realfriends Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I applaud you but I thought I would bring up a perspective no one has yet, maybe play devils advocate a little bit. From what I have read, its been two month. Although its possible to get over someone in that time, it really quick. I dont know how long your relationship was with you ex, but two months regardless is very short. How do you know you're not rebounding. How do you know that maybe if things dont work out with this new girl, maybe given some time to heal, your feelings won't hit you. Once again, not trying to shoot you down, just making sure you are aware of how short it has been. It takes a lot of people many months to fully get over someone. That is truly when you are ready for dating. Doing anything before that is typically just a rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 At that point I went from 'happy go lucky' to 'really irritated.' As cold and harsh as it may sound, I told her that she is not welcomed around me and that she should leave. Started to cry and left. Trust me I'm not a heartless dude and I wouldn't ever hurt a fly, but for some odd reason... I didn't care. Was I wrong? In my opinion, saying that that attitude was nice is irresponsible. Drumking was in an emotional turmoil. Nobody acts like that when they are really over their exes. I appreciate the analysis but seriously I'm not an emotional turmoil. This is one of the best weeks I've had yet. I just didn't welcome her company, that doesn't mean I'm not over her. What do you advise me do in that situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 How do you know you're not rebounding.. I see where you're coming from, but I'm not in a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Trovador, I think that IDK is over his ex in terms of not having romantic feelings for her, or at least not wanting to reconcile their relationship. I think maybe he was irritated because she's been trying to reconcile with him for a while, and he doesn't want to. He wants her to stop, but either she wasn't fully aware of that (until today), or she kept hoping that there was a chance. He may also have been irritated by her treatment towards him and for allowing to experience deep pain for a while, only for her to come around again when she wants to be with him again. realfriends, every situation is different. It is really possible to have fully moved on after two months. There are too many variables to say that two months is too soon. He did go through a lot during those two months, but has been working hard on his healing. He may go through setbacks, but he'll conquer them if they come. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 What do you advise me do in that situation? Believe it or not, I have in mind your welfare... All I am saying is that I believe you are not over her and to be completely honest you are coming as a bit of cocky about your recovery. You are not healed yet. It takes more time than yours. A text? That doesn't mean she is asking you back. That people say that she is hurting? That doesn't mean anything if she doesn't declare that to you in an unequivocal manner. You title a thread which comes up as arrogant... Believe me, I was there. I am doing fine now, after almost four years of hard work... What I advise you is to act like you are not over her (meaning being careful with your recovery) even if you really are... I am out, I see I am not being popular here... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 At that point I went from 'happy go lucky' to 'really irritated.' As cold and harsh as it may sound, I told her that she is not welcomed around me and that she should leave. Started to cry and left. Trust me I'm not a heartless dude and I wouldn't ever hurt a fly, but for some odd reason... I didn't care. Was I wrong? In my opinion, saying that that attitude was nice is irresponsible. Drumking was in an emotional turmoil. Nobody acts like that when they are really over their exes. Who said it was nice? I didn't. And just because he was irritated inside doesn't mean that he yelled at her on the outside. As for the "cold and harsh" thing, that's a pretty standard way to talk to an ex. I never claimed he was healed. But I don't really get why you are jumping all over him for how he handled it. It was an awkward situation and not one that most people handle well. Considering the circumstances, I think he did pretty good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 I wouldn't say wrong per se but immature. Considering your age and hers... This all is to be expected. It was your "first love" and first break up so its no surprise you have a million threads since you were dumped a few months ago. It's also why you are keeping "score" and trying to "one up" her. What you fail to realize when you were dating your Ex or even the girl you are now... Neither girl is going to be a "forever" relationship. You, your Ex and this new girl will date many more people, have several long term relationships, hurt and be hurt many more times before finally meeting the person you marry. Break ups don't get easier but how you deal with your emotions, thoughts and how you react to them does as you get older. You still aren't over it and it's obvious that you want to hurt / punish your Ex for breaking up with you. It takes time but hopefully that passes soon and you will focus on the good times and experiences you both shared and bury the hatchet. Whoa whoa whoa. I don't know how many times I gotta say this but I'm not dating anyone. I'm simply meeting new people and this girl and I happen to have a good connection. Who the heck said I'm trying to "one up" her? I've been concentrating on myself for weeks now, SHE'S the one that has been trying to reach out to me after cheating on me. If you believe that she deserves a second shot, then i must be in the wrong forum. "You still aren't over it and it's obvious that you want to hurt / punish your Ex for breaking up with you." Really, dude? Sorry that I'm sounding aggressive but I'm actually offended by this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 I'm not excusing it but for whatever reason it seems you Millennials can't break up like normal people. Maybe it's because you are connected 24 / 7 to your BF / GF through Email, text, Fakebook, Instant Messenger, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and probably 10 other things I don't know about yet. That's a pretty big statement considering the fact that you don't know squat about my previous relationship and how interactions went. Please don't generalize... I have a feeling you believe I'm a 14 year old kid who got his heart broken. Link to post Share on other sites
CadeYeager Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Why don't you people calm down? OP just updated us with what happened in his day. Jesus. If he feels a certain way then we should all take it at face value instead of trying to play the therapist a "rationalize" why he feels the way he does. It doesn't freaking matter... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I didn't tell you to give her a second chance. Point is, it doesn't matter if you and your Ex were still together and you didn't break up. You and your Ex were always going to be break up and this never was going to be "forever" relationship. Neither will it be with the next 2 or 3 long term relationships you have. You can't imagine this now but in the future you two will talk again... You both be laughing about how the break up went down, how crazy you both responded too it and not care or want to "prove" anything to each other. If your Ex cheated... That is a raw deal but one day you won't give a rip about her or her cheating. I'm not excusing it but for whatever reason it seems you Millennials can't break up like normal people. Maybe it's because you are connected 24 / 7 to your BF / GF through Email, text, Fakebook, Instant Messenger, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and probably 10 other things I don't know about yet. You can't take a crap, eat lunch or have a private thought without getting permission or telling your BF / GF and everyone else. It's why I think 90% of the threads on here created by your age group end with a "break up affair" where the dumper cheats with the sole purpose of getting caught so you two break up. This is VERY generalized. 90 percent of the threads here? Ive been on here for awhile and that is pretty far fetched. In terms of the OP, I feel the reaction was okay....Could have been different? Sure. I will say there is a very fine line between love and hate . I dont know if I would totally believe you are over it, but I guess this is a start 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 This is VERY generalized. 90 percent of the threads here? Ive been on here for awhile and that is pretty far fetched. In terms of the OP, I feel the reaction was okay....Could have been different? Sure. I will say there is a very fine line between love and hate . I dont know if I would totally believe you are over it, but I guess this is a start Agreed 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Why don't you people calm down? OP just updated us with what happened in his day. Jesus. If he feels a certain way then we should all take it at face value instead of trying to play the therapist a "rationalize" why he feels the way he does. It doesn't freaking matter... (I said I was out but this post is not for DrumKing...) If I took stuff on this subforum (the break up one, of all places!) at face value I would be playing Dark Soul on my PS3... the good people here wouldn't read long threads and do their best to give some advice... I think you are on the wrong subforum.. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 What's up with this hostility? Dang. Are personal triggers causing you all to displace on him? Leave him alone my friends, we should all be sticking together. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 We cannot possibly know or fathom the love and feelings that you and your Ex had. It was a love unlike any other, right? So much so, it only lasted 2 years and she ended up cheating on you. You only created 27 threads in a month and a half and even called and begged for your cheating Ex to come back a few weeks ago. Quit acting like a bad ass and stating you are over her. You aren't the first 21 year old kid who had a 2 two year relationship with his "first love" that ended in a break up. She hurt you and you want to hurt her back. That is / was you mission and goal and now you are bragging about. Point is, if you were over her you wouldn't be posting here saying you are and if your love was unlike any other that none of us could possibly understand... You wouldn't be trying to purposely punish and hurt someone you said you loved so much. Quit lying to yourself about you being over her and focus on getting control of your thoughts and emotions before you say or do more things that you later regret. http://cdn2.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/SETTLE-THE-F-DOWN.gif 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 What's up with this hostility? Dang. Are personal triggers causing you all to displace on him? Leave him alone my friends, we should all be sticking together. Yeah, the hostility toward the OP is shocking and seems really out of place. I truly don't get what's going on here. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 :confused:There is a reason why we are all here and to understand that someone first has to get to know us then JUDGE ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 http://cdn2.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/SETTLE-THE-F-DOWN.gif Lol Nick Saban scares the crap out of me. He goes from showing no emotion to full on rage. OP, as I said, keep up the good work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I don't know how long it's been since I last heard a peep from my ex. Not once has she given me anything close to a breadcrumb. Same here... 13 months and nadda. I think at this point she is affraid to reach out KNOWING that I will not respond!!! Whatever!! Works for me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nickjd Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 This is really encouraging me. I recently left my EX in Australia (!) because she got a heavy bout of GIGS after I went through a rough spot. Instead of sitting down and working on things, it was clearly easier to just date another guy/s while I was still living with her... anyway. After staying in LC for a while, she sent breadcrumbs now and then, but just recently she has been telling me "there is no one better than you" and "I'm frightened I will lose you after what I have done" and other pathetic sounding catch phrases. I am emotionally getting better, but by the sounds and looks, she is going downhill and it kills me inside knowing that just a year ago I nursed her after her kidney operation. I'm glad she got her cake. She has put on 10lbs in just 2 months, the grass in the garden is 2 feet tall and she is struggling with work etc. I don't know how to deal with all this sometimes, but for now I am silent. Anyway, sorry for the hijack, but good stuff mate Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 This is exactly how it works. I said in my story that I walked out of a bar couldn't have been happier and BOOM my phone goes off. Congrats man keep moving forward. Barky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 This is exactly how it works. I said in my story that I walked out of a bar couldn't have been happier and BOOM my phone goes off. Congrats man keep moving forward. Barky Phone numbers can get changed to Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Phone numbers can get changed to Lol in my case I was too proud to change my number because of a ex Barky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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