair psychic

 

Though I am a pretty good psycho

 

Definitely. I wish this thread would just go "poof" so that I wouldn't have to keep coming back to it. I appreciate everyone's input, so I do respond as much as I can and acknowledge everything people have written for me, but this thread has become overwhelming.

 

The pile of "leave him! leave him!" comments that is growing behind me doesn't make me feel stronger or more empowered, it only makes me feel overwhelmed and strangely misunderstood.

Then ask for it to be locked.

 

Just click Alert Us, and in your message say that you want it locked.

 

Here's the thing Phoe, all of us, me included are very concerned about you. You're an awesome woman, and we feel that you deserve a guy who meets all of your needs and doesn't come with any drama. You don't need that tradeoff.

 

Honestly, your BF scares me. I'm worried that he will go too far.

 

I know you think he's great, and it's true that I have never met him, so all I can do is see his actions through your words.

 

Hopefully he's calming down and he can truly act like the man you deserve.

 

 

 

I haven't a clue. Impatience I suppose. He says nothing in the world could make him happier than to have me marry him. And I know he wants children ASAP.

That is a major incompatibility. How do you think he would react if you told him that you don't want to have kids until three or four years from now and that you won't change your mind?

[hotpotato]

Imo hes trying to lock you down with marriage and kids!

[Els]

I really hope you don't get guilt-tripped by the ring money into accepting his proposal, Phoe. There has been an uncomfortable pattern of that happening...

 

That being said, no matter how much I wish you would leave, it's definitely your prerogative to choose to leave or stay. As SD says, if you want a thread to stop you can alert the mods and ask if they can close it.

[Noproblem]

why are you sad because of this!

 

He is not worth a second of you being sad

 

I once read in some website about secrets or whatsoever.

There was this guy sharing his story, he was enjoying watching his wife with another men.

 

he never stops, he gets off on these stuff, and everyday he make her do it with a different guy..

 

 

If you wanna be a tool to his pleasure, so be it

 

But you are not a slave, and you are not a slave...

 

You shouldn't be the one who is being dumped,

you should be the one who is dumping him..

 

it's a tragic that you stayed with him until he dumped you.....

[veggirl]

Why does he keep putting more money down on the ring when you said you are nowhere near ready to be married to him?

[Leigh 87]

I haven't a clue. Impatience I suppose. He says nothing in the world could make him happier than to have me marry him. And I know he wants children ASAP.

 

 

Sorry but :sick::sick::sick::sick:

[KatZee]

Yeah, I don't think this guy has honest intentions for wanting to get married and have kids ASAP. In his mind, once you have a ring, and are impregnated with his kid, you're HIS. It's almost like he views you as property or something.

[hotpotato]

This guy is trying to manipulate and control you with the ring and wantung to get you pregnant. He wants to be in the drivers seat, but he felt his power over you decrease.