He's dumping me...

[mercuryshadow]

From your posts, it sounds as if you've only been together a few months. From my own experience, I'd venture to say you've been giving a blessing, that whatever façade he was trying to uphold fell away this quickly. You are able to see him for who he truly is now, USE the knowledge as a gift. He also sounds like he is doing a lot of projecting. But please understand that his disgusting behavior toward you has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with him and his flaws.

 

 

PS- As far as ridiculous facebook goes, I could be downstairs in my house and it will say I am in my town, but if I walk upstairs, it will claim I'm two towns away.

[Phoe]

I don't really have much to say right now, but thanks everyone for the posts.

 

I'm supposed to leave for work in 15 minutes. Getting ready is not going well at all. My eyes are all puffy...

[tlegend]

Phoe,

 

I will offer a different perspective because that's what this board is for, and I've never been a fan of the hivemind, usually offering my 2 cents that you may take as you please.

 

I think he's out of his ****ing mind right now. Not figuratively, but literally. You see, I have had a similar experience. I acted out and did things / said things that were very similar to what this man was saying.

 

However, my intentions were never to actually see the woman I love hook up with another man. I was simply using every last desperate measure I could to "sherlock" my way into discovering that my girl had been "around" so I could uncover the "cheating".

 

Was it right? No. Was it ok? No. Was the relationship over at that point? Yes.

 

It doesn't matter at this point because the trust....for whatever reason, is gone. Even if you can prove you aren't cheating, for some reason, he doesn't trust your word anymore. With that gone, I don't know how the relationship can...or even should....continue.

 

However, we can't tell you how you feel about this man either. If you love him, and you feel he's worth it, then you need to contact him and look him straight in the eye and reassure him that you aren't that kind of girl, that you adore only him, and that if he can't believe that, then he needs to let you go so you can find someone who you will trust you.

[tlegend]

I don't really have much to say right now, but thanks everyone for the posts.

 

I'm supposed to leave for work in 15 minutes. Getting ready is not going well at all. My eyes are all puffy...

 

Any man who has real feelings for you, and most men who don't but have good hearts, can't stand the sight of a woman in tears and pain.

 

Especially if it's the woman they love.

[serial muse]

Phoe,

 

I will offer a different perspective because that's what this board is for, and I've never been a fan of the hivemind, usually offering my 2 cents that you may take as you please.

 

I think he's out of his ****ing mind right now. Not figuratively, but literally. You see, I have had a similar experience. I acted out and did things / said things that were very similar to what this man was saying.

 

However, my intentions were never to actually see the woman I love hook up with another man. I was simply using every last desperate measure I could to "sherlock" my way into discovering that my girl had been "around" so I could uncover the "cheating".

 

Was it right? No. Was it ok? No. Was the relationship over at that point? Yes.

 

It doesn't matter at this point because the trust....for whatever reason, is gone. Even if you can prove you aren't cheating, for some reason, he doesn't trust your word anymore. With that gone, I don't know how the relationship can...or even should....continue.

 

However, we can't tell you how you feel about this man either. If you love him, and you feel he's worth it, then you need to contact him and look him straight in the eye and reassure him that you aren't that kind of girl, that you adore only him, and that if he can't believe that, then he needs to let you go so you can find someone who you will trust you.

 

Your reply is heartfelt, but I don't know that this applies here. I mean, going overboard in the sense of being overly suspicious and repeatedly accusing someone of cheating - that sucks but it's behavior that I think people can at least comprehend.

 

But wanting her to cuckold him and losing his sexual interest when she refuses? That doesn't sound like sherlocking to me...there is something wayyyy more disturbing going on with Phoe's guy.

[Els]

I don't really have much to say right now, but thanks everyone for the posts.

 

I'm supposed to leave for work in 15 minutes. Getting ready is not going well at all. My eyes are all puffy...

 

 

I hope you feel better soon, Phoe. Take some time off later if you can, to pamper yourself and do something that makes YOU feel good. A day all for yourself, where you don't have to worry about pleasing anyone. The first in six months!

 

{{hugs}}

[tlegend]

Your reply is heartfelt, but I don't know that this applies here. I mean, going overboard in the sense of being overly suspicious and repeatedly accusing someone of cheating - that sucks but it's behavior that I think people can at least comprehend.

 

But wanting her to cuckold him and losing his sexual interest when she refuses? That doesn't sound like sherlocking to me...there is something wayyyy more disturbing going on with Phoe's guy.

 

Oh...

 

I re-read her post. I must've glazed over that part...

 

I didn't realize it went down like that.

 

Oh my.....

 

 

EDIT:

He made me VERY uncomfortable a few days, getting very insistent that I play out a fantasy for him. A fantasy involving me hooking up with another guy. I am not okay with this. So then he wanted me to agree to at least flirt with other men. Once again I wasn't okay with this. I am loyal. This was all in the middle of me giving him a blowjob, and after refusing, he went completely soft. I felt very upset... that I wasn't good enough to keep him hard without resorting to the fantasy that I'm uncomfortable with.

 

This.....this is not ok.

 

I totally misread that. This is not ok....

Edited April 10, 2014 by tlegend

[hotpotato]

Im sorry to hear that, Phoe.

 

I think he just wanted out. Even if you fid everything he wanted, he would still comllain about something. Jerk.

[sooshi]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, Phoe. He really sounds like a complete jerk. His behaviour bears no reflection on you. You don't deserve this awful treatment.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm so sorry, Phoe. It's clear how much you loved this man and the amount of effort you gave in trying to please him and make him happy. You deserve more than this disrespectful treatment. If he wanted to break up with you, he should have been a man and done so with kindness and honesty.

 

According to some of your threads, you've been experiencing an "off" vibe with you bf for a while now. Women's intuition is no joke.

 

I have a feeling that this won't be the last time you hear from him. The question is... what will you do?

 

Love yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

[sooshi]

Phoe, again, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to love someone with all your heart, and to do whatever you can to please them and make them happy, only to receive disrespectful treatment in the end. It hurts. You must be hurting so much. Big hugs to you.

[Phoe]

Got a call from my mom while I was at work.

 

The minute I saw her name pop up on caller ID I knew something was wrong. She would text otherwise...

 

 

She was concerned, she couldn't reach my grandma, grandma's phone was disconnected. I guess my grandma had told her that she wasn't feeling well this morning.

 

 

I rushed home to check everything was alright. No one was home. Turns out grandma's been hospitalized.

 

 

Everything's gotta go wrong at once, huh...

 

 

Now just sitting home alone, waiting. My grandmother's cat is laid out in front of the front door, waiting so patiently for her to come home. If my heart could break more than it has, the sight of that cat waiting surely would break it.

[sooshi]

I hope your grandma will be all right, Phoe! You're going through such a hard time. Please take care. <3

[KaliLove]

Is there someone you can call to come and hang out with you so you're not alone?

 

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.

[Phoe]

I wish I could go back to work.

 

I've got 4 days in a row off. That's practically unheard of. I was looking forward to it until now.

[TAV]

I have a feeling this is not over yet. It would be so much better if it indeed was over. Phoe would be free to meet a man that really deserves her.

 

It could be over. If Phoe decides it is instead of her waiting for him to decide what he wants. It's probably out of character for her but it may be empowering for her to take back control of her life. In the long run too it will make her feel better about all that he put her through. Don't be a victim, Phoe. You tried, it didn't work, learn from it and leave it behind.

 

And, no, you did not do anything wrong, unfortunately men like him prey on girls like you. He's the one with the problem, you just were unlucky to fall for such a guy.

[tlegend]

I wish I could go back to work.

 

I've got 4 days in a row off. That's practically unheard of. I was looking forward to it until now.

 

Think of it this way. Without experiences like these, you wouldn't have a comparison to the GREAT times you will have when you find a guy who.....well, for lack of better words....isn't a douche.

[Anela]

Things do tend to happen all at once. Hopefully, your grandma will be okay, and you'll have a nice, long relaxing stretch of time where you get to enjoy your life, and take care of yourself. I haven't kept up with your threads, but going by the posts from others, the sooner you cut this guy loose, the better.

[Ruby Slippers]

Phoe, I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

 

I agree that it sounds like things have just gotten worse with this guy. I think he cares about you but he's just got some deep-seated stuff to work through, and that will take a long, long time.

[Phoe]

Looks like my grandma should be okay.

 

Her pulse rate went high and my grandfather panicked at took her to the hospital. In 2011 she had a minor stroke so he wasn't about to let something like that happen again. Apparently the whole way there she kept saying "I'm okay. I feel fine" she was annoyed at the whole thing. My grandfather, however, kept saying "I'M not okay."

 

 

 

 

What boggles me about the end of this relationship is that he's struggling with trusting me, yet has a fetish about me hooking up with another man. Those 2 things totally counteract each other. It is massively illogical.

 

 

Not to mention - WHY would he distrust me. I am stupidly loyal. It's beyond all normal levels how loyal I am. I don't hook up. I don't cheat. I don't even flirt. I'm too much of an awkward social tard to even flirt and he KNOWS this.

 

 

Then despite not trusting me, he then turns around and makes a total 180 and WANTS me, for all intents and purposes, to cheat on him. Not sex and not kissing, but he wants me to give another man a blowjob. He so turned on by it that without it, he struggles to stay turned on with me.

 

 

Logic. There is none to be found.

[somedude81]

You now have a choice.

 

Let him dump you.

 

Or dump him for his actions and beliefs.

 

How much BS are you willing to take?

Edited April 11, 2014 by somedude81

[Els]

 

 

Logic. There is none to be found.

 

IMO, The biggest contradiction of logic I have seen here so far is why you haven't left him yet after all that.

Edited April 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

Also, glad your grandma is okay.

[Leigh 87]

I am so sorry you are hurting:(

 

 

 

Please please PLEASe listen to us. Do not make the same mistake I made with my ex, Phoe.

 

EVERYONE told me he was a jerk. I didn't listen. I took him back and stayed with him.

 

 

 

 

They were all right.

 

 

 

Many people on here have had more experience than you and can see the tell tale signs that his man was off from the get go......

 

 

 

Please don't think you know better. We can all see very clear signs that you miss due to being blinded by "love".

 

 

 

 

I am so sorry this happened, but frankly, I am glad he is out of the picture so you can meet a man who deserves you AND who also treats you well.

 

 

 

 

You had been single for a while and I have a gut feeling it wont be TOO long before you do come across a guy who is crazy about you and who isn't a lunatic.

 

 

 

 

All the best, I am sorry you have to go through this crap. It is awful:(

[hoping2heal]

Well, everyone here wass convinced it would happen, and it would appear my relationship has come to an end.

 

This past week has been alarming. Him behaving strangely, being distant. Me trying my best to both be there for whatever he needed, while also being patient and giving him space.

 

 

I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what to do from here.

 

 

He made me VERY uncomfortable a few days, getting very insistent that I play out a fantasy for him. A fantasy involving me hooking up with another guy. I am not okay with this. So then he wanted me to agree to at least flirt with other men. Once again I wasn't okay with this. I am loyal. This was all in the middle of me giving him a blowjob, and after refusing, he went completely soft. I felt very upset... that I wasn't good enough to keep him hard without resorting to the fantasy that I'm uncomfortable with.

 

 

Of all the things.... I am open to so many things to make my man happy sexually, WHY is the one thing he wants, involving me being with another man? It's devestating that sharing me turns him on. I don't want to be shared.

 

 

And then there's the distance... not texting or calling. Suddenly deciding he wants to go out to a bar, disappearing off skype for no apparent reason.

 

 

Today we had a very disheartening conversation where he asked me (for probably the 4th time since we got together) whether I have hooked up with any of my coworkers and said PLEASE be honest I won't get mad at you.

 

 

He clearly is convinced that I have. Why else would he keep asking?

 

 

I am a good girl. I don't hook up. I have gone YEARS between partners because I don't hook up. And what good was it. What good was it valuing myself when it's not gonna be believed anyway and the assumption will be that I hooked up anyway.

 

 

He doesn't trust me. He swears up and down that he does. I think he doesn't even realize that he really doesn't...

 

 

Earlier, after I got out of my bubble bath, I facebooked him saying I'd gotten out of the bath. For whatever STUPID reason, facebook said the message was sent from a town two towns over. I was at home. wtf facebook. So he asks where I am, I say "In my bedroom". He says "No, your gps says you're 2 towns over"

 

 

I'm confused. I don't understand why facebook is being stupid. Then it switches over and says I'm now in my town so he says "Are you driving home from somewhere? Who's bathtub were you in?"

 

 

I tell him I'm home, and to get on skype. Clearly if I'm on skype in my bedroom, I'm home. He doesn't get on skype for another 30 minutes, and is acting quiet and distant and slightly agitated. He cuts the call short.

 

 

Texts me saying things have been weird between us lately. That it's mostly him, for trying to make me do things I don't want to and accusing me and questioning me.

 

 

We keep texting, and the conversation is getting worse and worse. He's unhappy. Things don't feel right. I finally ask if he wants time away from me.

 

 

No response. He never texted back after that. He's no longer responding to me.

 

 

So now here I am, in bed, crying, knowing that for whatever reason, he does not trust me, and he is not happy with me. He has seemed so unhappy for days.

 

 

Just earlier he was saying how in the past with a girlfriend, he'd break up with her in his head everyday, that everyday he wanted to break up with her and just kept putting it off, and that he never felt like that with me. I feel like he said this to convince himself, rather than me.

 

 

Always saying "I'd never leave you! I'd never leave you!" - it was for his own sake. Trying to convince himself...

 

 

He's done with me. won't respond anymore... i gave my all and it wasn't enough.

 

You're looking at it all wrong.

 

This person wanted you to do things you weren't comfortable with and you are the one asking what YOU did wrong?!

 

I know it's more complex than this but I read this thinking "damn, this girl should be relieved she doesn't have to put up with his a$$ any longer"