Is it possible to rebound in a week without infidelity.

[Koans]

Could a dumper seriously rebound with a new guy within a week without having contact towards the ending of the relationship and building chemistry?. I can't see how someone possibly can just fall in the arms of another person in a matter of days. I know they're in a vulnerable state, but even then, seems like a set up. Like on some emotional infidelity bullsheet.

 

What yall think. Is it possible to rebound the correct way. As in you, the dumper, dumps the person then jump into another persons arms within a week?.

 

Quick back story: ex tells me shes not movin on and just needs some time to think. I didnt want to be lead on based on how long she will take so I made it clear if were breaking up. 3 days later she falls into another mans arms. Some BS.

 

FEED BACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED

[GemmaUK]

If she broke up with you the likelihood is that she was thinking about it for a while and her head hasn't been in the relationship for a while also.

For her it may not feel like a rebound. How long were you together?

 

You made it a clear break up (if I am reading your post correctly) too so she is free to see and date whoever she likes.

[fellini]

Probably something got started, but she decided to end it with you in order to move forward with the other.

 

That someone says its time to move in (or that I need some space) is usually a code for, "I have something better on the horizon. It's been real while it lasted but I am outta here".

 

The new cow is so clearly going to happen they need no time, nor leave any space for negotiation or possible reconciliation.

 

Whether or not she slept with another person is not for anyone here to presume.

[Gaeta]

Depends how long you were together and on many other aspects.

 

I left a 15 year marriage without shedding a tear and never looked back. I had done my mourning before leaving.

 

Doesn't mean I did not need time alone though.

 

In your case I doubt this is a new guy, she probably had already started something with him before your split.

 

And yes people will jump from one relationship to another this quickly. Some people cannot be alone with themselves and always need someone, anyone, to fill the void.

[Wisecrack]

Never let it get to this point. The moment you sniff a break up, do it first as the other would have been thinking about it for a while. I had a friend who did that. She was the one in tears but in all honesty she already had another guy lined up in the background - didn't do anything with him while in the previous relationship but once that was over, well you get the idea.

[BradJacobs]

She was vulnerable right up until the relationship ended.

 

Now if she was the dumpee and the break up caught her off-guard then it might take some time to process.

 

Best not to even concern yourself with her and what she's doing. Move on.

[Arieswoman]

Is it possible to rebound in a week without infidelity?

Yes, but it is more likely she had someone else lined up to fill the gap.Either way I shouldn't worry about it, just move on.

 

Good Luck

[stillafool]

Definitely the new person was always in place waiting so I doubt it was a quick rebound situation. More than likely she knew she would be moving on with this new person when she broke up with you.

[d0nnivain]

The definition of rebound is the new person simply fills a void left by the deaprture of the old person. It has nothing to do with the new person other than they have a pulse & are there.

 

It's absolutely possible . . . more than that, it's probable. If the feelings are genuine, then it's less likely that it's a fast rebound & more likely that it was infedility.

[Koans]

I was with her for 3 yrs LDR. It seems like it's G.I.G.S. related from the definition I read.

 

In Jan 2014

- We went on a vacation together and on the same month she got a new job that conflicted with my schedule.

 

In Feb we fought a lot more about that and then I proposed the idea of her moving to Vegas with me to live here around mid Feb. She hits me with the, "dont wait for me". We argue about that but I later apologized to her and not worry about that proposition so we can maintain. She thanked me. Then from 22-26, she distances herself. 27th, she falls out of love and needs space. 28th was our last day together.

 

I asked if she cheated on me. Now I know possibilities of dishonesty. She said she knows of him but didn't link up with him till 3 days after the break up and didnt talk to him behind my back.

 

What confuses me is how she strings me along. How do you date someone while having our couple picture frame up by the bed post still. And say things like, "sometimes I think of getting back together but don't get your hopes up", and "Im not telling you to TOTALLY move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me, then try to move on". I already cut contact. Its been since April 5th. Not saying anything on her bday as well which is on April 21st.

 

She was crying as the dumper. Yea I verified if were broken up. All I kept hearing is she needed to gather her thoughts and needed space. Even if she did agree to the break up. Why would she move on. Thats what puzzles me. I cant pin point any reason other than the vegas proposition. G.I.G.S. says that when you hit a girl with a big commitment, that's when they take off. Perhaps she got cold feet?. It's not like she hated me after the break up.

 

And even with this new guy which is some associate from the past. Their were occasions where 2nd week after B.U. where he invited her out and she rather wanted to be with friends instead, then turns around and claims this guy her b/f on the third week after break up. In my mind, shes confused and lost. If her true intentions was to want space, she should of stayed put and do nothing irash. Not she is making this more complicated for everyone especially herself.

Edited April 12, 2014 by Koans

[GemmaUK]

I was with her for 3 yrs LDR. It seems like it's G.I.G.S. related from the definition I read.

 

In Jan 2014

- We went on a vacation together and on the same month she got a new job that conflicted with my schedule.

 

In Feb we fought a lot more about that and then I proposed the idea of her moving to Vegas with me to live here around mid Feb. She hits me with the, "dont wait for me". We argue about that but I later apologized to her and not worry about that proposition so we can maintain. She thanked me. Then from 22-26, she distances herself. 27th, she falls out of love and needs space. 28th was our last day together.

 

I asked if she cheated on me. Now I know possibilities of dishonesty. She said she knows of him but didn't link up with him till 3 days after the break up and didnt talk to him behind my back.

 

What confuses me is how she strings me along. How do you date someone while having our couple picture frame up by the bed post still. And say things like, "sometimes I think of getting back together but don't get your hopes up", and "Im not telling you to TOTALLY move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me, then try to move on". I already cut contact. Its been since April 5th. Not saying anything on her bday as well which is on April 21st.

 

She was crying as the dumper. Yea I verified if were broken up. All I kept hearing is she needed to gather her thoughts and needed space. Even if she did agree to the break up. Why would she move on. Thats what puzzles me. I cant pin point any reason other than the vegas proposition. G.I.G.S. says that when you hit a girl with a big commitment, that's when they take off. Perhaps she got cold feet?. It's not like she hated me after the break up.

 

And even with this new guy which is some associate from the past. Their were occasions where 2nd week after B.U. where he invited her out and she rather wanted to be with friends instead, then turns around and claims this guy her b/f on the third week after break up. In my mind, shes confused and lost. If her true intentions was to want space, she should of stayed put and do nothing irash. Not she is making this more complicated for everyone especially herself.

 

OK, That sucks Koan!

 

I think (to be really honest) that she had her eye on this guy for a while.

It does sound like it.

 

Distance wouldn't have helped but also one big change in your life can lead to you looking for other changes too and I think maybe this is all part of it.

 

Honestly, she clearly wasn't as invested in teh relationship and you deserve better than that.

 

The less you react (outwardly) to this the better you will feel in the long run.

 

You have probably had a lucky escape from someone who would have hurt you some way along the line. Three years is better than 10 years later and possibly with children down the line.

 

I'm sorry this has all happened for you.

 

The better news is she isn't in the area where you are so you won't just bump into her every time you are out and about.

I would cut all and any contact if I were you.

 

The other positive is that you experienced a long term relationship. Many of us ladies actually value that in terms of past experience. Having that under your belt is a bonus for moving on and meeting someone new. I am totally aware it doesn't feel like that right now though.

She isn't worth your energy wasted on thinking about why, nor about what she is doing. Really not.

It'll be tough but let it go, get yourself out there, have some fun. You will feel better if you do.

[stillafool]

 

 

In Feb we fought a lot more about that and then I proposed the idea of her

moving to Vegas with me to live here around mid Feb. She hits me with the, "dont

wait for me". We argue about that but I later apologized to her and not worry

about that proposition so we can maintain. She thanked me. Then from 22-26, she

distances herself. 27th, she falls out of love and needs space. 28th was our

last day together.

 

She was trying to pull away from you at this point.

 

 

What confuses me is how she strings me along. How do you date someone while

having our couple picture frame up by the bed post still. And say things like,

"sometimes I think of getting back together but don't get your hopes up", and

"Im not telling you to TOTALLY move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me,

then try to move on". I already cut contact. Its been since April 5th. Not

saying anything on her bday as well which is on April 21st.

 

She probably does go back and forth with how she feels but ultimately she wanted to move on. She was use to having you as a bf and her fear of the unknown scared her. However in the end she did what she wanted to do and moved on from the relationship.

 

She was crying as the dumper. Yea I verified if were broken up. All I kept

hearing is she needed to gather her thoughts and needed space. Even if she did

agree to the break up. Why would she move on. Thats what puzzles me. I cant pin

point any reason other than the vegas proposition. G.I.G.S. says that when you

hit a girl with a big commitment, that's when they take off. Perhaps she got

cold feet?. It's not like she hated me after the break up.

 

I use to cry when I'd break up with people also because it hurt me to hurt them. What do you mean even if she agreed to the breakup why would she move on? That's what people do when they break up. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. She has no reason to hate you.

 

And even with this new guy which is some associate from the past. Their were

occasions where 2nd week after B.U. where he invited her out and she rather

wanted to be with friends instead, then turns around and claims this guy her b/f

on the third week after break up. In my mind, shes confused and lost. If her

true intentions was to want space, she should of stayed put and do nothing

irash. Not she is making this more complicated for everyone especially

herself.

 

Truth is you don't know what's going on in her mind or whether she is confused or lost. Her wanting to hang out with her friends to drink, meet guys, dance and have fun after a break up is not unusual. It doesn't mean that she doesn't really like this new guy because as you can see she has already made a commitment with him.

 

At this point I think you know far too much about what is going on in her life when you should be focusing on moving forward from this break up. You need to go NC and NI (no information) in order to heal and move on.

[Koans]

This is kinda the jist of post break up.

 

1st week - I give her what I thought of what was just space that she wanted. And because she didn't want to lead me on, we cemented the break up. Because she said she didn't know how long of a space she needed to sort things out. End of week one she hits me with, "save your money, im happily with someone." SELFISH!.

 

2nd week - EFF YOUS, and reconciliation of possible friendship. Then I cut contact.

 

3rd week - She contacts me about an issue at work. I told her, "take your problem to your new guy." Because I always solve all her problems. Not to mention I mended her relationship with her mom, her best friend, work and focus of direction in life.

 

4th week - I'm self conflicted between tryna locate my balls and being a friend. So I hit my breaking point and called it quits as the dumpee.

 

April 4th (which is still 4th week) I called her. She had strep throat. I told her I hope she get well soon. She's like, "thank you lub", Im like "you're welcome lub". Lub is our cutsie name. It became cute again but I couldn't let that blind me. But after that I had to finalize the reason why I called. Told her I'm really gonna go since that's what she wants. "Bye bye lub", was my last words.

 

I dropped two emails prior to calling her. One about not wanting to be 2nd best. And the second one that kinda rubbed guilt on her, of how I felt like she added insult to injury. Saying she just needed to break up to think, to moving on in a week on some rebound shiiit to mask her pain. Regardless, she still could of took off respectfully if everything was mutual and went accordingly. Now she ruined it for me, herself, and this new guy once they break up when that day comes. It's her who will forever be lost running away trapped in a vicious cycle of desperately needing someone to validate her worth. Sad...This has turned into some Forest Gump and Jenny situation.

Edited April 12, 2014 by Koans

[RonaldS]

Never let it get to this point. The moment you sniff a break up, do it first as the other would have been thinking about it for a while.

 

What the eff kind of crappy advice is this?

 

If this forum has shown anything, it's that a whole lot of people have no clue what is going on in their relationship. People seem to over-analyze every single little thing that happens. Yes, I think it would be a good idea if those people just pulled the plug instead of actually, you know, finding out what is going on.

[RonaldS]

I also wanted to add that I think the next LDR that I see work will be the first.

[soccerrprp]

I also wanted to add that I think the next LDR that I see work will be the first.

 

The next one for you? Or are you talking about the many that have and you don't know about them. I'm in one now, I'll let LS and you know when it works out in about 2-months. And, oh, it WILL work out.

[preraph]

It's not a sure indicator that she was cheating, but it is a sure indicator that she was emotionally ready to leave way before the breakup, so she's ready to move on.

[RonaldS]

The next one for you? Or are you talking about the many that have and you don't know about them. I'm in one now, I'll let LS and you know when it works out in about 2-months. And, oh, it WILL work out.

 

I'm talking about the 98% of them that don't work.

 

Edit: yes, for people our age....they can sometimes work. Maybe bump that % up to 10.

[soccerrprp]

I'm talking about the 98% of them that don't work.

 

Edit: yes, for people our age....they can sometimes work. Maybe bump that % up to 10.

 

Our age? Above 30-35? What does that tell you? LDR are better left for the romantics who have a MUCH better appreciation and understanding of life, of the intricacies of relationships, of what he/she wants and have much of their act together. In other words, a maturity that sees such endeavors with both optimism AND a plan of action, realism.

 

Too many people get into them w/o a semblance of a workable plan. It's not and cannot be all about the passion, LOVE...

[Koans]

Perhaps emotional infidelity. Cheating is cheating.

[lolablue17]

Anything can happen, even falling for another guy in 3 day, but unlikely in your case as you describe it.

 

She probably fell for him (physically or emotionally) while being with you. But in my opinion if she falls for another man (emotionally not physically) and break up with you not too late, its not cheating.

 

Cheating is if it got physical with him or she was dragging the EA for more than short time.

[Koans]

I think she did drag it out. This is coming from a person whose keeping her new interest a secret. Once it becomes secrecy, its cheating. Coz you couldnt even be honest while in the relationship. You chose to consult problems to the new guy and not your spouse. I cant even believe anything she says. She said she hit her breaking up. She mustered up a bunch of fallacies as to why shes breaking up with me. As if she was forcing her love on me. Yea no shhhiit..coz she was crushin on someone else. Idk i think its foul and i still consider it cheating.

Edited April 13, 2014 by Koans