Lost&lonely

[headspins]

It's so very difficult to grasp the fact that it t ruely is over still for me. I think because of there being a belief within me that my wife&I actually belong together. Despite it being dysfunctional to absolute core. We are now seperated going on over a year now. Our 3rd time seperated. Oh its been nothing short of crazy. 1st time she left me with the kids&moved backhome. Out of state. I was numb. It ddidn't really hit me until I awoke out of my drunken stupor. I was excited cuz it was just a bad dream I thought cuz I had drempt that it was and they were there still; but everyone happy. Especially her. When I got down the hall&looked into the bedrooms I fell to my knees. I have never cried so much. I had no idea you could. My eyes were swollen. While seperated the 1st time she had a full blown relationship with a guy that was just there. An opportunity to get involved with someone that paid her some attention. That's all it takes. I became suicidal&almost attempted landing me in the ward. A week. I came out determined to get healthy. I did too. Physically&mentally.

 

 

A year had gone by&I was just about to put a retainer down&file for divorce when she threw a monkey wrench&screwed my head completely. She wanted to give it a try. Reconcile. I believe I thought about it. I didn't jump out of my seat. I was either over her, or pretty close. I knew I still loved her though deep inside my heart. I moved back. It was good for about a month. Then back to the same ol same ol. We fought about everything. She slways complained&was never satisfied. Our sex life was good. That's about it. That started to detoriate. We split up again. She told me while @ work. Our communication completely broke down. I was seeing whom she really was. Her true colors were apparent to me. Unbelieveably by the hand of God we got back together AGAIN! I'd like to tell the story, but I need to conclude. The third time was my decision. I t ruely believe she pushed me into it though. The manipulation, her being with someone that was twice her age& more of a father figure. Go figure. Who knows how many others. Me? Personal life-long battle that I wont elaborate on was my betrayal. Just as bad as an affair. In my opinion I honestly admit. She admits to nothing.

 

Anyways, I basically just wanted to paint the picture&go from there. I do have some serious question, issues to raise. She is in another relationship. There is talk of marriage already from the guy who happens to be??? WOW! I cannot make this up&I feel as though I am in the middle of a LMN network movie. Her best friends ex. No longer best friends. As far as I know. Also our maid of honor. Okay I will ask questions.

 

 

1) first&foremost I want split physical custody of my son. I also wsnt same with my onbiological daughter. What are my chances living in AZ?