blind_otter Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Well today I went to give my statement to the state attorney's office. Because I had multiple sworn complaints against him from domestic battery, the state is pressing charges against him. They are charging him with burglary (for breaking into my house) with battery (for trying to kill my friend T with his bare hands). I was asked all sorts of questions, including intrusive ones on the nature of mine and T's relationship - we are bestfriends, we cuddle, but we are not involved. Anyways they decided, considering his record, to offer him a plea bargain of 10 years in prison with no option for parole. If he wants to go to trial (which I know he will considering what they are offering) they are going to ask for the full penalty, which is life in prison. I know as soon as his public defender finds out I will get a crazy call from his mother accusing me of sending her sweet boy who is just struggling with rage issues and alcohol problems to prison for life. Whatever, he made his decisions and she was certainly the codependent enabler that made her son what he is today. It's a sick relationship. Anyways T came with me (as usual), he also had to make a statement. I left feelign guilty though. I mean, I don't want him to have to go to prison for the rest of his life, or hell, even for 10-12 years...in theory all I want is for him to magically disappear. That's not going to happen, though. The prosecutor said that my exBF is just a bad person who does bad things and he needs to be kept away from society for a long time to prevent him from abusing or terrorizing me, or any other person. I know that. I still feel somewhat guilty, though. I don't want him back, I don't ever want to see him again or hear his voice.... I just want to be able to sleep at night without waking up to little sounds. I want to be able to go out without fearing that I will run into him, that he might be drunk or f*Cked up, that he might hurt me or my dogs. I want to be able to live without being afraid, to be able to sleep without compulsively checking all the extra locks I've put on my door that wouldn't stop him if he really wanted to get me, anyways.... Ugh. I wish this were all over but the prosecutor said this won't come up on the docket until May or June. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Thing to keep in mind Girl is this.. You didn't make him do anything, he isn't your responsibility, It isn't your fault he has found himself in this place, You deserve peace of mind and to feel safe. Whatever happens to him, is his to own.. IF his mother calls you, don't answer. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Thing to keep in mind Girl is this.. You didn't make him do anything, he isn't your responsibility, It isn't your fault he has found himself in this place Amen. Really, this is between him and the law. Its not your fault he decided to break it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 This is what T said. The prosecutor said that although there was a lull now that he wouldn't give up and that he would eventually break the restraining order (especially once he knows he's facing life in prison with no parole). I hope he doesn't I hope nothing drastic happens. Last night T went out (as usual) but instead of picking up a chick or going home, he came over to my house and slept there (we didn't have sex, haha). I think he was worried that my ex would come by my house again before I got a chance to make my statement to the state attorney's office. I don't understand most of this guilt, myself. I'm not unhappy and things are going relatively well. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter This is what T said. The prosecutor said that although there was a lull now that he wouldn't give up and that he would eventually break the restraining order (especially once he knows he's facing life in prison with no parole). I hope he doesn't I hope nothing drastic happens. Last night T went out (as usual) but instead of picking up a chick or going home, he came over to my house and slept there (we didn't have sex, haha). I think he was worried that my ex would come by my house again before I got a chance to make my statement to the state attorney's office. I don't understand most of this guilt, myself. I'm not unhappy and things are going relatively well. Its not something you wanted to have to do; you once had feelings for this man. Guilt is understandable. But what you need are friends to say "listen BO, he was in the wrong, and you should not feel bad for bringing him to justice." If you don't, who will? His next victim? I hope that T is a big crazy man who can kick a$$, and that your doggies are vicious (sounds like they can be). Good luck and be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Its not something you wanted to have to do; you once had feelings for this man. Guilt is understandable. But what you need are friends to say "listen BO, he was in the wrong, and you should not feel bad for bringing him to justice." If you don't, who will? His next victim? I hope that T is a big crazy man who can kick a$$, and that your doggies are vicious (sounds like they can be). Good luck and be careful. T isn't that big, but he is a scrapper. I feel safe when I am with him. And although everyone told me to get my pitbull cut, he still has his nuts, so he can get damn vicious. The thing is, if my ex wants to hurt me, he will find a way to do it, and he will do it so that I can't tell anyone what happened. I know this about him. Now, between us, there is no vestige of love or facade of tender emotions. There is only obsession, intimidation, and fear. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter T isn't that big, but he is a scrapper. I feel safe when I am with him. And although everyone told me to get my pitbull cut, he still has his nuts, so he can get damn vicious. The thing is, if my ex wants to hurt me, he will find a way to do it, and he will do it so that I can't tell anyone what happened. I know this about him. Now, between us, there is no vestige of love or facade of tender emotions. There is only obsession, intimidation, and fear. Check in every day on here, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted February 2, 2005 Author Share Posted February 2, 2005 I will....god forbid I go a day without LS-ing....back to work.... Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Good to hear a peice of trash like this will most likely be locked up for a long time. While I doubt I would ever run into him in my life, it is good to know he won't be out there with the ability to harm you or harm others. Sorry but I have no sympathy for human scum. I do not go around doing this type of **** so I know other humans shouldn't be doing it...and if by some small chance they can't truly control themselves then hey, they need to be taken out of society regardless. Other species get rid of the "bad apples" in their groups and all we are is another species so it mkaes logical sense to take the bad apples out of our society. Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Can someone provide a synopsis of what the ex did? I'm curious from a legal vantage, 10 years is surprising, unless he was on parole and violated the terms. Blind Otter, please follow basic recommendations on safety until your ex is locked up. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 They'll give him 10, but he'll serve 4-6(maybe less.) Life is out of the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Author Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by hurtingandconfused They'll give him 10, but he'll serve 4-6(maybe less.) Life is out of the question. Well, they are offering him 10 years with no option for parole. In Florida, there's an 85% law - all prisoners have to serve 85% of their term before they are eligible for parole, anyways. Sentencing guidelines for his crime are 10 years - life, but the prosecutor said that most likely they would ask for life and he would get around 15-20 years. My ex has already been in prison. He served almost 7 years for armed robbery and kinapping, he was tried as an adult because he used a gun. In the 2 years since his release he hasn't held a job, he's had two sworn complaints for assault, and has charges pending for robbery and felony posession of cocaine (these crimes occured after our split). The charge of burglary with battery, from when he broke into my house and tried to strangle my friend T and punched him in the head. He had just been released from jail for the robbery and coke charges and is awaiting sentencing for that issue, so he violated parole. I know I will get a lot of "you stupid idiot why did yo uget involved in the first place/why did you stay with him" - but I know I made a mistake. I know it was stupid. I really don't need to hear it from anyone else. I know it was a sick, codependent, physically abusive relationship. It took a while for me to get to the point where I realized he would never change, and when I did break with him my worst fears were realized and he started stalking me. But in all honesty, when I started seeing him I never thought he would be like this. I had faith that he would eventually become a better person. I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Try not to be alone between now and the sentencing. I would recommend moving and not frequenting any place you did with him until later. Also, take basic safety precautions like don't wear high heeled shoes when by yourself outdoors, don't carry purses with straps over your shoulders or neck, etc... Always keep a cellphone within easy access. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 I understand your guilt feelings despite having done nothing wrong - heck, I felt guilty when the planes crashed into the World Trade Center - but please do keep reminding yourself that this prosecution is really a matter between the state and your felonious ex. I trust the prosecutor to do his job - he sees lots of complaints and lots of accused people, and he is tasked with deciding which ones really do need to be locked up for the safety of the public. Not just for your safety, bo - although that is certainly part of it - but for the safety of all of us. This isn't really about you...it's about him. If his mother calls, I am sure that you know enough just to gently put the phone back on the hook. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 sorry for being a little off topic here BUT... Other species get rid of the "bad apples" in their groups and all we are is another species so it mkaes logical sense to take the bad apples out of our society. there are cannibal tribes in a remote part of Indonesia that kill and eat criminals in their society to bisband the evil spirits i'm pleased you'll be away from this guy blind_otter... he'll never change! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 I'm still alive, obviously. I am nervous and paranoid, though, moreso than usual. My friend T has been staying at my house, and I've been staying at other friend's houses, so I don't have to be alone. Also, my mutual friends with my ex are looking out for me. I was invited to a party on Friday night and my ex was there, two of my male friends told him I was coming to the party and he'd better leave, so he did. But when I found out that he had even been there I didn't go - I didn't want to take the chance of him waiting and hiding and trying to catch me unawares, or drunk (even worse). A female faculty member walked up behind me to get my tape dispenser and I almost smacked her upside the head when she was right behind me. I hadn't known she was there and I go freaked out. T dropped me off and is picking me up from work today. I am doing ok for now but I know from the prosecutor that he's seeing his defense attorney re: the plea bargain at the end of february - that's when I really have to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
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