Has anyone planned their seperation over a long period of time?

[Tiggerluvr3275]

Hello, everyone. I am obviously new to these forums. I have read so much information, and some wonderful posts. My head is swimming!

 

Long story short, I want to divorce my husband. I am not yet comfortable sharing the reasons why yet. This is all so hard for me. We have children and he is disabled. I help take care of my dying mother in law. I am stuck. No money at all. Not even an emergency fund. About to lose my job thanks to him. I do not even know how I am going to make it through next week, lest alone a life without him.

 

Has anyone taken the time to plan their separation long term? Meaning, have you lived in the house with your spouse knowing in the back of your head that you were going to leave. Planning putting money aside, getting your documents together, etc.

 

If I was in danger, or my children were in danger, I would run to a shelter and never look back. Am I crazy to want to be stabile before leaving? What are your thoughts? I appreciate any words of wisdom from you awesome people!

 

If this helps I am 39 years old, and I can pretty much get a job quickly with my experience. My children are 16 and 12. We live in NY. Thanks.

[Misadventure]

I don't know your situation...but if it is a abusive one, then yes... plan it out.

 

If it is not..don't take the coward's way out..do it with honor and integrity that is befitting of who you are as a person.. slowly talk to him about why you are unhappy... Get yourself stable but do so openly. Talk about finances candidly.. so what you need to do but do so openly. You are married so you don't have to go anywhere... you can stay under the same roof until you figure out what to do but start getting your financial ducks in a row but don't blindside him. When men do it to women it is cheap, cowardly and they are b.a.s.ta.rds. Unless its an abusive situation, I don't do double standards and we women need to play on the same field and not be the same as those men who have done so. Know your legal rights and start getting informed. If you pull the bank funds, take him with you and give him half. Do what is right. I can tell you right now if a spouse leaves another completely broke and they are disabled, most judges frown about that, as would most people.

 

You can't expect full disclosure and honesty unless you do so yourself.

[Tiggerluvr3275]

Hello, Misadventure, and thank you so much for responding. I have read your thread completely, and I was hoping you would chime in here.

 

I am not an orge. I would/could never leave him high and dry. He would have our children half of the time, and be taking care of himself and his ill Mother. I will not do what he has done to me. He is classically passive agressive. Take today for example. I went for a job interview. I asked him several times if we could leave a few minutes early because I like to be professional and early. He drives me. I know, I know. I MUST work on this.

 

He dragged his arse on purpose. I arrived 10 minutes late to the interview. Boohoo to him, I still got the job! And it is close enough that if I leave early enough I can walk . I cannot count on him for anything, plain and simple.

 

Regardless, I will not stoop to a deadbeats level. We will discuss things amicably. It might take months, years even. I just know in my heart I need to leave him. I deserve to be happy. I might be alone forever, and that is ok. I need to be strong and show my children (I have girls) that I am strong, independant, and not taking his c r a p anymore