Do I tell ex-coworker I like her?

[OhNoNotAgain]

So here's my situation. I've been working with this girl I like for over a year. We would talk all the time on IM, she would always hang out in my cubicle, and we would go out to lunch all the time. I couldn't help but feel that there was something between us.

 

Some more details: She's been with her boyfriend for over a year, and lives with him. Me and my girlfriend of 8 months broke up recently. She's been really cool about it, and tried to help me understand what happened with my ex.

 

Now she left her job and doesn't work with me anymore. But we are still texting back and forth.

 

When we worked together, everyone there knew I liked her, and they always made comments. I'm sure she knew too.

 

So here's where I'm at. I think this girl might like me, but she has a boyfriend. I would never want to come in between anyone's relationship. But I also want to make sure this girl knows I like her, especially since we don't work together anymore. I was actually hoping to hear from some girls about what they think about this situation.

 

Do I actually say something about how I like her? Do I just keep trying to find ways to make it obvious in my texts? Do I just do nothing and hope she breaks up with her boyfriend one day, and contacts me?

 

I just feel like I should do something while I still have somewhat frequent contact with her.

 

Thanks for any advice.

[ThatGirl213]

I think you should let her know. I also think she knows about it already. Also let her know you respect her relationship. Please don't try to be the other man because everyone will get hurt in the end.

[Tressugar]

Chris is that you?!

[d0nnivain]

She lives with a BF of over a year. You keep your mouth shut unless that changes. She is aware that you are free. She'd change her status if she cared to.

 

FWIW, annuncements such as "I like you" rarely work. They just make everybody awkward. If she does break up with her BF, simply ask her out. Your feelings for her will be implied in the request for a date.

[Kardia]

You don't tell her, you don't try to imply it in texts, and for your own sake don't keep waiting on this. She's in a serious relationship and no good can come from pining for her. If you think you can happily maintain a platonic relationship with her then stay in touch with no expectations, otherwise put some space between the two of you.

[Valen]

I would never want to come in between anyone's relationship.

 

I highly doubt that because the answer should be plain as day. You wouldn't be facing this dilemma if you didn't want to come between them. Just ask yourself what is that you trying to achieve by telling her you like her?

[OhNoNotAgain]

Chris is that you?!

 

Sorry, not Chris, lol.

[whichwayisup]

I think this girl might like me, but she has a boyfriend. I would never want to come in between anyone's relationship. But I also want to make sure this girl knows I like her, especially since we don't work together anymore. I was actually hoping to hear from some girls about what they think about this situation.

 

Put yourself in her shoes. let's say you have a gf and your (ex) co worker told you that she had feelings for you but didn't want to hurt your relationship but just wanted you to know. How would you feel and how would you react to that?

 

I say just keep in touch and be friends. If her relationship ends in the future, then maybe ask her out (obviously allow her time to grieve the loss and have time to be on her own for a bit) for dinner and a movie.

 

I think telling her now how you feel is a big mistake.

[Kamila]

Don't say anything. Only when the relationship ends (big 'if') and some time has passed, let her come to you.

Maybe after she said her relationship is over and she's ready to date yet. Otherwise you'll scare her away.

You're friends with her, don't ruin that.

[Jenny_23]

what you forgot to tell us is the way she text you and what kind of text they are, for the most part if they are "flirty" then more than likely something is up in that relationship

[OhNoNotAgain]

Hey everyone, I wanted to give an update on this situation and get your thoughts.

 

So I ended up going out for drinks with a bunch of people, including this girl and her boyfriend. The last couple hours we were out, she was getting a little drunk. She kept repeating how much she missed me, and even kept telling her boyfriend how much she missed me.

 

I was sitting next to her, with her boyfriend on the other side. And I can't even count how many times she touched my leg or my arm, and just left her hands there, even with her boyfriend right next to her. She was doing things like coming up behind me and hugging me, touching my hair, and even kissed me on the cheek. You could tell the boyfriend was getting annoyed that she seemed to be touching me so much, and just saying how much she missed me over and over. If I was him, I would have been incredibly angry.

 

Then before she left, she decided to sit on my lap for a minute instead of hugging me bye. Then I ended up leaving at the same time as her and her boyfriend. And on the walk out to where our cars were parked, she wanted to hold my arm instead of his. So we are walking to our cars with her holding on to me, not him (I actually started holding her hand for a minute...) We passed their car on the way to mine, and she just wanted to keep hugging me, and the boyfriend ended up just going in the car while we were hugging and saying goodbye outside. Yes I know, totally surreal. She just kept saying she didn't want me to leave.

 

Then, as if this all wasn't crazy enough, she texts me a few minutes after I leave them, saying, "I love you". Now the thing is, I don't know if that is a friendly "I love you" or if she meant more. I said I love her too.

 

I don't know what to make of all of this. I don't know how much of it was due to her being drunk, or if being drunk let her actual feelings come out. What do you guys think? And what do I do at this point? The fact still remains that she has a boyfriend that she lives with.

[preraph]

You have to be very careful here because you could instantly lose her respect if she thinks you're the kind of guy to try to break up a couple or encourage a woman to cheat. My guess is she knows you like her enough that if she ever breaks up with him, then you'll find out if she has those feelings or not. I think you should just stay in infrequent touch with her. If she ever breaks up, then ask her out.

[Kamila]

She made moves on you while sitting to her boyfriend ??

Doesn't seem like she has it all together for now, she's confused.

Sounds like trouble to me...

[OhNoNotAgain]

She made moves on you while sitting to her boyfriend ??

Doesn't seem like she has it all together for now, she's confused.

Sounds like trouble to me...

 

Well I still have no idea what to make of that night, lol. I actually haven't heard from her since the day after that night, until today. Just a few messages back and forth about work stuff.

 

I'm assuming the boyfriend went ape sh** the next day, and that's why I haven't heard from her.

[OhNoNotAgain]

Another thing, I might have to move to a new city soon, and I kind of mentioned it to her today. I am supposed to text her back about something else, but I know it's gonna come up again.

 

I'm sure she's gonna say something about not wanting me to move, but I just can't think of how I should reply if she says something like that. Part of me just wants to tell her that I'd stay for her if things were different. But I'm not sure if that's a good idea...