TMVFW Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 So my best friend dated a girl for 3 years. Before they dated they both knew I had a thing for her but I never acted on it. Well since then we(myself and the ex) have become closer. They dated for 3 years and she broke up with him. I'd like to act on my feelings but I know it is too soon after the break up. The last thing I want to do is lose my buddy or piss him off. I figured wait several months 6 or so and then see how my friendship with both is then if I want to progress ask him if it is cool if I take her out. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 The last thing I want to do is lose my buddy or piss him off. I figured wait several months 6 or so and then see how my friendship with both is then if I want to progress ask him if it is cool if I take her out. What do you think? no matter how long they are broke up... where i come from you would NEVER go there! i know people who have done this and that was the end of the friendship! you have been warned! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Damn! Well.. this is your best friend.. and he was with this girl for 3 years.. AND she broke up with him.. So.. hmm.. Yeah I think he would be most unhappy with you dating his recent EXGF at this time.. and for all you know, at any time. If this was my BF I wouldn't date her long term EXBF.. even if I'd had a thing for him before they started dating, especially with the length of the relationship, and if he had broke things off with her.. dammmnnn nope couldn't do it. Alphamale disagrees with me here.. and for him maybe it's all good, and for others maybe it's all good.. but for me I don't date my friends BF's, Husbands, EX's, uh.. Dad's, Grandpa's.. LOL you get the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TMVFW Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 Yeah I now where you are coming from. I have talked to a couple of other people that said the same thing. But I have also talked to people that know everyone involved and said what I had been thinking about was alright. If I wait and talk to him about it and he says he ain't cool with it, then I'd drop it at that. But then again like you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Magus Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Go with what you know man. You got a good plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny3715 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Hey There TMVFW, Believe me when I say I know where you are coming from!!! It is a really tough situation. I dated my ex for a little over 3 years. After we broke up we stayed friends... as we were friends for about a year and a half before we got together. Anyway, after we decided to "take a break" he started dating someone new. He told me and a friend of ours to start hanging out. Well we did just that.... he ended up going to my ex and asking him if he cared if he and I became more than friends. My ex said "no, go ahead and go for it." So basically we started hanging out and getting to know one another and being friends with benefits and a little more. About 6 months after that the ex stops seeing that girl and then kinda seems to have a problem with it. Now it is a year later and the ex finds out EVERYTHING that has gone on between this guy and I and there has been a lot of drama since. However at this point there are sooooo many feelings mixed in that it isn't so easy to walk away. And part of us doesn't want to. So even though he went to the ex and asked permission... the ex obviously didn't mean the answer he gave. So if you do ask.... pay attention to more than the words coming out of his mouth. I'm not going to tell you not to go for it because I wouldn't take back seeing this guy for anything. Just be aware of the consequences as far as the friendship goes. Link to post Share on other sites
LynnStylesTN Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 You have two great friends now !!!!!! What is the possible outcome of your next decision ? Have you been waiting all this time without dating ? Leave it alone ... Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 It's a difficult situation. Even if your friend is the ultimate conceptual idealist and altruist, emotions still exist. If I were in that position (as the friend who's ex you're interested in), although I wouldn't be able to bring myself to say I didn't want such a thing to happen (for that would untimately be unfair on others), I would have an emotional objection to it. For me anyway, the most likely outcome is that although they might be ok with it, in coping with the emotional component (rejection is painful enough, without feeling insufficient relative to a close friend) I would probably end up losing/parting from both as friends. This especially true if the girl broke up with him under the typical 'I don't think we're meant to be together' circumstances. IMO it's hard enough for your friend to cope with the fact that you and his ex are becoming very good friends (there is always jealousy, even for platonic relationships with others). To now implicate sexuality into that with wanting to be bf/gf would probably put a nail through his cold, broken heart . Link to post Share on other sites
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