ReluctantRomeo Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 OK, for both guys and girls, here is the question: I heard somewhere that more than 50% of the time, dumpers have second thoughts. "Dumper's regret" sounds a good way of describing this. I like coining new phrases - let's see if this one catches on. So, I know that the more than 50% rule applies to me when I've been the dumper. What's your experience? Have you ever, as the dumper, really regretted your decision later? How often? More or less than 50% of the time? How did you feel? Have you tried to get back with an ex? What made you feel like this? Was it that they became unavailable (distance, new SO) or did you just wake up one morning thinking "d***, why did I let them go?" Is there a difference between men and women on this? Do girls experience dumper's regret more often? Do guys try to get back in the sack (with the ex for sex) more often? Your opinions please! Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 hey there romeo how could i possibly resist your post hehe personally, if i end things, its something that i have thought about for a good while beforehand, so no never regretted the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 I have dumped the women I dated probably 80% of the time. And yes, most of the time i regreted it or felt bad but there was this mental "threshold". It depends on why they made me break up with 'em or stop calling. What i'm tryin' to say is the level of regret was on a sliding scale and it depended on many factors. There are only a handful that i really really really regret letting go. Maybe 3 or 4 i guess. The rest, well f*** 'em. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Ah yeah, good point Alpha.......whilst i have maybe ended 50-75% of my relationships........i have always felt bad. not because i want them back......but well, just because im a nice gal, and i dont like hurting anyone or bad feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Unfortunately, I have been the "dumpee" more than the "dumper" but on the occassion when I have initiated the breakup, I have never regreted it. I guess I'm one of those people who hangs on to a faultering relationship until the last possible moment. So by the time I've mustered the courage to call it off, my mind has been made up. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo 1. Have you ever, as the dumper, really regretted your decision later? How often? More or less than 50% of the time? How did you feel? Have you tried to get back with an ex? What made you feel like this? Was it that they became unavailable (distance, new SO) or did you just wake up one morning thinking "d***, why did I let them go?" Is there a difference between men and women on this? Do girls experience dumper's regret more often? Do guys try to get back in the sack (with the ex for sex) more often? 1. No. I never regretted it. Once I was out, I felt relieved. Sad and guilty, but relieved. Sort of how you feel relieved at the funeral of a loved one who suffered a long painful illness. Mixed emotions. 2. No. I always was aware that what made them an ex in the first place would inevitably resurface. 3. I don't know that there is a difference necessarily. Men probably do not express it, but I have no doubt they feel it. Guys might try more, but I'd wager women succeed in that more often. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Have you ever, as the dumper, really regretted your decision later? How often? More or less than 50% of the time? How did you feel? I have never regretted ending a relationship. 0% Have you tried to get back with an ex? What made you feel like this? Was it that they became unavailable (distance, new SO) or did you just wake up one morning thinking "d***, why did I let them go?" After ending a five year relationship there was one phone call when I made the suggestion that maybe we should try dating again. We never did. Is there a difference between men and women on this? Do girls experience dumper's regret more often? Do guys try to get back in the sack (with the ex for sex) more often? I can only recall one guy that ended a relationship with me that came back later to try and patch things up. Once he learned I had moved on, he wanted nothing to do with me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky I have never regretted ending a relationship. 0% don't give me that bullshyt POCKY....0%. WTF? You are human not some robot, of course everyone regrets ending a relationship, esp a long one. it does not mean you would resume it though. i've never heard anyone say that before, 0%??? come on Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReluctantRomeo Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ hey there romeo how could i possibly resist your post hehe Just an irresistible "mail" eh? Good to know Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale don't give me that bullshyt POCKY....0%. WTF? You are human not some robot, of course everyone regrets ending a relationship, esp a long one. it does not mean you would resume it though. i've never heard anyone say that before, 0%??? come on No, I'm not a human robot. I regret a lot of things, but I don't regret ending bad relationships. Maybe it's just a matter of interpretation. At the time, I regretted that the relationship didn't work out. I regretted that we were unable to be happy in the relationship. However, I didn't regret ending it. It needed to end. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky No, I'm not a human robot. I regret a lot of things, but I don't regret ending bad relationships. Maybe it's just a matter of interpretation. At the time, I regretted that the relationship didn't work out. I regretted that we were unable to be happy in the relationship. However, I didn't regret ending it. It needed to end. yeah, like I dig what yer saying POCKY. but hindsight is 20/20. I mean looking back I can say definitively that "yeah i'm glad i ended those partnerships and regret it 0%" but when you are deciding to end it and then end it and then go thru the post-ending it anguish it is hard to not regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 I'm with Pocky on this one - I have never regretted ending a relationship. I have also never gotten back with an ex. Mind you, for years I led a very transient life so was difficult to establish relationships in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 but when you are deciding to end it and then end it and then go thru the post-ending it anguish it is hard to not regret it. Not if you've already worked through those emotions WHILE still in the relationship. Maybe women are different. Maybe we aren't so quick to dispose of a relationship and move on if there might be a shred of regret. let's face it... men don't always spend as much time "thinking through" their decisions and that could be the reason for all their regret.... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 I've always dumped, never been dumped. And I always feel bad, sometimes I even take them back. If it's THAT bad, I'll never go back though. But I've pretty much got SUCKER written across my forehead. So yeah, I've been thru dumper's remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah, like I dig what yer saying POCKY. but hindsight is 20/20. I mean looking back I can say definitively that "yeah i'm glad i ended those partnerships and regret it 0%" but when you are deciding to end it and then end it and then go thru the post-ending it anguish it is hard to not regret it. Honestly, I don't recall after having ended a relationship that I regretted my decision. After I ended the five year relationship, I did consider dating him again to see if we could work out our problems, but I never felt like I had made a mistake by ending it. When I ended an almost two year relationship I never felt like I had made a mistake. I actually felt I had made a mistake by staying with the a**h*** for so long. I regret doing drugs. I regret working as a lingerie model/outcall girl. I regret not finishing school when I was younger (instead of now as an adult) I, some days, regret my abortion. I regret not taking care of my diabetes as a kid. I've never regretted ending a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by bluechocolate I'm with Pocky on this one - I have never regretted ending a relationship. Neener neener! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by startingover1028 Not if you've already worked through those emotions WHILE still in the relationship. Maybe women are different. Maybe we aren't so quick to dispose of a relationship and move on if there might be a shred of regret. let's face it... men don't always spend as much time "thinking through" their decisions and that could be the reason for all their regret.... Exactly. I just figured AM already know this since he seems to think he's got women figured out. Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by pocky: AM already knows this since he seems to think he's got women figured out He talks a tough game .... Men who think they have it all figured out are the ones who are usually the farthest from the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by startingover1028 He talks a tough game .... Men who think they have it all figured out are the ones who are usually the farthest from the truth! i've never said that. and i know just as little about women as the next guy. that's part of the fun and the challenge if i ever figured women out totally i'd get bored and start to date sheep. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 I'm usually the dumpee, since I tend to hang on to long term relationships no matter what. I guess if thier is anything good you can say about that, you can say I'm not a quitter-but maybe I should change that about myself and jump ship sooner. But when I have ended it, I haven't felt bad about it, because as you can tell from my statement above, if there is any glimmer of hope, I hang on. So when I end it, there is no hope anyways, so no regret. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Relationship 1- I've dumped a six year relationship and regretted it a month later ONLY after finding out my ex was seeing someone else already. Mind games got the best of me. Relationship 2- I've dumped the 'rebound' afterwards without regret, for the simple fact... I knew I was cutting myself short and she was just a rebound. Relationship 3- I've been dumped several times by this girl and watched her come crawling back several times after enforcing the NC rules after my begging and pleading didn't work. Half@ss relationship 4 - I've dumped without regret.... She used the Love word after two weeks of dating. Nuff said. Most recent 'friend' that said she loves me.... dumped me as a friend. Not quite sure if I regret that or if she's regretting it. Guess we'll find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReluctantRomeo Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by DinNJ Relationship 1... Relationship 2... Relationship 3... Thanks DinNJ! Now we're getting scientific and systematic Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Thanks DinNJ! Now we're getting scientific and systematic If you think there's anything scientific and systematic about relationships then you've been duped. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Thinking about it.. I've not been the dumpee so to speak. Mostly I end up with some assclown that pisses me off for so long that it's like he wants me to dump him I have been the one to end the last 2 relationships I had.. both times I had tried to "save" the relationship.. sucked it up even when it was sh*tty and thought things (he) could change IF I just did enough blah blah.. Did I regret it.. honestly the last relationship, yeah I kind of did have regret because I really loved him a lot.. BUT he was so abusive and controlling it wasn't possible to stay in the relationship without loosing my mind.. it just wasn't good for me. Both of my EX's asked for second chances.. the latest EX had probably 30 chances.. so yeah had to let go. The EXH.. wanted another chance but just couldn't understand why he HAD to keep his pants up.. so uh.. NOPE. Honestly my only regret in that relationship not working out, was the hurt it left behind for my wee people. Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale if i ever figured women out totally i'd get bored and start to date sheep. HMMMM... Bestiality ... interesting. Maybe we should start a new post? Link to post Share on other sites
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