Can the OW in this situation?

[Still-I-Rise]

I've finally received an answer to my somewhat rhetorical question, "where is his OW?"

 

A mystery woman showed up and left a note with my attorney saying she came to make sure the children got everything they deserve...he'd been hiding assets for years.

 

Her first words to me was that she has learned he is a pathological liar to which I responded, "yes, it seems to run in his family by the admission of several members." We have since spoken now that he is on the run from her and she wants to have lunch on Friday to provide proof... She said she has no intention of returning his business but instead will sue him so she earns 20% of any work he ever does.

 

She said she'd been wanting to meet me for a long while and felt we had similar values. :D:D:D:D She said she sensed I was a nurturing person and believes she is one as well although she said she is not as patient as I seem.

 

The first day we spoke she said they did not have a relationship but rather a friendship...the second day she said she needed to apologize for some things as she did not know he was married when they first began a relationship.

 

Sounds like the relationship goes back at least 8 years and he signed his company over to her in order to hide assets from me...she is not giving it back and is suing him for violation of a non-compete clause. To think it was me who put my ex through schooling, purchased the uniforms for the company, paid employees, drafted invoices, contracts, proposals...you name I did it.

 

She is very hurt and I realize is only helping me because she wants to hurt him, which means I get hurt by proxy, but as the saying goes, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

 

She seems concerned he will come back to me...wanted to know why I thought he was a prize...she would've never allowed him to treat her the way I allowed him to treat me...she never loved him as strongly as I did...etc., etc., etc. She seems to want validation and I hope I helped some.

 

I told her it seems she's made some positive influences on his life and I hope they will reconcile successfully. She replied, 'yes, well, he did seem unaccustomed to the finer things/experiences in life when he came to me...but don't feel bad, you two were very young when you met so how could you have shown him such things...'

 

She even asked if I had a five-year plan because she wants to know where I see myself.

 

It is difficult to rattle me and I am indifferent about her and him, quite frankly. However, this entire situation is emotionally draining.

 

I am not her judge nor his and only hope to rid myself of them both freeing me to move forward in a happy life.

 

Anyway, I found her or rather she found me!

Edited September 18, 2014 by Still-I-Rise

[Redheaded Mistress]

To the OW - would you want to know if your man was contacting his ex if it had nothing to do with their children? Surely if he loved the OW enough to walk away from his four children, marriage, lifelong friendship, etc., then she must have some influence over him.

 

FWIW, I got the same "heads up" from my husband's ex... I didn't believe her and I thought she was doing it simply to cause trouble, all claims to the contrary.

 

For the record, I've asked one of his cousins, the only member of his family I talk with, to ask him to stop calling and having strange people call our children's phones. STBXH denies he's calling.

 

And that is what he'll tell her, then you are the bad guy, the crazy ex that's trying to get him back, and they'll have a laugh at your expense at best, or they'll retaliate at worst. Either way, she won't believe you and your interjection will be seen as you trying to be disruptive.

 

Should I reach out to his partner? I don't want to cause them problems because I don't want him even attempting to return. But what else can I do?

 

Block the calls as they come in, pretend you're not getting them, never mention them again. Either he'll stop doing it because he gets no rise out of you, if he is truly the one doing it, or you'll force his hand by putting him in a place where he'll have to admit it's him so that he can get a rise out of you. If he wants nothing to do with you, let him have nothing to do with you. Get a divorce, file for child support, and let his home life sort out as it may.

 

And stop entertaining the characters in his life. His sister, the suspected OW, the cousin... All of it gives the impression that you're not as detached as you claim to be.

Edited September 21, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress