TrishWick Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Hi there. I'm new to this community and hope to get some advice! It's been a little over a month since my boyfriend and I parted way. I was the one to initiate things. For a couple of months before the breakup, I've been having real trouble seeing him in my future. I had trouble pushing myself to care. We've dated for a little under 2 years. We had our arguments like normal couples do, never have we had a crazy one at that. Just subtle fights. I work with a guy that just... connected with me. Don't get me wrong, I was not cheating. Whenever we sat down and just talked, I would have a better time. I knew my feelings were shifting, and I knew that I had to end things before they got messy. Back to now. After going on a couple of dates, I feel... wrong. I feel like I'm cheating on my ex BF even though I am no longer in a relationship with him. I know most of you guys will say "hey that's what you get with GIGS" And they're probably right. I just have this large feeling of regret. My ex BF told me when I broke it off with him to not contact him ever again. I made a mistake and I want to own up to it. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
DontBreakEven Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Hi. I told my ex who dumped me never to contact me again too. It was so that I could heal. The ONLY exception to never contacting me again would be a complete 180 and total revelation that she made a huge mistake and wants me back completely. In that case, I would want her to contact me, and not be scared to. If you 100% feel that you made a mistake and you are 100% committed to working it out with your ex and you are 100% ready to completely cut ties with that guy you work with and possibly even get a new job to get away from him so that your ex doesn't feel threatened, then contact him and let him know everything you feel. If you aren't completely sure what you want though, let him be, and I guess take it as a lesson learned. 2 years is a long time to move on that fast and date someone else, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 This is difficult. Are you having concerns about your compatibility with the guy you're currently dating or realize that your past relationship wasn't as bad as you thought? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I just don't know what to do. You have to live with it. Thats what you have to do. Yo may love him for the rest of your life, but this is the end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteTan Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Hi, can you elaborate a bit more on your relationship with your ex boyfriend so we can give you better advice? I;E, were you crazy about him/connecting well with him at first or were you always kind of impartial towards him, was the relationship healthy, how did he treat you, ect? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Hi, can you elaborate a bit more on your relationship with your ex boyfriend so we can give you better advice? I;E, were you crazy about him/connecting well with him at first or were you always kind of impartial towards him, was the relationship healthy, how did he treat you, ect? He treated me great! He was there when I needed him, we never really fought to the degree like other couples may, and we had A LOT in common. If there was anything "unhealthy" about the relationship was that he lived a more "outgoing" life than me. What I mean is he's more well known than me (popular, HS term I know.) And I'm not. EVERYWHERE we go there would be some screaming "HEY THERE'S .....!!" They would see him, and not us. It made me feel insecure. He told me there's nothing to worry about. Didn't help. Before the breakup I got a new workout machine, I was about to finish school, and and had this boost of confidence that I was moving on. I looked at myself differently and wanted change. For some reason I didn't see him in that change so I felt like i could find someone more "compatible." Now looking back.... I made a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteTan Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 He treated me great! He was there when I needed him, we never really fought to the degree like other couples may, and we had A LOT in common. If there was anything "unhealthy" about the relationship was that he lived a more "outgoing" life than me. What I mean is he's more well known than me (popular, HS term I know.) And I'm not. EVERYWHERE we go there would be some screaming "HEY THERE'S .....!!" They would see him, and not us. It made me feel insecure. He told me there's nothing to worry about. Didn't help. Before the breakup I got a new workout machine, I was about to finish school, and and had this boost of confidence that I was moving on. I looked at myself differently and wanted change. For some reason I didn't see him in that change so I felt like i could find someone more "compatible." Now looking back.... I made a mistake. Usually after 1--2 years into the relationship, things becomes too comfortable for people because the excitement naturally wears off and things start to become too familiar. then you meet somebody new (guy at work) who of course seems more interesting because you're not familiar with them yet and it all the sudden seems like a good idea to leave a stable relationship for a new exciting one that has seemingly more spark to it. if you didn't love eachother regardless, leaving the relationship altogether was a good decision but if you did love him the way he loved you, then you're probably right about this being a poor choice. there's no such thing as a perfect love where you never have doubts but if there's a solid foundation behind the relationship, you'll be able to put everything into perspective. If you are not as sociable as he is, improve your own social skills. Keep making that change you were working on with or without him. It wouldn't be in his best interest to take back someone who left him for somebody else and I'm sorry for any pain that's causing you.. but that doesn't mean this isn't a valuable learning experience you can take and grow from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I made a mistake and I want to own up to it. What should I do? How long have you been feeling like this? Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 You made a decision. Stick with it and move on. you'll lose all respect if you start contacting him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 How long have you been feeling like this? 3-4 weeks now. It makes me sick to my stomach. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 It's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt that we or I was going in a different direction. Although I have been happier with things like getting into shape, reconnecting with friends, etc. I can't help but to have a deep wanting of him. Sure I've hung out with friends, but something is eating away at me. This started to hit me a few days ago and I just miss him so much. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 how long NC? tell us more about how it ended Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 If you ended it and want him back... You should call him!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 If you ended it and want him back... You should call him!! I'm worried that he no longer wants to speak. I worried that he hates me and has a grudge. I did leave at a bad time for him so I'm so worried Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Well. The only way you'll know for sure is to try. So you can either reach out and see if he is willing to try again or just continue to let him go. But if you miss him, reach out and try!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Well. The only way you'll know for sure is to try. So you can either reach out and see if he is willing to try again or just continue to let him go. But if you miss him, reach out and try!! Link to post Share on other sites
StubbornSam Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Get a new boyfriend it seems to help all the girls that broke up with their guys. Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 @Forgetmenot75 You made a decision. Stick with it and move on. you'll lose all respect if you start contacting him now. Why would she lose self respect? Because she realized she made a mistake and wants her ex back? Yes we should stick with our decision, however she also made a decision to want to go back, so she should stick with that too.. Just because some relationships do not work the first time does not mean they will not work a second time... ALL relationships are different and no one knows how another's relationship will play out.. Link to post Share on other sites
4everalones Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Try to contact him. At this stage, you have nothing to lose. You don't want to live with regrets for the rest of your life. Having the what-ifs questions down the road can be very painful and confusing. Since the breakup is still fresh, your ex boyfriend is probably not over you. So reach out to him. Tell him you made a mistake and want to work things out. If he's willing to take you back, then great (and don't make the same mistake twice). If he doesn't want you back, at least you'll know for sure and you'll be able to move on in peace. It's sad that most people don't know the value of what they had until it's gone. Regardless of the outcome, let this be a life lesson for you. Never take things for granted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BDL Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 You're immature. It's selfish of you to try to contact and get back with your ex, after breaking it off with him. You hurt him deeply, and there is no trust and security that you won't hurt him again in the future. If I were your ex, I would never get back together with you. He has his dignity and self-respect to rebuild. Move on and learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 I broke up with him because I felt we were going in different directions. We dated for 2 years. I've been improving myself and even meeting new people. My ex BF gave me the space I needed. It's been about 2 months. I got flowers at work yesterday. The note attached to them read: Mistakes were made and I'm sorry. Please give us a chance. He didn't put his name on it but it was obviously from him. My mind is racing, what do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 I'm quite looking forward to the advice that's going to be given on this one:) Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 He didn't really state what his mistakes were. He also didn't state what behavior he's changed. I'm not sure there's anything new to consider. What is he offering? If it didn't work before and the behavior hasn't changed - there's little to consider. Did he say anything has changed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 He didn't really state what his mistakes were. He also didn't state what behavior he's changed. I'm not sure there's anything new to consider. What is he offering? If it didn't work before and the behavior hasn't changed - there's little to consider. Did he say anything has changed? I'm not going to dive head first into this, but I doubt he'd be able to fit all of that onto a small post card. Both him and I made mistakes during the relationship so I can't put blame on him. Maybe he's wanting to put forth the effort to make it work? Link to post Share on other sites
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