im not ready to get married.

[angi]

i am 16 about to be 17 and my boyfriend is 21. he is always talking about 'marriage', and 'having children with me'. at first i was a little worried, but now i don't know. i really love him and want to spend my life with him but i am younger than him and not up up all of the responsibility yet. i'm thinking he is going to ask me to marry him when i turn 18. how do i tell him i want to marry him, but not for at least another 4 years?

[thromback]

Just say what you just said to us.

[michelangelo]

Just tell him that you are way too young to consider marriage and so is he.

 

Why's he dating a teenager anyway? And why are you dating such an older guy?

 

You should know that it is considered statutory rape if you two are having sex.

 

BTW, if you are having sex I sure hope you are on birth control and and using safe sex.

 

 

BTW II, you have so much growing up to do before considering both marriage and such an intense relationship.

[angi]

i know i am young and at the same time, i'm always questioning on how we ended up together, with him being so much older. but we started by hanging out with each other and our friendship grew, cuz all of my friends are his age and so are my sisters, so i kinda think it was inevitable that we ended up together. but he wouldn't even date me if it weren't for my sister who called a lawer to see if we were legal. she knew we liked each other but it was for the fear of him possibly going to jail that we stayed friends. and i had just gotten out of a long term relationship that became long distant. but he fell in love with me first and after a week or so i realized i loved him too. and he hasn't pressured me to do anything i didn't want to do. and even if i did, i honestly believe he would stay. but to be safe i am on birth control and i have my own supply of condoms the clinic gave me. thanks

[michelangelo]

A 21-year-old "man" who talks to you of you having his children when you are still a teenager has issues.

 

You should stay on those birth control pills and not agree to having kids until a time in the future when you are mature enough to handle both the financial responsibility and the HUGE time suck of having kids.

 

You and this guy both have a so much life buildinng to do before getting married and having kids.

 

You didn't mention what the lawyer said about the legality of your relationship. If you are under 18 you cannot marry without parental consent.

 

If your love is really more than enough to stand teh test of time it will wait for the day when you can handle all that comes from being married and having children.

 

Please do not have children yet. Live your life in the freedom that being young and carefree can be.

[morrigan]

I agree with Michelangelo---if you both love eachother and are committed, there is no need to rush into an engagement, marriage, or children.

Marriage and kids are a big responsibility--read some of the threads on the forum by posters who are married/have children.

 

I'd be honest with your bf--you are too young to consider getting married, there is no rush to do so, no matter what a person's age is. Marriage is a social idea, not a law or what's best for everyone. I'm 29, I have a great boyfriend, but I enjoy having my own life and am satisfied with my relationship--I don't need marriage to validate it.

 

You are in a transitional period of your life now, making decisions about what you want to do after you graduate high school. You may change your views and feelings on a lot of things in the next few years--potentially even your relationship with your bf. Take things slow, be careful sexually, enjoy your life.

[emopunk]

Society... what have you done to us?

 

As time passes and society changes, our views of love and purpose have become distorted. Society teaches us that success as an individual is what will bring happiness to our lives. That what we do for a living, that what we possess, that what our paycheck is and who it comes from is what defines our happiness in life. ...how disillustioned have we become? What greater purpose does a person have than to love?

 

I had succeeded in all the areas that society deemed were essential to happiness... yet I was not happy as I had been promised. It wasn't until I stepped away from it all and began to search for the real meaning of happiness that I found fulfillment.

 

I guess I'm just saying that you need to follow your heart. Balance it with your mind, but follow your heart. If you like this guy and want to be with him, do it. If you don't, then don't. I have the feeling that you do love him, but simply aren't ready to take that step. And that's okay. He should be able to understand that. There's a big difference between the two of you and it has nothing to do with age... only the stages of life you're in.

 

Talk to him about it. If he can't deal with it, then you know what to do. If you can't deal with it, then you know what to do. But if the two of you can, more power to you both and I wish you well. I've seen it happen, and they are the happiest couples I know because of the respect they have for one another.

 

Bit heavy, I know, and I apologize for the rant... Just very disgusted with society today.

[angi]

thanks for everything guys and girls. i talked to him about it and he said he perfectly understands and he said he wasn't thinking about getting married just yet anyway. much less have kids. he was simply stating that when he does plan on getting married he is wishing that it is me. but if we did have an 'accident' then he would stay and raise it cuz life is far more important than running away when it gets tough. he said he wants to spend his life with me but at the same time, only time will tell. he isn't my first love but he is my greatest. i never did believe in fate before i met him. now i know for sure that we are supposed to be together right now. so i appreciate everything you all have helped me with. thank-you.