In Love But He Cheated, Winning Him Back?

[TexansYellowRose]

I've been seeing my Taurus Man for a month and it was very much a whirlwind relationship. We had plans to go meet his parents and siblings in TN on a road trip with his children and mine. We talked about the future, about moving in together, having more children and it was implied that we'd marry and be together for the rest of our lives. We admitted to falling in love with one another and couldn't see our lives without the other.

 

Then one day last week he started acting cold towards me. So I questioned it and found out later that he lied to me and had gone out on a date with a girl he dated a year prior. He also went and spent time with her family and lied to me about where he was as well.

 

I went to see him over the weekend and I found out (later on) that he'd just come back from a date with her but he slept with me that night after he broke up with me. He held me all night and wouldn't let me roll away. Everything felt right again that night. Like maybe he just needed a break. He had said that he just needed sometime to sort out his demons and his confusion.

 

I found out everything the next morning: How he cheated, how he lied, how he wanted us both. He apologized profusely but also admitted to wanting us both. He admitted to not ever wanting to lose me either. He admitted to not wanting to let me go.

 

We used to talk every single day. Even after that ordeal. I even told him I'd give him another chance and take him back. He started ignoring me yesterday though. I believe he'll do the same today and tomorrow. I just need input and help. Guidance. I don't know what to do. I do love him and his children. My heart breaks more and more each day without him. I want to fight for him but I don't know how. I want to wait for him and I just have this feeling that he'll come back to me... I just can't let go.

 

Help?

 

Scorpio female... In love with a very confused Taurus male.

[Weezy1973]

Or, once you take a reality pill, a very confused Scorpio female.

 

If you want marriage and commitment long term, dump this guy. One month...really?

[TexansYellowRose]

Or, once you take a reality pill, a very confused Scorpio female.

 

If you want marriage and commitment long term, dump this guy. One month...really?

 

I understand that it sounds crazy... We decided from day one to just let the pieces fall where they will. We weren't going to hold back or follow the rules. We took it all pretty much day by day and then it just got pretty serious from there. It isn't conventional in this day and age but that's what we thought was the beauty in what we have. Raw and unconventional, we went with whatever felt right. Please understand and please look past what you may not understand and define as crazy, naive or stupid. I'm here to ask for him. I have more heartache and I just don't need more criticism. I thank you for reading anyhow.

[KaliLove]

Whirlwind relationships immediately set off red flag warnings to me. I'm not saying they never work, but usually there's something up.

 

You dated for a month and he's already cheated, lied, gone cold on you, and dumped you. All very bad signs.

 

Harsh truth..I don't think he's coming back. I think he enjoyed playing the good guy with you for a while but he couldn't keep up the charade, because he's not a good guy. He might come back and string you along for a while if he's REALLY evil, but this is not the man for you.

 

The good news is that you only wasted a month on this jerk. It won't take you all that long to recover once you come off the relationship high.

 

Don't be his doormat.

[travelbug1996]

let him go. please for your own sake

[Yookie]

After one month, you're just beginning to see the real him. No matter what words come out of his mouth, his actions say he wants you to be in love with him while he goes out and does whatever he wants with other women. He is not committed to a relationship with you. His actions are not that of a man in love.

 

He will continue to ignore you until he has nothing better to do (no other women lined up) then he will be back acting like nothing is wrong. You'll get sucked in again and when he finds a new conquest he'll put you back on ignore. This cycle can repeat as many times as you allow it.

 

Sometimes people who want to end a relationship tell you all of the terrible things they did because they WANT you to break up with them. He told you that he is a liar, a cheater and he wants to be with multiple women. You should believe him.

 

If you still want a relationship with him then it will be when and if HE decides to put you back in rotation.

[TexansYellowRose]

Whirlwind relationships immediately set off red flag warnings to me. I'm not saying they never work, but usually there's something up.

 

You dated for a month and he's already cheated, lied, gone cold on you, and dumped you. All very bad signs.

 

Harsh truth..I don't think he's coming back. I think he enjoyed playing the good guy with you for a while but he couldn't keep up the charade, because he's not a good guy. He might come back and string you along for a while if he's REALLY evil, but this is not the man for you.

 

The good news is that you only wasted a month on this jerk. It won't take you all that long to recover once you come off the relationship high.

 

Don't be his doormat.

 

Thank you for replying... I understand it looks bad. We just decided to let the pieces fall where they may and not hold back. He really is a good man... He just seems so confused. I have weighted out exactly what you've said... That maybe he won't come back. That he might be repeat offender. I've never given second chances but for some reason, intuition/gut is telling me to not give up just yet. He's best friends with his ex-wife of five years... She's even told me not to given up (strange situation but we're all friends). She also told me the other woman is rather nutters and is not a good fit for any man.

 

I want to fight but I'm so afraid that what you said may be what will happen but I won't know if I don't fight? Or I'll waste time if I try to fight...

[TexansYellowRose]

After one month, you're just beginning to see the real him. No matter what words come out of his mouth, his actions say he wants you to be in love with him while he goes out and does whatever he wants with other women. He is not committed to a relationship with you. His actions are not that of a man in love.

 

He will continue to ignore you until he has nothing better to do (no other women lined up) then he will be back acting like nothing is wrong. You'll get sucked in again and when he finds a new conquest he'll put you back on ignore. This cycle can repeat as many times as you allow it.

 

Sometimes people who want to end a relationship tell you all of the terrible things they did because they WANT you to break up with them. He told you that he is a liar, a cheater and he wants to be with multiple women. You should believe him.

 

If you still want a relationship with him then it will be when and if HE decides to put you back in rotation.

 

Thank you for your reply! Your words are indeed very wise... But at the same time, I keep thinking this is his first offense. This sort of relationship is new to him as he was in a very romantically loveless marriage with a best friend for five years. He said I was what he was missing; that he had that void in his heart he now knew how to fill. I just see and understand his confusion and want to give him another shot.

 

I may love him but I know that if he does this sort of thing again, I am a strong enough woman to walk away. I've never EVER given any man a chance after doing me any wrong. NEVER. I usually walk without a glance back at whoever it is that's wronged me; they were't even worthy enough to be a memory but for this man... I just can't seem to just walk away. I can't explain why. I may sound foolish, maybe even weak but I promise you that I am strong enough to walk away if he ever does it again... If he comes back to me.

 

His ex wife (also his best friend) has even told me to wait for him.

[KaliLove]

I still think you're wasting your time on a cheating lying scumbag.

[KatZee]

Give him a chance? To do what? Cheat on you again? Which he WILL by the way.

 

What are you hoping to do? Convince him how awesome you are, and that you're "worthy" of his love and affection? You are competing with a person who has a past with him and since you've only been with him a month, this other person holds more weight.

 

Also, he is just being selfish. He wants two women. He can't HAVE two women. It's you, or her. Not you on Monday and Thursday and this other chick filling in the other days of the week.

 

You really think this is his first rodeo? Don't kid yourself. And who the hell cares who told you to wait for him? You should be waiting for NO BODY.

 

He's broken you down and he has you believing the fantasy he's put in your head: "oh you're so special, oh you're the missing piece" That's why you can't walk away. I've been in your shoes, and yes, he cheated again.

[Thomas the Red Fox]

Astrological signs are about as accurate as a backroom psychic.

 

Get that crap outta here

[Goldenbrwn]

You could tell him you are willing to let him keep seeing the other woman while still sleeping with you.

If that isn't acceptable and you need a monogamous partner then you will have to look elsewhere.

[Yookie]

Thank you for your reply! Your words are indeed very wise... But at the same time, I keep thinking this is his first offense. This sort of relationship is new to him as he was in a very romantically loveless marriage with a best friend for five years. He said I was what he was missing; that he had that void in his heart he now knew how to fill. I just see and understand his confusion and want to give him another shot.

 

I may love him but I know that if he does this sort of thing again, I am a strong enough woman to walk away. I've never EVER given any man a chance after doing me any wrong. NEVER. I usually walk without a glance back at whoever it is that's wronged me; they were't even worthy enough to be a memory but for this man... I just can't seem to just walk away. I can't explain why. I may sound foolish, maybe even weak but I promise you that I am strong enough to walk away if he ever does it again... If he comes back to me.

 

His ex wife (also his best friend) has even told me to wait for him.

 

You know how to tell if a person is lying? When their words DONT line up with their ACTIONS. See the sentence in bold above? His actions don't line up with that declaration. If you're the one who fills the void in his heart then why are you on ignore right now? Remember he TOLD you he is a liar...

 

When he told you he is a liar, a cheater, a womanizer... THAT'S the part he backed up with his ACTIONS.

 

Which part do you honestly think is true? No need to answer me here... work it out in your mind.

 

Are you strong enough to make decisions based on logic rather than emotions? When you can, you won't give someone a second chance who 1) does not deserve it and 2)doesn't even want it.

[Leigh 87]

Stop being a door mat.

 

Get some self respect and find a man who only wants you.

 

The very LAST thing you should be doing is trying to win a guy back who cheated on you.

 

If HE was truly into you, he would only have eyes for you.

 

You alone are enough for a man.

 

UNLESS you are into sharing partners, DO NOT settle for a man that IS into having two girls on the go.

[Mrin]

First offense? I'm sorry but in terms of relationships this is a felony capital offense. He slept with her right before he slept with you. Betrayal of emotions be damned - the dude threatened your health by doing that.

 

You can't change men. You can't change this. Run far far away and count yourself lucky that you only wasted a month on him.

[cif]

He'll call you again when he's bored. And you'll resume. Or..

 

He'll call you again and you'll have found your dignity and have him on ignore.

 

Advice from a level-headed Virgo.

[Gaeta]

I understand that it sounds crazy... We decided from day one to just let the pieces fall where they will.

 

..and they did, pieces have fallen where they were suppose to, now accept it and move on.

 

You wanted something raw and unconventional, now you see where these leads. If you are playing by these rules you have to accept the results.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why would you fight for someone who cheats on you within a month? That's just a foolish waste of time. Consider yourself lucky that you only wasted a month on this turd instead of investing more time and energy to find this out months or years later. I mean, you have children, why would you allow your children access to a man like this?

 

The dude is not confused, the dude wants to sample as many flavors as he can. And I'm not sure why you included the astrological signs -- those do not have any relevance. A cheater is a cheater no matter what sign he or she is born under.

[bluegreen]

You want him back why exactly ?

So you can show him by your action that you have 0 self respect and next time that he may : bring someone to your own home bed or have a quick one with your co worker while you are typing that monthly report for your boss?

 

Girl get some sense pronto he cheated he does not love you or respect you to actually break up with you and then go do whatever he wants.

And he did it in one month he did not even consider himself in relationship with you in first place.

[MidwestUSA]

If all this guy has to do is hold you all night and not let you roll away to make everything all right again, he's got it made. Smooth.

 

First offense under the belt, smooth.

 

 

Cautious Capricorn says cut bait.

[Omei]

silly girl! I want to throw water on you shake you while screaming wake up! wake up!

[Ninjainpajamas]

I understand that it sounds crazy... We decided from day one to just let the pieces fall where they will. We weren't going to hold back or follow the rules. We took it all pretty much day by day and then it just got pretty serious from there. It isn't conventional in this day and age but that's what we thought was the beauty in what we have. Raw and unconventional, we went with whatever felt right. Please understand and please look past what you may not understand and define as crazy, naive or stupid. I'm here to ask for him. I have more heartache and I just don't need more criticism. I thank you for reading anyhow.

 

Look, people who say "I go with the flow, follow no rules, everything just happens for me in a very unique and special way with my partner, it was all very natural...yadda yadda yadda" are full of shet....the rules apply to you as well, you're just too damn blinded in denial to accept what is really going on, even with the proof being smashed in your face like a pie.

 

This guy is simply manipulating you into a relationship that he has the control and the power, this is nothing new, this is not rocket science a million guys do the exact same thing to hold that cloud over a woman...the reason for "breaking all the rules" is an excuse to act like a 12 year old and for you to accept that as well, so you don't actually use your damn brain and connect the dots and look at things from a very reasonable and realistic perspective...instead just be clouded in this BS romance by this kind of blind faith and BELIEVE in something that has no validity when you actually pull away and see what's happening, but that's the last thing he wants you do, the last thing he wants you to do is use your brain and figure it out.

 

He's going to exploit your emotions, using them to his advantage, using your own emotions against you because I'm sure you're convinced and believe emotionally that you have something "special"...you've believed all the BS out of his mouth, he manipulates his actions to being one thing when they are another, all so he can have you and the other woman at the same time who's been in his life likely for a while now and he's likely been sleeping with her the entire time, if not other women as well.

 

But you're naive, you're foolish, this guy is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and since you think your relationship is so special and unique and "you don't understand what WE have":rolleyes: you're liable to do any damn ridiculous thing and convince yourself of anything because for some damn reason you insist on it...because you can't understand or make sense of it and like most women you're sure of how you feel and assume he must feel the same.

 

This guy is not going to let you go, he's going to attach to you and drag you through the mud to serve his own need and you're going to have to learn everything the hard way.

 

The saddest part is you're too insecure and in need to pull yourself away. You're going to be your worst enemy, it's not even about him, it's about you.

[veggirl]

You barely even KNOW him and you are talking marriage and children and moving in together. Good lord.

 

There is a reason "whirlwind" relationships typically crash and burn. It's because you jump into this insta-relationship with someone YOU DON'T KNOW. You make plans based on FANTASY, not reality. None of your "plans" with him were real, and they weren't based off anything long-lasting or real. It was lust, pure and simple.

 

Anyway, now you are actually getting to know THE REAL HIM and guess what, like a lot of men who rush into things, he's a liar and a cheat! Do you like what you see? Cause THIS is the reality, the bulls.hit about marriage after a friggin month wasn't. This is. Dump him.

 

Next time to get to know a man before declaring him the love of your life!!

[justhadto]

Give him the boot before he gives you the clap and a onecway ticket to babymammaville! How old are some of these folks in these threads. Lady,you deserve someone who feels the same way you do about your significant other.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Thank you for your reply! Your words are indeed very wise... But at the same time, I keep thinking this is his first offense. This sort of relationship is new to him as he was in a very romantically loveless marriage with a best friend for five years. He said I was what he was missing; that he had that void in his heart he now knew how to fill. I just see and understand his confusion and want to give him another shot.

 

I may love him but I know that if he does this sort of thing again, I am a strong enough woman to walk away. I've never EVER given any man a chance after doing me any wrong. NEVER. I usually walk without a glance back at whoever it is that's wronged me; they were't even worthy enough to be a memory but for this man... I just can't seem to just walk away. I can't explain why. I may sound foolish, maybe even weak but I promise you that I am strong enough to walk away if he ever does it again... If he comes back to me.

 

His ex wife (also his best friend) has even told me to wait for him.

 

"First offense?" -____- Gimme a break. The fact that he did it so early on in your relationship is telling... that this guy is SCUM and doesn't respect you much at all. And the fact that he told you to your face that he "wants both you and the other girl" is unbelievable. Did he remember to spit in your face while telling you that?

 

So yeah you feel you're strong enough but are you SMART enough?? And you never put up with such before..? Why did you devolve into a dumber form lol??

 

Even if you let him come back in his mind he will think of you as even weaker ("she'll come back again and again even if i treat her like sh*t") so be prepared for more of the same.