Trust/Jealousy

[realfriends]

Hey LS,

 

As you may or may not know, my ex of 5 years cheated on me. The thread can be found here.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/450079-girlfriend-5-years-cheated

I have learned a lot since the breakup about the two topics in the title of this thread and thought I would share.

 

Trust:

 

Oh man. This one is rough. Trust is such a valuable thing, thats why when its broken its so devastating. When I found out the news about my ex and when I realized she didn't want to fight for me, I thought I would never be able to trust someone again and I had good reason to think like this. If a person who I loved and gave my world to for 5 years could inflict this much damage to me, so can anyone else. So I sought to lock my heart up in a cage and to never give my key out to anyone else ever again. I never want to be hurt the way I was again.

 

But this is what I have learned most about trust. "Trust is your relationship to the unknown; what you can't control, and you can't control everything."

 

With this quote, I realized that I had it all wrong. Although someone once betrayed me, it doesn't mean that everyone will. It doesn't mean that I have to cage away my heart in fear. It means that I need to be more carful with it, and how I grow it.

 

A great video on it that I always watch a suggest people watch is this one by Ze Frank.

 

 

Jealousy:

 

I was never a jealous guy in the 5 years of my relationship and that was something my ex never liked. She always wanted me to be more jealous. I guess this showed my trust in her.

 

After our breakup, I realized soon how jealous I got of her and what she was doing and thought I was going to now be the jealous type of person. I no longer think like this.

 

A lot of people ask where jealousy comes from. Well, it stems from insecurities. These can be insecurities about your partner or lie within from past experiences. If only I knew this before hand, maybe I could of figured out where hers came from. Its something to keep in mind if a partner is jealous and maybe you can discuss where these insecurities come from before they build upon themselves too much.

 

 

 

 

These two topics are intertwined and thats why I decided to make a single thread about them. What are your guys thoughts on this? Im sure most of everyone has had their trust broken and thats probably the reason you are there. Have you learned to trust again? Has it been broken multiple times?

 

Ill never know if someone will break my trust with them again, but I won't live in fear of the unknown.

[Cpt]

Good thread OP. My ex (first love) burned me pretty bad. Now I am definitely more careful. I feel at peace and completely trust my now gf. It took time, but I honestly think I needed to go through that experience because I came out as a better person.

[realfriends]

Good thread OP. My ex (first love) burned me pretty bad. Now I am definitely more careful. I feel at peace and completely trust my now gf. It took time, but I honestly think I needed to go through that experience because I came out as a better person.

 

Maybe this is why first loves are so meaningful and people believe no one will ever compare. In your first real love, you give your trust away so easily. However, once that trust is crushed for the first time, you can never give it away the same way to anyone else and maybe thats why people say this.

 

I guess I will find out eventually.

[Cpt]

Maybe this is why first loves are so meaningful and people believe no one will ever compare. In your first real love, you give your trust away so easily. However, once that trust is crushed for the first time, you can never give it away the same way to anyone else and maybe thats why people say this.

 

I guess I will find out eventually.

 

Exactly, but you come out a better person at the end of the road. Your next relationship becomes more mature as a result. As long as one does some self reflecting and self improvement afterwards, you see the past relationship as a learning experience and make sure to never make the samw mistakes again, i.e giving your trust so easily.