Author TrishWick Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Nothing to do... You've gone in different directions. Time to move forward - no need to go backwards when you know it didn't work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 I think I remember seeing one of your other post. Didn't you say you missed him? If so, this could be your chance to reconcile Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 I broke up with him because I felt we were going in different directions. We dated for 2 years. I've been improving myself and even meeting new people. My ex BF gave me the space I needed. It's been about 2 months. I got flowers at work yesterday. The note attached to them read: Mistakes were made and I'm sorry. Please give us a chance. He didn't put his name on it but it was obviously from him. My mind is racing, what do I do? You didn't break up with him because you were going in different directions, you broke up with him because you met someone else from work. How much contact has there been in the two months? Absolutely none? What's happening with this guy from work that you connected with? Does your ex know about this other guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smuggy95 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 this is a case of Dumper's remorse. Nothing is changed, you just second guess yourself. You'll get back, remember why it didn't work, and then dump him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Afailure Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Why do some people advise reconciliation if the OP still feels something for ex?Look,mistakes are made in relationships,nobody is perfect,if there was no cheating or abuse involved then why no try again? Sometimes people do change and learn from break ups,if you two love each other then wouldn't it be a shame not to try and work it out? Yes,sometimes people can go through a difficult times,a relationship won't always be sunshine and rainbows,but that's what makes a relationship,the ability to stick with your partner through heaven and hell,forgive and evolve together.That is the beauty of it,that is in my opinion TRUE commitment,be there for each other not when things are only good but when things are bad as well. If you truly love your ex,then just cut the new guy out and contact your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 He wants to try again and I think that you want to give it another go to, so only do it if you are 100% sure and you love him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 I broke up with him 2 months ago. Not only that but I did it twice. We got back together a week after the 1st BU and I did it again 1 week later. I know I hurt him deeply. I left him at a bad time with his parents growing through a divorce and his grandparent passing away. God I'm such a terrible person. I heard he was on medication to deal with the anxiety. I've had time to step back a live my life single for a bit and can't help but to want him back. I've ALWAYS been a shy and timid person, so the fear of contacting him is immense. I have a fear that his whole family dislikes me and worse my ex BF. What do I do? I feel so bad Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 That's your guilt talking Link to post Share on other sites
Soulstep Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 He sent you flowers stating that he wants to give it another chance. From the sounds of your posts, you definitely want him back. I say get in touch and give it another shot. But only if you are 100% sure that you aren't going to run away again. Don't worry about the parents and friends, they might be upset to start but in the long run things will work out (assuming you don't run away again). I say this because I'm the dumpee right now, and regardless of the hurt I'm feeling right now, I know that if we reconciled and things worked out the rewards would be infinitely more than the initial pain. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 He sent you flowers stating that he wants to give it another chance. From the sounds of your posts, you definitely want him back. I say get in touch and give it another shot. But only if you are 100% sure that you aren't going to run away again. Don't worry about the parents and friends, they might be upset to start but in the long run things will work out (assuming you don't run away again). I say this because I'm the dumpee right now, and regardless of the hurt I'm feeling right now, I know that if we reconciled and things worked out the rewards would be infinitely more than the initial pain. Eh I'm not really sure about that. Her original flower post was almost 2 weeks ago. Who's to say the guy hasn't made progress. And to be honest it sounds kinda selfish... I mean you dumped him twice. You move on with your life and discover new things (which is fine) but know you decide you want him back. I mean you can't make this guy an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Soulstep Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Eh I'm not really sure about that. Her original flower post was almost 2 weeks ago. Who's to say the guy hasn't made progress. And to be honest it sounds kinda selfish... I mean you dumped him twice. You move on with your life and discover new things (which is fine) but know you decide you want him back. I mean you can't make this guy an option. I did not realize that the flower post was 2 weeks ago. He may have made progress by this point if they haven't talked since. What's wrong with being selfish occasionally? We can't all be self-less all the time. I am a VERY self-less person. I have always put others needs before my own. But occasionally I need to take a step back from that and focus on my needs. If she's 100% ready to be 100% committed to him, then why not give it a shot? If he's made progress and decided he doesn't want to reconcile, then she'll know for good. Perhaps I'm completely wrong here, but I would give it one last hurrah. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Okay here's the deal. You did cheat on him. You don't have to have sex in order to cheat. In your first post you stated that you grew fond of a co-worker and that he "gets you". That's when you started to cheat. You became emotionally invested in that person. So much so, that you dumped your boyfriend so that you could explore things further with this new guy emotionally and physically without ACTUALLY cheating on your boyfriend. But, here's the rub. You already did. It's called an emotional affair. At that time, you placed more value on the co-worker than you did your boyfriend. That's cheating. I mean, lets be real. After you dumped your boyfriend, in less than sixty days, you started to date again. No mourning the loss of your Ex or the relationship and I'm gonna take a scientific wild ass guess who the person you dated? That would probably be the co-worker. Now, getting back to your Ex. You left him at one of the lowest point in his life. Have to deal with his parents divorce. And, not only losing you, but also had to deal with the loss of a loved one. That put him at the bottom. Thus, one of the lowest times in his life. And you left him to pursue your emotional affair. They say that dating is like and audition to marriage. With marriage vows they say "for better or for worse". You left him at one of the worst times of his life. So, I need to ask you, did you pass the audition? You stated that towards the end, you two were arguing a lot. That was probably a two fold problem and I'm sure you stoked the fires on that one. I speculate that you may have caused a lot of those arguments because of those feelings you had towards the co-worker. It a defense mechanism in your head to justify the way that your feeling. Telling yourself, "If he wasn't acting like a douche rocket, I wouldn't be looking for validation with the co-worker." And the other fold was that your boyfriend was going through some really heavy sh*t in his life. He's allowed to vent! He's allowed to be on edge! I can speculate that once he started to heal from the problems happening in his life; more than likely, he would have apologized for his behavior. Hell, I've done it. I've snapped on girls and felt bad about it afterwards and apologized, sending flowers and telling her I was wrong to go off like that. But, you never gave him that chance. That was the excuse you needed to break it off and test the waters with this new guy. Now, you've written that you received flower and a note stating that mistakes were made and to give us a chance. That's up to you. If you do want to get back together, I suggest that you propose to meet up. DON'T DANCE AROUND THE SUBJECT when you get together. Get straight to the point. That you want to be back together. BUT! Here comes the hard part. You're going to have to come COMPLETELY clean with him. You need to tell him that you dated the co-worker. If you slept with him, you need to tell him. If you went away for the weekend with this guy, you need to tell him. If you dated other guy besides the co-worker you need to tell him. THERE CANNOT BE ANY SECRETS IN RECONCILIATION!!!! He has a right to know beforehand because I guarantee you that if you two get back together and he learns about this stuff while you two are in the middle of reconciling and healing, you'll lose him forever. You need to start things with a clean slate and no secrets. After you tell him the he needs to decide what he wants to do, but at least it will be an informed decision. You were in the drivers seat when you decided to dump him. Now, he's in the drivers seat as far as deciding were this relationship is going. If he decides that he still wants to be with you, the you need to tell him that you two need to go through couples counseling first! He needs to figure out how to cope with the things that are going on in his life and you need to learn how to help him cope. To learn how to support each other. Learn how to communicate better. To learn how to actually listen to each other. That's the only way I see this working for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
a708 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I completely agree with Chi! What i'm seeing in this thread is a lot of people who are saying move on to dumpees in other threads... they're saying the same to the dumper in this case. I don't really get it. Every dumpee on here would love to be in your guys position. You have admitted that you made a mistake. You want him back. The only way he will know that is if you tell him. YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH THIS GUY! its only fair. If he comes back and says "no" then you will have to deal with that fact that he doesnt want you. Again agreeing with Chi.. Come clean about everything. Let him know... and give him some time to think about it. After all this guy is going to feel like you've pulled him in all sorts of directions. It is 100% your decision.. i think you coming on here and writing about it is you waiting for someone to say "go ahead". I already think you have made a decision. These forums are made for people to share their experiences.. doesnt mean it will be your experience! Don't let people affect YOUR decision. I cannot say how many times i've heard people say that a break up was down to talking things through with friends or family. Don't get sold your solution on here. Its your choice. Hope all goes well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 It happened earlier this year. We dated for almost 2 years. I wasn't feeling the spark as I once did and there was a guy I worked with that I seemed to have more in common with. I didn't cheat or anything, just casual conversations that just clicked more with me. I new what I had to do... I cut ties. I knew I would hurt him, the thought of that hurts me as well, but I had to do what was right for me. At the time I felt relieved to honest. I felt more free and started to do new things. After a month I started to date my co worker. I was happy until... The past few days have been strange. My ex has been on my mind. Not in the sense that I want to get back with him, but maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm starting to think about the pain he must have gone through. When exchanging out belongings he did ask for a second chance. We sat in silence before I could answer. Before I did he said "Please say something because your about to lose me forever..." I told him that I was happier on my own. That was it and I went about my way. What do I do with this guilt? Why do I want him back? Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Because you jumped from a 2 year relationship to a new one that fast? Did you really think you had processed the breakup and were ready to move on in one month??? Even if you emotionally withdrew during the relationship, it takes a long while to get over a 2 year relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
disparate Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Sorry to say but I don't feel much sympathy for you, having been on the receiving end of something similar to what you did. I find it extremely confusing how you can just lose your feelings so quickly! In any case, you still seem confused about what you want and I have a feeling that if you made contact with him and he seemed interested you'd just leave him again which is completely unfair on him. Unless you're 110% sure you want to try again, don't contact him, even then maybe he won't trust you again when it comes to a relationship. Again, sorry but I find it hard to sympathise when the reasons are so unclear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 So I work at a restaurant to help with college. While working last night, a group of 3 came in. It was two girls and 1 guys. They said they had a forth coming. Maybe 10 minutes later my ex walks in to join that group. Looked like a "double date." For those who don't know my story, just real quick, I wasn't happy and ended up leaving him after two years for a guy I work with. I know that sounds cold, but i had to make a decision for myself. Back to the topic, I felt very very very uneasy with him being there. Now I know I don't have the right to dictate where he goes, but why did it feel like he was trying to shove it in my face that he's with someone new? Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 So I work at a restaurant to help with college. While working last night, a group of 3 came in. It was two girls and 1 guys. They said they had a forth coming. Maybe 10 minutes later my ex walks in to join that group. Looked like a "double date." For those who don't know my story, just real quick, I wasn't happy and ended up leaving him after two years for a guy I work with. I know that sounds cold, but i had to make a decision for myself. Back to the topic, I felt very very very uneasy with him being there. Now I know I don't have the right to dictate where he goes, but why did it feel like he was trying to shove it in my face that he's with someone new? How are we supposed to know why you feel that way? He's probably thinking "why do I feel like after 2 years she cared so little that she left me for a guy at work?" I mean what do you want, sympathy? lol Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm pretty sure he can go where he pleases... Doesn't matter if you work there or not. Doesn't matter if he has his date with him. Get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You left your partner of two years to be with someone else, and now you're upset that your ex is potentially dating someone else. Do you expect him to still be mourning over you, and are you upset that he isn't? You shoved it in his heart when you left him for someone else. Big time. I doubt he was out to hurt you. Why would he think it could even hurt you to be with someone else when YOU left HIM for someone else? You had already moved on before the relationship ended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.White Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You can always politely tell him you feel uncomfortable with him being at your work and to avoid it if he can. Maybe it was a surprise double date his friend asked him to wing him on. Don't think about it too much, my ex's family visits me at my new work to "catch up". I learned to shrug it off and treat them like family, and their tip is always awesome. I am just thankful my ex has never came in, but I do dread that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrishWick Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Him having a new girlfriend isn't the issue. It just made me uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm pretty sure he can go where he pleases... Doesn't matter if you work there or not. Doesn't matter if he has his date with him. Get over it. Amen to this you are free to make your decisions but he is not ? Geez :rolleyes::rolleyes:and you went on making a thread feeling all self righteous about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Him having a new girlfriend isn't the issue. It just made me uncomfortable. You don't even know if he has a new girlfriend. It could have been a night out with friends. I mean, hell! That's what I preach to people on here that get dumped. Go out! Keep busy! Don't be a hermit and exclude yourself from the world because you can be damn sure your Ex isn't. Now, I will admit, the choice to meet up at the restaurant you work at was in poor taste; but, to be honest with you? He owes you nothing. Sounds harsh, but it is what it is. Just be happy that he's moving on with his life. Link to post Share on other sites
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