What do women want?

[d]

Let me start out by saying, a woman can make you feel on top of the world...But on with the rant. I meet these women we usually have very passionate sex. But a little time passes and I find they are talking to other guys and saying I am not taking care of their emotional needs. What the hell does that mean? You got to watch out for your "friends" too, because if the opportunity presents itself they'll move in right where you left off.

 

Maybe I'll just start using women like they use me. F..It.

 

In the imortal words of Sam Kinison OHHHH....OHHHHHHH!

 

But I'm not bitter....The Hell I'm not!

[Tony T]

You didn't say how women were using you??? If you are talking about the sex, that sounds like what you are mostly out for. Sounds like what you are after in a relationship so they can't be using you for that.

 

Most normal women, and men as well, do have other than sexual needs. Emotional needs, if you have never been told, are those in which a person wants to feel loved, needed, cared for, listened to, etc. These are needs that go beyond the physical. These are needs that we seek in that someone special, to feel special, desired, unique, appreciated. Women especially need you to hear their fears, hopes, problems, dreams, etc. They aren't necessarily looking for solutions...just someone to listen.

 

Different people have different levels of needs or desires. Some women are pretty low maintenance. Some need a bit more.

 

You will seldom find a woman who wants sex as the main or only component of a long term relationship.

 

The words in your post are that of someone who is angry and hurt, frustrated and bitter. You have not ended up at this place because of how women have treated you...but because of how you have treated yourself and how you have viewed life.

 

My guess is that your family life as a young person was less than ideal. You did not learn what real love is. You did not socialize in a normal fashion. Perhaps you were emotionally or physically abused.

 

Instead of taking your energy to be bitter, why don't you set out to learn what love is all about, what living is all about, how to conduct healthy human relations, and how to attract women into your life who will be loving and supportive for you. You can do this through reading, counselling or just talking to various qualified people who can fill you in.

 

With the attitude you have right now, I would be surprised if you could interest a female skunk.

 

If you can offer no more than passionate sex, every girl you see will ultimately start seeking the satisfaction of their emotional needs elsewhere. I think it's mostly prostitutes that are only interested in sex with no emotional involvement attached.

 

Your journey towards working through this maze of mental mess you have accumulated may take a while...but be patient with yourself. The world is a lot nicer than you have seen so far, it really is. But the compassion the world mirrors is only the reflection of that of whomever is looking in the mirror.

[d]

You are wrong on quite a few points Tony. My family is great and is still together. It is quite offensive that you imply that my family life was bad. I have tried to care for womens emotional needs, like listening to their problems, talking to them about their emotions, making them feel special, etc. This is why I'm bitter. It doesn't work. I am college educated, good job, well traveled, well read, and have alot to offer.

 

If you know so much why do sit in this chat room so much?

You didn't say how women were using you??? If you are talking about the sex, that sounds like what you are mostly out for. Sounds like what you are after in a relationship so they can't be using you for that. Most normal women, and men as well, do have other than sexual needs. Emotional needs, if you have never been told, are those in which a person wants to feel loved, needed, cared for, listened to, etc. These are needs that go beyond the physical. These are needs that we seek in that someone special, to feel special, desired, unique, appreciated. Women especially need you to hear their fears, hopes, problems, dreams, etc. They aren't necessarily looking for solutions...just someone to listen.

 

Different people have different levels of needs or desires. Some women are pretty low maintenance. Some need a bit more. You will seldom find a woman who wants sex as the main or only component of a long term relationship.

 

The words in your post are that of someone who is angry and hurt, frustrated and bitter. You have not ended up at this place because of how women have treated you...but because of how you have treated yourself and how you have viewed life. My guess is that your family life as a young person was less than ideal. You did not learn what real love is. You did not socialize in a normal fashion. Perhaps you were emotionally or physically abused. Instead of taking your energy to be bitter, why don't you set out to learn what love is all about, what living is all about, how to conduct healthy human relations, and how to attract women into your life who will be loving and supportive for you. You can do this through reading, counselling or just talking to various qualified people who can fill you in. With the attitude you have right now, I would be surprised if you could interest a female skunk.

 

If you can offer no more than passionate sex, every girl you see will ultimately start seeking the satisfaction of their emotional needs elsewhere. I think it's mostly prostitutes that are only interested in sex with no emotional involvement attached. Your journey towards working through this maze of mental mess you have accumulated may take a while...but be patient with yourself. The world is a lot nicer than you have seen so far, it really is. But the compassion the world mirrors is only the reflection of that of whomever is looking in the mirror.

[Tony T]

Well, now that I have that amplification I may be slightly more helpful. Anyone with your family background and education who would make a post like the first one is pretty bitter.

 

I think it would be helpful to talk to a qualified counsellor a few times. He/she can help you deal with your anger and frustration.

 

There are obviously things you are doing wrong, way wrong, but without having you in front on me to ask you questions, I can't identify them.

 

In the light of your second post, I am somewhat confused. I can't figure out how this sex thing fits into the picture. I still don't know how you're being used. I can't tell if you are just too nice to these ladies. Sometimes when our kindness is not returned in like measure, we can anger.

 

I think a few in person counselling sessions can help you identify whatever issues...and there are some...that cause you not to have luck with women.

 

As far as knowing so much, the more I'm around here the less I know. But I like to help in whatever way I can and have found that I am a help to many people. I sit in front of the computer because I served in the military, attended seven years of college, pay lots of income tax yearly and am a law abiding citizen so I feel I have paid for my right to spend time in whatever way I choose.

 

Sorry if I was not able to help you in any way, but I did my best considering the wording of your post...which is more than anyone else had done up to that time.

 

I do wish you better luck. I have been used many times...but it was my own fault being way too nice and opening myself up for abuse. I did not get bitter or blame the women, I took full responsibility for it and worked to change the situation.

 

Good luck.

[Sandy]

Darlin,

 

I have noticed that the tables seem to have turned as far as who is using who these days in the new millinium ,as far as one night stands (sex), and men are having a hard time dealing with the fact that they were just a boy toy for the night. I think it is great for the men that have used women this way for along time , but it sucks for the good guys ,

 

It is just that there seem to be a shortage on the good guys , so these women are either not seeing your special side or they are inexperienced at relationships themselves and they don't realize what they have found .

 

Just stay yourself and do your best and one day you will find that special lady who finds in you all she needs and appreciates your efforts.

 

Maybe you need to change where you meet women and how you start the date , think about why you end up where you do and revise your approuch. Maybe wait before you jump into bed , they may think you easy (roles are changing)

 

new relationships are usally based on sex, but to have a deeper relationship both need to feel loved,needed , appreiciated, special, trusted and respected.

 

Good luck ;-)

[fishbulb]

Let me start out by saying, a woman can make

you feel on top of the world...But on with the rant. I meet these women we usually have very passionate sex. But a little time passes and I find they are talking to other guys and saying I am not taking care of their emotional needs. What the hell does that mean? You got to watch out for your "friends" too, because if the opportunity presents itself they'll move in right where you left off. Maybe I'll just start using women like they use me. F..It. In the imortal words of Sam Kinison OHHHH....OHHHHHHH!

 

But I'm not bitter....The Hell I'm not!

Hmmm...they want an honest, caring, intimate relationship they can grow with you in...no, wait...they want passion and hot, dirty sex...no, wait...they want independence and control...no, wait... they want to be treated like a princess...no, an equal...no, a strong guy... no, wait...umm...OHHHH....OHHHHHHH!

[fishbulb]

Darlin,

I have noticed that the tables seem to have turned as far as who is using who these days in the new millinium ,as far as one night stands (sex), and men are having a hard time dealing with the fact that they were just a boy toy for the night. I think it is great for the men that have used women this way for along time , but it sucks for the good guys , It is just that there seem to be a shortage on the good guys , so these women are either not seeing your special side or they are inexperienced at relationships themselves and they don't realize what they have found . Just stay yourself and do your best and one day you will find that special lady who finds in you all she needs and appreciates your efforts.

 

Maybe you need to change where you meet women and how you start the date , think about why you end up where you do and revise your approuch. Maybe wait before you jump into bed , they may think you easy (roles are changing) new relationships are usally based on sex, but to have a deeper relationship both need to feel loved,needed , appreiciated, special, trusted and respected. Good luck ;-)

 

You make some interesting points, and I suppose we should be flattered that we are being 'chosen' to be used and discarded, but in all fairness, I personally treated my last g/f like Royalty, emotionally, physically, every way possible, we had been friends for two years previously, and once she came after me, it was too good to be true. And it was. I did nothing to this woman to deserve the heart-thrashing I got, and to this day don't know why. If this is Womens' Liberation, do yourselves a favor and stop acting like men...you're supposed to be better than that, remember?

[Curious in Concert]

Another thing I might add, and try not to take offense at anything I say because i am simply offering my opinion, is its more than just listening to their problems, and their fears and all. Its -wanting- to make them feel better, -wanting- to let them talk about how the feel, -wanting- to listen to whats going on in their lives and -wanting- to make a difference. This doesn't mean that you don't, but its inside of you, that wanting to help them, and wanting to do the things that everything thinks men should do to attract women. Its not the doing that attracts them, or keeps them, its the knowledge that when you do the things you do, your doing it because you really want to.