george roy Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Short version, STBXW had an affair. Confirmed. She claimed she "doesn't want this divorce", etc, etc. And I did the "let's try to work on this" deal. In the end, she chose divorce. Served her back in December, she moved out a couple months ago. We're waiting on paperwork from her to determine her assets, debt, loans, etc. She got a copy in January, and it sat untouched. She received a copy last week, and so far nothing has been done. The next step is to file a Motion To Compel. The faster these things get done, the faster the divorce can be final. So why do they (she) delay things like this ? Any thoughts, input, and advice are greatly appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 The idea of divorce can be overwhelming for a lot people, even those who want it. For many, it signifies failure. Others stall for financial reasons. My FI's ex stalled during the mandatory separation because his lawyer advised him to continue paying her car payment, her car insurance, and her health insurance until the divorce. She didn't want to give that up and drew it out as long as possible, even though she lives with her BF and he pays most of her other bills. It was greed and a sense of entitlement that made her delay. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 George Roy, I can't answer your question but I can recount briefly my own experience. I caught my husband out cheating. I told him he had to stop it. He refused saying that "he loved her". I got him to admit who she was. The next day I saw a solicitor and filed for divorce, naming her. The solicitors letter arrived two days later, telling him to get out. He ranted, raved, cried, saying that "he wouldn't let me do this to him", that I was "mean & spiteful etc etc." "I was breaking up the marriage" whaaaat ?? We had to live in the house in separate rooms for a month until he left. After he left, he refused to answer solicitor's letters and refused to agree to the sale of the marital property, so I had to apply for a Court Order to sell the house. Despite all this I managed to get a divorce in 6 months. All I can assume from this was that he was "cake-eating". He wanted the comforts of a marriage and a floosie on the side and didn't want to give anything up. I told him I was doing him a big favour and setting him free to with 'slut-pants'. Logically he should have been happy about that, but he wasn't. Years later I still don't understand this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 The idea of divorce can be overwhelming for a lot people, even those who want it. For many, it signifies failure. Others stall for financial reasons. My FI's ex stalled during the mandatory separation because his lawyer advised him to continue paying her car payment, her car insurance, and her health insurance until the divorce. She didn't want to give that up and drew it out as long as possible, even though she lives with her BF and he pays most of her other bills. It was greed and a sense of entitlement that made her delay. I'm thinking along these lines. I have a hunch that the ex is working on maxing out the credit cards before turning in the forms. Funny part is, the cards are in her name only (and they all had a zero balance when she left). Any charges moving forward from the date of service (divorce papers) belong to that person. She'll be in for a shocker when she finds out she owns all debt outright 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 George Roy, I can't answer your question but I can recount briefly my own experience. I caught my husband out cheating. I told him he had to stop it. He refused saying that "he loved her". I got him to admit who she was. The next day I saw a solicitor and filed for divorce, naming her. The solicitors letter arrived two days later, telling him to get out. He ranted, raved, cried, saying that "he wouldn't let me do this to him", that I was "mean & spiteful etc etc." "I was breaking up the marriage" whaaaat ?? We had to live in the house in separate rooms for a month until he left. After he left, he refused to answer solicitor's letters and refused to agree to the sale of the marital property, so I had to apply for a Court Order to sell the house. Despite all this I managed to get a divorce in 6 months. All I can assume from this was that he was "cake-eating". He wanted the comforts of a marriage and a floosie on the side and didn't want to give anything up. I told him I was doing him a big favour and setting him free to with 'slut-pants'. Logically he should have been happy about that, but he wasn't. Years later I still don't understand this... I think you may be right, Arieswoman. Especially the bold. Only difference for me was, STBXW told me she "didn't love him". Hmm... Actions speak louder than words... I figured I'd give her a little time to get settled, once she moved out. But I'm putting my foot on the gas a little more now. Ever forward... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Who knows. My XW wanted a divorce but it took her 2.5 years after separating to file. And even then, she only filed because I got sick of waiting and drew up the paper work and gave it to her to file. While I'm sure she wanted to divorce much of that time, she couldn't get herself to pull the trigger. No idea why. Once, when we were talking about it, she came right out and said that she hasn't filed because she couldn't stand the thought of me being with another woman. So, there's that. Sometimes, people just don't want to let go. They want all of the benefits of the relationship without having to do any work for it. That was how my situation went. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Can you file paperwork that ends the M based on her inability to respond to your court papers? Many times a D happens without the other spouse ever filing the papers they are expected to answer. Inaction within the court usually grants the party that filed whatever they have asked for in the papers that have been filed. Just file to finalize the D now - if the appropriate time has run - it may get finalized without her doing a thing... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Can you file paperwork that ends the M based on her inability to respond to your court papers? Many times a D happens without the other spouse ever filing the papers they are expected to answer. Inaction within the court usually grants the party that filed whatever they have asked for in the papers that have been filed. Just file to finalize the D now - if the appropriate time has run - it may get finalized without her doing a thing... This is about where things are at now. I figured I'd give a little time for STBXW to get settled in the new place. And if the paperwork isn't in by the end of the week, we'll file a Motion To Compel. At this point, I'll be doing as much as I can to move this forward. If it can all be done without her, even better Link to post Share on other sites
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