I feel she is having an afair but do not go out of my way to find out.

[bagman41]

Little background to understand my situation:

I have been married to this woman for 23 years minus 3 from a seperation and divorce that accured 8 year into the marriage. We were having problems with in-laws living in home and withdrew from each other after comming home for a cruise (20 years Navy) she had seperation paper for me and I left to find just shortly after she had a guy move in, I suspected but never had the proof she still denies it. Well divorce was final I met a girl and almost married but instead went back to her, thinking back i really feel it was more for our two girls than still loving her. Well she has never really taken me and my romantic jestures blowing them off and not accepting them and telling me i don't know what I am talking about. I have always intiated romance so at times i would just say I will not initiate anymore and if she wants me she will initiate well I would be taking cold showers the rest of my life. Years have past and now the girls are 21 and 23 we really have not one thing incommon. She had gained a lot of weight and 3 yrs ago had a weight loss surgery and at 160 lbs lighter she liked me more at her heavier weight.

She has this group of friends from work and outside of work that seems like a whole different lifstyle than her and I which really we have no life together I am a hombody if I am not on the golf course. Not that I do not try. The last several times I have tried to set up something to do just the two of us she is not feeling good or too tired from her work schedule. But as soon as I am out of town on work she is out with her friend tell all hours or cant drive home and stays there? An example New Years Eve I wanted and planed a really nice dinner and party that was being thrown by the golf course I attended and just before she did not want to go and instead went out with her friends. I am not one to snoop around and be jealous especially now for deep down i hope that she will meet someone and leave the house and me for another? I would leave but cant afford two places a believe she will not leave because why when you can have your cake(house, car, food, all paid for ) and eat it too.

 

I am discuraged pissed she is a good mother and friend but I want more than that or just live alone the rest of my life.

 

Don't want to be the bad guy to my girls and feel bad cause I made a promise to her father to take care of her daughter and her father I loved like my own father?

[Orfeo]

If you're only in it for the kids, you'll be miserable. How does that help them at all? What about your own happiness? Your post sounds like you want her to find someone else and leave. Why are you even with her? Is there a way you can be with the kids without being around her? Have you given up on life?

[bagman41]

If you're only in it for the kids, you'll be miserable. How does that help them at all? What about your own happiness? Your post sounds like you want her to find someone else and leave. Why are you even with her? Is there a way you can be with the kids without being around her? Have you given up on life?

 

Well i am miserable and if I could afford to leave my home I would and she is not leaving although I am in the process of seperating all finances. She is not going to leave unless she finds someone else to put a roof over her head. I pay all house hold bills and my automobiles anything else i might charge which is rare. She pays all the rest and barley gets by at that.

[BetrayedH]

Talk to a lawyer. Your divorce sounds easy.