KatZee Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I don't think he cheated, I think he's being immature, spiteful, and manipulative. First of all, yes, your relationship with this guy is unhealthy and toxic. Neither of you trusts the other, so I'll ask you... why are you even together? If there is no trust there is no relationship. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were drunk and cheating on him, so he decided to punish you by acting out and doing what he did. In my opinion, that's a deal breaker. I won't tolerate being with someone who jumps to think I cheat, and then who treats me like garbage just because of some warped idea of what is reality in his brain. I think he wanted to hurt you as much as he perceived you hurt HIM. Who even knows if he was really doing drugs with "new friends." I think he just wanted to stick it to you where it really hurt. And he got you. I think it's at this point you need to sit each other down and lay down ground rules. If there's no trust, you both need to move on. If neither of you can put the past in the past, and stop punishing each other for other people's mistakes, then you both need to move on. This isn't going to get better, it's going to be one or both of you manipulating and punishing the other just for past hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
ffsear Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) There is some very bad advice being banded about on this thread! 1. Drugs and cheating do not go hand in hand. In my experience people who experiment with drugs tend to be more open minded and generally more emotionally secure and are a lower risk when it comes to infidelity. 2. I don't know what phone he has, but last time i went to a music festival my phone was dead after 24 hours. Sounds like he was turning it off to save battery. Either way, you both have trust issues and its sounds to me that his response was a defensive one to you hanging out with a bunch of guys on a Saturday night. It classic trying to make the other person jealous. Sit down and have a chat about it. To me it does not sound like he's cheated Edited April 16, 2014 by ffsear Link to post Share on other sites
ffsear Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 What I think happened was him and his buddies met a group of girls the second day of the festival and partied with them for the remainder of the trip…and who knows what could have happened? You must learn to control illogical negative thought process such as this. They can be very very destructive! If your going to focus on things that are not real, then make them positive things. Otherwise focus on reality. Look at the positives in your relationship. Mind over matter Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 All I have to say is no man could ever have stopped me from going to a good concert. If it was as important to you as it was to him, you'd have taken vacation time. That's what I used to do sometimes. Could mean you guys just don't have that much in common or something. He probably did have a big old time at the concert, but after all, it's just a big public gathering. Don't think there's any hotel rooms nearby. He probably met girls, but that doesn't mean he'll follow up with them. You can't force a person to be faithful. You have to set them free and see if they stay or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I think you over reacted way way too much. I think he was wrong to get upset at you for being at a party, but it sounds like it might of been him being a bit defensive..sort of like it is okay for YOU to freak out about what he does, but then you can go to parties without him and have dudes hitting on you a bunch of times. Also, if the same guy keeps on hitting on you..what signals were you sending? Why did he NOT get the hint the first time you turned him down? Sounds fishy to me. Maybe your boyfriend picked up on this and that is why was upset. That is the bigger issue to me, how come you were not so firm with this man hitting on you that he continued to hit on you all night? Seems weird, and then you go and get insecure over your boyfriend. So what he did drugs, did he hurt anyone? Then it isn't a problem. Drinking/drugs does not lead to cheating. It's just a part of who that person is, it's there even while sober, so you can't blame drugs and booze. So again I have to ask: why was another man hitting on you, and I quote, "all night"? What stopped you from, the very first time, making it clear you weren't interested? It is weird to me a guy would constantly keep hitting on a girl who solely just goes on and on about her amazing boyfriend. There is a problem when a grown woman can't make it 100% clear to a guy she isn't interested, there is a problem when it takes an ENTIRE NIGHT to make that clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 (edited) It is very obvious that both of you have trust issues. If you are honest with yourself and everyone else, you didn't want him to go to the festival without you. You didn't trust him. You felt that he shouldn't go since you couldn't go. You were hoping that he would "love" you enough to say he couldn't go without you and that would prove to you that he loved you. He didn't and he went because you said that you were okay with it and you weren't. To get back at him you went to a party and got drunk were there were guys because you knew he wouldn't like it and it was your way of getting back at him. He then responds by not texting or calling you for a couple of days. This is a toxic relationship no doubt. First of all, I hate it when people in a relationship "expect" the others to just know what they are uncomfortable about or insecure about when they never really mention. it. We all have insecurities from past relationships and experiences. The best thing you could have done is been honest with him that because of your past BF's being douche bags and cheating on you that it makes you uncomfortable and you are insecure about him going. He won't love it but should at least respect the honesty. Then he may have the chance to prove to you that he cares for you by either staying home this time around or by making sure that he texts or calls you frequently to help ease your fears. In relationships we all make allowances for others. Don't assume your BF knows all of what makes you insecure. TELL HIM. At the same rate, he should tell you. I personally don't have time for games. I don't like trying to guess what is wrong or what the other is thinking. Just tell me and we will deal with it together. Neither of you were honest and up front about what you wanted or expected the other to do. Then you both were very passive/aggressive about letting the other know that you were upset. Too much game playing for me. Just tell the truth from now on and you two work on both of your insecurities together. If you can't do that then you don't have a relationship you are just **** buddies. Edited April 18, 2014 by Thicke2013 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 A friend's BF went to one of those without her as well. A few weeks later he randomly broke up. Cheated, of course. Ironically, he shortly afterwards tried to keep contact when she didn't react anymore to his meaningless smalltalk with "you're childish". He's been on her blocked numbers ever since. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Still wondering how it takes you all night to let a guy know you aren't interested in him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Still wondering how it takes you all night to let a guy know you aren't interested in him. THIS. Very strange. OP I think you cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I think she did too, she's been avoiding the question. I feel bad for your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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