Loneliness vs being alone?

[tlegend]

I'm having trouble identifying what is bothering me today. I'm hoping you guys can help narrow that down.

 

I've recently began feeling very lonely. I have friends, I have acquaintances... but I recently turned 29 and have realized that I have this feeling...that I can't seem to find a remedy to.

 

Please, don't misunderstand this post. I am a fairly happy individual. However, I've recently became aware that ...even though my friends are just a phone call away.. I still feel alone...

 

Most of the friendships I have involve me initiating hanging out. However, most of my friends in this age are married and have extremely busy lives. It's not the fact that we aren't friends anymore, it's just that they have so much going on that our friendship is more cordial than anything.

 

I don't know. I guess I miss sharing a connection, a true connection, with people in my life.

 

I feel like I don't have that connection with anyone anymore. I feel, in this day and age of being connected somehow, someway, in the world....I still feel as it I'm not connected at all sometimes.

 

I work out, I have a FT job, I have my own place, and I even make sure to go out at least once a week to do something random, whether it be walking around / exploring / something. But....I want to find someone to do it with...not just by myself. I've always been fine doing things by myself, or alone. I'm not the type to be afraid to go watch a movie solo.

 

However, I don't want to anymore. I want to find a connection with someone to share my life with, and to be a part of theirs.... Not even in a romantic sense, but it would be preferable.

 

I live in a city with plenty of people, but it also seems very hard to break into an already existing "clique" of friends. I still like to drink and have a good time, but I'm done with the "drinking until 6 am" and parties...per se.

 

Does anyone else feel like this ever? Am I alone in this? Do I have an underlying problem I need to address?

 

=/

[Tressugar]

I believe we all been there before and factoring in your age and maturity level it sounds like it's time to settle down with that special person.

 

What do you think?

[tlegend]

I believe we all been there before and factoring in your age and maturity level it sounds like it's time to settle down with that special person.

 

What do you think?

 

I would love to, but if I'm having this hard of a problem with just friends and meaningful friendships.....How am I ever going to find someone who is interested in even a deeper connection??

[Under The Radar]

You are not alone in thinking or feeling the way that you do. Your post resonates with me and I can empathize with the loneliness you feel at times. I am roughly ten years older than you and find that many of my friends have full lives. They are married with children and tend to have little time for me. I also see a changing dynamic in our relationship where much of their available time is spent with OTHER married couples with children. Because I'm single without children, I believe they find it harder to relate to me at this stage of life. Of course they care about me, and I do see them from time to time, but I know it will never be the same again. That deep connection we had years ago is not the same due to the vicissitudes of life. Some other important people in my life, who I loved very much, died over the past several years due to cancer or other degenerative diseases.

 

 

I am a career personal trainer and have a nice home over my gym. I wake up early in the morning and simply descend a stairway to unlock the studio door and greet my first client ...... I don't even need to get in a car or venture outside to begin my day. I have to make a specific point, at this stage in my life, to get outside more, (I'm naturally very introverted) to meet new people, and explore the world. Sure, like you, I'll go to a movie myself, get in a great workout, or go to the occasional dinner with friends. However, you can find it hard to accept these changes that have occurred with friends or important relationships.

 

 

At times I'll find myself dwelling on the past instead of pushing towards the future. I am much more capable of forward thinking now a days than ever before. I'm alone much of the time, but as an introvert I enjoy that. Nevertheless, I do get lonely and wish I had a companion or some new friends to connect with. I enjoy LS for that very reason because so many people come together to dissect relationships, ourselves, and generally lend help to one another. I actually feel less lonely reading so many different people's stories, challenges, successes, sometimes failures, and thoughts on here.

 

 

I do know that the literal world (as opposed to the internet) is where it's really at. Making the effort to leave my comfort zone and venture out into that world can be difficult at times. The funny thing is (with the exception of my closest friends) nobody knows that about me. I seem like a well rounded, well adjusted man with a successful business and a youthful appearance. I'm personable and engaging when I need to be, but always drift back into my man cave - LOL.

 

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from. I intend to make new friends in the future, continue to grow my current relationships, and evolve myself as time goes on. I know I'll be in a romantic relationship again someday and I am patient for my current happiness to improve as I uncover new areas of life.

 

 

Hang in there and realize that nothing is forever ...... including the loneliness you are experiencing during this stage of life.

[tlegend]

You are not alone in thinking or feeling the way that you do. Your post resonates with me and I can empathize with the loneliness you feel at times. I am roughly ten years older than you and find that many of my friends have full lives. They are married with children and tend to have little time for me. I also see a changing dynamic in our relationship where much of their available time is spent with OTHER married couples with children. Because I'm single without children, I believe they find it harder to relate to me at this stage of life. Of course they care about me, and I do see them from time to time, but I know it will never be the same again. That deep connection we had years ago is not the same due to the vicissitudes of life. Some other important people in my life, who I loved very much, died over the past several years due to cancer or other degenerative diseases.

 

 

I am a career personal trainer and have a nice home over my gym. I wake up early in the morning and simply descend a stairway to unlock the studio door and greet my first client ...... I don't even need to get in a car or venture outside to begin my day. I have to make a specific point, at this stage in my life, to get outside more, (I'm naturally very introverted) to meet new people, and explore the world. Sure, like you, I'll go to a movie myself, get in a great workout, or go to the occasional dinner with friends. However, you can find it hard to accept these changes that have occurred with friends or important relationships.

 

 

At times I'll find myself dwelling on the past instead of pushing towards the future. I am much more capable of forward thinking now a days than ever before. I'm alone much of the time, but as an introvert I enjoy that. Nevertheless, I do get lonely and wish I had a companion or some new friends to connect with. I enjoy LS for that very reason because so many people come together to dissect relationships, ourselves, and generally lend help to one another. I actually feel less lonely reading so many different people's stories, challenges, successes, sometimes failures, and thoughts on here.

 

 

I do know that the literal world (as opposed to the internet) is where it's really at. Making the effort to leave my comfort zone and venture out into that world can be difficult at times. The funny thing is (with the exception of my closest friends) nobody knows that about me. I seem like a well rounded, well adjusted man with a successful business and a youthful appearance. I'm personable and engaging when I need to be, but always drift back into my man cave - LOL.

 

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from. I intend to make new friends in the future, continue to grow my current relationships, and evolve myself as time goes on. I know I'll be in a romantic relationship again someday and I am patient for my current happiness to improve as I uncover new areas of life.

 

 

Hang in there and realize that nothing is forever ...... including the loneliness you are experiencing during this stage of life.

 

I truly appreciate your post, and thank you for sharing. It gives me a sense of relief that you shared and had me look at this from a different perspective.

[WhiteTan]

Have you ever tried meetup.com? We get events from that site at my work all of the time, seems like a good way to make some new friends.