Friends with benefits...with an ex gf?

[baffled111]

hehehe, this sounds like it could be a dangerous topic. lol.

 

Seriously though, my gf of only 3 months broke up with me almost 2 months ago. After about a month of little to no contact she called me, just to talk. When we broke up it was decided that we would still be friends. We at first talked about once a week, but then began calling eachother 2 or 3 times a week which really is not alot compared to the practicly 24/7 we would talk on the phone when going out. I know that she does not want a bf right now, but she deffinately wants to remain good friends.

 

This past Saturday I hung out with her for the first time since we broke up...and we both had an absoulutely amazing time. It was so much fun...yeah...anyway, she has called me everyday since(only 3 days i know) and she wants me to call her tonight. We already have plans for this friday to hang out.

 

Anyway I know that she wants to be FWB for many reasons, but for example she pretty much told me, and when we hung out topwards the end she was doing everything to get our faces close to eachother, but i never made any moves. also, she hugs everyone to say hi and bye, but she kissed me on the cheeck when she said bye.

 

Now, yes i would still like to be going out with her so yes, i guess i still have feelings for her more then friendship and i've heard that being FWB if u still have feelings is a bad idea, but 2 things. One: It wont hurt me anymore if she dates some one else if we are FWB then if we are just friends and 2) she is not gonna be dating anyone anytime soon that i can tell you as a fact, she's like really not wanting to be in a relationship now, plus she is kinda afraid of commitment.

 

I couldnt stay in a FWB relationship long term anyway. So i am kinda confused...One) Could FWB adversly effect out relationship? I value her friendship and dont want to lose it. Two) I dont understand how being FWB is much different then going out. Best friends that talk alot and enjoy talking to eachother, hang out alot, have tons of fun together, make out etc would be us with FWB. A dating relationship has all the same plus commitment, thats the only thing i see missing between the two. She doesnt want to go out with me though, she told me that even if she wanted a bf we probably wouldnt be going out, so its not just her fear of commitment thing.

 

Let me clarify that in this situation FWB does not include sex because she...and i think I...are saving that for marriage.

 

And why do i want to be FWB? im not sure if i do or not, but i enjoy doing that kind of stuff with her, we both had fun with that and we both liked it, so why not add that two our friendship and continue that fun? I dont know...

 

Anyway: Is it OK (and a good decision) to become FWB? Why does she now want the be FWB, but not date anymore?

 

Even if we are not FWB we we still be really really close friends

[Fallen_Angel]

Is it a good decision? Judging from the other posts in this forum, and my limited experience on the subject, I'd give a resounding NO.

 

You said the two of you hung out and had an amazing time, without much physical interaction. Maybe you should try to build on that. If you have any romantic feelings for your ex whatsoever, there is no way a friends with benefits situation would work. Sure, it would work for her. She'd get to hang around with you and fool around with you. And you'd get what you want; you still want her in your life.

 

But even if she doesn't start dating other guys right away, there's a good chance she'd at least be "seeing" other guys. Are you sure it wouldn't make you feel slightly uncomfortable?

 

My suggestion is for you to distance yourself from your ex until you've resolved your feelings for her.

 

Good luck.

[faire l'amour]

One: It wont hurt me anymore if she dates some one else if we are FWB then if we are just friends and 2) she is not gonna be dating anyone anytime soon that i can tell you as a fact, she's like really not wanting to be in a relationship now, plus she is kinda afraid of commitment.

 

I couldnt stay in a FWB relationship long term anyway. So i am kinda confused...One) Could FWB adversly effect out relationship? I value her friendship and dont want to lose it. Two) I dont understand how being FWB is much different then going out. Best friends that talk alot and enjoy talking to eachother, hang out alot, have tons of fun together, make out etc would be us with FWB. A dating relationship has all the same plus commitment, thats the only thing i see missing between the two. She doesnt want to go out with me though, she told me that even if she wanted a bf we probably wouldnt be going out, so its not just her fear of commitment thing.

 

Well, for starters...I have to tell you that I am in the same situation as you are, with a little difference of course. I am being FWB with an ex and I have to say, it has turned out disasterous. I didn't have much feelings for him anymore until the FWB started. I was able to be FWB with him for a while before I started having stronger feelings. Then I hated it when he would go out and be with girls. You're just friends now, but later...you might develope some feelings for her since you have in the past when you dated her. It can definitely adversly effect your relationship with her. Plus, you are right, there isn't much difference in FWB than being together, other than the pure fact of NO COMMITMENT and they can be with whoever they want and drop you like a bad habit if they feel like it.

 

If she's telling you that she has no interest in you as far as dating ever again, then she's obviously rejecting you, and she just wants to use you for physical affection until she's ready to get it from someone else. You shouldn't let someone use you like that. You're only gonna end up getting hurt. I even thought of the idea, "if he's gonna use me for that, I'm gonna turn around and use HIM for that". Well, it didn't work, cuz everytime we were together I would feel more feelings than him and it showed. I'm reaking the havoc for choosing the thought..."why not?" and I don't want you to have to do the same. I hope everything works out for you though. Maybe you can find somone else to be affectionate with if you just like being affectionate. Then maybe it could turn into something better.

[Magus]

Um...If your in a FWB thing, the benefit usually is sex.

Without the sex, your just friends. Period. End of statement.

 

Now it may be all affectionate hanging out with her, n such. Faire l'amour has a point. You NEED to get it in your head that she rejected you as a lover. Your just a friend man. Someone to practice with, practice on, enjoy some time with, yada yada yada.

 

I'll bet that if you ignore her phone calls for a day or two she won't even bat an eye. Thats a sure-fire way to see whats going on in her head. If she asks alot of questions, she's probably too clingy n your gonna be in for one hell of a ride. You should come up with a good excuse for not answering her messages. Like, "This guy on the internet told me to do it." or, "Sorry hun, I was REALLY busy" "busy doing what" "busy not talking to you" (bada bum)

 

Anyway, good luck man!