Margo_smith Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I was sleeping with someone for almost four years. We went through pretty much everything... some heavy stuff as well... but we've never been in an actual romantic relationship with titles. We can go a month or two without talking to one another after a disagreement or fight, but somehow, we'll always come running back to one another. I couldn't seem to shake him, he was very disrespectful and verbally abusive (called me ugly, dumb, worthless.. told me we would never be anything more than FWB... claimed he had plenty of other women were are better than me). A few months ago, I started seeing someone new and my old fling starting feeling a bit jealous, I suppose. He sent my bf messages on Facebook inquiring about our relationship (they have mutual friends but they were not close whatsoever). Fast forward to now, the old fling all of a sudden has a girlfriend ( hasnt had a serious relationship in close to 5 or 6 years) and he sends me an apology message about his behavior and asks if we can continue our relationship in spite of him having a girlfriend. I was insulted because I've gone through so much hurt and pain all these years and he's never even thought to ask me if I wanted something more. Im having trouble understanding why he keeps coming back.. even if I blow him off and ignore him... he will keep trying. He says one thing, yet does another. Any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 He's a narcissist, and a jerk at that. I'm a MW having an affair with a MM, but even I wouldn't stand for that kind of treatment. I vote for the good old blocking of this tool. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 As long as you keep giving him attention of any kind, he will continue to bother you. Just block him on all media sources and do not respond to any attempts to contact you. He will eventually stop when he gets no response from you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 This is ultimately about what kind of quality of life you want. If you want a good life, surround yourself with good things and great people. Move on, Grumps 7 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Just like with stray animals, if you give him attention he will keep coming back. Total ignore and tell your BF to do the same. Any kind of response will feed his need. Im glad you jumped off the merry go round. Don't get back on it. You know he was not good for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I couldn't seem to shake him, he was very disrespectful and verbally abusive (called me ugly, dumb, worthless.. told me we would never be anything more than FWB... claimed he had plenty of other women were are better than me). This will continue as long as you let him treat you like a piece of crap on the bottom of his shoe. You need some confidence and a huge self esteem boost, maybe counseling can help you. I mean that respectfully. The choices you're making by allowing that as.shole to be in your life is messing you up. Why on earth would you want him? He's cruel and abusive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 you asked for insight. Maybe he views you are a possession. he doesn't want you or to take care of you but god help if anyone else wants you. My sister had an old bike she left in the rain and flattened the tires on, she hated it and told our parents to throw it away. My dad asked if I wanted it as a project, I cleaned it up, replaced some bad parts on it got it looking and working great. My sister threw a fit and wanted "her" bike back. That may be how this guy views you. side note: I loved riding that bike even more knowing how much it drove her nuts. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 That guy, you already said, isn't even nice to you. He's all about himself. No one needs a guy like that. Tell him you're done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 He's an *******. The end No seriously, RUN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 ...asks if we can continue our relationship... Maybe he wants to continue as just friends? Maybe he feels guilty about the way he treated you and for running you away, and just wanted to say sorry and make peace with you for his own sake. Maybe he thinks you're a good person. Either way, don't entertain him in more than a platonic and distant way. Remember, people don't change. Let him have fun treating his girlfriend badly. It's her problem now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I was sleeping with someone for almost four years. We went through pretty much everything... some heavy stuff as well... but we've never been in an actual romantic relationship with titles. We can go a month or two without talking to one another after a disagreement or fight, but somehow, we'll always come running back to one another. I couldn't seem to shake him, he was very disrespectful and verbally abusive (called me ugly, dumb, worthless.. told me we would never be anything more than FWB... claimed he had plenty of other women were are better than me). A few months ago, I started seeing someone new and my old fling starting feeling a bit jealous, I suppose. He sent my bf messages on Facebook inquiring about our relationship (they have mutual friends but they were not close whatsoever). Fast forward to now, the old fling all of a sudden has a girlfriend ( hasnt had a serious relationship in close to 5 or 6 years) and he sends me an apology message about his behavior and asks if we can continue our relationship in spite of him having a girlfriend. I was insulted because I've gone through so much hurt and pain all these years and he's never even thought to ask me if I wanted something more. Im having trouble understanding why he keeps coming back.. even if I blow him off and ignore him... he will keep trying. He says one thing, yet does another. Any insight? I believe he has, over the years, shown you exactly who he is. Believe him. Is that person, the one you describe, exhibiting good or harmful behavior towards you? Lets face it - he doesn't respect YOU, his GF, your BF, boundaries - heck, even himself. Nothing good here at all. Keep him in the past as a bullet dodged and lesson learned. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Let's be honest. This is one of those relationships that screams, "We are meant to be together!" Picture Kermit the frog looking at you with that face 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 He keeps coming back because you keep welcoming him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Maybe he wants to continue as just friends? Maybe he feels guilty about the way he treated you and for running you away, and just wanted to say sorry and make peace with you for his own sake. Maybe he thinks you're a good person. Either way, don't entertain him in more than a platonic and distant way. Remember, people don't change. Let him have fun treating his girlfriend badly. It's her problem now. No he doesn't, he's a d*ck, plain and simple and he knows that this woman has given it up to him no matter how bad he's treated her. He sees her as a receptacle who will give it to him when he wants where he wants and how he wants. Time after time after time he has returned and she has let him and he has NO respect for her and thinks she should be available to him and him alone. Block him, ignore him, forget this piece of trash, he doesn't feel bad, he apologized to show you how good a guy he is and then threw that aside by asking if you wouldn't mind being his toy once more. It's basically a form of mental abuse, he has so successfully torn you down, that you are questioning everything while deep down knowing he is a dirty peice of excrement. Yet you will risk it to give him another chance.... JW was right, he's shown you exactly who he is.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 'No' is a complete sentence. You can add 'thank you' if you wish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 No he doesn't, he's a d*ck, plain and simple and he knows that this woman has given it up to him no matter how bad he's treated her. He sees her as a receptacle who will give it to him when he wants where he wants and how he wants. Time after time after time he has returned and she has let him and he has NO respect for her and thinks she should be available to him and him alone. Block him, ignore him, forget this piece of trash, he doesn't feel bad, he apologized to show you how good a guy he is and then threw that aside by asking if you wouldn't mind being his toy once more. It's basically a form of mental abuse, he has so successfully torn you down, that you are questioning everything while deep down knowing he is a dirty peice of excrement. Yet you will risk it to give him another chance.... JW was right, he's shown you exactly who he is.... I'm just wondering why everyone is so sure that he is asking to continue to sleep with her. The OP hasn't returned to comment, but perhaps that was just her interpretation or assumption when all he wanted to do was just be friends. Just a thought. Waiting for the OP to clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'm just wondering why everyone is so sure that he is asking to continue to sleep with her. The OP hasn't returned to comment, but perhaps that was just her interpretation or assumption when all he wanted to do was just be friends. Just a thought. Waiting for the OP to clarify. Read the opening paragraph again. She begins by saying she was sleeping with someone the past four years, no mention of a friendship, just basically FWB. she refers to their time As a romantic relationship and that he now wants to resume that relationship. No man returns to just be friends, he will ALWAYS want another piece of the pie. It's really not that hard to see, once that line has been crossed, it's never the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I read this in The Mastery of Love: The amount that you abuse yourself (putting yourself down, feeling guilt, feeling shame, feeling unworthy) is the amount of abuse you will accept from another person. In the same book I read: If someone is mistreating you and they leave you, it is a gift if they walk away. What I learned is that it is really okay to cut people out of your life who drag you down and dampen your spirit. You will feel much better when you do. I also highly reccommend that book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Im having trouble understanding why he keeps coming back.. it's because when he shows up you take your clothes off and spread your legs for him. Now you understand. even if I blow him off and ignore him... he will keep trying. and he eventually succeeds so he does it again. Once you cut him off for good and stick to it he'll stop coming around. He says one thing, yet does another. Any insight? Wrong. His behavior has been consistent and predictable all along. You are the one that says one thing and does another. You say you are going to cut him out of your life and the you take your clothes off and wrap your legs over his shoulders. Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. See above for your questions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Margo_smith Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 Thank you all so much for your input. I've haven't talked about my situation with anyone for quite some time, so I appreciate all of your feedback. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. UPDATE: He is supposedly single now-- I'm not sure if I believe that or not. He wanted to hook up this weekend but I declined and an argument followed. He says he wants to end things and he "stopped giving a **** years ago" & "he meant to love me, but it just didn't float". I haven't heard from him since, but my spirit was a little broken after that convo. Hopefully I can continue to be strong and stay away from him and his negative vibes. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) He is supposedly single now-- I'm not sure if I believe that or not. He wanted to hook up this weekend but I declined and an argument followed. He says he wants to end things and he "stopped giving a **** years ago" & "he meant to love me, but it just didn't float". I haven't heard from him since, but my spirit was a little broken after that convo. Hopefully I can continue to be strong and stay away from him and his negative vibes. Why are you engaging with a man that verbally disrespected you and treated you like garbage? You know what you're telling him when you engage with him? You are telling him that no matter what he calls you, dumb, stupid and worthless, you'll still engage because you have no self-respect or self-esteem. And that is why he keeps coming back. He knows you can take an emotional, physical and mental beating and you'll sit there and ask for more. Hopefully you can stay strong and stay away just because he has now gone silent? Stay strong and stay away because you don't want to ever allow anyone to treat you that way. Stay strong and stay away because you're resilient and you are determined to never allow this man to walk all over you again. Don't try and be strong because you need him to help you navigate that path. You do it for yourself. Edited May 12, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
latergater Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 I was sleeping with someone for almost four years. We went through pretty much everything... some heavy stuff as well... but we've never been in an actual romantic relationship with titles. We can go a month or two without talking to one another after a disagreement or fight, but somehow, we'll always come running back to one another. I couldn't seem to shake him, he was very disrespectful and verbally abusive (called me ugly, dumb, worthless.. told me we would never be anything more than FWB... claimed he had plenty of other women were are better than me). A few months ago, I started seeing someone new and my old fling starting feeling a bit jealous, I suppose. He sent my bf messages on Facebook inquiring about our relationship (they have mutual friends but they were not close whatsoever). Fast forward to now, the old fling all of a sudden has a girlfriend ( hasnt had a serious relationship in close to 5 or 6 years) and he sends me an apology message about his behavior and asks if we can continue our relationship in spite of him having a girlfriend. I was insulted because I've gone through so much hurt and pain all these years and he's never even thought to ask me if I wanted something more. Im having trouble understanding why he keeps coming back.. even if I blow him off and ignore him... he will keep trying. He says one thing, yet does another. Any insight? What a prick! Yeh, tell him that you can be his side kick -- then kick him in the balls and say .. there's your side kick a-hole! Ugh -- change your number and tell him to BUG OFF. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Thank you all so much for your input. I've haven't talked about my situation with anyone for quite some time, so I appreciate all of your feedback. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. UPDATE: He is supposedly single now-- I'm not sure if I believe that or not. He wanted to hook up this weekend but I declined and an argument followed. He says he wants to end things and he "stopped giving a **** years ago" & "he meant to love me, but it just didn't float". I haven't heard from him since, but my spirit was a little broken after that convo. Hopefully I can continue to be strong and stay away from him and his negative vibes. He never gave a **** his response is to make you feel bad and try to beg him for a chance to prove to him how much you want and need him. He's a big cry baby who can't stand it when he doesn't get his way... you don't need that crap 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 He sounds like a sociopathic narcissist. You are his little toy that he has zero respect, love or sympathy for. You simply a love doll and ego booster for him. He enjoys the game of batting you about like a cat with a cat toy. No contact, block him everywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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