txlady377 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I am 47 years old, divorced for 3 years from a 20 year marriage. I was married briefly once before that one. I have two children, 20 and 15 who live with their father(because he has the money and told them he wouldn't spend any extra money on them other than pay me child support if they lived with me so they chose to live with him and I almost completely understood) so it was very hard the first year without them with me daily. I have been dating this man for little over two years. I am not the type that likes to be alone and am not scared of another commitment, but obviously he is( hes been married 3 times). He has a teenage daughter at home so I can understand not wanting to live with someone but even when she is spending the night with friends, most of the time we still don't spend the night with each other. When I ask why, he just says, if you wanted to stay just say so. So I told him i do not want to invite myself to stay, that I would like for him to ask me so that i would at least know he wanted me too. I am tired of sleeping alone every night and am ready for the next step, but he isn't. Says one day he would like more, but not sure when. He is a very sweet funny man and the sex is awesome, but he is not physically affectionate(doesn't hug, hold hands, or kiss hardly at all, only if I initiate it) and I am a very touchy feely person. Now sometimes I don't mind initiating the affection, but it would be nice for him to do it on his own sometimes. Then the last straw came when he told me that he, his daughter and his mom are going to Hawaii this summer, and I asked if he was planning on asking me to go and he said he wasn't planning on it....because his parents are paying for it and it wasn't his place to invite me. His parents and daughter like me, she even said she would like it if I went with them, and he has the money to pay for me to go, if he wanted to. I was very upset and let him know it! So, where do I go from here? Am I wasting my time? Life is too short not to be completely happy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 "Am I asking too much?" I would say so. You told him that you expected him to take you along on a family vacation and you expect him to pay your way. Your sense of entitlement would put me off a bit. Some of the other, smaller issues seem easily solvable, but I get the impression that you want to ramp up the drama or have him jump through some hoops for you. An example would be when you have been over to his place while his kid was on a sleepover. You told him you wanted to stay over and he replied 'why didn't you ask.' It seems to me that could be easily resolved. Next time kid has a sleep away, either ask to sleep over or simply sleep over. From what you stated, it sounds like he would be fine with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author txlady377 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 I am not asking him to jump thru any more hoops than I would and have done for him. I could pay my own way if need be. I just want to be with someone who includes me in their life and shows and tells me how they feel about me, don't just include me for the little things, like hanging out and watching tv or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 It sounds like you want/need more than he is able/willing to provide. Maybe the two of you are not a match. At this stage in your lives personalities on boths sides are likely not to change much. It might be time to move on and find someone you are more in synch with. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 At two years into a relationship I would think that he'd be eager to integrate you into his life in significant ways... that sleeping over would be routine when circumstances allow, and that a vacations would include you (cost considerations notwithstanding). Reluctance to show physical affection indicates inhibitions that may originate in the same place as his apparent ambivalence toward further integration. Perhaps companionship, sex and a moderate level of connectedness with separate lives is his idea of a great relationship. Have you two talked about a future together at all? Have you professed enduring love, and is it said often and freely? Do you have wide open lines of communication? I'm wondering if perhaps you have different goals but haven't really gotten it out in the open. Personally, I wouldn't invest two years of my life with someone unless they were a probable life partner... but that's my orientation. I dated a woman for several months until I found out that she basically wanted a man as a lifestyle accessory, for sex and to pay for fine dining and trips. The day we had that conversation was the last time I saw her. I think you need to say what you want and figure out if this guy is able and willing to be the kind of partner you need, or if what it is now is all it's likely to be. Two years is enough time to have figured this out. I don't think you should expect anyone to pay for your trip, however, I think you're right to wonder about the implications of not being included. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 txlady, I think txguy might be your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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