If your friends make bad relationship choices...

[thecrucible]

How do you support them without looking holier than thou?

 

 

Is it good to point blank tell them that you're thinking that they're making a mistake?

 

 

I did that with a friend before, she got really annoyed with me about it (probably rightfully) but now she's well off her ex and doesn't want to go back to him. The guy just hasn't taken responsibility and never bothers to see his son. But I still feel like I got too involved somehow...I don't know

 

 

Thing is she has a son now (by her ex) and she's still making wrong decisions in my view. She dates guys for friends-with-benefits always hoping for more, and I think she pretends to be okay with casual but really isn't. She even travels to see this guy so he doesn't even have to travel to see her. His friends walked up to her once and told her "hey if you're expecting this guy to commit to a relationship, you'll be disappointed". She told me she just laughed it off though.

 

 

I have another friend who breaks up with her ex then keeps going back to him. He gets drunk a lot, is unemployed and is twice her age (she is 25). Thing is he's a nice guy and all but he keeps saying he'll change, and then she goes back to him and things get back to how they were and it goes in that cycle. He seems reluctant to commit to anything and they've been dating for 8 years. She's broken up with him now and I'm hoping she won't go back to him.

 

 

There's no way I'm my friends' mum...not going to preach. I want to treat them like adults but also encourage better decisions (whilst I make crap ones too). How do I do this?

[thecrucible]

Why are you drawn to drama in your life? Do your friends ever come to you and ask why you have some need for all this drama and need to get involved in the personal relationships of others?

 

They are not your mum. You are an adult. Should they tell you to butt out?

 

 

 

Well as I said, I don't get involved at all at the moment. I just stay out of it unless they ask me for advice. Because basically I respect them as people and don't want to spend what could be a fun time spent together, hashing out stresses and relationship problems.

 

 

But it's a shame at the same time to feel like I can see something they can't see...if anything, one of them is addicted to drama. I can't tell you how many times she has dropped me in it by telling people secrets I've confided in her for instance, and making up lies about another one of my friends to cover her own back.

 

 

Maybe I should just leave her to it.

[thecrucible]

Why do you confide in someone who reveals your secrets to others and lies?

 

Why do you need this drama. I'm not being critical. I just don't understand why people like you get some thrill by feeding the fire and then complain about it being too hot.

 

You are an adult. You can control what comes out of your mouth. You can control what you choose to listen to.

 

 

 

Well that's why I don't tell her things anymore...I didn't know that about her until it happened

 

 

And I don't get involved at all in my friends' romantic lives

[Valen]

I think as friends, we have a code to look out for one another. So whenever I think they are making a bad decision I will be blunt and honest because that's what they need to hear even if they don't want to hear it. I expect the same from my friends. That's how you know your friends have your behind. They are willing to step in and prevent you from falling over a cliff. If you or your friends still decide to jump, then it's no one's fault but their own. As a true friend, you will be there to comfort them when they do fall, just hope that they learn from their mistakes.

 

Now, if I have friends who makes seriously bad mistakes and it's affecting my life in a negative way, I would cut them out. There are some friends who are just toxic. I always weed out the bad from the good. A good friend would definitely value your opinion.