Update: I never gave up

[dannijeng3]

This is my first thread, and I've just made an account so here it goes...and please bare with me, the wound is still fresh.

 

I won't spill my entire story in all glory detail (maybe I will later) but I just have a few things I would like some interpretations/comments/thoughts about..and again, here it goes.

 

summarized-quick-quick-version=

 

We dated for over a year. Last wednesday he broke up with me.

Before this breakup we "took a break" twice before...he initiated it. During this time when we were building up our relationship again (it was going good, some arguments here and there) one of our deeper conversations consisted of a promise. I told him that I was never going to give up on him. He told me that we wasn't going to give up on me if I didn't. Then he grabbed me with a look in his eyes...it was as if I saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes...before he spoke he held tighter and then told me "Please don't ever give up on me, no matter what." I promised him exactly that, and I meant it. The breakup consisted of a lot of back and forth tension. He broke up with me by saying "Do you want me to be honest? I don't feel the same way anymore." and my heart collapsed. I started sobbing, I got hysterical, then out of my anger and desperation I started yelling at him (keep in mind this is outside the condo I live in around 12am--he was trying to head home) I started hitting and pushing him but I didn't want him to leave at the same time. After that night I sent him an apology through text including a statement that I kept a promise to never give up on him and that I love him always and forever (probably about 15-20 "pages")... basically he said he appreciated the apology and everything I said. and wants to be really close friends and he said "I will also always love you [my full name]" just as I did in the apology text. I asked a question about if it was because of how i was acting lately and he basically said that it was him and he said "...I just don't feel the same way about things..." and mentioned the being close friends when we were both ready. i asked if he was and he said "idk i'm not soo sure" and asked if i was. i basically told him that i am ready to be what ever he needs me to be. he said " I just need time and space [my nick name] I need to clear my head and just breath" I tried to show him that i care for him by saying "okay no problem ^_^ I am here for you when you need me. I love you always. Please be safe where ever you go, you lani, lauren and your family are always in my prayers :)" [lani and lauren are his two younger sisters] and he responded saying, "I won't hesitate to come to you when I need something, thanks for understanding and caring. I always will love you, don't ever forget that."

 

I have made up in my heart and in my mind that I am going to wait for as long as i need to. I also told him that as well. I made a promise he asked me to keep and no matter what I will never stop loving him and I will never give up on him.

 

I know this is all over the place and the story has very little to no detail and background but We were in love (i still am and always will be). we talked about marriage and kids and during that whole silly apocalypse day when the earth was supposed to end. he said, "just in case the world ends, will you marry me?" and I said yes. it wasn't official but i can't explain without writing even more than i already have. sorry for the lack of detail about the relationship. but any input or just thoughts about my decision or any advice or just anything...

 

But for warning, I have made my decision to keep this promise and my love for him has not diminished one bit. I love him and nothing anyone can say will change my mind and especially my heart. He has captured my heart and comforted my soul.

 

I. Will. NEVER. Give. Up.

To my darling, I love you always and forever.

[aisuru]

You hit him and pushed him. Not appropriate.

 

Time to let this relationship go and figure out how to never do that in a relationship to somebody you love again.

 

That's just not right. And you know it. And somebody needs to tell you that.

 

Not right at all.

[dannijeng3]

ok, maybe i need to reword what i said in the thread. I didn't punch him, slap across the face, kick him or anything like that. I didn't cause him bruises or any physical pain. Do you know when you jokingly hit someone on the shoulder? It was to that extent, and my intention wasn't to harm him. I was in a negative state of mind. I'm not saying that justifies my actions. I was wrong to do that. I have made so many mistakes and have been so confused with my emotions but this is the one thing I am sure about, that I love him. I still committed a negative physical action so I agree with you that that isn't how you should treat someone you love. I know that...I asked for anything so thank you very much for your response.

 

But like I said no one is going to change my mind or heart.

[dannijeng3]

Also, thank you for your advice but I have realized that not even seconds after it happened. Please do not assume that I don't know this obvious and crucial mistake I have made. But thank you again.

[TaraMaiden]

Don't make promises circumstances will force you to break.

 

I hate to say this, but your post just sounds like drama. And we've seen this kind of thing countless times before.

Let me tell you what is happening here:

 

He loves you but is no longer IN love with you. He feels for you, the way he feels for Lani and Lauren. You've become something of an extra cherished sister.

 

And I promise you, that is irreversible.

 

However, caught up in the romantic, emotional maelstrom of extreme feelings, he has stupidly and recklessly asked you to not give up on him, ever.

That is a wrong thing to demand. It's akin to emotional blackmail.

It's immature and completely unreasonable.

And you, caught up in the same maelstrom, blindly agreed.

 

This relationship was already unstable and rocky.

It was already fragile and erratic.

But somewhere along the way, this ridiculous promise was made.

 

Only now - he wants out.

He has withdrawn his commitment, and promise, because he no longer feels it.

However, you, still caught in the emotional, romantic 'Hollywood' fug, still maintain you will always be there!

This is perfect for him.

Because you know what?

 

Brace yourself.

He will return from time to time,tell you he still has deep feelings for you, is confused..... Have sex with you - then tell you nothing has changed, because it's still not working for him....

 

You, with your reckless, hasty, and frankly completely inadvisable promise - have placed your self first and central into the FWB slot.

 

What you REALLY truly sincerely HAVE to do - is to go complete, total, unequivocal 'no ifs or buts' No Contact. Absolutely. You can have no grey area here. This has to be it.

Otherwise, I guarantee, he will have your heart bouncing on an elastic for YEARS to come.

 

Read the No Contact guide in my signature.

The first post is the main guide. You need to read it several times to get it through your head.

It's not to get him back, it's not to make him miss you.

It's for you to move on and heal.

 

The remainder of the thread is sobering reading, and shows the dangers of wanting to, or trying to remain friends.

I get that you love him.

I get that you feel strongly.

But please believe me when I tell you: your promise was well-meant, but extremely foolish and will bring you nothing but grief, pain and false hope.

He didn't keep his part of the bargain.

I suggest that you should equally not keep yours.

 

For your own sake, and the sake of your broken, fragile and gullible heart.

[dannijeng3]

Very insightful, thank you.

 

Yes it is dramatic and I have told myself when ever I think about it that it sounds like a stupid reckless drama scene. And it seems like when I try to write down my stories or tell someone about an event even if it is just going to the grocery store to buy milk, i assure you that i would probably make it sound like i was stopping by the store to buy a carton of fountain of youth water.

 

I know exactly how it feels to have been caught up in rather extreme romantic emotional feelings. I have kept a forced emotion and have felt exactly the pain you are describing. But this does not feel forced one bit (you probably don't believe me).

 

Yes I am unstable. Yes he is unstable. By the way I put the story, I sound like a crazy obsessed person and he seems like just another "dumper." But you see, people have a complexity to them that cannot be placed into guidelines no matter how many times it's occurred. I agree with you that this seems like it is quite a foolish promise and will be seen that way to many if not all people who come across it but I dare say, with all due respect, what is my word to someone I ask a promise from when I can not keep one that means the most to me? I know he didn't "keep his end of the bargain" but as foolish as you may think I am, I will respectfully keep this promise, but thank you so much, honestly thank you. A change he wants from me? a change he will get, and if he doesn't accept them then I have changed for the better for my self and those around me.

 

Although he may be confused with his emotions and his life, we are both at that point so I do not blame him for his faulty emotional foundation. He has had to endure so much in his life from his family (divorced parents, extremely controlling grandfather, financial instability in both sides of family, worries of youngest sister who has down syndrome...ect.) and only has more to conquer, as does everyone else. I am not singling him out to have the toughest life anyone has ever lived but I wish to show the complexity that I'm sure goes on in and out of his mind, and so I do not wish to place him or anyone in a certain category.

 

If i may ask, what makes you think that i am another cherished sister?

 

Time will tell if this love in my heart will sustain it's strength but if it does with him then what good am I to another if I try to move on and end up falsely placing a duplicate on my sleeves only to shadow my heart for someone else? I don't want to cause this pain to anyone else. when my heart keeps love towards him I will not risk hurting another.

 

honestly, thank you for your insight, thank you

[TaraMaiden]

........If i may ask, what makes you think that i am another cherished sister?

I said you have become one. His love for you is no longer based on the romantic ideal, the passionate intimate relationship of sensuality. His feelings are more akin to someone whose sentiments have transformed from that state to one of a platonic nature.

He is no longer IN love with you. But that doesn't mean his affection has died. It's just that the familiarity that has developed between you has resulted in a connection that is strong. But it's not that of lovers.

 

Time will tell if this love in my heart will sustain it's strength but if it does with him then what good am I to another if I try to move on and end up falsely placing a duplicate on my sleeves only to shadow my heart for some else? I do not want to cause this pain to anyone else. when my heart keeps love towards him I will not risk hurting another.

This is why No Contact is so essential, so vital. Because by deliberately limiting your emotions and confining and restraining your affections, you do yourself - YOURSELF - the greatest disservice. You stunt and cripple yourself and deny yourself the possibility of any further, different, but equally fulfilling relationship.

You're being terribly restrictive upon yourself. To hold your heart in abeyance for a true love, who reciprocates your feelings is one thing. To burn an eternal flame for someone whose own emotions have evolved, transformed and moved on, is foolish and self-defeating.

 

You are clearly intelligent, articulate and mature.

This is reflected in your writing manner.

 

I believe a period of No Contact will give you time and space to reflect upon this issue, and perhaps by seeing it in a more detached way, you may view it more dispassionately and critically.

 

I am sorry he has had familial issues to contend with, and as you rightly point out, he is not alone in his situations; but I get the impression that you are communicating that somehow, for some reason, he has fallen into the mindset that as the 'big brother' some responsibility for dealing with these problems, is his, and he has assumed that mantle.

 

I don't know how old you both are, but maybe he presumes too much. He might feel obligated, but this is something HE has decided, not something that has either been asked or demanded of him.

Nevertheless, it seems that the weight of his concerns has meant that something has had to 'give'.

That 'something' was you.

He bailed the part of his "baggage" that was most dispensable.

(And I don't mean that either insultingly or rudely).

But as a girlfriend, it was easier to emotionally detach from you, than from his other 'suitcases'....

 

He took what was, selfishly, the easiest option.

You were dispensable. So he acted accordingly.

Please know, I am in no way suggesting this was deliberate, calculated or conscious.

I'm not suggesting that at all.....

But it was the only natural thing that could have happened.

 

So for you to selflessly decide to devote your heart to him, and keep the flame burning, by wilfully sacrificing any future possibility of romantic fulfilment with someone else in the future, is frankly, not wise.

And get this: Nobody will thank you for it.

Not even him.

 

Go No Contact. Detach.

Consider, think, reflect.

Have time on your own to observe, 'from a distance', what has transpired, objectively.

 

And shelve any thought of 'saving yourself or being there' for him, and think about yourself. Because he thought about himself, when he confessed to no longer feeling it.

And he thought about himself when he asked you to be there for him.

 

How does he intend to repay that?

What's in it for you?

Edited May 29, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[Janesays]

Tara is right. This man is NEVER coming back. You are going to throw away your youth, your heart, and your future on a guy who will eventually be happily married to someone else someday.

[Treasa]

Translation: Please be on hold for me if my attempt to be with other girls fails or if I get hurt and need somewhere soft to land.

 

Give up on him and find someone who is more deserving of your fighting spirit.

[dannijeng3]

"So for you to selflessly decide to devote your heart to him, and keep the flame burning, by wilfully sacrificing any future possibility of romantic fulfilment with someone else in the future, is frankly, not wise.

And get this: Nobody will thank you for it.

Not even him. "

 

Yes I have gotten that very harshly and clearly. But you see, I am not looking for a "thank you" from anyone...and contradicting to my reasoning of keeping this promise, I am not even looking for a thank you from him. This "thank you" if ever given will not heal me. I haven't been contacting him. that last text he sent to me telling me "...I will always love you, don't ever forget that..." was the last text he sent and I have not responded since then. This reflection time is only calming my emotional instability to a dull whisper that I may cover up as I CONTINUE to live my life. I am not putting anything about my future on hold. I am merely keeping this promise to him. Yes, I am sacrificing any future possibility of romantic fulfillment with someone else but as I said if this feeling never fades no matter what I try (and believe me I have tried and I have prayed- so far, nothing absolutely nothing has diminished, minus a few less tears) I am not going to put my self in a position to harm another's heart with the knowledge that my own is in another place. I have read numerous stories here that have mentioned people being having their hearts belong to another and not being "in love" with their husbands/wives, that is not a risk I am ever going to take.

 

I am 20, he is turning 20 this July. We both have a long way to go to gain stability in our lives. My heart is reckless and I know that, but this is the only thing I have felt far deeper in my heart that is worth fighting for, even if it means fighting until I meet my grave.

 

He has let me know that it is time for him to think about himself because for so long he has sacrificed so much for every single person other than himself. For so long he has put himself far past the last place and unselfishly placed others in such a higher pedestal. Yes, I am the easiest thing for him to dispose of while he works towards his goal but I support him in getting his life together and reconnecting and growing with his family. If he finds someone else along the way, then she better be more than enough for him. It will hurt but I am more than willing to endure this pain rather than place a myself in a meaningless path of life only to return to this feeling...it would be evident.

 

I have reflected and am still overlooking the situation from an distanced standpoint only to have this feeling grow even under the attempted deconstruction of it.

[Simon Phoenix]

What you don't understand is that he doesn't care if you keep this promise or not. In fact, he'd rather you didn't right now.

[TaraMaiden]

It's going to sound very patronizing, but many, many of us felt as you do now.

The passage of time and the experience of growing, meeting others and accepting that our hearts beat differently for every lover, will in time, gradually transform this all-enveloping and all-consuming stasis into a wistful and wry memory, which will be a heady mix of "Ah what lovely days they were" and "I really was a bit of a naive and innocent then...!"

 

As I have mentioned, you without a shadow of a doubt have plenty going on between your ears.

I would venture to say you are mature, intellectual and well-read.

You're no airhead, that's for sure.

So take this on board:

This episode in your life, IS important.

I take nothing away from that.

And perhaps you WILL be there for him, in the long run.

But you would be making a mistake if you thought that this would cloud, mask or obscure anything you may find in the future.

This is a first love. (I am thinking....)

It may also arguably, be a great Love.

 

But I do not, cannot and will not believe that a young woman of your calibre, will be able to prevent herself from shaking herself off and moving on.

 

You have a great deal of developing left to do yet.

And I can assure you, the way you feel now will in no way resemble the person you will be in even 1 years' time.

Anatomically, speaking purely in terms of human biology, your brain isn't 'fully done' yet.

Therefore, the intensity of this situation is greatly magnified by your inability to process some matters in a more mature way.

 

Which is not intended to be patronising or rude.

And I wholeheartedly apologise if you take it that way, but I assure you, it's not my intention to insult you....

It's actually a genuine fact.

And that's OK.

 

I am 56.

I have 2 grown-up daughters, one of 30, the other of 22.

I have therefore 'experienced' the transition from child, to girl, to young lady, to woman, 3 separate times.

(indeed, my youngest is still in the final throes of this transitional phase, and boy, you can tell! )

 

Allow yourself the privilege of accepting that this, given time, will fade, become less painful and pass.

 

It's only been a week.

 

Stay No Contact, do not make yourself available on a whim.

 

And be open to life's opportunities, and experiences.

This will pass.

trust me on this one.

 

It WILL pass.

[dannijeng3]

It's going to sound very patronizing, but many, many of us felt as you do now.

The passage of time and the experience of growing, meeting others and accepting that our hearts beat differently for every lover, will in time, gradually transform this all-enveloping and all-consuming stasis into a wistful and wry memory, which will be a heady mix of "Ah what lovely days they were" and "I really was a bit of a naive and innocent then...!"

 

As I have mentioned, you without a shadow of a doubt have plenty going on between your ears.

I would venture to say you are mature, intellectual and well-read.

You're no airhead, that's for sure.

So take this on board:

This episode in your life, IS important.

I take nothing away from that.

And perhaps you WILL be there for him, in the long run.

But you would be making a mistake if you thought that this would cloud, mask or obscure anything you may find in the future.

This is a first love. (I am thinking....)

It may also arguably, be a great Love.

 

But I do not, cannot and will not believe that a young woman of your calibre, will be able to prevent herself from shaking herself off and moving on.

 

You have a great deal of developing left to do yet.

And I can assure you, the way you feel now will in no way resemble the person you will be in even 1 years' time.

Anatomically, speaking purely in terms of human biology, your brain isn't 'fully done' yet.

Therefore, the intensity of this situation is greatly magnified by your inability to process some matters in a more mature way.

 

Which is not intended to be patronising or rude.

And I wholeheartedly apologise if you take it that way, but I assure you, it's not my intention to insult you....

It's actually a genuine fact.

And that's OK.

 

I am 56.

I have 2 grown-up daughters, one of 30, the other of 22.

I have therefore 'experienced' the transition from child, to girl, to young lady, to woman, 3 separate times.

(indeed, my youngest is still in the final throes of this transitional phase, and boy, you can tell! )

 

Allow yourself the privilege of accepting that this, given time, will fade, become less painful and pass.

 

It's only been a week.

 

Stay No Contact, do not make yourself available on a whim.

 

And be open to life's opportunities, and experiences.

This will pass.

trust me on this one.

 

It WILL pass.

"

But I do not, cannot and will not believe that a young woman of your calibre, will be able to prevent herself from shaking herself off and moving on."

 

I will keep you posted, but despite my being "under-developed" I am daring to say that I am going to keep this promise still. Yes, it's only been a weeks span of time so I will absolutely keep you posted on my state of mind. I don't know why but I can't help to pull a weak smile at the fact that this feeling would ever fade because honestly it feels as if it is simply growing and sustaining in me. I know, I have a foolish heart and foolish will towards something that will most likely hurt my well being, but I am only one person in a world with much more drastic importance compared to my own. I have yet to live my life out which you have mentioned but I am sure I can live without the cohabitation of another soul if the soul I yearn for does not belong to me. I will simply pass with the knowledge of where my heart truly belongs.

 

And by no means am I taking your advice to be rude or anything of that degree, I take it as it comes and I thank you for your knowledge, you seem to have much wisdom to pass along and I appreciate it with much gratitude. But I still much stand my ground on this one.

[inaya42]

you sound so lovely, and I suspect that you will contribute much to the world. you will outgrow your devotion to this boy, who is young and has decided to discontinue his relationship with you.

 

you are also in the very first stage of the grieving process, exactly where you should be so soon after a breakup. be kind to yourself. treat yourself as the most precious, deserving, the most lovely young woman facing the end of her romance. and go exactly at the pace that feels right to recover and move on - which you absolutely, absolutely will.

[dannijeng3]

you sound so lovely, and I suspect that you will contribute much to the world. you will outgrow your devotion to this boy, who is young and has decided to discontinue his relationship with you.

 

you are also in the very first stage of the grieving process, exactly where you should be so soon after a breakup. be kind to yourself. treat yourself as the most precious, deserving, the most lovely young woman facing the end of her romance. and go exactly at the pace that feels right to recover and move on - which you absolutely, absolutely will.

Thank you for your insight. I will keep you posted. Again, I stand my ground to my decision.

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you for your insight. I will keep you posted. Again, I stand my ground to my decision.

 

Of course you do.

Right Now.

 

But remember what has been wisely said:

'Never be prepared to die for your Principles.

you might just be wrong.'

 

The wonderful thing about principles, is that they are internal moral standards we choose to live by.

They make us honourable, sincere and establish the level of our integrity and worthiness.

 

Believe me when I tell you, I too had principles at your age.

And of course, I still do.

 

Some of the 'central' universally moral ones, are pretty much unchanged:

 

Do your best to not harm others.

Will what I am doing create unnecessary labour for someone else?

Always say please and thank you.

Always behave yourself as if your mother were watching you. Except in the bedroom.

Be nice to people you pass 'on the way up'. You're sure to meet them 'on the way down'.

 

Others though, I know have changed considerably - and I couldn't tell you what they are - because they changed....

 

It's ok to have principles.

In fact, I would say it's essential.

But it's better to have principles that sway and flex like a young willow, rather than principles which stand rigid and solid like an oak.

 

In high winds, I can tell you which one will topple.

 

Have principles, yes; but don't for one second believe they have to remain as they are.

 

Take care of you.

 

Edited May 30, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[dannijeng3]

 

Some of the 'central' universally moral ones, are pretty much unchanged:

 

Do your best to not harm others.

Will what I am doing create unnecessary labour for someone else?

Always say please and thank you.

Always behave yourself as if your mother were watching you. Except in the bedroom.

Be nice to people you pass 'on the way up'. You're sure to meet them 'on the way down'.

 

 

It's ok to have principles.

In fact, I would say it's essential.

But it's better to have principles that sway and flex like a young willow, rather than principles which stand rigid and solid like an oak.

 

 

Have principles, yes; but don't for one second believe they have to remain as they are.

 

Take care of you.

 

 

 

I agree with you, but this is only one aspect in my life that of which I separate from the others. The fact that I am able to be romantic with another being, to me, doesn't justify the lack of or the presence of my ability to do what I can to make my contribution in making a difference in the world. Work vs pleasure. This promise is by no means going to affect how hard I will work towards my own future negatively, it rather has guided me to a positive future. It is making me analyze my crucial mistakes that I may bring to light and carry through other aspects of my being. I am working to be a better person for myself nonetheless, for my family, and for him. He told one of our friends that he still loves me as he told me (love is the driving force for me) but in current conditions can not devote the time for me. I see this as him getting his life foundations working on himself for the benefit of not only himself but his family and the patients in the hospital he works at. He is no wandering soul, he has a good heart and I will stand by him whether his feelings for me turn platonic or romantic. I myself am working on me as well, and I am also working not only for myself but for my family's benefit and his.

 

As you said before, he has sent me a text last night and we talked for a little bit. I tried to stay as positive as I could and did not mention anything about the relationship but rather on his well being. It started as "hi how are you" and went on as so. He let me know he was going to go to bed and for me to get some sleep saying "...I'm going to bed now, I'll text you when I have time! Get some sleep please, and I'm really happy to hear that you're doing well! Goodnight and sweet dreams!" I followed with the last bit of conversation that he mentioned prior to the goodnight and ended by telling him, "alrighty, please sleep well, sweet dreams, goodnight, and talk to you soon ^-^ and have a good day at work!" We exchanged texts for only an hour because it was pretty late.

 

I am not expecting anything from this, and this has not weakened my feelings for him (of course) nor has it made me obsessed to wanting a relationship with him. I love him, always will, and I made a promise to wait which will take time, pain, and endurance. I will work on myself to become a better me and continue building my foundations.

[dannijeng3]

Well, I just wanted to inform you all that I have kept my promise indefinitely and am back together with the person I've held the promise for. It was about 4 months after I first posted the thread when we got back together. He asked me and apologized numerous times for "making a huge mistake." We have been back together for a while now but I just remembered about this site, so I came to update.

When we first started dating again, it was by absolute no means perfect and I lived with a guarded heart. We work at our relationship every single day but we try to improve and grow each other everyday.

I can't say that I know what the future has in store for us as a couple or as individuals, but I do know that at this moment, we love each other for who we are and we are willing to overcome obstacles ahead.

 

From my experience I don't believe there is a guideline to relationships and I strongly believe that you should do what your heart is guiding you to... I have hit my lowest by far but I honestly feel like if I let other people rule out my own decisions, I wouldn't be where I am today. I understand that "listening to your heart" is extremely vague and takes somewhat of a leap of faith...but I guess it is just a feeling that comes to you and overpowers the fear you have.

(Ps. I am not saying to be a stalker because that certainly is not what I did so it will definitely be a decision you make to either hold on or let go. I am simply one who chose to hold on to something I believed was worth the pain)

[dannijeng3]

I wanted to type out a post after I replied on my original thread- "as I promised I will never give up...ever" go to my name and find it there, It's the only thread I've made.

 

I was told to give up but I didn't and my story turned a different way. I am not saying that this happens to every one but I am saying that everyone's situation is different. There maybe uncanny similarities but it doesn't all fall under a strict rule of the heart.

 

I just wanted to inform you all that I have kept my promise indefinitely and am back together with the person I've held the promise for. It was about 4 months after I first posted the thread when we got back together. He asked me and apologized numerous times for "making a huge mistake." We have been back together for a while now but I just remembered about this site, so I came to update.

When we first started dating again, it was by absolute no means perfect and I lived with a guarded heart. We work at our relationship every single day but we try to improve and grow each other everyday.

I can't say that I know what the future has in store for us as a couple or as individuals, but I do know that at this moment, we love each other for who we are and we are willing to overcome obstacles ahead.

 

From my experience I don't believe there is a guideline to relationships and I strongly believe that you should do what your heart is guiding you to... I have hit my lowest by far but I honestly feel like if I let other people rule out my own decisions, I wouldn't be where I am today. I understand that "listening to your heart" is extremely vague and takes somewhat of a leap of faith...but I guess it is just a feeling that comes to you and overpowers the fear you have.

 

(Ps. I am not saying to be a stalker because that certainly is not what I did so it will definitely be a decision you make to either hold on or let go. I am simply one who chose to hold on to something I believed was worth the pain)

 

I still make mistakes, I am no perfect person but I am willing to continue to grow in all avenues of my being for the better.

 

Questions are welcome, I can't say I will give the best advice but I will give you a perspective.

[BC1980]

You basically let him throw you out numerous times. Four if I am reading this correctly? Then, you wait in the wings for him to come back. This is truly awful. He will leave you again. It's only a matter of time.

 

I knew a couple like this, and it went on for 6 years. She would leave him for a few months. Then, she would come back for more. He was a doormat and kept taking her back. Repeat cycle. Here's how it ended. She broke their engagement to marry someone else. They were actually engaged, and she randomly met someone at work so she says. Married the other guy within a year.

[Simon Phoenix]

Best of luck, but unfortunately I think you'll be revisiting this whole situation pretty soon.

[dannijeng3]

We are engaged, but thank you for your input

[dannijeng3]

Thank you for your input. You are unaware of the other circumstances, but I am not a door step for this person and I do not see him as a door step for myself either, we have grown to sincerely respect one another. I have made my share of mistakes. We both have grown and are continuously learning about how we can improve ourselves and our relationship.

 

I am truly sorry for your friend but we have a different story that of which you only know a few pages of. We are engaged as well ( I didn't place it here at first because not many of the people I am close with know yet. I wasn't going to mention it anywhere until we have announced it to the people we care for the most). We wish you well

[StrongLass]

"Que sera sera, whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera" ~ Famous song

 

Hope for the best but plan for the worst chica. History has a tendency to win no matter how things look "at the moment".

[RDawg]

OP, how did you go about getting the reconciliation? Who initiated contact and how? How long were you no contact for?

 

Congratulations on getting back with your ex, I wish you all the best.