MAN STILL IN LOVE! Will she take the necklace back? What should I do?

[nicer guy]

Ok here's the deal, as of last November me and my ex had been going out for 1 1/2 years and we had problems most of it was just arguments so about at the beginning of October we started to have problems so I suggested time away from each other, (we were having crazy arguments that were getting out of control thats why I suggested it). The problem with this was that I suggested it a couple of days before her birthday, but this was only a coincidence.

 

So she begged and begged and said that we didn't need to and that it was a mistake and that she loved me and I insisted that she was only saying all of this b/c her b-day was coming up and she wanted to spend it with me, I know she cared and she loved me and all but at this point in our relationship I needed time. But since she begged and cried and everything else I ended up giving in and we went out on her birthday and had a great time, we went to the park and it was romantic and all. After her birthday we started to have the problems over again we had our ups and downs up until about the week b4 thanksgiving, we were both college students at the time so alot of our problems were only magnified by our environment, she had problems back home with her family, her friends influenced her too much and other things.

 

Now its the week before thanksgiving she and her friends come over to hang out with me and my roommates(we aren't together at this point, just hanging out as friends) so my roommates do something that she doesn't like, they pop in an X-rated film but were only kidding and about to take it out shortly, but my girl was getting angry so she got up and left and took her friends with her. So being the guy that I am I chased her to find out what was wrong, and she called me all kind of names and said I was a punk and a p#ssy for not saying anything or trying to take out the movie. She felt disrespected. She said I wasn't a real man and all these other things, and I insisted that she was totally overreacting, but her friends agreed with her and said that I got punked out by my roommates because I didn't say anything(I have 3 other roommates in the apartment).

 

I insisted that she was overreacting and that they were going to take it out shortly that they were just a immature and trying to get a laugh. But she didn't want to hear it. Well a couple of days go by and we both go back to our home towns to spend thanksgiving with our families. So i give her a call and she says that she's surprised that I would call and we talk for a little but not long. Well I call her the next day a couple of days b4 thanksgiving and she says it doesn't feel the same talking to me anymore and she needs space. She had been saying she needed space for weeks now, but when I wanted space she wouldn't give it to me. Well I ended up surprising her at her place with flowers a necklace, and a couple of other things in a gift bag(she lives 2 hours from me) and she's so happy to see me, I talk to her family and all but when I was about to leave she says that her spirit is not leading her to be with me and she gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me to call and let her know that i made it home ok. Well I didn't call and she doesn't call me either to see if i made it home ok. Well another week goes by and we're back at college. She still hasn't called, so I call and ask to stop by, well I stopped by and she told me why she hadn't called, and then she went on to say that she's been talking to other guys and would possibly be going out on dates with them soon, so I made the HUGE mistake of getting all angry and asking for the necklace back, I didn't think I just made the decision out of total anger. So she goes up to her room and gets it along with some other things like cards and a teddy bear i had given her and gave it all back, I know she liked the necklace b/c she told me she wore it everyday since I had given it to her.

 

She was very angry that I asked for my stuff back and wouldn't talk to me for a couple of weeks, well christmas went by without a word from her but I ended up calling her on new year(we were both at our home towns for the holidays)and I left her a message saying happy new year through her mom. Well she called but I was away from my phone so she left a message on my voicemail saying happy new year and all. Well a couple of weeks went by and I found out that she's not coming back to college this semester b/c of financial trouble, so I call to ask her about it and she doesn't really want to talk about it. I tried calling a couple more times but she makes up an excuse why she can't talk saying I stress her out b/c she says I always want to talk about the relationship. Well it's been about a month now since I spoke to her, I think about her everyday non-stop, I'm alone up here at school now and she's back home, and Valentine's Day is coming up and my big question that I've been leading up to is should I send her the necklace back along with her favorite candy and some flowers or should I keep the NC going, because everytime I look at the necklace I think of her and I sold a couple of my things to get it. She claims that I was a jerk to her during our relationship, but was nice to everyone else, she says this because I didn't commit as fast as she did b/c I didn't want to get hurt, but I never did her wrong, I just wasn't ready for what she was ready for but as soon as I started to show how much I cared it seemed she resented me for the time that I didn't try and it pushed her away. What should I do should I send anything on Valentine's Day?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Given all you've said, it sounds like it would be best to keep up the NC. She had been telling you for "weeks" prior to your breakup that she wanted space. It sounds like she emotionally peaked before you did, and by the time you were reaching your peak, she was already halfway back down the other side of the mountain. I doubt she got angry about you taking your stuff back because of any unresolved feelings. She probably got angry because she saw it for what it was: a vindictive act done primarily because you were angry, not because you wanted the stuff back. From what you are saying, she is making it very clear that she doesn't want to talk to you, and I see no reason to send the stuff back. She isn't going to look at that stuff and fall in love with you again. I seriously doubt she would want it back anyway - unless she just liked the necklace outside of what it represented.

 

If you must, put the necklace in a box and mail it back to your home and ask your parents to store it somewhere. I would suggest selling it but it doesn't sound like you have the emotional detachment yet to be able to do that.

[roxy_1980]

I'd say, you're pushing her so hard towards getting back together all she can figure out to do is lash out in anger. I'd be mad too if I broke up with someone and everything out of their mouth is "when are we getting back together?". You have to relax and give her some breathing room. If you're going to get back to together it should be something that happens naturally, not because you nagged her to death.

 

Now, for Valentine's Day, I say NOOO!!! What are you thinking? She's screaming back off and you're giving her presents on the designated romance day of the year. Too pushy. Way too pushy.

 

Besides, and I know you don't want to hear this, it's been a month since you talked to her and 4 months since you broke up, she may be seeing someone else. It would put her in a very awkward position.

[nicer guy]

thanks for your responses, I want her back but I don't wanna seem desperate, I was thinking maybe I could just get her one of those humorous cards just saying that she was on my mind and maybe a simple rose if anything, maybe it'll put a smile on her face.